Find a job you like and you add five days to every week. ~H. Jackson Brown

Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.  ~H. Jackson Brown.

I'm less eeking then yesterday, Actually I'm ot really looking forward to go upcomming Thursday. But either way, I will go. What is it what makes me feel not looking forward to go? I don't know, it's not that I'm nervous, it's not that I have to say goodbye to Reha and all the people there, but there's this bothering feeling I have about this. It bothers me that the counselors who came with me for the  'applying' and the meeting yesterday were more enthusiastic about the job then I was. I feel like I have been pushed towards this job,the counselors were overreacting. They were telling me that I could do it, and that I was the perfect guy for this job, and so on and on. I already had these feelings of '"Hmm, I don't know about this," when I passed the machines on the work floor. I didn't had a good feeling about the job, my intuitions weren't so good. But even though the work is aswell TOTALLY different then what I was doing at Reha, I will go and I just will see. Still ...The bothered feeling makes me not jump for joy to go to 'this' job.

I had a nice day at work today, I finnished the wooden couch lounge set. But still when I thought about my upcomming next job, that bothered feeling came again, just like I have now. But like I said I will go. Maybe I will like it, who knows, pity though that I learned to work with wood these last seven months andthat it went so well. Okay, alright, enough about these bothered feelings. I will go Thursday, and I will give it a 100%, if I don't succeed or if I have the feeling that it's not my kinda work, I can always come back to Reha. The new factory will test me first for three months, in these three months I won't earn money, but when everything goes well in these three months I can get a contract for half a year and earn money. When everything will still go okay in that half year then I will get a contract till I'm 65! Though in the three months of testing I'm allowed to say, "Hey, it's really not my kinda work, I tried my best, I'm going." But I'm looking ahead already, I will let it just come over me and I just will see.   

Got a few things to do tomorrow, first a need a rain coat and trouser. It rained so much today, it's almost unbelievable. It started around 8:00 am and it's now 7:30 pm, it just stopped raining. When I got back from work I was soked, I hadn't had a umbrella and not having a rain suite. The thought of going home, and realizing that I will put the comfiest clothing on and make the delicioust food ever after this, made me notn even aware of the rain. Just kidding, I even had my socks and sweater wet. Yeah I need a rain suite, tomorrow first thing on the list. Next, the housing corporation, they need to fix my window what I... I mean my neighbor broke (remember that I locked myself out last Friday?) under my allowence. I have a glass ussurance, but breaking into your own house and brake a window cause of that? Hmm, I hope I will get a new window for free. But hey I can atleast say my neighgbor broke it. Or? naah, maybe the neighbor has to pay for that window, that isn't nice, right? 


Tomorrow aswell I will ride my bike to the job where I will start Thursday, to find out what is the shortest route. Clever right? After Thursday's work I can go aswell to Reha and work there in the afternoon. Or just for a visit, "Your welcome to have a coffee and perhaps some work," said my Boss. So. I will just see. Nervous about Thursday? Just a little bit, it's the bothered feeling that's eating me, still I'm thinking, "It's not the right job for me, I don't see a future in the job." Perhaps I will think about it totally different after Thursday morning. I will just see how it goes, I promised myself I will do my best. So, and now a coffee!


P.s. Friday I will write my 350th post, Oh my!

Eeeek! I got me a job!! And I'm eeking, eeeek!!

Eeeek! I got me a job!! And I'm eeking, eeeek!! 

Eeek! Yeah I'm nervous, OMG! Thursday I will be entering a new factory, new inviroment, a new Boss, and new fellow workers, that's why I'm eeeking! And I mean it when I say, this is a huge step for me. I haven't had a paying job since 2003, ofcource I'm nervous. I told last week about the job they offered me last Thursday on Reha, (I have two work counselors at Reha, they are looking for a nice and suitable job for me.) The job they found had to do with brushes and it was a nice place to work, that's all I knew. I haven't heard from my counselors since last week until today, they sure suprised me telling me this while having lunch. One of the counselors suddenly pinched my arm and told me, "Oh yeah, by the way, we have a appointment with that factory I told you about last week, we have to be there at 3:00." Alright! Eeek! The counselor continued, "I will go with you, it is a  really nice place" Okay, alright! Eek!

The nerves started, and I was doing such nice work before the counselors informed me, I was making a wooden lounge set with my new colleage. I thought to myself, "I will just have a look and I will see if I take the job or not." It was a bit of a lame day at work, there were  not many people, maybe it was because of the weather, it was grey, windy and lots of rain. It was five minutes before 3:00 when me and my counselors left to the "Almelose borstel industrie Slettenhaar," that is the name of the company and factory. Here is  a little bit about the company... 

A mat the company produced.

Almelose borstel industrie Slettenhaar is an icon in the field of technical brushes. Founded in 1910, it has since developed into an all-inclusive supplier of brushes.

One of our core activities is the manufacturing of a complete assortment of roll-up brush mats. Our mats are supplied to customers all over the world. Our service not only includes selling and manufacturing, but if required also includes measuring and a professional installation of the mat.

These mats been produced all over the world.

There you have it! When I entered the factory a lady guided us to her office, she is the Boss.  We had a nice talk and a nice cuppa coffee, I had to introduce myself and tell her what I was all able off when I work. The Boss introduced herself too and told us  about the company and what kinda work I had to do. I was still nerves, and it would be a relief actually if they all told me that the job is not getting trough. Silly me I know, lol, but it is quit simple. I haven't worked since 2003, this will be my first paying job since then. I spent to much time at Reha aswell, I know all workers, most of the workers are from Humanitas, I spent eight months at Humanitas, when I first came to Reha, I was not alone when I went to Reha, I had residents with me who joined me.  This time I will have to go alone, with, like I said, new workers, new invorement, a new Boss, etc, etc. But I want this aswell even though I am anxcious and eeeking! It is a must, and a big step forward, I can almost say I skipping few giant steps.

We finnished our coffee and tea and the Boss guided us around on the work floor, there was lots of noise, and lots of machines. I was a little bit anxcious about the machines, I am not an expert when it comes to those machines, lol. I really want to do my best with everything, sometimes I am a perfectionist, but with these machines, sigh! Naah, rather not, I guess I was just a bit nervous for the unknowing. The Boss showed me around trough the machines, and introduced me to some of the workers, they were nice. The Boss told me that she showed me all these machines just to get a idea how we make the products, "You will not be working behind the machines, we have special trained people for that,"  I felt reliefed! Further we went to the area where I will have to work, the Boss introduced me to my co worker, he will follow me the first weeks and tell me what I have to do.

"You can not go wrong with him, he will learn you everything," the Boss told me. As we were heading back to the office, my first impression was "No," but with a doubt. I just needed a little bit more convincing, and they gave me the convincing, the Boss was very enthusiastic. `Everything will be okay, I believe in you, this is the best place for you, I am sure," the Boss yelled. "Okay I will try it!" Was my answer. If I do not succeed I can always return to Reha, and the counselors will be searching further for jobs. "When can he start?" said one of the counselors, I could start right away said the Boss, but my plan was to start upcomming Monday, so I can get used to the idea of having a new job. My counselor told me that I was delaying things, that wasn't a good thing. Hmmppff! "Upcomming Thursday is a nice day, what do you think," my counselor asked me. "Well alright!" I replied. 

I was a little bit upset cause I was still a bit nervous and Monday seemed a good day to start, I saw and noticed aswell that my counselor was a bit to enthusiastic about this job for me, he almost praised the job for me, but anyway, who know, right? I will just try it and give it a 100%, sure it won't be easy and there will be obsticals, but damn! I stood trough many things these last months, I'm ready! Nothing can go wrong. So the schedule is, I will work everyday a half day, from Monday till Friday, starting at 7:30 til 00:30. The first four of five weeks I will be working Monday a half day, Tuesday a half day and Thursday a half day. Just to get used to a whole working week. I worked aswell at Reha on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. I think I will get used to the whole week quit fast. The work will be so different though, Reha was just a learning procces, at this new factory we are delevering products over the whole world. Eek, here I go, wish me luck!! 

P.s. as the day went by I slowly getting used to the idea of the new job, and it's only Monday eve,' Thursday I start. I will be alright!

“The most important thing is to enjoy your life, and to be happy, it's all that matters.”

“The most important thing is to enjoy your life, and to be happy, it's all that matters.”
― Audrey Hepburn.

Ain't that the truth! Sometimes the little things can make you happy, today I nearly finnished some of the painting I planned this week. That made me happy, but still it's just some painting I nearly finnished. Within a hour I will cook my dinner, I will enjoy that dinner and it will make me happy, and still it's just a dinner. But little things like that can make you happy, your not cheering of joy and throw balloons or hang a flag out, but your just happy with it. Either your a little bit happy or your outrages happy, that doesn't matter. Happy is happy, enjoy it!

When I think about being happy, I think about the things what I wasn't able of to do when I lived at Humanitas. I can do those things now, and there's even more to come. When I think about that now, I really looking forward to those things. To name a few things, cooking a totally different meal, going out whenever I want, join a club, sport, or follow a cursus, making new friends, traveling. Oh yeah traveling! I really looking forward to that, feeling kinda anxcious aswell, cause it's sure will be a step for me. Planning a trip okay, but I will have to get a hotel or another sleeping place, book the flight, ect, ect. In short I will have to stand on my own feet when I travel, can I do that? YES I can!!

I planned and promised already a friend of mine in Canada that I will visit her next year with Thanks Giving. Yeah, I always wanted to back to Canada for a week or maybe even two weeks. Thinking about it now, it makes me worry a bit, cause lots of memories will come back, and I don't know if I can bare that. I will prolly burst out in tears. Every corner or building I will see in Mississauga will be a memory. How many times didn't I drove my (Canadian tire) bike with the kids or just by myself, or how many times didn't I visited that karaoke bar called But Rhettlers, I can go on and on. Maybe next year my thoughts will be different and less hurting when I think about Mississauga, I just will see, now is now, then is then.

I didn't do that much today, hey it's Sunday! Although I had the heater on in the morning, I was pretty cold in the shower. I took a fast shower and putted a sweater on. I did some painting like I said, I painted the plints, (as we call them) plints are the pieces what connects the wall and the floor, in my case the laminate. The plints were already darkbrown but they were a bit dammaged, so I painted them again, it looks nice. I will take a picture when I finnish it all. Almost Monday again, I must say the 'off' days were going fast. Perhaps I will have to go to that other factory again, the one where I went to last Thursday. I hope not cause it's not really a pleasure working there. My Boss told me that I didn't have to go cause I went last Thursday, but still someone has to go and some of our workers were sick last week. Ah! I will see.

P.s. I wish everyone who celebrate Thanks Giving a tremendous and joyfull Thanks Giving!

"I'm checking it twice, and again, and again."

"I'm checking it twice, and again, and again." 

I checked many times today if I had my keys with me, just to be sure, lol. It's good though, I should do it more often, cause I almost know that it could happen again. If it does, then I'm prepaired. I putted one key in my wallet, and one on top of the window frame above the door. Now you all know this I don't hope you come all into my house to steel my gold and other expensive stuff, My Dad used to say, "I always leave a wallet on the kitchentable when I go to bed, otherwise the burgelars come for nothing." Silly funny man. It's good to be carefull, better checking it a million times if I have my keys with me then not checking it at all.

The days off work are going fast, it's Saturday eve' already, the time flies. I finnished the laundry today and did my groceries for the week. I sent another present today overseas, there's a birthday comming up in October somewhere. Cle's birthday. Allthough I forgot the actual date, but the present will arrive and that's the main thing. It's the fifth present I sent this year, I don't know,  but I like giving presents, searching for the right gift for that person, I love it. About sending birthday gifts to Saf's kids, I don't see any harm in that, infact in my eyes I own them these presents. I really had a good and great time with them, I spend alot of time with them, with some of them a bit less, but still I love them all. I'm sure the presents will be smaller year by year, but a huge present or a tiny present I guess  it's the kindness of the present what it does, it's a nice gesture.

Talking about overseas and Saf, sigh. I just don't know but I still haven't got a reply from her about my belongings. Maybe I should just leave it, but, I don't know.There is still the deal. If Saf is busy with other things, then just let her give me a message that she is busy, I will understand. If she can't afford the sending of my belongings, let her send me a message, I will understand. I really have time aswell, when she sends me my belongings next year, I don't mind. Even if she has a good reason to not send the belongings, I'm sure we will talk things out without arguess or without getting mad at each other, cause that's the last thing I want. I need a message back when I ask kindly for my belongings, that's all. Saf always replied when I send her a message, she even was excited when I told her I found a house, "Show me pictures when you have decorated your house," she replied.  And I did but after that...nothing.

I'm not stalking her or spy on her, I'm not even send her a message every week or month or even longer, were not talking. What suprises me that she was excited and happy first about my house, and now all of a sudden nothing. See, I don't mind if we don't talk anymore in the near future, I live my life and she lives her life, we walk our own paths what is ahead of us, that's good. Wishing each other the best, but ignorance, I dislike that at the moment when I ask for my belongings. I messaged Saf two times now in two months asking for my belongings, that ain't much. Sometimes it botheres me but mostly I just think, "Oh well!'

"How to get attention in a new neigborhood? Easy, smack a window." (Long post)

"How to get attention in a new neigborhood?  Easy, smack a window."

What a day it was with a weird and silly ending, let's start with the silly part. I was the silly one though, I was about to get some grocery, I decided to walk cause the weather was to bad to go on a bike, the store was a 10 minute walk. I grabbed my coat and closed the frontdoor behind my back, now what I normally do when I close the frontdoor is checking if I have my keys with me, before I close the door. But this time I checked while the door was closed, (silly me) ofcource I didn't had the keys with me, I was locked out! I couldn't get in! Damn, I checked if there was another way to get in, but no, everything was locked. I went to a few neighbors, maybe they knew what to do or maybe they had a solution. But no, one neighbor told me that I should call the technical service from my housing corporation, but my phone was inside and the neighbor didn't had a phone either nor did she know the number of that service, sigh!

There was just one thought that kept going trough my mind, "I will have to go to the police, they sure will have a solution or maybe even a key what fits on every door." I had to walk cause I couldn't get into to the shed where all the bikes were, cause I didn't had a key. As soonI walked out of the building I realized that  I can't either come into the building again, aswell there is a key needed for. Sigh! It was quit a walk to the police but I was determind, I had to do something.I think I walked a little 20 minutes till I arrived, I had to search for the police station first. What a nice way to get to know this city, lol. I never been into a police office before and there I was. I told the officer my story and the first thing he told me was, "You have to break into your house, perhaps break a little window." Quit akward to hear that from a police officer, lol. In other words the police couldn't much for me in this situation, the second option was that the officer knew a store where they make keys, it's a key maker. 

The officer gave me direction to the key maker, and there I went, it was another long walk. Arrived there I told my story once again, the key maker wanted to know what kinda lock I had. I explained him that, and he could help only it will cost me a 100 Euro, he has to drill out my doorlock and puty a new lock in it. Sigh, I didn't know what to do, pay 100 Euro and I'm done with everything, or brake a window and let the windowbe  fixed by the technical service. I didn't know if that service will cost me to and how much, and I will prolly have to wait untill Monday, cause the service doesn't work on weekends. But 100 Euro is alot of money, decisions, decisions. I decided that I will let the key maker come, in the meanwhile I will will try to break a little window near by my frontdoor, if I succeed I will call the keymaker and call him off. Alright. They keymaker will come after 6:00 cause then his store will close and he can go.

I headed back to my house, I was thinking to buy some grocery first, I still had plenty of time before 6:00, it was only 5:00. But I wanted to solve the 'getting in my house' problem first, and how do I even get into the building. It was quit a walk again, the weather was cold, windy and here and there there was a huge heavy rainstorm. I thought about a solution while I was walking how I could get into the building, I know the neighbor under me, maybe she was at home and could let me in. And yeah she was home, I stood infront of her window and waved. This woman has so many plants and porceline infront of her window, she could barely see me, lol. But she saw me trough a few plants and letted me into her house. She's an old lady (76) and has a lung disease, she's been operated on her troath for cancer. She has a little hole in her troath, and in that troath she has a little 'something' so she could speak. Everytime she wanted to speak she had to held her finger on that 'something' on her troath. Very nice lady. 

I told her about that I was locked out, she laughed actually, cause I sure wasn't the first one she told me. While we talked her Son came walking in, very friendly guy aswell, I think he was around my age. And he could help me with getting in the house, he offered to help me out. "I can prolly take your kitchen window out and put it back in," he said, by the look at him he looked like a carpentry. He went to his car to take out his tools and together we walked to my frontdoor. We talked while he went to work, but the kitchen window couldn't be taken out, sigh! The window was attatched on the inside, that's why it wasn't possible. Two solutions left, break a window or the keymaker. The keymaker was a bad idea said the carpentry, in the meanwhile another neighbor came aswell. He also told me that I wasn't the first one who overcame this. Okay, the solution was, break a window, I letted the carpenter break the window cause he had the tools for it. 

The window was a bit plastered, so a nice hole in the window was the result. Pity though about the window, but okay it was also a relief to be back in my house again. I learned my lesson well today! Don't leave home without a key, or prolly I could leave a key somewhere, hidding it. That is what the neighbor always does, works perfect. I got in the house and thanked the neighbors, a nice way to get to know them, lol. I sweeped the glass of the floor and tried to cover the hole in the glass, with succes. I will have to call the housing corporation this comming Monday, they will call a glass service to come to my house and put a new window in. I have a surance of that, so if it's good I will have a to pay nothing. Just a little bit worried about burgelars tonight but I covered the hole well, so I think I should be good.


My new counselor visited me today aswell, he came in the morning. We had a nice update about the things we done so far and what still had to be done, everything is going as plan, it's all going smooth he told me. In the end of our talk he told me "Let's go to a cheap store to buy you a TV," I told him, "Are you paying?" He laughed, and he told me that I have the money for a TV, and that I shouldn't worry that much about your money. Yeah I prolly worry a bit, but hey, no wonder, right? I planned this weekend to take it easy with my money, and then the TV offer, lol. While having doubts about the TV, I just decided to go. Into the store we looked around and saw a few nice Tv's for a nice price, the TV seller though told us he hadn't had the TV I wanted in stock, I will have to buy it as it stands there. I would get 10 Euro off, "hmm, naah, I will think about it first," was my answer. Sarajoh (My counselors name) and I went back to my house, the TV had a few scratches that's why I didn't buy it. "Good choice said Sarajoh." 

Let's make a deal," said Sarajoh, "You come to Humanitas in Hengleo (City) where I work your next appointment, then we will buy a new TV in my town." So, next Friday I will come to  Humanitas in Hengelo by train, I will meet Sarajoh 10:30 there and together we will buy a new TV, for a low budget. I will be brought home by Sarajoh. Perfect! You can say I saved money today, lol. First the TV I didn't buy and then the key maker who I didn't need anymore. Oh yeah, the keymaker, well, he came after 6:00, but the problem was already kinda fixed. I letted him in and explained him that I called a few times but no one answered. (I did) The keymaker told me that I should have kept trying, he was a little upset. Oh well, shit happens to everyone right?

"When the goose honks high, fair weather, when the goose honks low, foul weather."

"When the goose honks high, fair weather, when the goose honks low, foul weather."

But I haven't seen a goose yet, so no honking I heard. But it is cold, I can tell you that. This morning when I went to work it felt the wind blew right trough my jacket, that cold it was. We have a kind of storm going on here, and tonight it's going to be a little worser with rain. And last week it was warm, I walked  in shorts and a t-shirt then, now it's only 13 degrees. Wearing a sweater and no shorts. I planned not much this weekend, I'm saving my money a bit and make it comfortable in the house, maybe I will cook a nice meal. Something what I never cooked before, something small though,I'm saving money lol.Last weekend I have been to Ikea, and the weekend before that I went to the flea market, so yeah, this weekend I'm staying in. 


Thursday already, the time flies when your busy. Another working day has ended, it's weekend for me already. Today at work me and another worker have been transfered to another Reha in another town. Here at Reha we will be getting a new order, were going to make wooden boxes, and these boxes are meant for huge drills, I meant to say HUGE drills. the wooden boxes are long and quite big. Today we had to practize on these boxes with other workers from that other Reha. It's quite a heavy work and you have to keep your mind to it. But further then that it's a nice box to work at. Me and my other fellow worker worked a whole day in that other factory and it went okay, we finnished one order then they brought us back to our own Reha, it was nice at the other Reah but it was better to be back. 


I'm used to the place where I work now, that can be a good thing but also a bad thing. Being there at the other Reha I felt a bit home-sick, lol. Home-sick to the Reha I'm used to, when I will get another job I will have to get used to the idea that I will have to leave the Reha I'm used to. While I was on my way back today, I have been thinking that. It's good to be prepaired. I'm proud though to what I have achieved when it comes to work, there has been days, weeks, months, that I was done with searching for work and jobs. Working here for a month or a week or working there for a day or two days, it wasn't a productive time for me back then, I disliked it when I went sick aswell. It maked things only worser, so I actualy kinda gave up on work that time. It was 2003. 


Now when I got back from Canada, I realized that I had to start a new life again, everything was new and stood open for a try. I crawled back up and took the chance to get me a real job, no more working a month here or two days there, I wanted a "real" job, that was my goal. And still it is, I'm working now, and that's a good thing. It's not a paying job but I'm 100% sure I will get a paying job, what I have achieved so far there I can be proud of, next achievent a "real" job. I might get some visitors this weekend, Johannus's ex will prolly visit me with his young daughter. Johannus's ex works aswell at Reha, and was sent back to Humanitas after being gone for a  while, while Johannus and her ex were seperated at Humanitas. She's a nice girl, but I told her that I didn't want to many visitors from Humanitas. She will come with only her daughter, she told me. That's alright.

Autumn has arrived!

Autumn has arrived! 

Delicious autumn!  My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns.  ~George Eliot.

 

  

Autumn has arrived, I can feel it, and it doesn't even bother me. When it rains I will make it cozy in my house, when the sun is shinning I will go out for a walk or bikeride. I wanted to take some nice pictures today from the many leaves I saw today, where did they suddenly came from? Within a week they were there, it looks nice though.  It was a nice day today, I should say Autumn day. I did a few things in the morning and it started to rain softly, I didn't mind though, I had a few things to do and after doing these things I will be heading home. Perhaps dry clothes on and take a rest. It was all good.

I went first to the housing corporation, these people offered me the house where I live now. I had a question about my garbage, I just don't know where to dump my garbage when my garbage bin is full, I use to had these huge bins on wheels when I lived on my own. Two bins, one for the paper and one for the garden and food garbage, (english, lol) Once a week the garbage truck would pick up these bins in the street where I lived. But now it's different, I don't have bins, there should be something where I can dump my garbage, but where? I asked the lady at the desk, and she told me I have to ask to the neigborhood warden, he's the one who kinda controls the neighborhood in my area, he takes charge when there's something to do in the neighborhood. Every residential area has a neighborhood warden.

I could meet the warden between 9:30 and 10:00 am, his office is in a huge flat, "It's the biggest flat in your neighborhood," the lady told me. Well yeah, okay, lol. She told me the name of the street aswell but I lost it a bit. When I left she gave me a card with the phonenumber of the warden, that will bring a solution. I will call one of the following days. So, where did I take my garbage the last few days?  I use to pit in large grocery bags and take them with me when I went to work, I know some places with huge garbage containers, I pass them when I go to my work, easy as that. I don't make that much garbage though. After visiting the housing corporation I did some grocery shopping and a few other shoppings, I bought some really nice things. 

It's sometimes the little things that does it right? I needed a lightbulb for my new lamp in the sleepingroom, so that lamp is done. Next I bought one more (black) blind for the sleeping door window, (yep) When I walk in the livingroom I can look right away into the sleeping room, not that a nice vieuw me thinks. So, I covered part of the door windows with blinds, it's done now and it looks great!  Bought a nice gift for someone in Canada aswell, I already had some stuff but the gift wasn't done in my eyes, and now it is. Friday I will post it, and that's then the  fifth gift I sent to Canada, Saf has five kids. Five birthdays. 

It's getting colder aswell, I should try my heater one day, I don't even know how it works. Oh I will see, I can always ask either way. I'm not that cold yet. Tomorrow work again, I know two people wont be comming already, Henki had a heavy dentist appointment last Tuesday, he will be getting dentures, Tuesday was part one of pulling his teeth, ouch. His mouth is still swollen a bit when I visited him today, and he has painkillers for the pain. Not working tomorrow. Number two is Mark, he has the mumps, hmm, well, he told me that when I saw him today. But isn't the mumps a so called child disease? Mark is 35, so, I don't know. Anyway, I will go to work and finnish my wooden couch set, yay! Maybe I will get to hear from the 'job' they offered me last Tuesday too, I have mixed feeling about it though. Litlle bit anxcious and a little bit excited, more anxcious. I will see and hear it.

Good, better, best; never let it rest till your good is better and your better is best.

Good, better, best, never let it rest till your good is better and your better is best. 

Ah! Another resting day on the way, I like Wednesdays. It feels like a little pauze while working three days in the week, I'm just taking my time then that day, and do wha tever I like. There still need to be done things finacially the comming months, so tomorrow I will pick up a few things what needs to be done. I finally settled my monthly income, it hopefully will arrive now on my ING account and not on the account from Humanitas. Humanitas made the money this morning over to my account. Humanitas recieved from Gak last Friday my money what suppose had to go to my ING account. Gak is the company who is responsible for my monthly money. I'm glad that is finally settled, that's the most important income for now.

This working day went fine, Turbo Mark was sick, so he didn't shop up (ppffeeww) Mark is the guy who likes everything to go fast and rough, I really wish he would calm down, it's so much nicer working. I guess were not all the same, it's not that easy to change a habbit sometimes. Today I finally worked with wood again together with a new fellow worker, I was a bit worried working with him, lol but it went fine. I dislike giving orders to someone,I'm not assertive enough andI'm to kind. The new worker has worked with wood before, he has his diplomas. Working with him was a bless actually, giving (on my way) orders went smooth, I only had to explain him orders once and he knew right away what to do. Blame the diplomas he had, he knew right away what I ment and went to work.

He's a calm and a nice guy to work with, he will only work on Monday's and Tuesdays though because of his school work. His name is Jeffrey and he told me he likes to travel too, Jeffrey went to Japan once, a 12 hours flight, I wanted to know every detail while we worked on a couch set. Me and Jeffery made a tiny little mistake (Bummer!) We messed up a little bit with the measures, but when we finnish the couch set, no one will notice, hopefully. I dislike it though, it gives me a bothered feeling. It seems easy a couch set but... yeah, I guess we messed up a tiny bit with the sawing, keeping the wood staight is a much while sawing. A lesson for next time. Today my Boss suddenly shoved a phone in my hand, my counselor at work found perhaps a job for me. 

I'm guessing 70% this job will go trough. It's a family company and there making brushes, the company is in the same city where I live. It's not really a heavy job but I have to work steady, and I heard something with 'heavy lifting,' I dislike phone conversations, lol. It's everytime a suprise with what kinda job there comming up with. It seems they always come up with a job with one or tow little negative sides, or it's the way I think about it, worry thoughts, afraid to take the step to a new factory, new inviroment, new fellow workers thoughts. My counselor at work (Agnes) knows how I am and she confronted me with it today, lol. She means it good though, I understand that I can not always say no, and I admited that to Agnes aswell. One day I will have to take that step, and I will.

About the job, Agnes will look for some more information about the 'brushes'company, and will keep contact with me. If Agnes contacts me and tells me I can come to that company for a meeting, I will go! Still it's the question if that company take workers who can only work 50% a week. (Half days) First there will be a meeting with a look around in the factory, and then I can say yes or no. I can always try it and if I then not like it I can go back to Reha, I know aswell that I can't say no right away, I have to adjust and will try my very best to adjust, and then we will see. Just that little bit of a 'eek' feeling when a new company offers a job. Many things I went trough these last 10 months with succes, I'm sure with this I will come trough too, right?

It seems I can visit a old resident in a few weeks, the guy added me on Hyves, Hyves is like Facebook but then in Dutch. Hyves is kinda boring, Facebook is much better! Anyway, the guy's name is Johannus, remember him? The guy who got seperated while living with his girlfriend at Humanitas, with two kids, Dylano and Ricardo. Sigh, Ricardo, how much time did I spent with him, wow, bless him. He seems to be getting the victim of seperated parents, poor little guy. Eveyone on my Hyves friendlist hates Johannus, not that strange though cause he lied to everyone at Humanitas, making his girlfirend seemed to be the bad girl, stole everything from her, betrayed her, you name it.Revenge? Maybe. Johannus was a nice guy though, but he has his strange habbits what he couldn't control, further then that he's a nice guy. I get mixed feelings when I think of him.

Now I got the chance to meet him again, hmm, I don't know yet. He would like to drop by at my house with the kids, I told him that I want to meet him first cause my house isn't ready yet, (snort!) Still Johannus hasn't respond, so nothing is confirmed. I would LOVE  to see Ricardo again, perhaps spent a day or a afternoon with the little guy. But Johannus, hmm, sure I had good times with Johannus too, but still, what he did to his girlfriend, bad! It's best to stay out of the whole situation Johannus, just continue my live and forget the past. But Ricardo, yeah, thinking of him pulls me towards him. Time will tell, I will coinsider the meeting wisely and decides what's best for me. Maybe Johannus can bring Ricardo for a day, that's an option I have to think of too. Like I said I will decide wisely.

“Do your best every day and your life will gradually expand into satisfying fullness.”

"Do your best everyday and your life will gradually expand into satisfying fullness." 

Work, work, work today, oh yeah, no complaining here. There's ussual complains from my fellow workers every working day though. Charlie doesn't want to work with Amy cause Charlie doesn't like Amy, Ed can't work with wood cause hewill  get worms, Monique is tired and complains she wants to go home, etc, etc. Okay Reha is for everyone who wants to work or for people who want what to do daily. Working can be healing too, for getting a daily rhythm for example or to communicate with other people. It's healty if your able for it. Recently this girl has come to Reha to work with us, she is disabled, she walks with a walker. Ofcource we have work for her, she can help us with packing in her own tempo, she can sit down aswell plus she works half days. She doesn't complain.

The complaining is getting a part of the work we do, when we have boring work the complaining starts. Today we had to fold garbage bags again, and still were not down. Folding 10 garbage bags into a package and put them in a envelope. We all were folding cause the working with the wood is a bit low recently, folding a whole day can be annoying. Yeah, I complained a few times too, lol. I was tired doing the same movement over and over again. Tomorrow will be better cause the electric saw will be back, it was broke cause off the accident last week. The saw will be safer now while working after fixing it. Also the guy with the hurting hand is back, he was the one who got his hand hurt while sawing. He's rough and hyper while he works, I'm sure he will get hurt again one day, he has to learn to be carefull and taking his time while working. He has ADHD.

It's sure not a pleasure working with him, he has a voice in his head saying, "Go, go, go!" Safety first my friend, take it easy. As of today we at Reha have a new order comming our way, we have to build huge wooden boxes, that will be though work. The hyper guy (His name is Mark) was sent today to another factory to let him see how they build these huge boxes, he had to work there too. Mark told me today that I will prolly be send to that factory too together with him. Hmm, does that mean I have to work with Mark on those huge boxes? I'm not that a complainer when it comes to Reha, but, hmm, working with Mark. I don't know. I'm just a bit concerned here ,allthough my Boss told me I will have to build a furniture set tomorrow together with a new fellow worker, that sounds better. I think I will have to inform my Boss why I don't like to work with Mark, I'm not the only one who complains.

I dislike the complaining, but I'm a bit concerned about my safety here, lol.  My Boss has to know this. I'm known as a no complainer when it comes to work at Reha, that's why I'm a bit, 'Sigh.' Anyway, I will see tomorrow what comes. You know what I like? I like comming home after work, it's so much better then comming at Humanitas after work. Here I will find my rest and I have my privacy, slipping into some comfy clothes and taking my time with dinner. At Humanitas I had people around me, it wasn't that bad though but sometimes it's nice having that private time or a 'me'time. I'm not concerned about being alone, I have enough people around me during work or the daytime. Hooray for my future.

"Another Sunday."

"Another Sunday." 

Wish it was Mondaaaaay, cause that's my fun daaaay....  Sometimes I think I have to catch up more with other people, or make a start with that. I think off these thoughts when I'm alone by myself, I don't want to end up like I use to did when I lived on my own. I changed though, when I think of it,I think  it's okay how it is now, some situations still needs to change but that will come in time. In the week time I work three days that's better then sitting home what I use to did, I like the work and I'm seeing and meeting people. Then there is the free dinners three times a week, I see and meet people then aswell. And ofcource I'm still working on things to get settled for my finance and my new living, I will have to visit community buildings, there I will meet people too. So it's good, in the weekend I have my rest and will be on my own, and that's fine.

That's sometimes needed to, so now and then a time for yourself. I like meeting people more then I used to do when I lived on my own, it's like I need them around me. That's positive for me, I will keep that up. As I'm now sitting here stretched out on the chouch with my laptop writing my post, I'm alone and it's good, I'm excited that I have to work tomorrow though. I will see my fellow workers again and I love the work I do. What I would like to change in the near future? Uhm, well, more 'normal' friends, There are a few people from Humanitas where I'm good with, but the rest? There just not my kinda people. I would like to join something in the near future, perhaps a sport or follow a curcus. Traveling is on my list too, but with traveling I need free days and a good wallet with money. But who knows, maybe I will get a good wallet with money. I miss traveling though, I miss flying in a plane. I flied a few times now, and I would like to continue that, no matter what.

Today I rested, I took two naps, I could have taken three, lol, I was that tired. But I skipped the third one otherwise I couldn't catch my sleep tonight. I sweeped the floors, did one load of laundry, did a few things online and rested. After dinner I will have to do a little ironing, and then it's chilling with a cuppa tea and my laptop. Recently I'm watching alot of eighty's songs on YouTube, I like them. Mostly English bands, and the not so popular bands. It's a exciting thing to do to search for certain songs and find some information. Alright, that's it for now, let's make some dinner!

Ikea är ett paradis."

Ikea är ett paradis."

Yep, Ikea is a paradise, I was a bit too excited to go today though, I went this morning cause I couldn't wait till noon.I had a schedule, lol. 1 Taking it easy in the morning, doing some grocery slowly and taking my time. 2 Deliver the grocery at home and put it away, then heading to Ikea. My actual plan was to go at noon or a bit later, but I was too excited. The weather was incredible, I saw already people in shorts and t-shirts. A sun-shinning day ahead for sure. I bought cheese and ham for my work/lunch/sandwiches for Monday, and I forgot yesterday to buy the veggies for the 'chicken tonight' meal for later today, so aswell I bought that. Plus a can of beer , cheers already. 

I was on my way and I felt good, it was a bit of a ride but it went alright. There was lots to see while riding my bike, Holland is small but it has his nice treasures when you look around. What I dislike is the traffic on Saturday's, it's like everyone is in a hurry or doesn't pay attention while crossing the street or they not noticing the other traffic. I alway's think up loud when someone nearly hits me with his car or bike, "Saturday traffic." I must not complain though, I do it myself aswell, I'm Dutch too, lol.  When I arrived at Ikea I found out there were no bike lanes, oh well, when there's no lane I'll make one myrself. I just followed the cars slowly. I'm pretty handy when it comes to bikes. 

The 'rolgordijn' and 'plinten.' bundle.

There it was Ikea, Ikea is placed on a kind of a boulevard, or how you call it. It's a centre in the middle of knowhere with a few stores. Like a Toy's & Russ or a Mcdonalds for example. It's nice shopping there, it's not so crowded and you can easily walk around there. It was 10:30am as I entered Ikea and there were a few customers, yes! I really took my time to look around, I was on my bike so I couldn't buy to much. I had a few bags and a bagpack, "I will see,"I thought. Within a hour and a half I was done, I bought a few things that were usefull in the house. I bought a rolgordijn, that's a curtain that can be rolled up and, so that a window can be covered easily. Further a lamp, a plastic bin where I put my forks, knifes, ect in, and 10 plints, plints are small wooden covers for the laminate, so you can cover the corners nicely.

 I bought 10 of them, I think I will need more but 10 is a start. There tiny but almost 2 meters long, don't forget I'm on my bike, lol. It was time to pay for my stuff and heading home, I showed the cassiere my Ikea familycard and bundled up my belongings.I used rope and paper. I had to bundle up the plints and the rolgordijn, I have to hold them in one hand and the end of the bundle on the steering wheel. Daredevil, I'm pretty handy when it comes to riding a bike. Within a hour I was home, tired but satisfied. Took a long nap and afterwards prepaired the 'rolgordijn,' I took my time while attatching it on the window, in the end it looked great. I really like it. 

The 'rolgordijn.' attatched!

Still I need a few curtains though, Ikea had plenty but had no idea how to attatch them, and the lenght was, uhm, yeah maybe it fits, and maybe not. So better to wait a while, when it comes to curtains I ussualy let them prepair in a store and let them attatch them. It will cost more money but I will be sure it's good then. Around 5ish I prepaired dinner, chicken tonight on the menu today. The bigger pan I bought a month ago was a bless, it's so much better then the small one I had. Still the rice, I don't know, perhaps I need a ricecooker or better rice. The rice I make is always a bit watery, I really drain the water off pefectly after cooking the rice, but still. I used a watercooker to in Canada, it went perfect. Or it's the rice I buy. 35 cent for a package of rice isn't much. Let's see next weekend.

Chicken tonight!

"Just start!"

"Just start!"

Ugh! I didn't know where to start writing about, after 30 minutes I thought, "Just start," lol! I wonder if I'm on my 300th post yet, I will check it later. I past the 200th, that I know. I really like my blog, just that sometimes I like to read back some of the posts, there are so many though. I like writting in my blog, most of the time it relieves, and sometimes it heals me aswell. It's hard though sometimes reading back cause I always see some writing mistakes or I think 'I should have written that line different, it doesn't make sense.' Then I change the mistake and end up not reading other posts, lol.

It's been such a nice and warm days lately, actually extreme for the time of the year. 26 degrees celcius, for 3 days long now, and still it's warm. Hope fully it stays this weekend warm aswell, tomorrow I planned to go to Ikea. Just looking around and see what I could or can buy, I wont buy big things or expensive things. First I want to get my finacial stuff settled, I guess that will take a few months. I don't mind though, I'm fine how I live now, I can cook, shower, wash my laundry, sleep, etc, etc. I even got internet, where I'm happy with. Although a TV would be nice too, that will come too, but not yet.

Today I did a few things, I went first to the Doctor for my blood results. His assistant told me that my blood results were getting better, (Thyroid) my thyroid has been a mess since a few months, but I didn't noticed much of it. My blood levels were to high, now after taking new mediciaction with a higer doses the results are getting better, "Were not there yet, but were getting there," said the assistant. I will have to take the same medication with the same doses for about 10 weeks, in the 9th week I will test my blood again. After the Doctor's visit I went to do some groceries for the comming weekend and week. I decided to buy 'chicken tonight' for a dinner for 'myself' next week, to much potatoes makes my forehead big, LOL! 

 

In the afternoon I bought two window blinds for in the sleeping room, just cheap ones, but nice ones! While attatching them one fell on the floor , Gr*#$@Rr! It broke and it couldn't be fixed, I will have to buy another one. Damn, these blind were cheap ones, you really have to handle them with care. Oh well, next time I got them complete, now just one blind is hanging. Looks great! And that was it actually, I took my rest aswell and had a nice dinner. Salad, potatoes with a nice steak. Tomorrow I will take it easy in the morning, and then IKEA! I'm looking forward to it.

Here Comes The Sun!

Here comes the sun!

The sun has been shinning a few days now and it's warm, 25 degrees and a blue sky. After summer? I guess so. Do I like it? Uhm, no, I love it!! Although this morning was almost freezing cold, I noticed the days are getting shorter. Autumn is comming at us, brown, yellow and lightgreen leaves. It was a nice day today, I worked and it went okay. The work we had to do was boring though but it had to be done, packing and folding 10 container bags into one big envelope. You had to fold them corectly so that they could fit in the envelop. Once you get the hang of it it went better.

Not that much happen today, I notice that my life is feeling easier now, I'm just feeling 'fine' I'm okay with the things what's comming towards me. Even when I think of my time in Canada, I just feel not much pain anymore, sure I miss the kids a bit, but the crying and suffering is over. But I will never forget my time there, and never forget the people who I met and spend lots of time with. But my life is here now, I'm moving along. I'm looking forward to the things what will come towards me, or should I call them suprises. I feel happier in my house then two weeks ago. I'm adjusting.

Plans for the weekend? Yes! Tomorrow I will have a peek on my list 'Things need to be done,' and complete some of them. I need to go to my Doctor tomorrow for my bloodresults and new medication, I still have 2 pills, not much I know. I will do some adress changes too while I'm there. Buying a agenda is also on the list plus grocery shopping. Saturday I might go to Ikea, when I say might it's usually a 'I'm going,' lol. I will have a peek around there and look at the prices. The weather is gonna be good, another 25 degrees for the weekend. One thing what is less bothering me is that I still didn't recieve a message back from Saf, I sent her two times a mail asking her for my belongings, we had a deal.

She's not like that at all that she's not responding, cause she always responded. I don't like to argue or fight with her, I dislike it. I will wait with sending a message again for a little while, and then I will try it again, I so don't like the asking for my stuff but I have too, we had a deal. The fact that's she's not responding on my 'I would like to recieve my belongings' mail, hurts me more then actually getting the belongings. I will see... First a nice weekend.

"I need a agenda!"

"I need a agenda!" 

I sure do need a agenda, with all the messages, information and homework what I get, specially today.Today I went to Humanitas with my new counselor as a last visit, we had to be there at 2:00pm. The last visit at Humanitas I could see as a 'transfer,' transfering me from my old counselor to my new counselor. I was nice on time, kinda akward feeling to be there again though. Paula greeted me and shouted, "Look at my pregnant stomach, it's growing like crazy." And it did, in a few weeks her belly swolled up like it never did. I congrated her, it was so nice seeing her again, and some other staffmembers. We took place in a small office, the small office was the same place when I first came to Humanitas to sign the paper for living there. Now I left, and I'm in the same office, funny!

We were together to sign some papers and to see what's all been done and what all still needs to be done, it's like Humanitas is handing me over to my new counselor, my new counselor (I will look up his name again one day, lol) needs to know every detail, what's been done and what's not been done. He knew already alot of things, but this was like the last bits. It was nice being together, but aswell I felt a bit ashamed cause I didn't understand a few things, so I blushed and told them, "I don't know and I can't remember." There are so many things to remember, when I think I wrote down everything, I still forget the last little parts, sigh, I need a agenda for sure, lol. I will get one, no wait, I will get two agenda's. Just to write down everything what I need to know and what I still need to do, (homework!)  This is going to be a good learning school for me.

After the visit to Humanitas me and my new counselor were heading to our next appointment, the Cityhall. We were right on time and it was our turn before we knew it. The lady who guided us asked me where she could help us with, and my counselor looked at me. "Do I have to say something now?" Were my thoughts. It seemed I had a little black out, cause I didn't know what to say. It was a busy day and my head was full, and I was thinking that everything was going so smooth, lol. My new counselor helped me out, and then it went better, still a bit struggling and stuttering, but okay. I explained the lady that this situation is so new for me, I never had to deal with such kinda things, never ever in my life, and it's so much. I lived on my own befor, but that was such a different situation. I didn't came from Canada or from Humanitas back then, but just from my parents.

Bck then I didn't had to struggle to get a house for myself or struggle to get income or get furniture or whatever I needed to live on my own. I didn't had a break up behind me or had to deal with homeless people, back then it was much easier. Easier to deal with things, aswell the finance. But I will get trought this barricade, once I get this all settled I will be knowing alot more and will be standing stronger in my shoes, with a agenda in my hand, lol. After the appointment I recieved alot of information, and the lady was so nice, she told me that I could call her daily if I had a question or if I needed a appointment with her.My new counselor made a new appointment with me for next week, and gave me some homework, well, I asked for it actually. He does things for me, but I'm doing things aswell. It's good for me. I'm making lists and write down what still needs to be done, ect, ect, ect.

Still it bothered me a bit this afternoon, cause I want to be able to do things aswell, without stuttering to get out of my words, like I use to do back then. Without needing that little kick in my butt to get me going, like I didn't need back then. Sure things has changed alot, I talked about it with my new counselor. I told him that I changed, I feel like I want to fight for things more, and that I WANT to change positively. Back then when I lived on my own (alone) I didn't care, I lived my life, I came around with my money and I did my daily things, and that was it. Now after I had my time in Canada and my time at Humanitas I changed, sure it was though comming back to Holland and Humanitas wasn't easy, but now I'm here and feel stronger. My time in Canada and Humanitas made me aware that I'm  able to do many more things, I'm stronger then I thought and I would like to continue that... It was a hard learning school....

A nice suprice this morning, my Aunt and my Uncle came by with the blinds, and they fitted! Yay!! There's a little story behind the blinds. Once these blinds belonged to my Mom and Dad, and now there mine. When my Mom died in 2000 me and my Dad lived still in the same house. Untill Dad couldn't take care of himself anymore, he had to move to a care house, all the furniture had to go to, well most of it then. The blinds went to my Aunt and Uncle but the blinds didn't fit, she kept them though, for just incase. Now I got them, and they perfectly fit, they were specially measured and made back then. To attach the blinds to the wall was hard work (on my own) but I managed. I'm happy with them, finally I can sit in private without the neighbors thinking I'm peeking, lol

Many hands make light work,

Many hands make light work. 

Today went better then yesterday, I felt a bit better about the 'Bob' situation. I will just let it come over me, and see what happens. When I got back from work  Paula called me to ask me if I was able to come to Humanitas at 2:00 pm tomorrow. I told her that I could but I had aswell a appointment at 3:00 pm with my new counselor, I told Paula this trough the phone. Paula knew that I had 'that' appointment but she told me that the new counselor will be at Humanitas too at 2:00 pm. Humanitas and my new counselor wanted to have a talk about the 'transfer' from my old counselor (Paula) to my new counselor. Discusing the last few things what is needed. After the 2:00 pm appointment me and my new counselor will be heading to the cityhall for another appointment.

A full afternoon but I'm more then happy with it, I can use a little help and some more assertivity, lol. And I will be able to get some more answers from Humanitas if I still have some questions for them, plus I will get alot of answers from the cityhall. Tomorrow morning I will make a little note what still need to be done or where I still need answers from. Work was okay today, it was boring but it had to be done. For a change it had nothing to do with wood, we had to put two little stickers on a little plastic bag filled with potpourri. There were more then 12000 little bags, if the little potpourri bags were done we had to put them in a box, 36 in one box. Some of the bags broke, then we had to get a new little bag and fill it again with potpourri. The stickers were rubbish though, they didn't even stay on, sigh!

Today aswell a call from my Aunt, she will come with a curtain tomorrow morning for the livingroom. I measured the window two weeks ago, and informed her about it. My Aunt has still the old curtain from my Mom and Dad when I still lived with them, it's huge and it's so so if it will fit, but I will see that tomorrow. I hope it fits. It's a certain kind of curtain though, we called it a rolgordijn (blinds?) I think blinds is the cheapest and the easiest way to cover and decorate my windows. There so easy to attatch too. Yeah, I really hope the 'rolgordijn' will fit tomorrow, I'm getting a bit tired of people looking trough my window. I'm happy though that I live 'one' floor high. The people might think that I'm peeking to them, but I'm not, I'm just a owner of an house who can't afford curtains (blinds) yet, lol.

A bit of a ugh!/Damn!/Sigh! Day...

A bit of a ugh!/Damn!/Sigh! Day...

Sometimes we have them all, those days that you feel like ugh! And sigh! Sometimes without any reason, but I had a reason to feel ugh and sigh today. While riding to work I got to hear from a resident from Humanitas that I will get a new neighbor soon, he's a resident from Humanitas and his name is Bob. I wasn't happy with that, now Bob is a friendly guy who waited almost for one and a half year for a house for himself at Humanitas, let's say he deserves it more then anyone. Bob is a bit younger then me, Bob is also a drinker, and when he drinks he gets loud and rough. Bob has alot of friends and they visit him so now and then, he has aswell friends from Humanitas, who I know too.They will be visiting him too.

Bob is nice when he doesn't drink, but when he drinks, yeah I just mentioned it, he will be loud and rough in his attitude. I dislike that, I seen enough of that attitude while living at Humanitas. I would like to avoid those kinda people, I would like to close that page. I mentioned it aswell towards my counselor Paula a month ago, and she even wrote it down in my end rapport.  Here's a little piece of the end rapport... 

...Sjon is worried if he will be strong/assertive enough in the comming future to leave the old residents out of his house. They might be comming for a visit or for whatever. Sjon lived at Humanitas for eight months, in these eight months he had always people around him, he talked and spent time with them. It's normal then he will get visits from old residents, he will try to avoid some or most of them. Help is needed....

Paula wrote this part but paula was also the one who told Bob there was a house free in the street where I live, and in the same building/complex where I live. Hmm! I know the housing corporation has a part of this aswell, the housing corporation offered Bob this house, Paula was the one who told Bob the (good) news. This news made me feel a bit sick the whole day, I was tired and felt like I had a brick on my chest. Yeah, I dislike it when Bob comes, I would dislike it aswell if any resident would come live near me, uhm, no that's not true, I'm overeacting now. Sigh!

But still, like I said, I closed the page Humanitas, I would like to continue my life from here on. Ofcource I see the old residents daily, I can't stop that, but that's the line. In my own house and area I would like to live on my own without them, having my own privacy. It's not that I dislike the old residents, but like I said, I closed that page! At work thinking of this made me feel a bit sick, I was annoyed and quiet aswell. I even told it my Boss, he told me he understood it a 100%, "You should inform this to your new counselor, talk about it with him," My Boss told me. And I sure will do that. During the day I already was thinking ahead, thinking of Bob and his friends knocking at my door at 2:00 am being drunk, and asking me to go with them for a drink. 

I'm a terrible 'no' sayer, I'm just not asserive enough with these people. Telling 'no' to such people feels like a insult for them. These are my thoughts and I think I'm close that I'm right, I spend eight months with them, I know them. Ofcource I thinking way ahead, Bob is not even living here yet. Ugh, what a day, maybe it will be a good assertive lesson for me, lol. Learning to say no, to Bob. And what can the housing corporation say? No? You can't live there, cause Sjon wants privacy?  And what can Paula do? Nothing actually. Still it bothers me and worries me. And I shouldn't even worry or let it bother me, I know. 

I will discuse this up comming Wednesday with my new counselor, let's see what he says or thinks about it. Maybe more people from Humanitas will come living here in this building, If that's gonna happen, I will move again, thoughts, thoughts, STOP thinking ahead Sjon! On top of that my counselor at work, (who's following me trough this working project and looks for work for me) might had a job for me, but in another village! Sigh, I thought, "Here we go again." The village where the job is is in 'Albergen,  almost 45 minutes with a bike. The work I had to do is in a sawmill, that's heavy work. And I told my work counselor already what kinda work I'm able off, he knows my background from the inside and outside.He knows every detail and he knows what I want.

And still he choosed heavy work where I have to ride my bike to in 45 minutes, I had many people searching for jobs for me, and many of them did 'such' things, mostly choosing the wrong job. In the end I will go there and do the work I have to do, but I'm sure will end up being tired and quit the job.  My work counselor had a look today at the sawmill, and prolly he will inform me about his visit tomorrow. I will tell him though that it's to far for me with a bike and that the work for me is to heavy. I can always have a look though, without looking ahead and already give a opinion. I will hear it tomorrow. I was not feeling well about the 'Bob' news this morning, that's why I gave already to fast a opinion in my head for the job the counselor had for me.

Back from work I felt a bit better about the situation,  (Bob) I thought to much ahead. Wednesday I will discus it with my new counselor, and further, oh well, I will see what happens next. I had a nice free dinner again at the church, still feeling a bit so so aboutn this morning. Seeing some of the homeless people at dinner made the feeling a bit stronger, I had it a bit with the people I met and saw at Humanitas, now I need my privacy. Surely I will see them so now and then, that's fine, but there's a line. And for tomorrow, I'm looking forward to work, that's a good thing.

Sunday's!

Sunday's!

Yep, another Sunday, time to relax and prepairing for the next working day. Yesterday I was busy with the flea-market, so, what I didn't do yesterday I will do today. I cleaned up a little bit, checked my mail and I ironed, My God, I ironed, that's been a while. No, I didn't dance, lol or make funny faces, I just ironed. And further, well further not much, I cooked dinner, and that was it. I think I will go to bed early tonight, I'm tired and sleepy, although I took two naps.

Looking back... 

I shouldn't look back, but sometimes I do, it goes automaticly. Looking back at my time at Humanitas and my time in Canada. About my time in Canada I can say, reminding myself of that time does hurt me much less. I can look at pictures and think, yeah that was a nice time, I can look at statuses or comments on Facebook from the kids and just think, oh, nice. It hurts me less, I can take things easier. And that does me good. Once Noor asked me for my cell-phone number, but I told her that I had to charge my phone first. I wasn't ready for a phonecall, and still I'm not. Noor is a nice girl and doesn't hold back on anything, I care about her and ofcource the other kids too. Tasn, Ab, Mar and Cle.

Would I ever go back to Canada for a short vacation? Yeah I surely would/will! But not to visit Saf and the kids, I will be to nerves, or I think I will be to nerves to see 'them' again, specially the kids. Nerves of there reaction, will they be excited? Or won't they be excited? The  won't makes me nerves, that's why I rather not visit them. But perhaps time can change things, I would love to see them once again. Let's say for a visit of a week or a few days and then return. It's all fine with me. Will I be sad when I will leave again then? Naah, I don't think that. When I'm thinking now of planning a little trip to Canada, I'm thinking to have a short vacation in Mississauga, I really liked being in Canada, it's a great country with friendly people. 

Perhaps visiting some friends. For the same reason visiting Canada will bring me back memories, and perhaps I will get sad feelings again. Uhm, yeah, cause there will be loads of memories for sure, every street, shop, you name it, ah, I will see. I guess I'm not ready yet when I'm thinking now of traveling to Canada. Pity though, oh well, maybe next year I will have different thoughts of traveling to Canada. Thinking back of my time at Humanitas, I can say that Humanitas was a part that changed my life aswell, just as my time in Canada. At Humanitas I didn't had much time for privacy, I was almost forced to communicate, what was good for me. And almost no time for privacy, that was good for me aswell kinda, cause I had enough privacy when I lived on my own.

Still I see the old residents from Humanitas, I see some of them at work every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. I see some of them aswell at the 'free dinner,' every Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. Do I like that? Yeah I do, thinking of living in this city makes me glad aswell. I lived here now for eight months and I see the ins and outs of Almelo. It was better to live here then to live in another city where I would not know a thing. I like it here. Wow, this post gives me aswell a bit sad thoughts and feelings, not that much from Humanitas, but from Canada. Although it was a overwhelminmg time, I had a great time aswell. Still I miss the kids sometimes, and sometimes Saf. I spend alot time with the kids, specially the two young ones.

As the days weeks, months and years go by, I guess there will always be a time that I think of them and miss them. And as the days, weeks, months and years go by I will always love them and care about them! Even though I'm far away, no matter what! Sniff...........

"One man's junk is another man's treasure!"

"One man's junk is another man's treasure!"

Just had a great day, a full day and a nice day. Alot of Sjonshine and not even cold. Today I planned to go to the flea market in Hengelo. Hengelo is a city near by Almelo, It is about thirty minutes with a bike. This morning I took it easy, I had a nice shower and the laundry was just about done when I wanted to take of to the market. I left around 12 noon and arrived an hour later at the market, the market was inside and was huge. The bike ride went okay, it was further then I thought, lol, but okay, I managed. 

I looked around and enjoyed myself, I could have taken a million pictures of the nicest things I saw. And Isaw really everything, I did not miss a thing. Alot of antique and alot of Delfts blauw and Boerenbont dishes, pottery, etc. See Wikipedia, Boerenbont and Delfts blauw. There nice to look at but there not comming in my kitchen. I like the antique old fashion stuff I saw, there so old that they could be sold modern again, lol. I bought four old fashion cans for a nice price, I could not actually believe the price, cause five minutes ago I saw the same cans being sold for 22 Euro. I bought the four cans for 7 Euro, lol. Sometimes you have to be lucky, right?

I did not want to spend much money, I took some money with me what I could spend for this day. I bought aswell three comic books from Asterix and Obelix, I used to read these books when I was six or seven. I saw more comic book but I though, these will do it for now. The market was huge and perhaps I will be seeing more what I like. There were loads of kids clothes and toys, perhaps parents digged out the toy boxes from there childeren, lol. In the end I really saw enough though, it was getting all much of the same, so many little stuff. Next time I should take more pictures, but I did not want to cause the sellers might get upset. Every picture I took I asked first for permission. 

I did not even know what time it was, but I planned to retrurn home, but first an icecream. I bought a large one, and it was filling. I looked and checked what I bought, two little wooden shoes, three comic books, four cans for in the kitchen and two presents for someone in Canada, it is her Birthday soon. Ooh I saw alot of stuff what I could buy for her, but in the end I saw just to much. This sure will not be my last visit to a flea or second hand market, it felt like I was in Goodwill but much bigger. After my icecream I returned home, what a ride it was, I was exhausted when I got back. I thought dinner can wait a while, first a sit down. It was 5:30pm when I got back, nice time. 

Above the treasure I bought, nice. Tomorrow I will relax and just do nothing, everything is done. Laundry is clean, groceries are bought, showered, the house is clean, it is all good. A few updates, I sent a message to my provider telling them I found a rootkits virus on my old laptop and that I got rit of it, I hope that they don't send me any messages again, I dislike it! I heard nothing yet from Saf that she shipped my belongings, did she shipped it already? I do not know, maybe she did, maybe she did not. I will ask her again after a month, I do not like it when she does not response, but I am not gonna waste my energy in getting upset. After a month I will perhaps know more...................or not.