"Flashback."

"Flashback."

Just before my afternoon nap I had a short flashback of my time in Canada, not the fun part but the horrible two last months part. The flashback made me realize that the last two months in Canada (Dec./Jan. 2009/2010) were probably the worst, saddest, confusing months of my life. Saf broke up with me, I think it was the first week of December 2009. "I think it's better for you to go home, it's over," were her last words. I saw the break up kinda coming, but still when she announced it, it knocked me out. This was for real, it's over and out, I have to leave. Leave, with no place to go, I did not even had money to go actually back. And where to? My house in Holland was gone, probably rented to other renters, I sold all of my belongings too. What did I need to get back to Holland? A place to stay, money for my trip back, (Canada/Holland) and so much more.

In these two last months I achieved it to get money for my trip back, (I sold many of my belongings on Craigslist, plus I had to ask my Dad for money, sigh!) I managed to get a place to stay in Holland. (though that didn't last long, I moved three times in almost two weeks.) Now, now I'm here, living again in Holland. It's all good, though my life is much different then it was before I went to Canada. Different, better aswell in some kinda ways. I can say I went from downhill, a very down hill! To uphill, slowly moving uphill. But thinking back of those last two months back in 2009/2010 was horrible, I have been ignored, had no support from anyone in the house. I just did what I had to do, and that was though. I floated and wandered around, had many walks just to be out of the house. 

The ignorance and no support was hard on me, imagine living in a house with 9 people, and it feels like no one almost notice you. They lived their lives just like nothing has happened, kids going to school, Saf went out and did her daily things. Saf went out aswell with other friends, I never felt so alone at that time in a full house. I tried to do the house holds aswell, just to get 'thoughts and worried' out of my head. Dishes, laundry, kids to bed and shoveled the lawn several times. The walks I head plus the shoveling were good to let my some what anger out. It should have been a relief for me to get out of that place once and for all, but it wasn't, though I couldn't take any longer aswell. I missed the kids once back in Holland.

But anyway, I'm here now, and all is good. I managed me to get a job, I met lots, lots of people, I even went on trips, Paris, Berlin and London. This year I'm going to America, sometimes I want to scratch my head or shake my head, I just can't believe what I all went trough since I took of on that plane to Canada, in March 2009. Perhaps it was all needed, but oh my, oh my what a ride it was! End of rant! Back to this Friday, lots of resting in the morning. I had some sore muscles from yesterday, lol. The sun shined plenty this day, aswell when I went out to buy groceries. Though as soon I jumped on my cycle it rained, I looked up but couldn't see a dark cloud, lol. It kept raining until I got home, I tell you, the weather was out to get me today, lol!