"Loving the holiday."

"Loving the holiday."

Sunday's.... what can I say? There's just nothing to do, I know I keep saying it. But it's not that bad though, rest does me good. After I woke up I went on the laptop and made myself breakfast. I turned the washing machine on on section yellow, the washing machine on section green is still "Defect." Some of the residents were cleaning and I hate it then when I'm sitting down and do nothing, I want to do something too then. I washed the windows in my room, it was needed anyways. Some of the residents were going out, but I'm saving money for my 'holiday out's.' Maybe this week or next week I will travel by train to Amsterdam, just looking around without buying loads of things. Just enjoying the vieuw and enjoying my day out. 

It's been a while since I was in Amsterdam, I think the last time was with Saf, me and Ab, we had a meeting with Saf's friend too there.  Her name is Elena, she's from Spain and she brought her little Daughter. She was so cute, and even cutter with Ab. It was fun to see how Elena's Daughter spoke spanish while Ab didn't understand her at all what she was saying. It was a nice day, grey and rainy but it was all good. It's fun to meet people who you know trough internet, you get a little bit that nervous feeling when your close to meet. How will she or he look in real or how will she or be in real life? I'm ready for a next meeting, it should be fun. 


Update~ 


I'm quit good at the moment, everything is settled. It's only the search for a new living, a new house. And ofcource buying the things what a house needs, I will have to ask for a loan somewhere though, I already know where to go. I will have to ask for some extra money aswell, it's called  'rent allowance,'  I had it also while I still lived in Holland before I went to Canada. Its a compensation what you get if you pay to much rent for your income, If you have a low income and you want to rent a house you get the compensation. My thoughts of Canada are getting less aswell, sometimes the thoughts come back and sometimes they feel bad cause of the missing feelings, and sometimes they feel good cause of the good memories. But it's all alright, it's a part of the proces. 

Things what overcomes me now are all part of the proces I guess, everything happens for a reason the say. I have been reading alot of forums about break ups and divorces the last six months but I stopped reading it a month ago, I know it now. It helped me further, it gave me advices and tips, but it's good now. It's quit boring aswell when you read it over and over again, that was a sign I was done with it. If I would read it again now I surely would return back into my proces, reading all the suffering and grieving again wont do me good. I passed that stage, I feel better. Do I miss Saf? Hmm, so, so, I have sometimes my good and bad moments. Do I miss Saf's kids, yeah I do, or is it the fact that I just miss a family around me what I had while I was in Canada? Yeah that too, I must say aswell that Saf's kids are special, and such a cutties. Good memories they all will be. 


And further? Further not that much, I noticed that I'm not really ready for a new relationship, but I noticed that I like to have people around me so now and then. About the relationship, it can happen ofcource and then I will be ready. But I rather stay alone for a little while, until I have a nice house and feel more ready then I feel now. I'm good and okay.

"Electricity."

"Electricity."

'And God said,  let there be light and there was light. But the electrician said he would have to wait until upcomming Monday.'

I came back from a nice short evening out last night, (Harbor fest) and saw there was no electricity in my room, only the light worked. The fridge was out, and my computer battery didn't load. I checked every socket in the room, but none worked. I was wondering what it could be, I went to the neighbors to check if my computer battery would load over there, and it did, weird. So, no one in the building had a problem but only my room had no electricity? My fridge started to leak cause of the little freezer inside the fridge, I putted towels on the ground for the night, and took out some of the food what could be taken out. 

I went aswell to the night-shelter, there right beside the Humanitas building. They help us out when there's a problem in the evening or night when the staff has left after 5:00. One of the staff members took me with him to the little mechanical room inside the building to see what could be wrong, we saw that the problem right away but we couldn't fix it, there was oblivious a 'short sircuit,' but what caused the short sircuit? We tried everything, we thought it was the little fridge and aswell my wire for the laptop. My wire for the laptop has a travel adapter. We couldn't fix the problem and gave up. "Tomorrow morning Melissa will come, and I will inform her, she has to call a electrician," said the member of the night shelter.  Melissa works in the weekends at Humanitas. 

I informed Melissa after I woke up around 7, I slept well but I missed the sound of the fridge, LOL! (I like to hear little sounds in the middle of the night when I sleep)  Melissa laught cause she told me that she's really not a electrician and asked herself why they would depend on her, "Let's have a look," I told her. But it was the same as last night, we aswell couldn't find the solution what caused the short sircuit. "Take out all of your plugs and let's just wait an hour, and if nothing has changed we will call the electrician," said Melissa. "Alright." I thought. After an hour still nothing, Melissa tried to find the phone number of the electrician but it was hard to find. I letted it be and went to one of my neighbors to use my laptop and relax. 

Suddenly a resident stormed in the room, she was sent my Melissa. She told me that she found prolly the short sircuit problem. It was the washing machine on section green who caused the problem. The female resident had her wash still in the machine but couldn't get it out, the washmachine door got stuck. We pulled the plug out and I tried again if I had my electricity back, and YES! I had! The plug from the washing macchine will stay out untill up comming Monday, on Monday they will call the electrician to fix everything. Melissa told me that electricians are expensive in the weekends. It was fine with me, I had my electricity back. 

Today was a easy day aswell, only I felt tired and felt so now and then a little pressure on my chest. It could be the thyroid, I hope the new medication does his work fast. If I had not the electricity problem I should have gone with a few residents to help out another resident to move. Actually help with laying carpet with three other people, I was glad I couldn't though, I wasn't feeling so well. So that was good. Last night I went out with some other residents to the harbor fest in the city, it was okay, we had a good time. (See pictures) I can say we have a tight group at the moment, we visit each alot, and so now and then we have some time on our selves. It's all good,we get along well.

First day of vacation, taking it easy.

First day of vacation, taking it easy. 

Last night someone knocked on my door at 1:10am, it's surely not the first time. It was Harry, the old guy who will be leaving in four weeks. He was also the guy with the orange wig and the woman clothing from last week. Harry has a bit of a drinking problem, he's not violent or nasty when he drinks but just funny and sometimes annoying. Last night he was a bit annoying, it's funny for a little while but then he has to stop, but he doesn't. Harry would like to stop with drinking but it ain't that easy, I hope he will one day. I dislike drunk people, and I seen a few of them here and alot outside. So, why did Harry knock on my door at 1:10 am? Just trying to be funny but he was annoying. 

He spoke in a German language and ordered me to open the door, I ignored him like I always do when he does such a thing. I could hear him comming though in the hall, I just woke up while I wanted to turn on the left side. I thought, "Oh no, hold on with sleeping further." I answered though, and told him, that he could wake me up at 8:00 am and not at 1:00 am. It doesn't help to get mad or to get him back. He's really a okay guy, but only when he drinks to much he can be annoying. Besides he will be gone in four weeks, so, ignore is the best solution, and laugh about it.

Today I got the new medication and the pills have a different name, I had doubts after I called the doctor's assistant. The name of the brand made me worry, I had for almost eight years Thyrax as thyroid medication, and now they gave me Euthyrox. I heard of Eurthyrox before but never used it. I could pick up my new medication after 3:00 pm, and so I did. I saw they gave me a higher dosis as expected, I went from 0,1 mg to 125 mcg. I asked right away to the pharmacist if there was a difference between Thyrax and Euthyrox, he told me there was not much difference, only that Euthyrox comes only in more sizes, so it was easier and cheaper to use Euthyrox. 

I felt a bit of a relief, now let's see what it does to me these four weeks. It's quit a higer dosis though, my thyroid levels must be way out of control. I'm sure will take it easy and check my blood more often. Last weekend I went out with some of the residents, and we will do that again this weekend, starting of this evening. City Almelo has a tiny little harbor and there are some festivals and markets, the festival is called 'harbor fest.'  (Iwill take some pictures) I saw already a glimp of the festival while I was getting my medication, the pharmacy is close to the harbor. It was crowded and busy, the festival is until Sunday. It's gonna be nice.

Stop! Vacation-time!

Stop! Vacation-time!

Although the work day was good, nice and tastefull, I'm aswell ready for vacation. Tastefull? Yeah, more about that later. I wasn't looking forward actually for the holiday, I thought I would miss work but I'm ready for the four weeks of rest aswell. I'm surely gonna enjoy it, oh yeah! Sleeping out, and going out, just gonna enjoy myself. I hope the weather will be good though these four weeks, just like today would be nice. We had sunny weather and it was hot, 24 degrees, tomorrow 26 degrees. It's raining now though and a little bit of thunder.
 

Amsterdam here I come!

They offered me to work though in another village, it's a factory just like Reha but it's called React, React is placed in Nijverdal. (My old hometown) You can fill in your days when ever you want, if you want to work on a Monday or a Tuesday or whenever. You can give them a call in the eve' and they will pick you up the next early morning. I refussed, I didn't feel like working these four weeks. I thought about it though but naah, I have been working hard the last five months, I'm good, I deserve a good rest.  


Today I called again with the 'replaced' Doctor for my blood results, but I was to late, grrmppff! I thought about it when I wasn't feeling so well, it was after 12:00, then I thought, "Damn, I still need to call!" I got an answering machine when I called, I could only call between 8:00 am and 12:00 it said. I tried it again though after 1:00 but, nothing, same answering machine. For sure I have to call tomorrow again, and ofcource between 8 and 12 in the morning. I had a few hours while working that I wasn't feeling so well, pressure on my chest and little heartbeats. Hopefully the doctor will help me out tomorrow. 

Working, cleaning and dusting at work today. Yeah, we were busy but the hard work was rewarded with a nice meal, The staff of Reha ordered food, and the huge van with food dropped by at 2:00pm. We all sat outside in the sun and enjoyed the delicious food, steaks, salade, fruit, you name it it was all there. I like the meat, it was tastefull but ated a bit to much. Cramps followed and my belly hurted for a long while, I was stuffed. Ansd still am while I'm writing this. Hopefully the tea next to me does miracles, LOL! 


 So, here I am in my room, showered, tea next to the laptop and writing in my blog, I feel good. I'm ready for my vacation, bring it on!

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

"Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning." 

It's warm outside again, 21 degrees pronounced the weather forecast. Funny though that it was only 11 degrees two days ago, typical Dutch weather. I hope we will get a nice after summer, I have some plans in my head. I had a appointment this morning with Paula, while we talked some ideas came to my mind what to do these four weeks of vacation. Paula told me I had enough money to go a weekend out, spend a weekend in Amsterdam or The Hague, "Go out," she told me. I'm not sure though, it's alot of money and that money I can spend aswell for my furniture. But then again... Ah! I will think about it. For sure I will go a day out to Amsterdam like I said yesterday, that stays. Further I was planning to go to a different sauna, I'm thinking of something huge, a huge sauna. Or the beach! Yes! 

 If the weather is good though, you never know it here. Next thing I want to pick up is cooking rice again, usually I eat potatoes,veggies and meat. But that gets boring after a week, there are many different meals to cook with rice. With rice you can almost do anything, I saw and tasted that aswell in Canada with Saf's cooking. Once I had a rice meal with liver, little pieces of chopped liver added to the rice, so nice. I want to learn myself to make more meals with rice, and not only rice. I would like to cook more differently, not only potatoes,veggies and meat. The four weeks of vacation is a nice opportunity to learn that. Paula offered me to cook with her up comming Tuesday eve,' she asked me what we will cook, I answered, "Something with rice!" All counselors here at Humanitas are offering sometimes to cook with one of the residents, Paula never offered me, so next Tuesday we will cook.

This morning I called for my blood results, I knew 'my' Doctor was on vacation cause he gave me another phone number of another Doctor that will replace him while he's gone. So I called the 'replaced' Doctor and guess what? He was on vacation too! The 'replaced' Doctor gave me a third phone number of a Doctor who will replace 'him.' I called that number and asked for my blood results, the Doctor's assistant asked me my birth of date and saw that my THS was to high, (Just like the last time) and that I needed more medication, but she saw aswell that I didn't use any kind of medication for my sick thyroid. Strange though, cause I use medication since I have a sick thyroid. (From 2003 till now.) The assistant found it confussing and she was not the only one, I was confussed too. I told her that I had moved, and that I just had a new Doctor, and that Doctor knew what I'm using for my thyroid, I told him that in our first meeting.

"I have to talk to the Doctor first about new medication, can you call back tomorrow?" Asked the assistant. "Yeah, sure," I answered back. I will have to call at work but that's okay. I need to call cause I feel that there's something wrong, I feel more tired as usual, and my medication is almost done. They will perhaps give me more pills, I use now only one pill in the morning (Thyrax, 0,1) I will be getting two pills then I guess. Then in about six weeks I will have to take blood again and then see what has changed. I'm carefull with my health, if I feel there's something wrong with my thyroid I go to the Doctor. Usually I can work two day in a row and just feel a bit tired, then the third day I will feel more and more tired, and then I need my rest. It feels different now, after two days of work I feel there's a heavy rock on my chest, feeling exhausted.

This morning I had two naps cause my body was asking for it, I'm happy I have a Doctor now so I can take my blood whenever I want and get my medication. Fingers crossed for tomorrow's phonecall. Tonight no 'free'dinner, I had to buy some more groceries as I normaly do. Two residents offered me to eat with them if I would buy the cabbage and the potatoes,  (Again potatoes, LOL) " That's alright," I thought.  I wont do it every day though, I don't know what is actually cheaper, cooking for yourself (something small) or cooking with each other.Talking about food, tomorrow will be the last day of work. (vacation) We will be working till 2:00pm, and then we will have a meal to close the last day. I will tell how it was tomorrow, for sure it's gonna be fun and yummy!

"A better day."

"A better day."

This day was better then yesterday, that's such a random sentence to start a post with. But I can't pronounce it differently, this day felt better. Yesterday I wasn't happy and felt sad, I was asking myself aswell what happiness was. I said then that happiness can be anything, happiness is in little things, in daily things. I will make within ten minutes a nice cappuchino coffee, that little cup of joy will make me happy also. And that's just one of the little things that can make me happy. You don't wait for happiness either, cause it comes to you, it happens or it overcomes you. Alright, enough, back to this day. 

There's not much to say actually, I had a good day at work and that's it, Thursday will be the last day for the vacation-stop. We will be cleaning and dusting and afterwards were going to have some ordered food, it's gonna be nice. Vacation-stop hmm, my Boss asked me already what I'm gonna do the four weeks without work, I don't know. What do people when they have a vacation? Rest? I will rest yes, maybe the first week of the vacation. And then maybe some day trips if the money is good on me, I'm saving money for a visit to Amsterdam. That's settled.


Humanitas won't do anything with the vacation time, nothing special. They should do a barbecue or a nice day out, just something. But they won't, pity though. Most of the residents have no money to go out or go on a vacation, Humanitas won't gave extra money for the vacation time. I'm not complaining though, it is as it is. There is a vacation stop aswell for the free 'dinner,' I always went at Wednesday eve' and Thursday eve.' I never skipped a meal, but now there closing for six weeks, woot! Yeah, six weeks is alot, I can feel that in my wallet aswell. Tomorrow I will have to buy some more grocery as I use to buy, I can afford it though. 


But still, perhaps I can find a place where I can find another place to eat a free meal in this city. Anyway, that's all folks for now. Think I go to bed a bit early, it was a long day.

"Good days, bad days."

Good days, bad days."

Funny and akward that sometimes my thoughts drift away and turn into sad thoughts, not so weird though after what I have been trough. My thoughts were drifting away last night and afterwards I felt sad and had that 'missing' feeling again, sometimes these thoughts turn into angry thoughts. I should write them down one day, to see what I can do with them. So yeah, last night it started a bit, 'the thoughts.' I was on Facebook looking trough my old profile, and saw some pictures of Saf, and some of her kids, Saf looks great! When I'm on my old profile I only check some of the statuses of me, Mar and Noor. I can look at these statuses or comments from them and feel no sadness or get missing thoughts, only in the beginning I had them, but now I'm good. But seeing Saf last night hurted and made me think, I thought, "Ah! Just one of the days, tomorrow will go better." But it didn't.

Is the love over between me and Saf? Yeah, and a tiny little bit no, I still care, good memories aswell. The most painfull thought when I think back of the time in Canada is that I failed, failed in our relationship, and failed to be a 'man' and perhaps a Daddy and that hurts. I know SO much better now, but it's to late now. I had the chance to be a good Dad and  a good Husband, with a lovely 'good' looking woman with great kids in a awesome country. All I wanted was to make Saf and her kids happy again, but it was just to much my heart could carry. I love(d) these people so much, everything was new and overwhelming, and more and more added to it. I had to learn alot of things, and I learned alot of things. This morning and last night I felt I'm not in the right place, like I don't belong here. I even thought to imigrate to Canada when I feel better. Not to 'Barrie' though, I don't want Saf to get the wrong idea.

I want her to live her life and be happy with her kids. I might imigrate to Canada or even another country, I feel and think that I'm done in Holland. Or is it just a 'silly' thought or a 'silly' idea? I don't know, I'm just thinking and writing out loud. I had a great time in Canada, being a daddy and a husband was an awesome adventure. and I want a time like that back, why? I guess I don't want to be alone anymore, I want people around me, or better a family around me. I noticed that I don't want to be alone anymore. While I'm writing this I feel better though, better then this morning. I had a nice day at work, and I had a lovely 'free' dinner this evening. Why was the work nice? Cause I had things to do and everything went well while working, I talked with people and that makes my 'sad' thoughts go away. I had a nice dinner aswell, we talked and laughed, and such things make my 'sad' thoughts go away also. 

But are these thoughts really gone? Aren't they comming back? Yeah, they will. Sometimes even harder then the last time I had them, but aswell they will vanish one day or they getting less harder. I guess this day didn't start that happy, but what is happy. What is happiness? Am I happy at the moment? Sometimes I am yes, sometimes I have a happy moment and then I think, "Yes!" But again,what is happiness? What makes you or me Happy? I would say, 'a family around me,' that would make me happy. But would it really make me happy? I don't know, now I think that it would but... Confussing right? Sometimes I get stuck with this question, what is happiness? What makes you or me happy? I'm not happy right now, but I'm not sad or depressed either, I'm okay, I'm good. 

I have goals, I started them five months ago. It's good to have goals, for sure after all this drama. It almost feels like you don't want to quit things, you don't want to give up, cause I have goals. My goal is to have a nice house, a job, and perhaps a family. I would like to travel too and not do the same ol' same ol' again. I'm not gonna sit on my bum being sad or depressed.  These are my goals, these goals will make me happy. But will they? 


I saw this piece of writting on the internet...

"Finding happiness is like finding yourself. You don't find happiness, you make happiness. You choose happiness. Self-actualization is a process of discovering who you are, who you want to be and paving the way to happiness by doing what brings YOU the most meaning and contentment to your life over the long run."

"Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself."

Happiness is in all kinda things, in little things. Like I said, I have goals and when I reach these goals I will be happy. But will I? Will I be happy when I'm in Las Vegas with a glass of champagne in my hand?  For the same reason I might have the same 'missing them' thoughts and feel still un-happy. Who knows.

Another piece of writing I saw...  

 Happiness is what you feel when you're NOT feeling.... Self doubt, depressed, hateful, fearful, worried, unsatisfied, bored, grief, shame, guilt, discontent, anxious, annoyed, angry, irritated, stressed, frustrated, upset, down, sad, envious, or jealous.

I guess happiness is in little things around you, you have the prove above. I hope this post isn't to confussing, it's like I'm writing my head empty. I would like to be happy again, but waiting for it is wrong I think. I should be happy now, make myself happy, enjoy of the little things around me. Just like today I finnished a wooden bench and a wooden table for outside, that felt nice and made me happy, just like the dinner I had tasted nice and we had laughs, that felt good and made me happy aswell. Happiness does make the 'missing them' thoughts go away or makes them less. Searching for happiness doesn't work for me, it's to stressy, I wont find it.Happiness overcomes me, and when it does I will enjoy it the fullest. This day started bad and when the days went further and further the badness seemed to be vanished. I'm okay now and feel better. I'm ready for tomorrow.

"Times will change."

"Times will change."

The times will change when I live on my own, I had a meeting with Paula this morning, and she told me that I should ask for information for a loan at the citybank. I will be living on my own, then I should be able to pay my rent, usurances and bills. And then there's the furniture I need and the rest that a house needs, washingmachine, oven, etc, etc. For that kinda stuff I can go to the Citybank here in Almelo and ask them for a loan, ofcource I have to pay the loan back, but that's alright. 

If the loan is not possible then I can ask for information by the social services, I really could need the loan. The furniture doesn't have to be brand new, there are loads of nice stuff here second hand. Although a few things I don't like to buy second hand, like a fridge, washingmachine or a oven, I rather have that new. Cause I always ask myself why are they selling it, perhaps one button doesn't work or something, then I have to repair it and it will cost me double. No, please a new fridge, washingmachine or oven, thank you! 

Rain~

Does someone needs some rain? We have lots of it today! It's nice though, the shops or other atractions are closed anyway. It's nice staying home and be on the laptop with a nice coffee beside me , while the laundry is spinning.It's an easy day today, the people here are bored and tired after yesterday's madness. It sure was fun though, it's a nice ending of the weekend. Tomorrow starts the last week of the three days at work, Thursday will be the last day and then it's vacation time. Four weeks of rest and perhaps boredom, but I'm sure I will find something to do. I already planned a day out to the big city 'Amsterdam.'


Celebrity past away~


Amy Whinehouse past away, most people aren't suprised about it. The news was suprising though, I never knew she was still so young. She died of a overdose of ecstasy, everyone knew she smoked and drank alot. I wasn't a big fan of her but I liked her powefull soul voice and some of her songs. She was a great talent R.I.P  Amy! 

I just listened to "Rehab" again and the irony is devastating, she sould have gone to rehab!

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, "No, no, no"
Yes, I've been black but when I come back you'll know, know, know
I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine
He's tried to make me go to rehab, I won't go, go, go

I'd rather be at home with Ray
I ain't got seventeen days
'Cause there's nothing, there's nothing you can teach me
That I can't learn from Mr. Hathaway

I didn't get a lot in class
But I know we don't come in a shot glass

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, "No, no, no"
Yes, I've been black but when I come back you'll know know know
I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine
He's tried to make me go to rehab, I won't go, go, go

The man said, "Why do you think you here?"
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/a/amy-winehouse-lyrics/rehab-lyrics.html ]
I said, "I got no idea"
I'm gonna, I'm gonna lose my baby
So I always keep a bottle near

He said, "I just think you're depressed
Kiss me, yeah baby and go rest"

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, "No, no, no"
Yes, I've been black but when I come back you'll know, know, know

I don't ever wanna drink again
I just, ooh, I just need a friend
I'm not gonna spend ten weeks
Have everyone think I'm on the mend

And it's not just my pride
It's just 'til these tears have dried

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, "No, no, no"
Yes, I've been black but when I come back you'll know, know, know
I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine
He's tried to make me go to rehab, I won't go, go, go....

I'm so glad that I'm a woman." (For one day)

I'm so glad that I'm a woman." (For one day) 

Last night I went out to a little town called Wierden with a couple of residents, we had a nice time. It felt akward though to dress up neat and being out again. (I'm a weak goof, LOL) I remember going out with Saf and dress up neat aswell, this eve' I putted the same shirt on what I had on the last night I went out with Saf to karaoke. I stood still for a few seconds and sighed, it felt weird and I missed for a few seconds the going out with Saf. Even when I went out with the bunch of people that eve' I had a few akward moments where I thought, "I wish I was somewhere else." There was a band playing beside the market and I thought about 'New years eve' in Barrie Canada. 

Moi!

Then there was a band playing aswell when I was with two friends from Mar, same as there was a band playing were I went tonight. It felt almost the same being there tonight. It made me sigh again for a few moments, good memories though, but missing it aswell. I so wanted to hug a few persons when I was thinking of those memories, specially Mar's friends and Saf and the kids. I saw parents with kids on there necks clapping and singing with the band, I thought, I want kids too, sigh! Hey, dear God above there, I deserve some kids and a nice wife aswell, you hear me? LOL! But hey! Don't forget I had a nice time out that eve' aswell, it was not only sighs and akward moments, I singed, clapped and had laughs, oh yeah!

This Saturday was nice aswell at Humanitas, dressing up, going out and last but not least a nice dinner. The Saturday started of with tiredness though, I felt tired and it felt akward, like something was squeezing my chest, I felt exhausted and felt I could sleep the whole day. I had two naps this morning, I think my thyroid is spilling up. I will wait for the blood results this comming Wednesday, I wont be suprised if I need stronger medication. After my naps I felt a bit better, I felt I could manage this day. At 10:00 there was the appointment with Sandra, together we searched online for houses in 'Enschede.' Enschede is a very nice city where I would like to live. 

This photo looks so Dutch!

Sandra knows Enschede cause she lives there, so it was easy for me to search for houses with her by my side. We reacted on many houses and flats, Sandra told me about the area when I saw a nice house or flat. It was nice sitting with her when she gave me alot of information, I visited Enschede alot in the past, but I only shopped there and went to the market. That's the only area's I knew from that city. Sandra and I spent only one hour with each other, tomorrow at 10:00 I will have a appointment with Paula, then we will talk about my list what I made, a list of what I all still need when I'm going to live on my own. It's needed cause I have nothing, only clothing.

After I did my grocery shopping for the whole entire week with another guy it was time to 'dress up.' Dress up as a woman, me and another guy were planning to go out as ladies. (Me and my ideas, LOL) First the other guy decided not to dress up when we were about to start, but after talking with him for a few minutes he went for it. A few residents helped me with clothing and a wig, they gave me the clothing what I needed and I started with the dressing up. Everything went well untill I saw the bra, I thought. "Oh, that's easy, just put my arms trough it and done!" But no, I had the bra upside down, I thought already, "Why is this bra so high in my neck?" The dressing up went fine after that incident, legging, bra, wig, booths, etc,etc. (See pictures) 

Harry 'HAD' a long beard!

We were all ready and decided to go trough the building, we even went downstairs to the staff, it was hilarious, we had a good time. We went outside aswell, across the building we took alot of pictures. It was pretty cold though, if the sun wasn't there it would be even colder. And with only leggings and a short shirt it felt much colder, but we had lots of laughs. It was time to go inside and get rid of the women clothing, we had enough. Only one resident wanted to goa bit further, it was Harry, Harry is a 55 year old guy and he will be leaving Humanitas within two weeks. He has been at Humanitas for 15 months, "A record," he says. He putted my 'women' clothing on and I and a few other residents went into town, it was hilarious. Some reactions on the street were nice and funny, but most people didn't even look. We didn't mind cause we had a good time, and that counted. 

Harry in style!

We all visited the market, and sat eventually on a terrace having a few drinks. Ofcource some of the people were staring but who cares, we had fun! After the terrace visit we went into a clothing store to look for some nice women clothing for Harry, ofcource it was a joke, it was the taking pictures that counted. The sun went away and we all decided to return inside, it was getting colder and colder. We prepaired a nice dinner together and we all sat down and eat. For a nice budget we had a nice meal, we had 'endive' with potatos, little pieces of bacon and a cream. Beside it we had steaks. It was a nice day, we wont do such a thing everyday, but once in the weekends would be nice. We already decided to cook together one meal every saturday afternoon.

We don't have  much money to spend, so if we all put some money together once a week we all can eat together and have a jolly good time for a small amount of money. It's not about the money alone but it's aswell to have a good time together in the weekends. We have a small group of eight people together now, ofcource there are more residents living here, but we don't see them that often. First I had my doubts with eating together, cause for example one would go to buy the meat and another one buys the veggies, ect,ect. Veggies for example is cheaper then meat, so the veggies person has to pay less then. Buying meat for 8 people? No thank you, I just can't afford that. It all went  kriss kross with the buying, I struggled with that.

The solution was to let two people buy the food (low budget) and take the reciept with them. With the reciept we can split the money over eight people. Perfect solution for upcomming Saturday, and Sunday we will do the left overs. Guess what? I had a nice full day!  I never knew that I'm so frigging tall. For tomorrow, relaxation!

Dress up!

Dress up! 

Me and my big mouth! I told to some of the residents that it would be a laugh to dress up one day as a woman, cause when you put a wig on me I transform right away and burst into laughs non-stop. And tomorrow it will be the day to 'dress up,' together with one more resident. It would have been nice if there were more who want to dress up aswell, but no!  I'm looking forward for tomorrow but, hmm, there talking about strings, shaved legs, panties, LOL! As far as I know I will wear a mini-skirt, a wig, bra, panties, (eek!) Oh dear! All of this will happen tomorrow in the afternoon.

Finally it's Friday (for real), still tired though but a nap did me good. There will be more naps needed these comming days, my body is asking for it. I did two loads of laundry today, the second load is still drying. They smoke alot around here, I dislike it but there's nothing you can do about it. I'm getting along very well with a bunch of residents, we visit each other often and sometimes we eat together, we share conversations and make jokes. Most of these people smoke, and sometimes I'm in the middle of the smoke. When it's getting to much I'm leaving and that's alright, I don't feel bad about it. I dislike the smoking cause of some reasons, I don't smoke, it smells and gets in your clothes and skin.  Bless the shower and washing machine. 


For the first time living here I'm going out tonight with a few residents, were going to a town called "Wierden.' My Mother has been born there and we lived there for a few years as a family. Wierden is small, but nice. There's a market and a few atractions, bands will be playing live there aswell. It's nice to go out again with a group, let's see how it goes. Ina is comming aswell, so yeah. Weird situation going on lately here, Daniel seems to be quit well again after being love sick, he's still in the hospital though but he's a free man aswell. Meaning he can stay and go where he wants, but under a so called guidance. Daniel sleeps in the hospital but can go outside and visit people, he has medication. In his free time he visited Ina aswell....


... It surely suprises me, cause wasn't Daniel done with Ina? Didn't he call her a liar and cheater? Perhaps he has forgiven her and there trying again, I remember Daniel telling me that he was still madly in love aswell with Ina before he was taken to the hospital. I hope things turns out well with Daniel, cause in my eyes he's still fragile and doesn't know what he's doing.

 Alright, the ladies are ready! (Finally!) Time to go! I will tell how it went in the next post, to the batmobile let's go!

"Thank God it's (almost) Thursday!"

"Thank God it's (almost) Thursday!"

You prolly know the term "Thank God it's Friday!" After three days of work I usually think that on the last day from work (Thursday) it's almost the weekend, but it's just Friday. On Thursday at work we always clean up the last thirthy minutes, then already I get that 'Weekend' feeling. And I will think it's Saturday when it's actually Friday.Yeah, gotta love a long weekend, I'm getting trough the three days easily. Tomorrow I will start of with a bunch of laundry from the last week.

Totally forgot to say that I bought a new laptop (Yay!) I bought it last Wednesday, it's an acer laptop with a 17 inch screen. The old one is a HP Pavillion laptop, I still use it though till it's totally brakes. I'm very happy with me new laptop, I saved money for it for a long time. Now it's time to save money for other stuff. Today after a nice day at work there was the weekly free dinner again at the church, for the last time though, cause they will be holding a vacation for six weeks. That's quit long, now I have to make myself dinner again a few more times then usual. The free dinner was always on Wednesday and Thursday. The last dinner for the summer holidays was something special, we had a Indonesian meal, with rice,veggies and meat. It was yummy, desert was icecream.

When I got back from work I took a long shower and relaxed, I was tired and needed the relaxation. I finnished today the two baby seater at work for my neighbor, he can pick it up up comming monday, he payed me five Euro, nice of him. Next week will be the last week from work, there closing there doors for three weeks, next Thursday there will be a special dinner at work cause it's the last day before the summer holiday. I'm looking forward to it. And then it's three weeks without work, wow, that will feel akward. I have been working already for a while. Well, I'm not gonna sit down and do nothing. I planned already a day out to Amsterdam, I haven't been there for such a long time.

I'm slowly adjusting to Holland again, although I haven't travelled trough Holland yet. But I still admire Canada, the people are nicer day and much more laid back. I still remember the first time I came into a warehouse and the cassiere asked me while she scanned my grocery how I was. That felt akward cause they don't do such thing in Holland. Ofcource Canada is much bigger then Holland,and you can't only see that on the streets and forests, you can't see it aswell in shops and supermarkets, everything is bigger. Do I feel akward while I walk the streets here? Yes and no, sometimes I still think, "what am I doing here? Wasn't I in Canada?" But these thoughts are becoming less though, I guess will return though to Canada for a short holiday, perhaps a week or two.

Sometimes someone says something really small, and it just fits right into this empty place in your heart.

"Sometimes someone says something really small, and it just fits right into this empty place in your heart."

Is caring to much about another really to much? Without bragging about myself I would like to say that I care a bit to much, I just can't see a friend or collega or whatever suffer. Or better, I can't see people cry, I will get weak and I want to take care of them. This can stress myself out if it's getting to much, the involving is getting to much for me then. Why am I writting about this? The last two weeks alot happend here at Humanitas, divorce problems, a friendship/relationship died, residents were leaving cause they had to or they wanted to. It was all here, at the moment I can all handle this very well, but yeah, it does something to me aswell. It touches me, but I'm not complaining. I'm good and if I can help or take care I will, but there is a line ofcource. If it's really getting to much then I take a few steps back. At the moment I feel bad for Ina and her divorce problems, now it's not that I feel sorry or pity for everyone who has divorce problems, but the people who are close to me, yeah. 

It's not only the divorce problems Ina deals with but other things aswell, Daniel has been suffering for a week cause of a realtion problem with Ina, and now he has left for a 'time out.' Ina feels or thinks that it's her fault and feels guilty, plus the divorce problems  she and her ex have and the ex being a pain does her not well. Ina and her ex have two kids and there standing in the middle off the two divorced parents. Problems like this is quit normal these days, Ina is sure not the only one, I'm aware of that. But seeing her so many times cry breaks me so now and then, I don't want to get involved and I surely wont get involved. Again I know where my line is, cause I have to think of myself aswell. Offcource. But, I would like to cheer her up, and I will. If she needs a hug or a crying shoulder I will be there, sometimes I give her advice or listen so now and then to her stories if it makes her feel better. I like to make her laugh or cheer her up, cause I can't see her cry, she doesn't deserve this. I dislike crying! 

Bloodwork~


This morning after my appointment I went over to the hospital to do some bloodwork, and this time it went much easier then last time. I knew the way, and the waiting room wasn't packed for a change. There were only three people, only this time the needle hurted a bit more then the last time. I guess every nurse has a different way to take blood, now it's five days to wait for the results, I'm curious. The appointment with Paula went well, she was a bit in a hurry but that was okay cause I was too, I wanted to get the blood done. There wasn't much to talk about cause everything is going well, "Go out a bit more, you deserve it and you have the money for it," said Paula. I'm on my hood a bit for my money, funny though, now that I have more money I'm being more easier with it. Prolly a good thing, right? 

These comming days I have two appointments comming up, one with Paula, I had to make a list what I all need when I'm going to live on my own. Furniture, fridge, couch, bed, etc, etc, Paula and I will have a look at the list I made. The next appointment is with Sandra, we will be looking at houses online and react on them. Were going to look at houses in Enschede, Sandra lives in Enschede, so that's handy. Paula told me that Sandra lives in Enschede, so Paula told me to make an appointment one day with Sandra to have a look at houses, and so I did. It's going smoothly around here, there's a nice atmosphere. Although all that I need to get used or better prepair myself to be living on my own. Like taking care of my bussines/paperwork, making phonecalls, see what there is needed to be on my own again or what I need to get used to. I'm not worried.

"Hello Sjon-shine."

"Hello Sjon-shine."

I elt a bit better then yesterday, yesterday I felt tired and heavy on my chest. I was thinking of my thyroid, of the blood results. Tomorrow I will check my blood again, but first an early appointment with Paula. Afterwards I will rush calm towards the hospital, I know the way now. I wonder what the results will be now, last time the hospital made a (typing) mistake according to the Doctor's assistant. According to the results I should be dead sick, but I feel okay and not sick. But yesterday I felt a bit 'hmm,' I had doubts cause I felt tired and not as tired as usual. Wi'll see what happens after the blood results.

The resident who was missing yesterday, (Daniel) has left now. But I think just for a while, cause all his stuff is still in his room. Maybe Daniel will pick his stuff up later this week or he just comes back and stays then. Maybe he just needs to get out here for a week to get some rest and see other people. I hope the last one, I didn't say goodbye yet to him cause I worked the whole day.

The furniture I make at work is wanted at humanitas, some of the residents want to order some of the things I make but for 'free.' I'm working on a two sitter for my neighbor and it's almost done, my Boss is okay with this aslong I use the old wood, (wood what actually can go) it looks pretty good though. The next few things I make are two wooden food bins for dogs, and two butler trays. If I have spare time at work, I make such things. Can you tell I like it?


I'm not having luck yet in finding a house, you need some luck aswell. But I keep on searching, I'm not giving up. I'm not the only one here in this building searching for houses. It sure ain't easy. I'm feeling okay at this moment, I'm getting along well with most of the residents. Work iss going great, I learn(ed) so many things. Only a bit more money would be welcome, when I wil be living on my own I can almost come around with the money. I have to ask for some extra money then. Humanitas is looking out for my money, but I have to do that alone when I have found a house. That's one of the things I have to get used to again. I'm not worried.

"Daniel where are/were you?"

"Daniel where are/were you?" 

A little bit of a panice situation today at Humanitas, a resident who I get along with quit well was missing. It's not really my thing to gossip, but there are a few things that is needed to be known. The resident who was missing was Daniel, Daniel is a guy who I get along with well, we even went out a few times. Playing biljart or just went for a walk, he was also the guy who was trying easy to hook me up with Ina. But the tide turned, Daniel got allong well with Ina, and Ina with Daniel. They were getting buddies, soulmates, and eventually fell in love. Although Daniel is ten years younger and Ina wasn't ready for a relationship, it didn't matter. Falling in love happens, I been there too. By the time I got over my thoughts or (perhaps) feelings towards Ina it seemed it was Daniel's turn.

They both went out a few times, and had  a jolly good time, they were both happy. They even ended up both in, *insert x-rated, yeah, there. Daniel told me this and I was suprised. All well, a week later they went out again to a pub, Ina ended up on the dancefloor, cause she saw an old schoolmate and they danced for almost an hour. Daniel told Ina that he is going back, cause he was tired, and felt bored. (Right) The next morning Daniel found out that Ina spent the night with the old schoolfriend from last night, Ina told Daniel this cause she felt bad. "I spent the night with him, cause I wasn't able to go home I was to drunk. But nothing happend though." Told Ina. Hmm. The next day Ina confessed that she had *insert x-rated with the old school friend and Daniel collapsed. 


The lies and the cheating were to much for Daniel, and Ina felt sorry big time. Daniel locked him self up in his room for three days, after the three days he visited or tried to visit his friends, but was afraid to face Ina. He tried it but he was rather in his room. Alot of gossip was going around and Ina was the bad girl according to Humanitas, so I heard. Daniel visited me aswell a few times and the first time he told me the whole story, "I need to get out of here, I can't face her anymore," said Daniel. I told him that he should go out for a week and see his Family, it will do him good. "I'm leaving up-comming Monday," he replied. The second time he came he asked me to make him a sandwich, it was a pleasure to make him one. "I will see you Monday evening when I pack my bags and leave," he said. It will do him good. 


And the next day while I was working I heard from a worker who also is a resident from Humanitas that he disapeared, the police was searching trough his room and aswell was searching for him. I was a bit worried but, I knew aswell that I could count on him that I would see Daniel tonight. Comming home from work, I saw Ina crying (No wonder) and a few were residents worried. It worried me too a bit but still I knew I could count on him. Later on the evening another resident had got a message that Daniel was safe and sound, he was at the
'night care' from Humanitas, the night care is a place right beside Humanitas where you can not stay trough the day, but only can spend the night. Daniel took of almost a whole day without giving a note to the staff, and that's not allowed. The staff needs tom know where you are for safety.


Daniel will go to a hospital perhaps, (if there is a place for him) for a hospitalization. He's not able to think straight anymore, it may sounds hard but I'm sure it will do him good. If he had stayed here at Humanitas he would go nuts, he's in good hands at the hospital, seeing other people and people who take good care of him. If he's able to have visits I will surely visit him. Take good care of yourself Buddy, I count on you!

Sunday...

Sunday...

Another day, another post. But there's not much to write about this day, I'm resting alot and visit my friendly neighbors so now and then. It seems everyone is tired, me included. I had two naps today, and that will do it, otherwise I won't sleep tonight. Me and my neighbors sit quit often with each other, we have a coffee together and sometimes we eat together. A few days ago I came up with the idea of playing a game called "Things," back in Canada we played this game quit often. It's hilarious and fun to play, the only thing is I had to translate the English questions into Dutch.

So, what's "Things" you ask? 


The Game of "Things" is the hilarious new party game that presents players with provocative topics like "Things people do when no one is looking", "Things you wouldn’t do for a million dollars" or "Things your parents forgot to tell you." Things allows each player to say whatever comes to mind. Pick a topic, get everyone to write a response, read them out loud and then guess who said what. There are no right answers. There are no wrong answers, just a lot of fun. You won’t believe the Things you’ll hear.

 I searched for the "Things" questions online, there weren't that many. But I found enough I guess, I translated them all and wrote them down on a little memo card. I and a few neighbors played the game already a few times, and I must say they have to get used to it. It's a bit different when Dutch players play thisn game, I don't know. Perhaps we don't have the same humor Canadians or Americans have, who knows. For example, I asked the question, "What kinda thing you never should swallow," ofcource the sexual replies came like crazy. That was funny but aswell a bit lame, now when 'we' played the game, (Saf and our friends) we would give the same sexual replies but 'we' would give a certain twist on it to make it even more hilariouser. 

I think I will think of more questions and translate them though, cause we were done with the game in less then 20 minutes.Lots of work but that's okay, it sure should be funnier if we play this game more often. For tonight I think it will be an early night, early to bed and early to rise. Working tomorow, yeah, you know already that I look forward to working days. Three days weekend is long enough, have a good night ya"ll!

"A weekend wasted isn't a wasted weekend."

A weekend wasted isn't a wasted weekend."

My mobile phone (cell phone) wasn't working well according to the ING help desk, and they were right. Me and Paula called them this morning, if I want to do banking online I need a (working) cell phone.  If I need to make money over I can do that trough my phone, or something like that. I have something against cell phones, I don't know. There difficult and I don't like calling with them, maybe it's the size. (I can hardly hear conversations trough it) Maybe I should just spent a day with my new cellphone and try to work or call with it. Ugh, to the new technology sometimes, lol! I rather have a normal phone with a wire, and still then I feel a barrier to talk trough the phone. I don't know what it is, it's the un-comfy feeling what I get talking trough phones.

I should talk more often trough phones I guess, to get used to it. A few weeks ago I bought a new cell phone, but most of the days it's turned off, the phone needs to be activated to work properly. Sometimes when Paula and I have to call someone in our appointments then ususally Paula calls, but sometimes she suprises me when she dial's the number and suddenly puts the cellphone or phone in my hand, eek! Actually she should do that more often. This morning in 'our' appointment we made a next plan for this month, every month Paula and I make a month-plan. The month-plan has goals that I need/want/have to achieve for the up comming month, it's a good thing and it reminds me aswell what I still need to do. The month-plan for this month has the next goals....

-The bloodwork has to be done over, cause there might have been a mistake the first time I took blood last week. -Repairing my cellphone, it needs to work properly for online banking. -Searching for houses. (rent) -Making a appointment with St. Joseph (Housing-corporation) for urgenty. -Making a Words file with what I need to live on my own, furniture, dish, ectcetera, ectcetera. And that's about it for this month, I always manage to achieve the goals. Sometimes it amazes me. This Saturday was quiet, the atmosphere from yesterday seems to be calmed down. Daniel is leaving though this comming Monday, he really had enough off all this. He toldme he will be moving in with his Nephew. I'm gonna miss him, he has been trough alot the last few weeks.

Paula and I had a little conversation about the difficult atmosphere from last week this morning, "There's always a reason why people have to leave, and there's always a reason why were not that nice towards the residents," said Paula. "And there will always be complains, no matter how hard we work to get things better," she continued. I agreed with her, I also sometimes complain but I know aswell that the 'staff'here works hard to get things better and right. Complaining wont work, I'm already glad that I have a roof over my head, that I can cook for myself, that I can copy with my money, and that I have nice work. And in the back of my head I will always think that it can only get better from now here on.

Split Enz - Message To My Girl (1984)

"Gossip and bloodwork."

"Gossip and bloodwork." 

The atmosphere isn't that good under the residents lately, they don't like how the staff handles them. There is so much personal things going on at the moment under the residents, it's time to be on my hood for a whileof better to back of a bit. It's a well known fact that the residents here complain alot, the last few weeks it's going nuts. So nuts that I just don't believe what I hear. What is true? And should I believe what they all say? Now I can tell you all what is going on but the list is endless, relationships, arguess, missunderstandings, gossip, etc, etc. Someone said this and that about 'that' person and 'that' person told the staff about it, etc, etc. There sometimes just like little kids. once a week every resident has a meeting with there own (Humanitas) counselor, and ofcource there will be talked, also about other residents, I call it gossip. 

But the counselor writes things down aswell, for example when I talk bad about another resident it will be written down. In the worst scenario ' that' other resident will hear it from 'my' counselor or from 'his' or ' her' counselor. And in the worst case if the situation gets to bad you can pack your bags and leave, no mercy! The last two weeks the gossip and all other personal problems are so bad that five people have to leave. Including Ina, Ina might be send to a 'women's house,' has been told, cause according to Humanitas she wraps every guy here around her finger, (Not true!) Yes, we  kissed and touched on that evening, but I can't  call it wrapping around the finger. She had something with Daniel the last month, they liked each other as best friends, but Daniel wanted more, but Ina said " No." Daniel couldn't take it and feels down, very down! He locked himself up in his room. 

Humanitas saw that and Ina might be send away because of that. Nuts! And confussing aswell. I understand the bad reactions from the residents, but I understand Humanitas aswell. Humanitas heard the gossip from other residents about Ina and she's now the bad girl, I so don't like the gossip. In my eyes the staff here has to talk more to the person who caused the problem, or talk to both sides who caused the problem. And not just write down what 'other' residents say or what ' they' heard and then make a rapport out of it. What did I learn out of this? That you don't talk about other residents personal things, and that you just act normal and be jolly. Cause someone might say something about you and you might get throwen out cause of the gossip by another resident. I learned my lesson today, be easy, be on your hood and be jolly. 


Alright, back to today, for a change it was a dry day today and it was not that cold. Pretty hummit I must say, we call it Dutch weather. First rain then the next day sunny and warm, then the next day rain again. Today I planned something to clean, I felt good and I thought, " Why not?" I have been cleaning some stairs this morning and emptied the garbage bin in the ' green'  kitchen. The stairs were okay, lots of dust and garbage but it went good. The garbage bin was a disaster, they forgot to put a bag in the bin, (like always) lots of food, cans and other garbage. It just needed to be done, I emptied the bin bit by bit with plastic gloves and putted the garbage in another garbagebag. Cleaned the bin afterwards with all-cleaner and letted it dry. Later on a new bag in the bin and done. 


I finnished alot of things today what I had listed on a little paper, I asked the staff if they send the 600 Euro already (for my new laptop) on my ING account, they forgot, ugh! So they did that today. I sent an e-mail to a housing corporation in Almelo, me and Paula want to ask for urgenty (If you ask for urgenty you will get on a list with people who need to have an house urgent) In the first place this corporation said no, but Paula and me want to try it again. Next thing I went was to the doctor's for my blood results. (I did bloodwork last Friday for my thyroid) The doctor's assistant told me that my results are not that okay, speaking in medical terms, my TSH is good but the FT4 wasn't good. The FT4 was to high, meaning my 'fake' thyroid was working to low/ not responding well. 


Allthough this the doctor's assistant was suprised to see me in this condition. She saw that I felt good, and I felt good. According to the results I should have been pretty sick, for example my eating appetite must be low. But I feel good, the doctor's assistant told me that there must have been a mistake sending the blood results from the hospital to my doctor. Perhaps a typing mistake, best thing I could do was take again some blood and wait again for the blood results. Next week I will, I know the way now where to go. My doctor is going on vacation though starting next week so I have to call another doctor for the results, that's alright. They forspelled a rainy day again tomorrow, I still need to do some grocery and then I'm done for this week. I'm looking forward for tomorrow's appointment with Paula, it's always a pleasure talking to her.

"Feeling good on a rainy day."

"Feeling good on a rainy day."

Rain, rain,rain, rain, rain, rain, rain,rain, rain, rain, rain, rain,rain, rain, rain, rain, rain,rain, rain, rain, rain, rain,rain, rain, rain, rain, rain,rain, rain, rain, and lots of strong wind. The weatherforecast said this weather is good for our farmers in our country, I bet it is cause the rain was very needed. I like the rain, I can look at it for hours with a cuppa hot chocolate with some cream on it. My neighbor offered me a cuppa hot chocolate with two much cream on it, nice of her. I had a very nice day today at work, I finnished two wooden as-trays. The first one was almost screwed up two days ago by my Boss, but I fixed the sawing top this morning and afterwards I made another one. The second one was much easier to build. Today my Boss invited me for a talk in his office, (eek!) just a regular talk though about how things are going now and what he thinks of me. He writes every month a rapport of me like he also does with the other workers.

My rapport was good, but here and there he had some min points. I didn't agree with some off the  min points though, the Boss told me that I have to think to much or to long while I'm working, aswell I don't see the things sometimes what has the 'finnishing touch' on a product. Now my Boss wasn't mad or angry with these min points, but he just wanted to point me on this, and wants me to learn to do it better next time. Yes, I have to think alot while I'm working, and yes, I have to think sometimes (to) long. I sometimes don't remind me things, then I have to do my best to remind me what I have to do or think to myself, "How did I do that the last time?" These thoughts makes me work a bit longer on a product, but I'm still learning aswell, and I like the learning. Hey! I never worked with wood, gimme a break! LOL! I didn't agree with the 'finnishing touch' on a product, I surely have that. But sometimes I feel a pressure while I'm working and then I wanna do it to fast.

I have to learn not to do that, My Dad has the same when he was still working, oblivious we have the same caracters. The brain says, go! go! While the body says no! no! When the Boss and I were talking I had the oppertunity to tell him about his mistakes but, how on earth do you tell your Boss on a nice way he makes mistakes and shoves his mistakes then over to me? I did tell it though, and on a nice way, I told him it in a few examples. I told him a few things what happened the last few weeks while we worked together. I knew my Boss wouldn't get mad or would fire me, lol. I told him about the screwed up as-tray and that I didn't like it what happened. He explained me that I have to be more assertive then next time, he was waiting for my response while he screwed up, and yeah, "Everyone can make mistakes, even me." he admitted. 

It was a nice talk, afterwards I thought, "be more assertive Sjon!" Proof that you can do it, proof that you disagree with your min-points ! A total suprise today at work, Johannus showed up for a a few minutes. Woot! I totally didn't expect him, I thought right away about Ricardo, I asked Johannus if he had 'him' with him. But no! Sigh! I miss seeing him, missing the hugs and the things we did together. "I sure wanna see Ricardo once again," I told Johannus, we still have to do that meeting in his new house, "We sure do," he answered. But he's busy aswell, and he his a new girlfriend. (again) I was kinda shocked though after he told me that his new girlfriend is 47, Johannus is 37. The girlfriend he had before for a little while was 24, "I'm happy with her and the kids love her," told Johannus . He didn't stay long, and I told him again just before he left that we need a meeting soon in his new house. In wanna see Ricardo and give him a hug, Johannus will send me a message.

Working was nice today, like I told already in the beginning of this post, nice working, nice atmosphere, nice music, laughing and joking sometimes. It was all good. Am I happy? Hmm, maybe I can call it satisfied, or shall I just say I'm happy? Are there catagories in being happy? Alright,I'm not 100% happy but 75% happy. That's also good right? Okay I'm ending this post now, there's lots to tell still though, but that can wait till tomorrow....