"Goodbye's and farewells?"

"Goodbye's and farewells?"

A nice day at work, we finally had some more people at work. Together with another guy I was working on a 'suppa duppa' wooden garden couch. That thing is enormous, I think the couch is called a corner couch (?) It has a three sitter on the one side and on the other side it has a two sitter, and it attatches each other. Lot's of work and lots of wood, we were half way and I think the couch is done upcomming Monday. Pictures? Yes, when it's done! Like I said yesterday two people will leaving tomorrow, actually four people. Johannus and his two kids, and Rene. Rene will be making a dinner tomorrow afternoon for all the residents, and Johannus? I guess he will be leaving sneaky trough the backdoor. 

No one is actually talking to him after his seperation with his ex-girlfriend, only I am. I take my hat of for Johannus, I could not live like that. I should have have a drink with him on his room tonight, (he invited me last week) but when I got back from work I saw Ricardo comming in the kitchen while I was talking to someone. He was all happy and hyper and was naughty. I don't really like seeing him that way, but okay. I told him if you aren't nice now I won't come tonight for a drink. "That's okay," Ricardo told me, "My Father's new girlfriend is still upstairs, so you can't come." I thought "Okay, then not." Not that nice from Ricardo, but aswell, I guess it's not right to sit with Johannus while his girlfriend is there according to Ricardo, right? Doubts. 

What can I do or what should I do? Go to johannus and invite myself? Naah, I will see him tomorrow, it's fine I guess. I sent him a message aswell trough an E-mail. I'm still thinking of Ricardo now though, I would like to have a proper goodbye from him. A quiet time with Ricardo would be nice and then tell him goodbye, damn, I'm gonna miss the little cute teaser! Ricardo will sleeping while I'm finnishing writting this post, and tomorrow at 3:15 he and his Father will be taking off. Ricardo's school finnishes at 3:00, so I guess he will be leaving right after school tomorrow. Usually Ricardo comes to my room right after school, sigh!

I have been thinking last night aswell, thinking about my time in Canada. I miss seeing the kids and my friends, I thought I should put some of the photoframes back on my writting desk. When I had it hard and difficult in the beginningof the year  I made the desicion to put everything away what includes my time in Canada, picture's of Saf's kids, closed my Facebook account, no contact anymore for a while,etc, etc, just to heal myself and continue my life. 

It was a tough decision and I thought I never could do it, but I had too. And I did, and it helped. Last night I was thinking to put two photoframes back cause it seemed I totally forgot them, but I don't want to forget them! I had a nice time in Canada aswell, not only arguess and issues! I want to KEEP the memories! Maybe it will be painfull for a bit, but I'm 100% sure it won't be as painfull  as in the beginning of the year, I'm feeling lots better now. I can look slowly at the photo's again and not break down and cry. Some photo's are painfull, some are not. So I putted three little picture frames back, one off Tasn, one of Ab, and one of Ab and me. Painfull? hmm, naah, I'm good, only with the one picture off Tasn, I have a 'sigh' moment. But I refusse to put it away again!

I feel better, I'm feeling good, I'm climbing up. Even my boss told me that he see's me growing while working at Reha, that's what I like to hear. There's a thing 'I' see too, I see that it's time to get away from Humanitas. These people are not the kind of people I am, I have/had a good time here, I really do but these people here are not my type of people. The people here have more then just one problem, some have a criminal past, or a abused past, drug addicts, break ups with there ex's aswell like me. If you look at my situation, I had a break up and  had to build up and manich everything all over again comming from Canada to Holland with nothing, but that's it. I'm not a criminal, I haven't slept on the streets for months or years, I'm not a drug addict, I haven't been abused.

Staying here isn't that healty, sometimes you really can see the difference when you visit a supermarket or a pub or even a sauna, places where lots of people come. It's almost an akward feeling, I say sometimes to myself, "I'ts a akward feeling to be under 'normal' people again." If I stay to long here that 'akward feeling' will get bigger I think. Yeah, step on it boy! It's time to go, my time has been good here.