"There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so."

"There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so."  

Lately I have been thinking, thinking back, I know it's not a good thing to think back sometimes, I should explain myself a bit more. Sometimes I think back of my days in Canada, (Yeah,Canada again, sorry.) I talked to a resident this morning and he would like to have his seven year old Daughter comes to sleep over one day, he would really like that. He will have to ask permission though to Humanitas if that's possible. This made me think about Saf's kids when the resident spoke about his Daughter, I thought, "Will I ever see Ab, Tasn, Mar, Noor and Cle again?" I would love to see them once or twice or perhaps more often again. But, "Do they want to see 'me'  again aswell?" 

Imagine If I have the chance to meet them, how will 'there' reaction be? Will it be bad or good? Thoughts like these are running trough my mind sometimes, not to often though, otherwise I would go crazy of worries. Sometimes I wonder how the reactions will be if I would see Saf's kids again, will Tasn run towards me full of excitment and scream " Daddy!" or "Sjon!"? For the same reason she will be quiet, and just say, " Hi." I don't know what to think when I think  of such thoughts, it scares me and makes a bit sad aswell. Scared because of  the reactions if I would meet Saf's kids, but oh, how I would love to see them. Maybe I should just leave them be for better or worse, but I'm not like that. I have spent along time and went trough alot with this Family. 

I know Saf likes to invite people if there are holidays or special days. If she would invite me one day I will come, and would feel delighted. But I would feel slightly a bit nerves aswell. I would like to stay friends cause I don't like fights in friendship. You know? Sometimes I think back of my time in Canada, but not that often anymore like I did six or seven months ago. I think that's quit normal, the thoughts of the time I spent there will slowly go away or become less. I hate that though, cause I really had a good time! I went trough so many different things and spent a amazing time with this Family, I lived and I learned! I don't want to forget them.

I'm not a communicater, I'm not a talker, maybe I should keep contact a bit more. Just once a month a E-mail  or a written letter, not to hear them out or do them harm or stalk them, but just to keep contact, I would love that. Recently I had a nice message from Noor, she told me she missed me and asked me how I was on Facebook. She even asked me my cell-phone number so that she could call me, I still need to charge my phone I told her. But a week after that I messaged her telling that I wasn't ready yet to hear her voice for a little chat, I might burst out in tears. And for the same reason she passes her phone to Tasn while we are talking, I think I will cry even harder, or get nervous. I should'nt be, for the same reason we will have a great time. 


What makes me nervous of doing such things? Is it the reaction? How will they react? I don't like the feeling of getting dissapointed, maybe I should just let it be. See how I shove such things off me? And then I will dissapoint myself aswell, I should go for it...... one day! Go on and write them a letter or a message! Ask them how they are and how there doing in school or if they have fun with there friends. Anything! For the same reason the contact will do me good, damn nerves. Any of you have suggestions in keeping contact? I want to but I'm to nerves to start, nerves for there reactions. Anyone?