Trick or treat!

Trick or treat! 

Halloween is fun but not that fun around here, I truly liked Halloween back in Canada. Just like Christmas it's celebrated huge with decorations and lots of items. Only the trick or treat candy should be less a bit, gosh, it's so much what the kids are getting. I celebrated Halloween twice, the first time I was dressed as a Arabic living in Russia, or the other way around, lol. I had a huge Russisan fur hat on and  was wearing a Arabic dishdasha. Me and Saf were siting in the doorway waiting for the kids and there parents to ask for 'trick or treat.' It was fun, the second time with Halloween we went from door to door with Tasn and Ab. 

Saf and I had the plastic wagon with us, handy if the kids would get tired. I had to dress up in a cowsuit, lol. Ab was sometimes a bit scared but he was so cute going from door to door with his pillowcase full of candy. Tasn was almost to fast to follow, she had her pillowcase almost full with candy. Yeah good fun! Like I said,here in Holland we don't celebrate Halloween that much, almost no trick or treating or decorations. It's alright, although I miss it a bit the old traditons of celebrating Christmas or Halloween. It isn't like it was when I was still young.

This Monday was good, I could almost not catch my sleep last night, my 'old' neighbor who lives under me had her TV loud on. That lasted almost an hour, sigh! I really like that the clock went an hour forwards this weekend, when I left for work this morning  it wasn't that dark like last week. I love it! Work went good, I have good feelings about this job, although it's tough this job is a keeper. I don't think I wont find another Boss who will hire me for three whole days, I can price myself lucky with this job. I will give a 100%! Tomorrow will be my first whole day, Wednesday I will have a day off, then Thursday a half day again.

Finally I got me a livingroom table, yay! It was hard to find one tough but I got one now, so yay! I was struggling with the perfect size and the color of the table, I have been searching on secondhand selling sites, and finally I confirmed with a seller this morning. The seller brought me the table in the late afternoon, I'm happy with it. But! The little TV cabine has a different kinda color brown then the table, and that bothers me. They both don't match. Didn't I see that in the first place when I saw the table on the site? Yes, but, I didn't realize that didn't match. It's not that a problem, I'm sure one day I will bump into another TV cabine with the same matching colors. And the other TV cabine?I will sell it! 

You may be out of my sight... but never out of my mind...

You may be out of my sight... but never out of my mind... 

Sometimes the thoughts of my time in Canada flashes by, but not as often as several months ago. When I think back at my time in Canada, the first person who pop's up is Tasn, I can easy say I miss her the most when I have those missing feelings. Not that strange though, I spent alot of time with her. Maybe even more time then I spent with Saf, no offense though. I took care of Tasn almost 24 hours a day. I made her breakfast and lunch before and for school, brought her so now and then to the schoolbus, untill it was time she could go by herself. Made her snacks when she came back from school, watched TV with her, went many times to the park, took walks, went to shops and took bike rides with her. I hope she still practize her bike riding skills, cause I remember she was still a bit frighten when she drove her bike while I was still there.

Sometimes the fun part of the day was putting her to bed and sleep in the early evening. (But not always, lol) Tasn and her little brother Ab were always frighten to go to bed, or it was a little excuse to go to bed lol, perhaps a bit of both. Usually I stayed with them untill they fell asleep, I red them a story or we all watched a video, it all depended what time it was. If it was to late then it's just a little light on and then a few talks or make jokes untill they get tired and fell asleep. Sometimes we had so much fun and laughs. One rule was that they both had to stay in bed. I layed next to them untill there eyes were getting heavy, then I slowly got up and easily opened the door and walked away. Hoping that they don't wake up again. What usually happened in the middle of the night, lol. So now and then Saf and I switched our 'putting them to bed,' duties. But when Saf had her work, I did it mostly.

Ah! Just looking back at my time in Canada, oh sweet Tasn, I do miss you so now and then. Seeing you would be bad I guess, cause I prolly do not want to return, lol. She the cuttest kid I ever spent time with, cute, sometimes (humurous) naughty, sometimes scared, she has a amazing fantasy, I'm sure she's gonna do well in the near future.Let me share some funny and laugh moments with her... 

Still having good memories when I think of the moment when she came up to her Mom and told her she changed her name again, some of the names:  Godzilla, Lisa, Nemo, and many ans many more....

Still having good memories when I think at the moment when she drove her bike for the very first time, yay! I never would have believed that she ever would ride a bike seeing her trying and trying... 

Still having good memories when I think of the moments when I putted her to bed. She would hide her Barbies or toys in her hand, while she held her hand under the bed. 

Still having good memories when I think of the moments when I took her for a bikeride and she was being so carefully on her bike. She drove slower and slower when drove towards a downhill. 

Still having good memories when I think of the moments of her while she made up her own role plays, or games. I can go on and on, I didn't even mentioned the jumping on the bed's what she actually wasn't allowed, or the many times in the evening when it was time to make her a sleepy time tea, together with her little brother we had sometimes some fun at the kitchen table while drinking the sleepy time tea. Anyway!

Saying goodbye was the hardest thing to do, I never thought I would, especially not to you.

You always listened, and knew what to say, knew when to give a hug when I was having a bad day. No one will ever take your place, I can always promise you this, it’s hard to find someone like you. So know you’ll always be missed. Many hugs and careness to you dear Tasn!

Relaxing Sunday. 

Gotta love Sundays, mostly Sundays for me is a staying home day. Just relaxing and resting, perhaps a few house duties or cooking. I'm still fixing the last parts of the laminate, just taking it easy, bit by bit. To be honest I wish I could do it over again, lol. I need a kind of tool where I can saw the plints for the laminate on 45 degrees. Such tools do excist though, but I guess I was a bit to lazy or just to hasty to get a tool like that. Second thing I did today was searching for a nice color for my curtains, sigh! 

I debating to myself between the colors creamy white or brown, a bit light brown. I always told to myself I would like to have creamy white curtains, that would look nice. But now I´m not that sure, prolly light brownish would look nice too, I like warm colours. But brownish would make the room darker I think, ugh decisions, decisions. I am still searching for a nice table aswell, not to big and not to small, before I know it my room is full. Anyhow, we just will see, in the end I will make the right decicions.

Picture time!

Picture time! 

OMG! When I wanted to open the door when I got back from work I saw this sign next to my door. Everyone has one next to their door, but mine was empty, no name. But now I have one, yay!

Welcome... Join me as we walk into the living room. Have a seat!
I still love all the windows in the hall way.

 The hallway with the lovely windows again... Behind the door you will see another hallway, that's the hallway from the flat.

Again the livingroom, The walls are still empty but that's alright. I'm not in a rush.

 This makes me think of the movie 99 1/2 weeks LOL! Behind that door is the sleeping room, as you can see I'm still sleeping on the floor. It's all good.

The kitchen, the kitchen is a bit old fashioned. but I like that in a way.

Yeah baby! I love my apple spread, so I thought why not a 850 g, package. Yum!

Believe it or not, it's still October but this garden centre has fully packed out there Christmas decorations. Looked nice though.

Yep, a AVolkswagen beetle, beep beep! fully packet with christmas items.

A decorated mini city complete with a snowy downhill, that must have been alot of work.

One of the plants today, I like such plants. I mostly buy these cause I know they will be staying strong for a long time, and not die on me within a week.

Here is the other one...

The vases I bought last week, I really love them, and the two little plants next to the vases makes it look better.

 And... Tadaa, finally a clock, I need to remember myself that I will have to set the clock an hour back before I go to bed. Winter time started in Holland.



















Always these new pictures of my house, lol. But anyway, while I'm writing this it already gets darker and darker, and it's not even 5:00 pm. The clock will go an hour back in Holland, meaning it will be already dark before 5:00 pm. Winter time has started! The cozy dark days before Christmas. I have been looking online today if there was something to do for single persons like me with upcomming Christmas, well, there is alot to do but to make a choice is difficult. For example going to London with a bunch of people for a reasonable price seems nice, but I didn't make a decision yet. This London trip is a excursion trip, meaning I will go with a bunch of people and visit buildings, have dinner, etc, etc. 

This all sounds good to me, but, I don't know yet, decisions, decisions. I will keep on searching untill I have found something, it can be something small or something big, it all depends on the price and aswell the place where I want to go. Further today I visited a garden centre wich was close by my house. It's nice to have places like that close by, within 10 minutes I can be at the hospital, aswell the centre of the city, I can be there in 5 minutes. The garden centre was a nice visit, so much stuff, items for in the house but aswell outside the house, anything what has to do with gardening, plants, decorations. You name it.

Just a nice and cozy day today, tomorrow I will be resting alot, the Sunday is a perfect day for a chillax. Alright: 5:30 pm almost, it's time to cut the chicken breast for the 'chicken tonight' rice meal. Bon apetite to me! I hope the rice will be better then last time, last time it looked like porridge, lol! I bought yesterday a better rice, basmati rice.

Communication, seeing people, new friends, going out, have fun, etc, etc.

Communication, seeing people, new friends, going out, have fun, etc, etc. 

That's my homework for the weekend and this comming week, trying to find something where I can meet people, or just to have something to do, socialize, see other people, perhaps making  new friends, etc, etc. I'm ready for it, it was one of my ideas aswell. I changed, in a good way, I want to be with people, I like being with people. It's not that it's a must that I HAVE to do this, no! I want this cause I just want this for myself, I look forward to be among people again, and look forward to search for anything that can bring me among people. I'm thinking of a curcus, volunteers work, voluntary association, perhaps a sport, I think Google will help me out with a start. That will be my next goal this comming month, communication, seeing people, new friends, going out, have fun, etc, etc. Enjoy myself!

I discussed this with my counselor (Sahayo) this morning aswell, together we made a list with with things or places where I have to search. Another thing Sahayo made was a sociagram, (woot?) a sociagram is a kind of a drawning where you have to draw a cirkel, and in that cirkel you draw yourself. Around yourself you draw the people who stands close to you, but those people have to be on a certain distance from you. For example, my Dad stands close to me so I have to draw him close to me, for example my Aunt, stands a bit further away then my Dad, so she will be drawn a bit further then my Dad. It was quit hard to draw such a sociagram but it went okay, I have to make another one this week.

So the weatherforecast here keeps giving warnnings about that were getting a horror winter, they talked about snow in November. Yeah I take the weatherforecast serious but what can we do? Do we have to take precautions?  And if we do, what do we need to do then? Buy more blankets or buy electric heaters? We Dutch people are quit laid back with such things, "There just talks," we say then. But when the horror winter breaks out, the panic breaks loose and we start to complain, for example, "Hey why didn't you warn us!" We will be standing in lines at the last minute to buy electric heaters and extra blankets, and will complain when they will all be dold out. No, serious, I will just see what happens this winter. I have my thick clothing, my warm blankets, and good heaters.

I should be concerned about my electric and gas bill, lol. With a horror winter the heaters will blow 24 hours a day I guess. Another thing with this comming winter is that I will be searching for something to do this comming Christmas, I already started. I mentioned this before in a earlier post, this aswell is not really a must, it's not a thing that I must do otherwise I will go crazy if I can't find a thing to do this Christmas. It would be nice to find something to do, but I guess I will be okay aswell if I don't find something to do.Then again, I'm pretty sure that I will find something though, a trip with a bunch of single people would be nice, a organized single trip to Belgium or France, or maybe even London. That would be nice!

Another tremendous day has ended, the weather was again awesome. Blue sky and fully sunshine, a horror winter? It just seems unbelievable, but this is Holland, you never know it here. I took a long nap again, I slept for an hour and felt almost unconscious afterwards, lol. I slept to tight I guess. Before my nap I did most of my groceries and did the first load of laundry, that's done. This comming weekend will be all about taking it easy, and spend not much money. I don't want to make it a habbit to spend money every weekend. I will be enjoyning inside my house, perhaps a nice walk or a nice bike ride. I realize I'm doing well when it comes to socializing, and aswell with going out. So now and then a day staying inside and be on myself having a 'me' time isn't a crime.

Time for a well deserved weekend...

Time for a well deserved weekend...

I was tired today, I had a slow start at work, after the coffee break I felt a bit better. I need to take my rest alot more, yesterday I had a day off but didn't give myself that much of a rest. I guess I will have to learn that. Specially when I want to work for three whole days. When I got back from work I took a long nap, I slept for an hour and that felt good. It's just what I needed.

Not much happened today, I worked, and afterwards I bought some groceries and took a nap. It was such a nice Autumn day though, not even cold, sunshine and blue sky. We Dutch people surely don't have to complain with such weather. After the free dinner I visited a old friend/resident from Humanitas, it felt so akward being there again. Walking up the stairs, and realizing myself that I lived here was difficult. Also alot of ol residents where I lived with were gone, when I lived there I had a tight group of people where I spent time with.

We cooked together, laughed and had long talks with each other, in short, we lived with each other. The friend/resident I visited wanted as soon as possible a place for him self, "I'm going crazy here." he told me. I really can imagine that yeah, I would have too if I was in his place now. Allthough I had a nice time at Humanitas and the staff helped me with everything, and I can surely say that without Humanitas I wouldn't have manage, but  many things has changed lately there. But I'm here now and I'm good, thanks to myself and Humanitas. 

Tomorrow my counselor will visit me again, let's see what he has this time on his mind. It's nice that he gives me sometimes homework, or duties. Aswell we think together of some duties to do all for the good. These duties can be anything, like for example, go to the library and get that free membership tomorrow , or you have to phone to that company who can fix your contents insurance this week.  My counselor does arrange aswelll things for me, but I have to do the most, he sometimes tells me what to do or I'll will come up with a idea what he then confirms. It's good for me aswell, I learn from this.

Plans for the weekend? Nope, not much, I think I will take it easy with spending money for a few days/weeks. I ussually do that after I spended 'much' money, much in my eyes then. I want to save money aswell, cause in about two weeks there will be a HUGE flea market in Utrecht, (Utrecht is a city near Amsterdam) It would be ncie to go there and spend some time, I use to go there every year. Although it will be very busy and I wont manage to see everything in one day, I sure will enjoy myself.

"It's nice having a day off."

"It's nice having a day off." 

Specialy in the middle of the week, I feel good and I look foreward for all what will come ahead of me. The weather was good, just a perfect Autumn day. Sunny with here and there a cloud, red, brown and yellow leafs on the streets and woods, so nice. And it's not that cold. Althought the weatherforecast forspelled a very cold winter, they told this all will start already in upcomming November. Today I took my time,I rested but did aswell alot of fixing, just because I wanted too, lol. I made a start with the last bits of the laminate, what a work that is. On the pictures you can see what I have been doing, sometimes pictures explain alot more then words, it's easier to explain it with pictures with what I'm doing.                                                                            

 The tiny little strips you see on the picture called 'plints,' You can attached them in the corner to fill up the spaces between the laminate and the wall. It so much work though.

 Specially the corners are difficult, you have to measure and measure. And saw them in the right way. Some walls in my appartment aren't straight, that makes it even harder, but I will manage.

 You see the spaces between the laminate and the door frame? Sometimes you need to think as Einstein to fix this. I will figure out something.

I really like this corner I worked on, it fitted perfectly, just my luck I guess. Measured and saw it on the right way. My brains are still itching from thinking, lol.

I didn't do all of the rooms, I took my rest aswell. Hey, I have a day off, I need my rest too, lol! Oh, and my shower curtain hangs, pffeewww what a work. But fun work though, it calms me aswell. And further, well further not that much. There was the free dinner, wich was nice. There weren't much people from Humanitas, just one. He told me that the ex from Johannus got out of Humanitas cause Ricardo wasn't allowed in Humanitas anymore. I couldn't believe it, how on earth can you send a eight year old boy on the street?  Catherina went with his Son to a close friend of hers, she thought, "if my Son goes I will go too," it's just unbelievable. Anyway, I sent her a message to ask her what's all been going on recently. 

P.s. Just had heard from Catherina that Ricardo is back at his Father's.... What he actually didn't want. Sigh, I hope for Ricardo that this drama does stop one day, he doesn't deserve this.


Just before the free dinner I did some window shopping, I wasn't attend to buy somehting, but, I did. I needed some decoration in front of my big window. I bought two huge vases from glass, they are just plain not particilar colour. I needed two lamps two for on my wall, but I couldn't take a choice. The price was just a bit to much. I never buy to much in a row. Alright, I will have a a nice cuppa coffee now, I'm looking foreward for tomorrow's work. I realized today that when I had no money and I had to take care of myself, I could! I didn't need much to take care of myself, I got by. I think sometimes it's important to realize that you don't need that much to make yourself happy. I always had that...

Something about an old-fashioned Christmas is hard to forget...

Something about an old-fashioned Christmas is hard to forget...

Last year I had the best Christmas ever believe it or not, buying each other presents in the beginning of December, then on the 25th early upin the morning and gather all the bought presents. The living room fully packed with presents and Christmas decorations, then it's time to gather all around to un-pack the presents. Love it, it was the same a year before last year. Then too we had a house full of presents and Christmas decorations,  Family gathered around the Christmas tree to unwrap the presents. Such Christmas days I only had in the past, or something like it. Ofcource it was different, it was me, Mom and Dad. We didn't buy each other gifts though, we don't do such things in Holland. Just being together and have a nice dinner and afterwards or before we go to the church.

I know, I'm already talking about Christmas and it's not even December yet. It flashes trough my mind recently, "I would like something to do with Christmas this year,"  Cause I'm 100% positive that it won't be the same Christmas like last year. But I'm not that worried, cause it's all in my hand what I want to do this year with Christmas. Today I had the crazy thought of going to travel the last two weeks of December, I was told today that we at Slettenhaar have two weeks of this Christmas. So, I thought, why not go out! I have been searching a bit on the internet but oh my oh my it's expensive. I was thinking of going to London for two weeks but, geesh I'm not gonna pay over 1000's Euro's. Even one week was over 1000 Euro. I guess I can blame that it's the Christmas what makes it so expensive. Maybe I have to look a little bit closer then London. 

Last year Christmas in Canada.

I was aswell thinking of doing something with the old residents from Humanitas, gather all around and buy each other presents, and just have a jolly good time. Ah, I will see! It's not that I'm concerned or worried about upcomming Christmas, but I know that it won't be the same as last year. It will be lonely, but like I said it's all up to me, will I stay home and feel pity for myself? Or will I go out and have a jolly good time? It would be fun to plan a nice trip somewhere for a low budget. I will be searching further. Another working (half) day has ended, work is going well. This morning I had a short appointment with my counselor from Reha and the Boss from Slettenhaar, we gathered around in the Boss's office. My counselor wanted to know how I was doing with my work at the moment, and she wanted to know how 'we'are going further, cause it's already my third week there. 'We' are Slettenhaar my counselor and me.

I told them that I like the work that I'm doing and that it's going well, only I will have to work more days then only the three half days that I'm already working. I'm allowed to work 20 hours a week, (Doctor opinions) with the three half days that I'm working I know it's not the 20 hours I need. My Boss told me that she saw me rather work whole days then half days, I'm actually happy with that. I can't bring up to work a whole week half days. I need a resting day in the week, otherwise I will collapse. I already was thinking of working three whole days at Slettenhaar, just like I did with Reha, I worked there aswell three whole days. My Boss was  okay with that she told me this morning. (Yay!) I can build it up towards three whole days whenever I want, but it has to be within three months. Cause that's the time I have before they might give me a working contract. Then I will get payed aswell.

I told my Boss that I would like to try next week a whole day on Tuesday for two weeks, after the two weeks I will see how it goes. If it goes well I will be trying another whole day, maybe a Monday or a Thursday, I don't know yet. In the end I will be working on Monday a whole day, Tuesday a whole day and Thursday a whole day. I have been counting the hours and I came on 24 hours a week instead of the 20 hours I'm allowed to work. I'm looking ahead already, I will jsut see what happens, but, you know what? I really have positive thoughts about this job, I see a future in this job. I just feel it! The work is kinda easy, the fellow workers are nice and they accepted me, my Boss is thinking off my health and everything is going so well. What can I actually wish more for?

"Hey, have a good afternoon!"

"Hey, have a good afternoon!" 

"Hey have a good afternoon," said a fellow work to me when I left at 1:00 after lunch, nice! The workers at Slettenhaar are becomming more and more outgoing day by day, I like that. It makes me realize I'm a part too, it makes it much easier for me to talk to them aswell. I already talked though, but sure not that much, now there are workers there who also don't talk that much, so I'm good, lol. Naah, communication! I want and need communication, it's good for me.I was a bit concerned to go to work actually this morning, I wasn't feeling so well, I had already a bit of a cold last weekend. This morning I thought, "I will just go and see how it goes." Just before I wanted to go I felt a bit like throwing up and I was a bit pale. Not good I though, but I went anyway. 


At work I had the same feeling, feeling like throwing up and my body felt tickly, sore troath aswell. I was thinking, "If this feeling goes on like that, I'm going home." But I slowly went on, and as the time past I felt bit by bit better. Not 100% better, but it went. Sigh, nothing feels better when your not feeling sick, I can tell you that. Still I took it easy at work, I had the same work like last week, it's all good. I'm working three half days now, there will come a day that I will have to decide to work a half day more. That will be four half days then, I hope I can manage. I think I should pick a day in November and just go for it, or sooner. It's all about 'seeing how it goes.' I have three months until my new Boss can say to me, "Hey your a good worker, you can stay for good." 


It all depends on me, can I manage or can I not? It's hard to imagine though, hard to imagine myself working five half days at Slettenhaar. Cause that's what the Boss would like from me, working five half days. After work I had a little apointment at Reha with my two old Bosses and my counselor Sahajo, Sahajo wanted to know how I was standing at the moment, do I have to work at Reha aswell now I'm working at Slettenhaar too? Do I earn money while I'm working, What will happen if Slettenhaar fires me after the Three months? Alot of questions where I got an answer from in 'that' appointment. There was a hard wind while riding my bike from Slettenhaar to Reha, and it's such a long ride aswell. Sigh! I rather went home with my cold and take a nap. 


I arrived at Reha perfectly on time, Sahajo was already there. We all sat down, my two bosses, Sahajo and me. We didn't sit that long cause we talked everything out in thirthy minutes. Result? I can always come back to Reha, even when I get fired, Reha will just start againwith searching for a job for me. I won't earn money in those three months, but will keep my monthly money, it's the law in holland. I don't have to work at Reha while I'm working at Slettenhaar, I can totally focus now on my new job, yay! There will be a second appointment tomorrow at Slettenhaar, with my (new) Boss and my counselor from Reha. We will be talking about how it's gonna go further with me, and if I have any questions I can ask them too. I'm still a bit concerned about working those five half days, will I manage that? 


I really hope so, cause I want this job. Akward right? Two weeks ago I was concerned about this job, I didn't even wanted to go. And now? The opposite! I can tell you, I changed, I really changed and I like it! I can say, my time in Canada has been good for me, aswell my time at Humanitas. I would never, NEVER, ever expected this!  I still see myself standing at Pearson international airport in Toronto with my three suitcases. I tought I would just go back to Holland with no expitations, and fall into a dark deep hole. I didn't mind though, I just wanted to go. Cause there was no turning back possible. And here I am now, I went trough alot but I survived! 


This calls for more... So much more!

Water, air, and cleanliness are the chief articles in my pharmacopoeia. ~Napoleon I

Water, air, and cleanliness are the chief articles in my pharmacopoeia.  ~Napoleon I

Yeah, not feeling so well, I wish my cold came trough, I mean let the sneezing or coughing began, so I know where I'm at. At the moment my troath is still feeling tickly, I can't really describe the feeling. I have this feeling always before a cold comes, in the past I had it aswell but then it was more nerves or stress. You know the feeling when your not breathing trough your stomach but higher up trough your chest. In the past I had excersizes from a gymnast, or how you call such a person. She learned me how to breath properly, breath trough your stomach and not trough your chest. The best way was to breath and see your stomach going up and down, that's a calm breath. At the moment when I feel and see myself breathe I breath trough my chest. it feels like having nerves, I'm not breathing properly. This kinda breathing will go over when my cold comes trough. I sneezed already a four times, so I'm good, lol! 


That nerves breathing what I had in the past was a pain, I don't have that anymore. When I smelled paint for example my breath got locked by it self, I was breathing trough my chest, I disliked painting something in that time, lol. It was like a burning feeling in my troath, I had the same with chigarettes and ciggars. I disliked being sick when I was a teenager, I tried almost everything not to get ill when I felt I became ill. I informed medical books, and ate alot of fruit, just trying to find a solution not to get more ill. I laugh about it now, I still see my Mom comming in the room while I was checking out medical books. "Let me guess," she told me then, "You feel like your getting ill again?" Checking the medical books and trying everything to forcome to get more ill made it only get worser, lol.I just needed to sick it all out, let the illness come. My Mom always had a saying when I felt something again, "Don't think about."


On with this Sunday, a day of rest, here and there I did something and that was it. I ironed my working clothes, made myself food, showered and took three naps. Today was also the day that Ricardo came with his Mom Catherina, they arrived around 3:00, and as expected Ricardo was shy and quiet, lol. Ofcource he was happy to see me, but he was to shy to show it. I bought him a little bag of candy and a bottle of Fanta. But Ricardo wanted to go home after twenty minutes, he wasn't feeling so well he said, little shy boy, ofcource it's quiet alot what he's going trough, no wonder he's quiet. I hope everything will go well for him, and that he finally gets a proper location where he can live and just be a boy of 8 years and play with his friends. Today aswell I got a message back from Saf, she had different important things on her head that's why the not reply sooner. I understand that, and actually expected that aswell to be honest, it's alright. 


I will be short about this, cause in my eyes that's the right thing to do. We both have to make another deal about my belongings, shipping items to another country is a expensive thing to do. She can't afford to ship my belongings and I can't either. There is an option to split the shipping price, but still it's alot of money. I told Saf that she doesn't have to worry about this, I told her to focus first on her other important things and in the meantime I will think or try to think of an other solution for my belongings. I will aswell think about splitting the price. I even thought about of just letting it all be, leave my belonmgings there. But let Saf first do her things first and I will do mine, I'm sure my belongings wont walk away in the meantime, right? Decisions, decisions, decisions, money, money, money. 

Getting a tickly troath....

Getting a tickly troath....

Ugh, that feeling just before your getting a cold, I so don't like it. Tickly troath, not feeling so well. I already had it a bit this morning that feeling, but I went anyway to Ikea. If I have something on my mind, it must happen, lol. But it was a good and a nice ride towards ikea, although the road towards it seemed longer. I'm sure it must have been the weather, it was colder and I was wearing a wintercoat, scarf and gloves, including a winterhat. Ofcource I was sweating when I arrived at Ikea, but the winterclothing was a must, it felt comfy aswell. That's one min point of having cold weather, dress thick and warm. But while riding my bike and dress warm it isn't always that comfy. Sometimes the breathing goes a bit less, cause of the thick clothing. Anyway, on with the show.

It was quit busy at Ikea, most people were driving like mad to find a good parkingspot. I just smiled and whistled my way to park my bike anywhere I could, and not to forget lock it well. I don't wanna walk home. I was nice on time, I took of from home around 9:30 and I arrived at Ikea at 10:10. It wasn't that busy inside, most of the people were still looking for a parking spot. I walked around and took my time, I enjoy walking around at Ikea and look at the nice stuff they have. And they have so many for a reasonable price. There was a young family walking there aswell, Mother, Father and two kids, one of the kids was having a bad temper. I watched the Father a few times, I must say he was parenting well and didn't loose his patience. I observed the parents a few times and it made me think of my time with Saf when the two youngest had bad tempers. Haha, never loose your patience. Sometimes I miss the parenting part, specially when I saw the Father and the two kids. 

On my way....

It was getting bussier, but still I took my time. I had my 'things I needed' list with me, and with some items I written down I had doubts. The curtains! I measured them well and I knew what I needed, only I had to buy two packages of 'ready made' curtains for the living room. One package of curtains were to shorth , I needed <-- 275cm-->  meters, and Ikea had standard meters from <--145cm--> for all curtains. So, if I would buy two packages (145cm plus 145cm is 290cm) then I would be alright, but still, doubts. I would have to sew the curtains together and I wondered if that would look nice. Even the curtain rod of that lenght was hard to find, so yeah, I will think about it or look further. In the end I can always go to a special curtain store, and they will measure everything up and they will prepair the curtains and hang them aswell up. Pretty expensive but it's done then and it's good. 

On my way...

At the end of my shopping I was pretty satisfied, I was happy what I picked out. It would be a bit weird to sum all up the picked out tthings but, ah! Here it goes, I bought a washing basket, a lamp for the kitchen, a duvet case set, (including a pillow case) two sheets, a toilet brush, a fruitbasket, three little square mirrors, (they were so nice, they got the same color as my red wallpaper.) Two pillows, and ofcource the plints for the finnishing of my laminate floor. The plints were two meters long, and I had seventeen of them. It was pretty much to get it all back towards home, lol. Remember I was on my bike, but it went pretty easy. I bundled the plints with four pieces of rope, and putted the other items in a plastic bag and in my shoulder bag. On top of that I bought a can of cowberry jam, my peanutbutter jelly sandwisches will taste a bit different now, yum! 

My bike.. packed and on my way...

The last few kilometers were though, riding my bike went well, and the weather was good. But the bags were full and that made it heavy to ride. I sweated when I arrived home, took all my bags plus the plints in the house and unpacked them. I made myself lunch and took a well deserved nap afterwards in my comfy clothes. Now hear this!  Just before I wanted to go to Ikea, I got a mail from Catherina, remember her? She's the ex from Johannus. Catherina and Johannus were a couple and they lived at Humanitas for a while with there two young kids, Ricardo and Dylano. I spent alot of time with Ricardo, he liked me and saw me almost like a Father figure, Ricardo's Father didn't spent much time with Ricardo. Ricardo was hard to handle cause of his ADHD. Three or four months ago Catherina and Johannus got seperated and Johannus took care of the kids, he demanded them from Catherina. 

The biggest tree I saw on my way....

Later on Johannus found himself a house and took off with the kids, leaving his ex all by herself. Catherina wasn't alowed to see the kids, Catherina still lived at Humanitas, and still she lives there. It's been almost four months since Catherina saw the kids. And that was it? No, this morning I got a mail, like I said. Catherina told me that Johannus or someone else brought back Ricardo to Humanitas back to his Mom Catherina, reason? Johannus couldn't take care of Ricardo anymore! So, he or someone else just dumped Ricardo at Humanitas, Catherina was happy to see her Son again, but was devestated aswell. "How could he drop his own Son just like that? Like trash?!" yelled Catherina. She's right, what kinda Father are you then? Ricardo is now back at Humanitas reunited with his Mom, but what a way to parent your child. 

On my way...

Ricardo wanted to see me, and Catherina made a appointment with me to meet each other. This Sunday they will come at 3:00 pm, Ricardo and Catherina. I'm sure he will be happy to see me, all excited. I'm excited too, it's been such a while sinced I saw him. I spend alot of time with him, sure I had my difficulties aswell with him, oh when he doesn't get it his way, lol! The ADHD was a struggle aswell, patienced was the keyword. I really hope Ricardo gets a bright future from now on, it's sure not healty for him to send him back and forth and here and there. Slightly it concerns me, I mean, if someone ask Ricardo when he is a grown up teenager, 'How was it being a child?' or 'were you happy as a child?' What on earth will he answer then? It grabs me such things, he doesn't deserve this, every child doesn't deserve this. I think Ricardo's  not even aware what's going on. When I will see him tomorrow I will give him a little gift. Bless him! 

"Your doing well, don't worry about it."

"Your doing well, don't worry about it."

Yes I do, I do well. It's going slowly but that's how I like it and wanted it. Today I took it easy, I did my groceries already for the whole week. Did two loads of laundry and cooked, and that was it. Sahayo my new counselor visited me this morning, cause I had a appointment with him today. He's a nice guy, we went trough alot of financial things and managed most of these things. There were still a few small cases that had to be taken care off, with a few phonecalls from Sahayo and me we managed them well. I'm glad that was settled, I should get used to making phonecalls though, I still dislike it. I always prepair myself when I have to make a phonecall, then I know what I must say and if they ask me questions I will have my papers or answers ready, but still 'eeek.' I want to work on that, being less 'eeek' for the phone, lol. Practize, practize and practize. 

I'm getting more and more items and furniture in my house, I should get started with a contents insurance. I already have a company in mind who's not that expencive. I thought about ING, my bank, it's nice to have it all under one roof. It can get a maze if you have a insurance here and another insurance there. I'm still thinking about ING, there trustwhorty too cause I know this company for a long time and I have been a member for so long. I can sum up all the things that stil have to be arranged and is arranged but, that's such a long list, I can be short in that, everything is going well, and with everything I mean the finacial things and other bussines stuff. Here and there I still need to do some things but that has no rush. The most important stuff is all settled.

My wishes for the comming months, years, decades (lol) are... A nice job, (what I'm working on at the moment) a nice house what feels comfy and where I can live my life in, (It's getting there) people around me (friends, fellow workers, etc, etc.) Doing activities in my free time, (sport, cursus, etc, etc.) I would like to travel aswell, that would be nice, I so miss the flying. Going up in the air, woohoo! Love it! When I achive all the things I summed up above here I'm pretty sure there will be a lovely lady come across my path while doing working, activities, travelling. Or maybe I will go search for her on my great big white horse, but I'm still not in a rush, I also think that that's a good thing, don't haste things, take it easy and enjoy yourself first, and then... maybe... you never know! First things first.

Tomorrow Ikea!! Oh yeah, I still need some items. The weather is still okay at the moment to go on a bike, if I wait another few months I will have to dash trough the snow, and that's not a pleasant thing to do. So, it's better now. Curtains 2x, fitted sheets, 2x lamps for the living room, 1 lamp for the kitchen, I think I summed up the most important itmes I still need. Ofcource Ikea has lots of nice other stuff, but I like to buy first the things I 'really'need. The other nice things are just side issues. Hopefully the weather will be as good as today tomorrow, today was a nice day, no rain, no storm, just clear blue sky and sunshine. It's nice with all the brown/yellow/red leafs. I might take some pictures when I'm on my way to Ikea.

Still no sign from Saf, I sent her a mail three or four weeks ago, I asked for my belongings. I asked it very nicely and aproached her carefully. I so dislike arguing with her, I just want to keep the peace between us. And what she all does further, it's all fine with me. I think about her less nowadays, I just want her to be happy and live her life. If something will happen to her I still will be concerned, that wont change, the same counts for her kids, I still care alot about them. But I'm living my life here now, here and there a little contact would be nice. A short mail once in a while with asking me or I ask her how it's going or what's going on with the kids, just that. That would be nice. I wrote Saf this morning another mail after I waited a small month, asking for my belongings.

Again I asked her carefully, I asked her to give me a sign what's going on with my belongings, I told her aswell that I don't mind when she's gonna send it, but I would like to have a sign. Cause ignorance is not like her, it's been already a few months since my first message. I have been thinking to let it all be, just leave it and let it be. I'm thinking that this morning I sent my last message.... and then I will let it be if I don't hear from her.

Life has got to be lived -- that's all there is to it.

Life has got to be lived -- that's all there is to it.

My mind: "Hey you wanna go to Ikea this weekend? Otherwise the things you really need are sold out." Me: Yes, sure, but let's wait first for the weatherforecast! I still need lots of 'plints'  to get my laminate done, plints will be placed in the corner between the wall and the lamintate on the floor. When all the plints are placed I can say then that my laminate is done. I still need a few things more from Ikea, but only items what I really need, like a few lamps and perhaps curtains. First I need to do some measuring. For the same reason the weather will be so bad that I'm not even going, I would really like to go once my head is on Ikea, but it's quit a ride, and if the weather is bad, hmm! I will see.

What a nice morning at work, I don't even have to ask what to do. First I walk towards the cantine, for a cuppa tea, and for a greeting to the other workers. There's not much talking in the morning, lol, it's way to early. At 7:30 all the workers go to there machines or other there  duties. I will walk to my duty, I have been doing the same work now for three days, and I like it, I don't even mind doing it. I'm becoming quit handy in it aswell, no one touches my work! You hear? lol. My Boss came up to me aswell this morning, asking me how it went, I told her that everything went well. It's sometimnes quit heavy but that's a thing I have to get used to. My Boss told me that if I wanted some other work I can just ask, but I like what I'm doing at the moment, if it gets bored then I will ask for something else. I'm getting used to what I do, it feels comfy.

The new worker who came from Reha came aswell, it was his first day, and he got another duty to work on. It was nice having him around. We talked a few times, and sat next to each other with the breaks. At 1:00 after my lunch I decided to go home and not to Reha, tough deciscion but I was glad I made the desicion. I drove my bike towards home and felt quit good, I thought a ten times, "Ah, shall I go to Reha or not?" But I didn't go, I came home and putted on some comfy clothes and took a nap. I slept for thirty minutes and woke up in the sun. After waking up I felt sore but later on I felt much better. I'm so glad I didn't went to Reha. I felt much better and had energy left for the last part of the afternoon, my first load of laundry is hanging, lol.I informed my Boss at Reha aswell with a email about not comming, he understood that my new job comes first, I could always drop by he told me, and I surely will.

Muammar Gaddafi...

Former Libyan leader Col Muammar Gaddafi has been killed, Libyan Prime Minister Mahmoud Jibril confirms.

My reaction when I saw and heared the news? Ooh? okay! I know who Muammar Gaddafi is, and I know what he does and that he's a bad Dictator. But further then that, I don't know, I didn't follow him and if he was on the news I skipped it. Not interesting, although his hairstyle and outfits is more then interesting. The man is a lunatic and he's not 100% I think, the way he dresses says it all. Now there all happy in Libya, I sure understand that aswell. These people have been living in bad situations for almost 40 years, no wonder there happy. 
Now the question is what's next? What will happen after Gaddafi's death? I guess we will hear it, right? 


P.s Dictators are people too, even how brutal and cruel during their reign might be. Images of a bloodied and injured Muammar Gaddafi are shocking.
Reactions from Holland over Gaddafi's death... 


Rob: I'm So glad he was caught. Chapeau. Let's hope that Libya is able to get himself on track.


Lisette: Just come home from work and heard talking about the death of Gaddafi. Finally ... Another dictator / murderer is less.

Bas: It is unfortunate that Gaddafi can not longer be tried. Hopefully the last of his faithful followers lay down their weapons quickly, so that finally the reconciliation process can get started."

 Monique: A strange bunch of people, what on earth will become of these people? See how they deal with a death body, it's outrageous! I'm concerned how it will go further with the people in Libya. See Egypt now when Mubarak is gone.


Sigh, I'm actually happy that it's all far away, far from my bed as we say in Holland. Everyone has to believe in something, I believe I'll have another cuppa coffee.

Ugh! Sigh! And a Yay!

Ugh and a Sigh!

Well, here I am at the library, writing my post. This afternoon my internet connection fell out, I thought at first just reset my modem and I'm done, just like I always do. But no! I reseted my modem ten or twelve times, but nothing helped. I even called the company who gives me the internet twice, and they told me there was nothing wrong with my internet connection. I have been trying for atleast an hour and then I gave up. Maybe the company was wrong or maybe not, I tried everything. I even thought about ordering a new company for my internet.... I just don't know. P.s. It's not that fun writing here in the library, lol. Lots of kids and this keyboard is kinda akward. Anyway, I will see how long this 'no internet will last, atleast I have a TV. In the end there's will always be a solution.

And then...

And then after coming home I tried again and again. After five minutes I gave up. Not much later I came up with a idea. I will call a fixer, the company who gives me the internet has fixers too, they come and fix you computer or the internet, even in the evening, only it will cost me. I putted everything ready, cellphone, computer on, papers with me, modem stand by. Then I saw the reset button again on the modem, and I thought, "Why is it not working? I tried so many times," I pushed again, and again. Then all of a sudden there it was, I had internet again! Yay! The so called 'reset' button wasn't a reset button. That button was for to turn off or on wireless internet! I have been turning my internet off and on! Goose I am! I will never, NEVER touch that button again! LOL! Pffeeww!

Today...

Today was a cold day, oh yeah! Still I didn't want to wear a winter coat, but tomorrow I will start. Were getting colder days this week, I might even get my long underwear out of the closet, lol, oh yeah I have them. I took it easy today, slowly I woke up and took my time with prepairing breakfast. Cornflakes with a sliced banana, yum, it looked good and it tasted good. Easy morning, I red some magazines and solved some word search puzzles, I like them. Around ten I putted warm clothes on and went off to do some duties, I needed copies and the city hall has a nice copy machine. I have been there many times so it's handy I knew the way inside the building. Almost next to the city hall stands the library, I needed to get my free membership confirmed. 

At the library...

It's really a nice library, it has lots of space, there's even a lunch room. The library has four floors. The lady at the desk asked for my ID when I handed in my card. On that card it said that I have a free membership to the library. But I forgot my ID, I don't walk around daily with my passport, lol. The lady really needed my ID to confirm my membership. I will have to come back I told the lady, she was okay with that. Oh well I thought, the day is still young. On the card I saw that a library membership cost 35 Euro for a year, not bad! There you go Anisah, there's your answer. 35 Euro cost a membership for a year, and in the US it's free! Not fair! LOL. I surely will return to the library with my ID, I look forward to pick out a book the next time.Maybe two books.

Tomorrow...

A nice but cold day it was this Wednesday, with the 'free dinner' we had kale with potatoes, (mashed) a nice winter meal. I loved it! Tomorrow it will be a working day again, one guy from Reha is comming aswell to work there. Kinda looking forward to it, only wondering what kinda work he will do, will he take over my work? The work what I'm used to now? And what will I be doing then if he will do my work? Some questions where I will get an answer on tomorrow, I will see it then. I want to focus now on my new job, in other words, "I'm going for it." And tomorrow afternoon too Reha? I don't know yet. I shouldn't actually cause I will regret it afterwards. I think I will send my Boss at Reha a message, saying and explaining that it's better for me I'm not comming. I'm sure he will understand.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. 

Laying on the couch with my laptop on my legs, when I turn my head to the right, I saw a little low table and  it has a nice warm cuppa coffee on it. Sometimes the little things can make you feel like your on a paradise. This relaxation was needed and I was looking for ward to it, I had a exhausting day at work. This morning went fine at Slettenhaar, I like it there, the other workers are starting to talk aswell, that's a comfy feeling. Sometimes I can be like a wall-flower, aproach me for a talk and I will talk to you, but when I have to aproach you, wait! Just a bit to shy, and I'm not that a talker. In the past I was mostly like that, specially at school, oh dear, I was never on the foreground. I guess I could blame I was a kid alone with no brothers and sisters, just Mom, Dad and me. Since I have been in Canada, many things changed, aswell as my time at Humanitas. I had lots of people around me in Canada and Humanitas. I can say I can (and will) aproach people easier now. 

Alright, back to the couch,  I'm exhausted, I did a bit to much today. After Slettenhaar I went to Reha, and I shouldn't have done that. Ofcource it was nice to see the other workers again, but I felt tired. I did my work though in my own tempo, like my Boss told me too. But still. I finnished at four and was riding back home with some other workers from Reha, when I arrived at home I felt it, heavy on my chest and just felt exhausted. When I get my rest I start to feel it, when I go on with working, I won't feel it that much. But going on and ignoring that I'm tired that's where I go wrong. It's ussualy at the end of the day, when I feel it, and notice it I did to much. Ofcource everyone is tired after a day work, but for me it's just different. I did more then I could bare, maybe I was a bit to excited, then my mind does not listen, when my body says stop. Mostly my body will win though and then I will take it easy.

Solution? I will change my working schedule, my plan is to focus more on my new job, Reha is not that important at this moment. Reha is only important for keeping contact with them over my new job, inform them about how it's going at my new job. Working at Reha at this moment is just for pleasure, cause I miss the other workers or I miss working with wood. Now I will stop with working at Reha, but will keep contact. I work now three half days at Slettenhaar, Now the Boss at Slettenhaar would like that I work four or better fivew half days. First I will try to get used to the three half days, then with in two weeks I will try four half days, then perhaps slowly building it up too Five half days. I just will see. My Boss at Reha would like to see me working at Reha aswell, but I need to think of myself aswell, and I will.

I love my couch, stirring my spoon around and around in my cuppa coffee, lol. Relaxation, after writing this post I will visit my City, City? Yeah, my City in Cityville on Facebook. It's getting a kind of a habbit, lol. It's all about building houses, community buildings, shops and lot's of other stuff, everything what a city needs. It's like being a major of your own city, I like it! But it's getting thougher and thougher now, I need to build more houses to get more citizens. But the lack of space to build these house, ugh! Sometimes it ain't that easy. Alright, let me get going to my City, I need to harvest some black berries, I'm such a goose, lol!

Cold, colder, coldst!

Cold, colder, coldst! 

It was cold this morning while I went to work, but I was prepaired. Still I leave the winterjacket where it is, in the closet. I don't wanna spoil myself already, I will save my winterjacket when it gets really cold. I putted a sweater with a zipper under my Autumn jacket, took my scarf and a thin warm hat. No gloves yet, no spoiling. I was nice on time, I left at 7:00 and arrived at 7:15 at work, the maindoor was still closed and some of the workers were standing waiting outside. Suprising, but it was okay. Still it feels a bit akward to ride my bike to my new job and not to Reha, But that will change, I will get used to that. I like being on time at work, so I can take it easy and not have to rush to start with work.

There are alot of people working at my new job, (Let's call it Slettenhaar, cause that's the name of the company) if I have to guess how many I would say around 35 people. And that's alot more then at Reha, with their 8 people. I knew right away what to do when I started this morning, it was the same work I did last Thursday. I saw already alot of sawed bunches of aluminium rods laying on a table, all different lenghts. I will have to attatch them together again with a kind of rubber rope. I walked toward the bunches of rods and my Boss walked with me, "You know what to do," he said with a smile. "Yep," I answered. It's a bit boring work but that's alright, It's quit easy work and that's what I like about it aswell.

Everything went well, only a few times the muscle pain bothered me, there were a few rods (a bunch of 100) they had quit a long lenght, so, attatching them together was tough. The coffee break came as a relief at 9:30, I was thinking, "How on earth will I manage if I have to do this a whole week? I will never manage that." The thought what made me feel comfy was that I don't have too, I will just do my best and see how it will go. If I don't manage these three months of testing, then I will go back to Reha, and then I can say that I did tried my best but I didn't succeed. I can say then, this is not the right job for me, I don't have the energie for it. But this is now, and I'm still okay, just muscle pain and tired afterwards. Getting used to it is my next goal.

Suprisingly, there are three woman working at Slettenhaar, one of them is 65!! And she's a tough little lady, wow! I wouldn't give her 65, now way! She told me it will be her last few weeks here, she's gonna retire soon. I wasn't suprised with that age. The morning went pretty fast, I decided to have lunch at Slettenhaar, and then return home. I think it's a good thing to get to know the other workers this way, spending lunch with them and showing them that I'm a part of the team too. I left at 1:00 when the other workers went back to work, I was exhausted. Sleep was needed. But I couldn't cause between 1:30 and 5:00 I will be getting a fixer for my broking window in the hallway. Remember the broken window? And me locked out of the house last week?

I rested and layed on my matras, and felt asleep for ten minutes. I woke up at 2:00 and the fixer came just before 3:00, nice! The fixer measured the window and had to go back to get the new window, he came back within fifteen minutes, he went to work and placed the new window in twenty minutes. I'm so happy with it, although the window looks a bit different, it's much better then a window with a hole in it, right? I thanked the fixer and cleaned a bit up after him, I hope I wont have to pay for the window, I'm asured, but it wasn't a axcident that the window broke, I had to brak it to get in the house, so, hmmm! I will wait and see. It's gonna be a cold night again and tomorrow rain, sigh, oh well, it's Autumn what can you expect.

One last thing!

Dear follower,  your sleeping service has been activated
Now enjoy unlimited sweet dreams browsing in your bed.
Good night & sweet dreams.

And.. 


And...


And...

 Have a nice sleep Jana.