Days are getting colder...

Days are getting colder... 

While I was writing this post my Aunt called 3 times in a row, the first time the phone went over I didn't answer, the second time neither, and the third time, I got nervous, but I didn't answer. After the 3 times I got a bit anxcious, what could it have been that she ranged 3 times? Something wrong with Dad? Or just that my Aunt wants badly to hear from me. Maybe I should have answered after the third time, I don't know. Feeling a bit nerves now... My thoughts are, "If it's really that important they will call back." I don't know then if I will answer then. Yeah, stubborn, I know, well they hurt me.... I called the place where my Dad lives, though no answer. I will try it again later. 

A fellow worker snapped this photo of me on his phone, today I saw the photo all of a sudden back on Facebook, lol! I'm wearing a safety mask just to be goofy for the photo, lol.

I didn't sleep so well last night, I woke up at 2:00 am. I was clearly awake, around 3:30 am I think I fell asleep for a little 10 minutes then I woke up again. A little bit after 4:00 am I decided to get out of bed, clearly awake again. Usually I get up around 4:30 am or 5:00 am.  "It's gonna be a long day," I thought. And it was a long day, but everything went well at work. We weren't so busy today, comparing it with last week it was a piece of cake. Though I felt tired after work, sleepy aswell. The free dinner was waiting, so there I went. The food at the free dinner always gives me a little boost, so that was good. Early night for me though, catching in some sleep from last night.

I called two times back to the place where my Dad lives, still no answer. I think I should stop worrying now, if there's something with Dad then the nurses would have called me. Right? Sigh!

"Breakfast/brunch."

"Breakfast/brunch." 

The Breakfast/brunch was top! I was a bit late but that didn't matter, my Aunt and two other nieces were already there. They welcomed me friendly and I sat down. within 15 minutes the whole group was complete. We all sat outside cause the weather was perfect, sunshine, 18 degrees and a little wind. As I said before I have more Nieces then Cousins, also this afternoon there were more Nieces then Cousins. In fact one Cousin was there the other ones were all Nieces and Aunts. Two Aunts, two Cousins and six Nieces. We had a great time, talking, laughing, updating each other and good healty food. It's so nice to talk with these people, they listen and you get feedback. Next year were gonna do it again, this brunch was the second one from this year. I think two times a year is good.

It was a full weekend, though I had my rest aswell. It's a must that I take enough rest, cause of my three days of work in the week, with sometimes a half day or a whole day extra. Soon it will be October, then my working contract is over and will be (hopefully) extended. Probably it will, I can't think of a reason why it couldn't. Hmm, maybe one, 'maybe the three days in the week is not enough for them.' Am I worried? Yeah, just a bit. I will do my extra best the following weeks, just that little bit extra does always help. Though my Boss told me last May that I didn't have to worry cause of the 'half year contract,' "When you continue your work like you do now, you don't have to worry about anything." That's a relief, yeah. But still, you never know. I will cross my fingers!

Sleepy weekend.

Sleepy weekend. 

Three naps today, geesh, what's going on? Though the naps were good, and I had plenty of time to do so. Between the naps I bought my groceries in the morning, and in the afternoon I ordered new curtains for in the sleeping room. I thought, Winter is coming up, so curtains closed will warm up my sleeping room. I bought already last week new blinds for in the sleeping room, the new curtains will Finnish it all up. The curtains have a sand, light brownish color, I don't have them yet though, they had to be ordered. Wednesday I can pick them up. The curtains are ready made and have a certain length and wide, the ready made curtains were 140cm and 220cm (wide and length) so, I needed four packages of (ready made)n curtains. I wanted my curtains to be 180cm wide and 195cm high. I'm happy I ordered them, I have been doing without them for almost a year. 

Tomorrow's gonna be a excited day, I will have my second breakfast/brunch with my Nieces and Cousins, excitement! I'm sure it will be fun, this time more Nieces and Cousins will show up. Last time (in August) we had a breakfast/brunch aswell, only then four Nieces showed up. Blame the Summer holiday, most of the Nieces and Cousins were on a holiday. The breakfast/brunch will be held in my city in a nice cafe/restaurant, it's almost walking distance. Ofcource more Nieces then Cousins will show up, cause of the simple fact that I have more Nieces then Cousins, I certainly don't mind. These Nieces and Cousins are from my Mom's side of the Family, so no fear for me, lol. They are super friendly and none-grumpy.

Uplifting conversation today, that did me good!

Uplifting conversation today, that did me good! 

I could tell I was nerves today cause of the appointment this morning, talking about the appointment with my Dad's nurse. I had a hearting stomach and I felt down a bit, maybe it was better to work a half day, I thought. There was even a little point that I thought, "Why should I even go?" But I went, and I'm glad I did. The nerves I had was mostly because I was scared to bump into my Aunt and Uncle, oblivious. On my way I felt cold, no wonder cause it sky was grey, a hard wind blew  and it looked like it was about to rain. What a difference with the weather from last week. Once arrived at Dad's place I looked around for a blue car, my Uncle's car. Thank God I didn't see one, pffeeww! I walked in and went to the receptionist and I told her I have a appointment with my Dad's nurse at 11:00.

Well, the telling came out a bit different, cause I couldn't come on the word "Dad's nurse." Nurse in Dutch is zuster, though zuster has the same meaning as Sister in Dutch language. I should have said "Verpleger" meaning nurse in Dutch. So the receptionist thought I meant my Dad's sister. She told me, "I just saw your Uncle, he already went to you Dad, you can follow him and meet your Dad's Sister there." Oops, my Aunt and Uncle are here too?  I right away explained to the receptionist that my explaining was not so well, she finally understood me after I explained it better. "I will call the nurse and tell her that your here," after the call the receptionist told me, I had to wait in the lobby. Sigh, there I sat in the lobby, my Aunt and Uncle are at my Dad's on the second floor and I'm on the main floor waiting. I was staring at the elevator doors... 

...Cause it could be that my Aunt and Uncle can come down from the second floor all of a sudden, and then what? Geesh, what a day. An other nurse came towards me to take me with her to Dad's nurse, second floor. Dad's nurse has her office just beside my Dad's room, sigh! When I stepped into the elevator I slightly explained to the nurse (who picked me up) that there was something going on with my Aunt and me, I think she got the message, but still I was nervous. The elevator doors went open and I could look right into Dad's open door. (he always has his door open.) Dad's nurse was on the phone in her office while I waited in her office, the other nurse told me to wait again outside the office. Yikes! There I stood waiting for Dad's nurse to finish her call, and not even 3 meters from my Dad's room where my Aunt and Uncle are on a visit. 

Then Dad's nurse invited me in her office, sigh, the relief I felt! Dad's nurse was friendly, I talked to her before. I explained to her what I wanted, and the explaining went well, I think. She understood me, she even wanted to know a bit what was going on with my Aunt and me after I explained what has happened last week. (Words with my Aunt and the evil message from my Cousin) I told the nurse that I just can't bring up that I visit Dad weekly, as much as I want so badly. It feels bad that I can't go weekly or as much as my Aunt wants me too, though my Aunt keeps holding me under her thumb, and I follow as a little kid. She wants to be in charge. But not anymore, I'm done. Dad's nurse told me aswell that my Aunt and Uncle do alot for my Dad, and I told her that I really appreciate that...

But how they treat me or involve me in this is totally wrong. Visiting my Dad is not a pleasure anymore like this, when I HAVE to visit it feels like a must, I HAVE to visit my Dad, otherwise my Aunt starts to annoy me. I explained to my Dad's nurse that I would like to be more involved with Dad surroundings, I explained aswell that my Aunt and Uncle are not "that" able anymore to take care of my Dad, there getting old and they start to complain. Well, that was easy, cause there is another way to take care of my Dad's finance (what my Uncle does now) "You could arrange a out stander who could do that for your Dad" explained the nurse, "There are companies or agencies who do that aswell." Same thing with doing groceries for Dad, there are ways to let other people do the groceries, supermarkets or grocery stores do that aswell...

'They can bring the groceries to the customer." Great!! And me? I can do things aswell, I can visit whenever I want, and when I visit I can bring flowers or buy a gift he likes. Flowers, because Dad always bought flowers weekly for Mom's grave and for his own room, but he's not able to do that anymore. I can do that easily! Dad's nurse also pointed out that Dad needed new pants cause his zipper keeps going loose.  (lol, he has a tummy) I'\m sure that they have special pants for that somewhere in a store. Another thing he need was a new remote control for his TV, a remote control with extra huge buttons. Dad can't use his hands and fingers not so well anymore, yeah he's really getting old physically. A job for me to get those things, it feels good to do something for Dad, and there's no rush. 

The conversation with the nurse felt good, I was motivated again. Dad's nurse understood me, and that's all I needed. Dad's nurse walked towards my Dad's room to see after the conversation, to see if my Dad was alone, and yeah, he was. Sigh! I stayed with Dad until it was time for his dinner. He was happy to see me, he smiled and talked. And you know what.... My Aunt and Uncle didn't even visit my Dad I found out, it was my other Uncle who visited him. He bought a raisin bread for him. Lol, that's the same thing I bought for Dad aswell, oh well. Dad is a fanatic raisin bread eater, I'm sure he will love  the double buy. On my way home I bought a few groceries, and finally home I took a long nap and a good rest. I was dead tired. Tomorrow a better day.

Thursday the 13th.

Thursday the 13th. 

Today has been a nice day, worked well, done alot and succeeded most of our orders. Today we had a few fellow workers more in our section, that was surely a relief. Finally we could do our work without having rush, we had two workers more. I felt great, here and there a bit tired but it felt okay, normal. Oh! And yesterday I went to the Doctor for my results, the sugar blood was perfect, and the thyroid results were a tiny bit to high. Nothing to worry about, said the Doctor. Well, I will keep an eye on it, I can tell how I'm feeling if my thyroid goes up or down. After work the 'man with the hammer' came, and knocked me down, lol. I was tired and became sleepy. I had a little nap, it was needed. It's going to be a early night for me.

All though the tiredness, I have been thinking of working a half day more, no! Not a whole day but a half day, that's all I can bring up. October is on his way, in October my 'half year' contract (work) is about to end. I didn't have to worry about that, said my Boss in May while I signed the half year contract. "When you go on like you do now, you don't have to worry about anything," she told me. Yeah, well, I do worry a bit, nothing is sure I noticed at work, though I trust them a 100%, uhm, let's say a 99%. In October, actually now I will do my extra best just a little bit more. I want to stay at work, I so love this job. Great fellow workers, the best work I had so far, etc, etc. Love it!

Tomorrow will be a exciting day, tomorrow I will have a appointment with my Dad's nurse, 11:00 am! Let's see what I can do more for my Dad, and let's try to solve this 'silly argue' about me not visiting my Dad enough. I'm still done with my Aunt, Uncle and Cousin, ans they are with me. I haven't heared from them since they sent me that afwull email with the bragging about them selves and insults. I hope not that I will bump into them tomorrow, they still visit my Dad once or twice a week. What I do when I bump into them? I don't know, ignore them and walk on I guess. They treathed me like a little child and I followed for years, then the insulting email, after I told them I was done with them. It was just enough for me, I stood up for myself, being assertive.

I can be proud of myself, and maybe even more after tomorrow's appointment.

Election day in Holland.

Election day in Holland.

Election day in Holland, I did not even know where to vote on, let stand to even vote. So, better not to vote then to vote on just something. Sigh! Nothing changes anyway, it's been years like this and will always remain, the rich people get richer and the poorer getting poorer. Though I hope changes are coming after today trough these elections, more jobs, taxes for the millionaire and solving the crisis. I think it's my first time I did not vote, and I think it's a wise choice. I have been thaught to vote,just like my parents taught me. If I would have vote I would have vote on the 'elder generation,' I trust a 'elder generation' parlament better, then a 'new(by)' parlament. Anyhow, we will see what the outcome will be...

Rain clouds apeared in the afternoon...

The rained came later in the evening.

Today I have been lazy, I was tired and sleepy today. Slept alot, two naps. It could have been three or perhaps four naps. I guess I can blame the last two day at work, (it's been quit busy) or maybe the weather changing. It's colder with here and there a few rain out bursts. Though I did what I had to do, groceries plus I hanged the blinds in the sleeping room. They look great! Good news from taxes aswell, finally, yes finally I got my money back where I have struggled for so long. I got some money back from over the year 2010, I was overseas then in that time but still payed for my taxes in Holland. Yay, me! It's sure has been a struggle, but I managed and learned from it.

Upcoming Sunday, a Nieces & Cousins brunch, yay!

Upcoming Sunday, a Nieces & Cousins brunch, yay!

I already knew that there would be another brunch with my Nieces and Cousins, this brunch  is gonna happen on the 16th of September in my city. The first brunch has already been, I think that was in August somewhere, also in Almelo. Then there were only four nieces, blame the Summer holiday, most of the Nieces and Cousins were on a holiday then. But upcoming Sunday will be more fun cause more people will show up. These Nieces and Cousins are all from my Mother's side, (so I'm safe, lol) They are the opposite of the Nieces and Cousins from my Fathers side. You can tell by the way that 'they' organized this brunch, nuff said! I'm looking forward to see my Nieces and a few ACousins again, yeah, I have more Nieces then Cousins.

Today was busy at work, I really should stop saying that, lol. It's always busy there, it's crazy! The Boss came up to me with a smile just after lunch, that could only mean one thing I thought. "Working a extra day on Friday." And yes, I was right. Tough I had to refusse, cause I have other things to do on Friday, the appointment with Dad's nurse, I told this aswell to my Boss, and she understood. We really do need some more workers, otherwise I have to work a extra day every week, and I don't have the energy for that. So I worked last week a half day extra and the week before that aswell, plus a week before THAT I worked a day extra, All that together makes two days extra. I thought I was getting extra payed for the extra days, but no. The Boss explained me that

I get extra a free day for a day extra working, I didn't know that and I don't like that either. The Boss asked me if I wanted to change that, I told her "Yes, please." From now on I will get payed for a extra day.  Cooler weather today, rain and a cool breeze, I loved it. More rain is on his way, Autumn is on his way! I'm gonna enjoy my day off tomorrow, it's needed. I'm tired and feel the pain in my muscles, lol. Resting is a must. I actually planned to go to my Dad tomorrow, but I'm exhausted, I will see him Friday too. .............And not a word or sound or phonecall from my Aunt, lol. I think they will call one day, (they probably need me) but will I answer? I don't think so....

When I say no, ask me again and I will say yes, LOL!

When I say no, ask me again and I will say yes, LOL! 

I worked hard today at work, there's so much to do, so many orders, it's almost insane! Though it's better then when there's nothing to do. Monday is always a full day, first there's work and when I come home from work I have to leave again in 40 minutes, cause then the 'free dinner' starts. I come home from work, then I'll be on Facebook quickly for a small 15 minutes, then I will make sandwisches for tomorrow's work. After that a quick wash up, fresh clothes on and off I go to the free dinner. I nearly decided not to go the 'dinner' tonight, I was tired and exhausted, plus the free dinner on Monday isn't always a pleasure. The location is small and has many homeless, drunk people, they frighten me a bit, and I'm not the only one.

Drinking is not alowed with the free dinners, so before the 'homeless people enter the dinning room they hide the drinks somewhere in the bushes. I saw aswell some fights going on outside in front of the dinning room. No fun! Though there's a little group where I'm part of that like to join the free dinners weekly. It's a nice getting together, just like the free dinners on Wednesday and Thursdays. Most people of the group I know from Humanitas, there nice and social. It would be more social when the homeless people stay away, but yeah, everyone is welcome at the free dinner. Sometimes I have doubts to go, specially on Monday. I nearly decided to skip the free dinner today...

Like I said, tired from work and not really felt like going. A friend of mine on Facebook, (someone I knew from Humanitas) asked me if I was going to, to the free dinner. I had doubts but even though I decided not to go, I went anyway, lol. And I had a fun time, lol. There were not that many homeless people, just my luck. If that friend didn't ask me, I wouldn't go. Though I'm glad I went. I like socializing with my 'friends.' Talking about socializing, the project 'Buddy wanted' reacted on my email, well, actually my counselor Sahajo did. He took care that I came in contact (again) with them. Buddy wanted wanted to contact me after the Summer holiday, but it seemed they forgot. Sahajo took care of it all, I will have a appointment with Sahajo and Buddy wanted on the 26th of September at 3:00pm. Excited much!!

Move aside Summer!

Move aside Summer! 

I'm done with Summer, can't wait for cooler weather and rainy days. "Sweather weather is better weather," they say. Funny that I longed for Summer back in March, Summer is great but after a while I'm fed up with it. Then I long for Autumn or Winter, I hope Autumn will be good with all the nice brown, yellow and red colors on leaves and tree's. And Winter, snow and thick ice please, so I can beg or long for Spring and Summer again, lol.

I bought blinds yesterday for in my sleeping room, nice black ones. Today I hanged one of the blinds. Although there a bit small they look nice, much nicer then the screen I use to had. The old one was creamy white. The door window was 61cm wide , the blind is 60cm wide. I have one more blind to hang, but that can wait a few days. When it's all done my whole sleeping room (the windows that is) hangs full with black blinds. Looks so nice!

Some pictures I took this weekend! 

Never saw such a big goat in my life, the other little one kept making noises. Just a little visit to the park in Almelo.

Ducks, I think we have in Almelo just as much citizens as ducks it seems. 

They look cute and funny though...

One of the many farmer houses we have here in Almelo, I like the painted side-window screens. 

The old window screens in the sleeping room, I will take a picture when I have the new blinds hanging. 

Sunday's dinner, rice with a typical Indian sauce. Chicken breast, cream fache and sliced carrots. Yum!











Nearly time to go to bed, it's past 10:00pm. Early up tomorrow for Monday's work. I think it will be another full week, lots to do at work and I have my chores and other things to do aswell at home.

Totally forgot!

Totally forgot!

I forgot to write a post yesterday, though I kept reminding it myself, I still forgot, lol. Anyway, I will write two posts then today. These last two days we have a nice after Summer, yesterday was 25 degrees, today will be 28, just as the weather forecast forspelled. Allthough I like the sunny weather I look forward to the Fall aswell, or do they call it Autumn? Here in Holland we call it Herfst, just one word. Yesterday I felt tired and sleepy, I thought I would have several naps but it came only to two naps. Recently I have my moments that I feel lonely, certainly after last week. I think the impact of the argue and fight with my Aunt/Uncle and Cousin is bigger then I thought. I thought it would be a relief to let them be and forget about them, but deep inside it made me a bit lonely aswell. Though I don't miss the phonecalls and I don't miss the obeying them. Just... I don't know... it gives a empty, nasty feeling.

It's certainly time for some changes in my life, I said it already so many times. I need some 'new' people around me, socializing, communication, or searching for a placed to go to every week, it's a must. Just before the Summer holiday my counselor signed me up for this project called "Buddy wanted." 'Buddy wanted' is a company/agency what helps me searching for social contacts or a new activity. I have heard about it before , but I letted it be for a while. I thought I could manage it it on my own to get new activities or social contacts, but I got a bit totally stuck with finding that. It's just so hard to find something. This "Buddy Wanted," project planned to contact me after the Summer Holiday, or my counselor would do that, I forgot. I sent my counselor (Sahajo) a email to lighten me up, cause I didn't hear from them yet. I will get a email back on Monday for sure.

I'm looking forward to this project, cause I can't do it on my own. I'm aswell a person who first try things a few times, and when I don't succeed I let it be. That's wrong, specially now, lol, cause I have the feeling that I'm in the 'danger zone,' the danger that I'm becoming a Einzelganger. Though, it's not that worse as it was in that time before I went to Canada, in that time I had only two or three (so called) friends and no job. Now I have a few friends, I see much more people weekly and I got a great job. Still I need more, it's not done yet in my eyes. Being surrounded by people is important.

Copenhagen on New Years Eve! Eek!

Copenhagen on New Years Eve! Eek! 

Mermaid statue in Copenhagen.

Just like last year in September I booked a trip for New Years Eve. Last year I went to London, this year I decided to go to Copenhagen. I had doubts between Prague or Copenhagen, Copenhagen interested me more. There were two other trips aswell, but they were much expensiver, maybe because of the flights. These other two trips were from other travel companies aswell. I'm going with the same travel company as when I went to London and Berlin, it's easier and cheap. Though if I want to fly or go to the US or Canada I will have to inform other travel companies, this company where I'm traveling with does not have flight programs, only busses or boats.  Geesh, there's always that "Eek" moment when I hit the confirm button while booking the trip. Like, "Can I afford this trip?" Yes! "Am I really sure?" Yes! The filling in was easy, I did it two times already, lol.

I worked a half day today, that went pretty good. Though I was tired and sleepy afterwards, I took a little nap just before dinner. Weird, cause I had a long nap already this morning, perhaps the impact of my Aunt/Cousin/Dad issue from this week was a bit to much, I handled it well though. Dad's leading nurse called aswell this morning, just like she and I had planned. Though she called late, if she would have called five minutes later I would have been gone to work. I asked for a appointment with Dad's nurse last Wednesday, I would like to be (much) more involved into Dad's care. My Aunt and Uncle are not (that) able anymore to take care of my Dad, especially not after what happened this week, (ugh!) My Dad has his 24 hours a day care though, only the Family members have to take care of the groceries plus the financial care. (Banking, mail, etc, etc)

Next week on a Friday morning I will have a appointment with Dad's nurse. Hope I don't bump into my Aunt and Uncle then I have no plans for this weekend, I'm tired and I will just see what the weekend brings. Maybe I will go to Ikea, but I'm not sure yet. If I go it will be another full day, my weekly groceries has to be done aswell. I could go to Ikea in the early afternoon, Ikea is open until 9:00 pm, I could even have dinner there. I will see what I do. At my work everyone gets a bunch of extra free days off, I have gotten 15 extra days off. Other fellow workers have 25, just because they work a full week, and I don't. But the problem is now, I have to get the 15 free days done before 1 January 2013, lol. I like my job that much that I don't even need the 15 free days, lol. I have no idea when to spend them, I will have to start though with planning them. Maybe I will do a long weekend or something, or a week. Sigh, I already miss work thinking of it.

That hurt!

That hurt!

Maybe I shouldn't had written that email to my Aunt yesterday, I got a email back and it's not a nice one. Actually it was my Cousin who wrote back (My Aunt's Son) The words he wrote is typical him and typical my Aunt'aswell. 

"Nice email you wrote Sjon, I'm glad I still have my father and am very PROUD of him, I can not stand this. But hey you do not care obliviously, you're probably raized by someone else. I'm proud of your dad because I see him more often than you do, you think you know your father but I know him better than you and that will always remain so. Sjon you're my cousin off.

Sincerely your ex cousin marco! 

Yeah, that hurted. And now!? How to go further now?! I don't know... I wrote a email back telling I was sorry in a way, but I told aswell that I wrote down my feelings and thoughts what's been bothering me for several months. And that I stayed firm with my sayings. This hurts in the first place, not the fact that it seems that I lost my cousin and probably also my Aunt and uncle, but just the fact that I hope I'm able to visit my Dad weekly plus without bumping into them, I will have to find a solution to avoid my Aunt, Uncle, and Cousin.  Like I said, maybe I shouldn't have written that email, but I was tired of them, so tired. I will have to find a solution. Does this  fight has to be solved? Or shall I just let it be and keep continuing what I do, keep visiting Dad, and see what I can do for him. I'm still not able to visit him weekly, and it seems no one understands this in the Family. Heck, my Family keeps bugging me with this, just as long I aswell think I'm able to visit Dad every week. 

These were my thoughts when I went to work, though I had a nice chat with a friend on Facebook, that did me good. She had a brother who had the same, Family bothering him. Work did me good aswell, it was busy at work. So many orders we have and so much we have to do in one day, it's almost ridiculous. I always do what I can do, plus sometimes just a bit extra. Though I always keep my health in mind, tomorrow I will work a half day again, just like last week. They asked me, and I was expecting it. Though I don't hope it's getting a habit working every Friday a extra half day. Or? Naah, I have to keep an eye on my health, when they are gonna ask me to work a half day extra again, I will skip it (for once) After work there was the free dinner, I had a good appetite, it was yummy. I felt easy, easier then this morning after the free dinner and work. Ofcource sometimes my thoughts of this morning's mail flashed trough my mind, but work and my fellow workers kept me busy and laughing.


And now? What are my thoughts now about my Dad, Cousin, Aunt and Uncle? Well, I will keep visiting my Dad when I'm able of. I'm really gonna try to do that weekly, I will have to avoid my Aunt, Uncle and Cousin. The afternoon is a good time to visit my Dad, or perhaps in the early evening, my Aunt, Uncle and Cousin mostly visit Dad in the morning. It's crazy I know but it's a must, "They" are stubborn and don't want to listen. I will choose for my Dad and myself, and the rest? What rest? If they need me they know to find me. I will get used to this. Dad's nurse is still gonna call me tomorrow morning for a appointment, she and I will have a talk about Dad and me. I wanted to be more involved when I comes to Dad, perhaps doing groceries or other stuff, I also want a better contact with Dad's nurses, a better way to message them or call them. I hope that my Aunt didn't had a talk with my Dad's nurse, she's would be determine to get me of Dad's caring list.

"Venting 2." (Last part.)

"Venting 2." (Last part.)

Nice day it was this Wednesday, I rested in the morning and in the afternoon I went to my Dad. I took a long nap in the morning. felt good, I kept on sleeping, lol. Probably it was needed. In the afternoon I went to my Dad, but I came almost to a closed door. My Dad was on his way downstairs with a nurse, outside a taxi was waiting, waiting to take passengers for a nice ride. Though the taxi was a low car, and it was a hell of a job to get Dad into the front seat. Me, the cab driver and a nurse had to help him to sit up straight in the front seat, gladly Dad could laugh about it. "Yeah, it's not easy when your that old as me," he stumbled with a smile on his face. The plan was to go for a nice drive trough town and half way stop for a coffee, but Dad will get his coffee in the car the cabdriver decided. To get him in the car was already a tough job, so better not for him to let him in and out the car so many times. Though I think it's a positive thing that Dad decided to do such things, getting involved with attractions like this.

I went to Dad today, I couldn't wait untill Friday or Saturday. I hate it when my Aunt talks about me behind my back. When I go to my Dad and walk into the building where he lives I get that creepy feeling, the feeling that they all observe me and think, "Oh here he comes finally, he should come more often." It feels not as a spontaneous, surprising visit anymore, it feels more like a "must." I must visit Dad cause of my Aunt, I must visit Dad, otherwise I get these negative rumours. Yeah, visiting Dad is not that a pleasure anymore when it goes like this, it actually should be. My Aunt wants me to visit Dad more often, she insists no matter what or how far I live. She wants me to be more involved around Dad, although that's positive and alright with me, but by the way how she insist it is not right. There's always that negative vibe around her, it's mostly never good what I do, and she gossips it around the family. She wants to be in control, though she begs sometimes for help, but everything has to go her way. I just follow....

But it's enough, my Aunt called me many times this week, I'm done with her. Though it's not easy. Today I took my first step, I had a little talk with one of the nurses after my Dad left for his ride. It wasn't a easy talk, cause ofcource the nurses don't want to stand between the Family when there's a argue or a complain. I understand that too, that's what I also said to the nurse. Though I did my complain about my Aunt just to make it clear that there has to be some changes, I want to be more involved but my Aunt is not going to solve that, Dad's head nurse and I will do that. Upcoming Friday morning after 10:00 am Dad's leading nurse will call me for a appointment, I had a talk with her before. I was nervous when I went home, I thought. "What am I going to say to Dad's nurse? How am I gonna bring it?" and "Did I do the right thing?"  Yeah, like I said it's not going to be easy, and surely not when my Aunt is gonna find out. When I got home I wrote my Aunt a email, it wasn't a nice email. I was firm and short...

I told my Aunt that my visits to Dad are not so nice anymore, there not spontaneous. I told her aswell that I didn't like the gossip, though I was offering help aswell but I was firm. If she needs help like doing groceries, shopping or any other thing my Dad needs help with she can send me a message. In the meanwhile I will try to visit my Dad every week, spontaneous and surprising. Last weekend I offered help to, I told my Aunt to make a little grocery list, so I can get the groceries this upcoming weekend for my Dad. I had no response from her, a few days later she called me (in a mood) that she and her Son already bought the groceries. Following that she can tell Dad's nurses that I didn't want to buy groceries and that she couldn't  count on me anymore, and she did. Five minutes after I sent the mail I got right away a call from Aunt, I didn't answer......... I had a nice day, the visit to my Dad was good ansd went well. The mail I sent to my Aunt gave me a boost.

"Venting."

"Venting."

How to delete or ban a Family member out of your mind! Yes, my Aunt called again, I didn't have to buy groceries anymore, she and her Son did all the groceries for Dad. Aunt was short in her sentences, she just wanted to announce that I didn't have to buy groceries, what I planned this weekend. Oh, before I forget, Aunt told aswell to one of Dad's nurses that she doesn't trust me anymore, for example with the visits. Yeah RUB it in Aunt, I'm done with her. The baddest part is that my Aunt will gossip this around in our Family. Making my feel bad and sad, and even don't feel like coming to my own Dad anymore, they all must think bad about me...sigh! Typical my Aunt! I'm done with her now, it's me and Dad now. 

My plan is to go every weekend to Dad for a visit, period! (Lol, I even marked my calendar) Tomorrow in the afternoon I will go aswell, I hope then that I can speak one of Dad's nurses. To see what I can do for Dad, maybe groceries, or even financial stuff, or something else. No I'm not overwhelmed with things. Maybe I'm a bit over reacting now, but talking with one of

Dad's nurses for changes in his needs is good. There has to be changes now, if it's possible I would like to let my Aunt totally out of this. I will find some solutions, cause this is breaking me. No wonder that I had tension or stress. She done it again, it's been enough now. If I don't stop her now then there will come a time that I'm gonna be ashamed of myself to visit my own Dad.

So, that's of my chest, do I feel better now? No. not really, not before I settled things with Dad. Though venting, clearing your heart out is good I reckon. Though, at one thing my Aunt could be right, I have to visit my Dad more often. But I don't know why I don't, sure I visit him, but not every week. I also have other things to do. Lack of energy is killing me sometimes, plus, I don't live five minutes away from Dad, like my Aunt and Uncle do. Though I will make time now, to make a statement? Yes and no, first of all to visit my Dad more often. Goodbye Aunt, hello Dad!

Great day at work!

Great day at work! 

I had a nice day at work, I felt way better then last week. Last week I felt dizzy, had a stomach ache, and I didn't know what it was, worries took over. Maybe it was just tension, anyway, this day felt good, relieving aswell. Weird and awkward how tension or stress can fool you, it's such a strong thing. Again it was busy with work, I managed to do alot, but worked easy, steady and easy. We have one fellow worker more in our section this week, he's not a new person but he came from another section. That was a relief aswell, one more guy helping us out, now we could take our time and work without being hasty or without the fear of making mistakes cause things had to go fast. Yeah, it's been a good day for work.

This week the 'free dinners' are complete again, in the Summer holiday there was only the Monday evening for a free dinner. But now it's the usual three times again, once on Monday evening, once on Wednesday evening and once on Thursday evening. I still go there and have dinner, it sure saves alot of money, and it's cozy seeing your so called buddies again. Not everyone there but just a view, some I know there are from my time at Humanitas. Though they are aswell people who are absolutely NOT my type, they are (the) homeless people. They are mostly drunk and behave like little kids, don't mess with them either. Sometimes I even think to stop the free dinners, just because of them. 

But, I'm sure I will miss my (Humanitas) buddies, plus the (free) food ofcource, lol. Yeah, it's nice getting together once or twice a week. It's only a hour but it feels nice. Tonight's free dinner was nice aswell, there was lots of food to choose from. And all for free, it's amazing!

"Worry less."

"Worry less."

Easier said then done right? Just throw of all your worries and be done with it, yeah, easy as that, not! I should not even worry about little things but I do, sometimes I worry about things unknown. And it seems there's always something to worry about, Yeah, seems! My Aunt called last week, I think I mentioned that already. It was about that she and her Husband can't do some of things they use to do for my Dad anymore, 'they' have been chosen by my Dads nurses cause they live close to my Dad. If I would have lived near my Dad I would have been involved more in the 'to do' things. Though I'm involved, ofcource I'm still a Son of my Dad. But it's easier for me and my Dad that a Family member who lives close can do 'those' things. The 'to do' things are simply  financial stuff, for example when my Dad gets mail or he has to pay something, my Uncle will look after that. Aswell when my Dad needs groceries or clothing or whatever, my Aunt and Uncle will do that.

I appreciate that alot what they do, I really wish I could do it, or was able or have the energy to do it. I could do something ofcource but like I said, my Uncle and Aunt live near, plus they offered the help aswell. What I do is trying to visit Dad once a week or perhaps once in two weeks, depends if I have the time and the energy. Though I really wish I could do more, lots more. Sometimes it worries and hurts me, it even gets worse when my Aunt sometimes calls to make that feeling worse. "You should come more often, you have plenty of time, you are never here, your Dad complains," I can go on and on. And when they began about Canada ("We warned you not to go!") then I'm really done with them, it's typical my Aunt. It's aswell typical my Dad's side of the Family. Always nagging and negative. At the moment my Uncle is sick and is not able to help my Dad financially, plus my Aunt can't drive a car so she's not able to visit Dad anymore once a week.

I knew on forehand that this time would come, my Aunt and Uncle are getting older, so someone else has to do the things what they did for my Dad. I'm 100% sure it isn't that much, I'm sure there is a be a solution. Though it worries me, I need to make a appointment with my Dad's head nurse, (or how you call someone like that) to talk about a solution. I already sent a email but that didn't work out, I will have to go there and talk to one of the nurses. My Aunt writes me almost daily an email, Dad eats weekly his raisin bread what he gets from my Aunt, my Aunt buys it from the store. But my Aunt can't do that no more cause, her husband (my Uncle) is sick, so, Uncle sick, no car, no store, no raisin bread. Now my Aunt wants me to get the raisin bread, (once a week) well, I'm not going from my city to another city to get raisin bread for my Dad, I'm sorry. My Aunt makes such a fuzz about this, I mean...

My Dad can get raisin bread at the place where he lives, solution one.This weekend another email, again about the raisin bread, I told her I was sick and that I perhaps maybe will go on a Wednesday, if not then I will go on a Friday or a Saturday. I told her aswell that she can make a little grocery list, so that I can buy a few things more for Dad. Ugh, I'm so done with my Aunt, I need to get in contact with one of the nurses at my Dads place, together we need a solution for Dads finance and shopping. My Aunt can take a hike! And my worries? Yeah, it's about my Dad, and the nurse appointment that I have to make, and the raisin bread that I have to get this week, lol. I don't even have to, I know. Man up Sjon!!

Weekends are flying by!

Weekends are flying by! 

Saturday evening already, time is flying by. This morning I woke up with a bit of a empty feeling, that empty, lonely feeling that I have sometimes. Those moments will pass as always, but it's also a sign that I have to keep searching for social contacts. I almost forgot about that. Before the Summer holiday I had contact with a (new kind of a ) counselor who will help me with finding volunteer work/social contacts, he or she will guide me, or give me that extra push towards social contacts or volunteer work. It's a kind of a program/project. I tried to find myself something but nearly gave up on it, just because of the simple reason that there's not much to do here for volunteers work or getting new social contacts. So, it's great that I get that extra help, maybe the new counselor knows more then me, right?

Now, my old counselor (Sahajo) signed me in to this new project/program, but he told me aswell that this program will start after the Summer holiday, meaning upcoming week. I can't wait, I'm a bit nerves but excited aswell. Today went pretty fast by, it's nice though cause weekends are pretty much boring, I should not say that actually. It's in my own hands to make something of the weekend. Today I got me a electric toothbrush, finally, lol. I always wanted one but had doubts to but it. I'm happy I bought one, I think my dentist will be happy aswell, she advised me to buy one. Next item I almost bought was a rain poncho, there so handy and way much better then a rain suit. I dislike to put on my rain pants and put them out afterwards, it's a hell of a job. 

The rain poncho I kinda just throw on me and I'm done. Though the only one I saw costed to much, then I rather get wet, lol. But I will keep searhing for one, there so handy. I was cold last night, no wonder, cause the tempature last night was almost below zero, woot! Autumn is on his way. My dizziness and stomach ache seems to be floading away, though I will keep taking it easy. Maybe it was just tension, I don't know. Tension for what? I don't know either, lol. I can sometimes worry about the slightest littlest things, I'll have to man up for my silly worries.

Wish I was a Doctor, so I could know what's going on with me.

Wish I was a Doctor, so I could know what's going on with me. 

One moment I'm feeling like I'm gonna faint or get real sick, and the next moment I'm good again. Could it be tension? Or perhaps unknown stress?  I should not even think about it and just take it easy and move on. Thinking about it makes it worser. Still the dizziness and the short breathed is bothering me, I never had this. Though while I'm writing this I feel a bit better. I worked a half day in the afternoon, I had here and there a few doubts if I should go, but I knew actually already that I would go anyway. I woke up early this morning, but after being awake for 30 minutes I took my first nap already. I slept long, afterwards I went to the hospital for my 'tests,' blood sugar and thyroid. I'm curious of the results. 

Today's work, sawing mats out of a large, huge mat.

The tests went fine, "Always look somewhere else when the needle comes, lol." After the tests I went home and took another nap, the weather felt like a Autumn day, grey, rainy and cold. The nap was good, I slept for another hour, wow!  And yeah, around 12:30 I decided to put on my working clothes and work a half day. I felt not that good but I thought if I just sit here at home and think about what's wrong with me, it will only get worser. I was excited to go aswell, so yeah, off I went. Some workers were confussed to see me, lol. But my leading worker was really surprised and excited. Work went well this afternoon, I took it easy. The dizziness bothered me, sigh. I would loved to know the results of my tests, I will have to wait untill Tuesday. 

There you go, one mat!

Before I went to work I bought a little bit of groceries for in the evening, snacks and a beer. Oh and some fruit and juice for work. I cooked my dinner when I got back from work and afterwards I sat down and relaxed. This weekend I'm planning not that much, though I have to visit my Dad soon, it's about time. Gosh, my Aunt called yesterday, she can be such a pain sometimes. Nagging and nagging, I will tell about her tomorrow.... I shouldn't say this actually but, when the time has come that my Dad passes away, (now, don't get me wrong, cause I hope my Dad will become 200 years old) I will never get in contact with my Aunt or other Family members from my Dad's side again. It will be such a relief, really no offence to my Dad, he has a heart of gold. But the others, sigh.

I have the best Boss ever.

I have the best Boss ever. 

It was a 'nerves' day today, I kept thinking of the 'extra day of working.' The fellow worker where I worked with and is a leader in our section told me already this morning, "There is a 90% chance that the Boss will come ask you for a extra day." Yes, we are busy in our section, it's almost madness. To many orders for two working man I tell ya! Normally we have 3 or 4 people working in our section, but they are busy elsewhere. I didn't felt well today, just like the last 3 days I felt dizzy, pressure on my chest and a little stomach ache, the more I though about it, the worse it became. Thinking of the 'extra day,' made it even worse. The whole day I was planning ahead what to tell the Boss when she comes to ask me for a extra day of work, in the meanwhile I thought aswell, "Should I work tomorrow, or shall I refuse?" I should refuse, I'm not feeling well, I need rest.

But I did my work well, I actually did alot. There was a huge order and my leading man and I got the job done, it wasn't heavy work though, just little mats, though they were many little mats. After lunch I felt a bit better, strange... always after lunch I feel a bit better. I had many drinks with me today, one bottle of water, and 2 bottles of vitamin water. (Water with a taste, lol) I figured that alot to drink is good for my stomach. In the afternoon we switched our work to another order, this order was heavy. Meaning hasty and rough, but aswell precisely. These mats were 5 meters long and we had to add carpet in the mats, sigh, what a work. My leading worker is fast while working, I shouldn't even look at him while working, or try to keep up with him. No one can. This order we had almost the whole week, and we had more orders to do. Busy, busy, busy, madhouse.

I already decided in the afternoon that I won't be working that extra day tomorrow, I was done, I was exhausted, it's been enough today. I did my best and I can be proud of myself, but like I said... enough is enough. Still, the Boss didn't come for asking me to work the next day, but just a half hour before closing time Mark came from the office... Mark is a guy who plans the orders, and place the other workers in what section they have to work. He came up to me, and yeah, he asked me if I was willing to work tomorrow. I told him, "I wish I could, but I'm really done, I gave it all today." I had more to say but, he interrupt me and told me, "I can see it, it's okay, I know how it feels." Though I explained a bit further my story, that I felt not well this week, and that I'm, going for a blood sugar test tomorrw. Yeah, I felt pretty bad to refuse that 'extra day.' Worried to loose my job in the first place.

But some workers complimented me afterwards, "Brave from you to refuse," or "Thumbs up." Though I told them that I really had a nasty feeling about it, lol. But at the same time I felt relieved aswell, relieved that I didn't have to work tomorrow. My leading worker kept making jokes, lol, "I will see you tomorrow," he said. He was surely not that happy but secretly he understood my decision too. The silliest thing I did today? I called my Boss after I got home after work, lol. I called her personally to explain why I couldn't work tomorrow, explaining what was wrong with me this week. It was a good conversation, she was on her way home in the carand she really appreciate that I called. Ofcource she understood why I couldn't work, "Only you can describe how you feel, no one else," she told me. My Boss was happy that I called extra to explain things, I could always call her. 

Though she asked me if I was able to work for a few hours tomorrow, probably I will after I did my blood sugar test, but I will see. I told her that if I come to work it will be a half day,  (in the afternoon)  but I'm not promising it. That was alright with her, "Atleast think about it, I totally understand if you decide not to come." Now, is that a good Boss or whatt? I worried about nothing, worried that I might loose my job if I refuse a extra day of work. I have the best Boss, and I worry to much.

Wednesday...

Wednesday... 

Yeah, early to bed is never wrong.

Haven't got much news today, I didn't feel well, still a bit dizzy, stomach ache and short breathed. I have my moments that I feel a bit better, but... It worries me, and worrying isn't healthy for feeling sick, it will only get worse then. Around 8:00 am I called the Doctor for a appointment, I could come at 2:20 pm. Well okay. It's been a lazy day, rested alot (2 naps) and did my groceries. I went to taxes aswell. Last week I got a letter from them, it said that I will receive a small amount of money back from the year 2011. BUT the bank number on that letter was wrong, the money will be deposit on Humanitas's bank account, my old address. Sigh, not my fault, so I went to taxes to get 'that' straight. Afterwards to Humanitas for asking the 'small amount of money back,' "That's the best option to get your money back," said the man behind the desk at taxes. So yeah.

Always something with taxes, I could write almost a book about them, it seems it's every week something with them. Perhaps that's why the stomach ache and the feeling dizzy. Ugh, unknown stress, it seems I'm a easy worrier, lol. Worrying about small little things, where I sometimes not even have to worry about. Anyway, at 2:20 I was nicely on time at the Doctors. I told the Doctor what's wrong with me, and I was clear. But the Doctor couldn't figure out what it was, she listened to my heart and measured my blood pressure, that was perfect. I asked for a blood sugar test, cause that might be it aswell, (dizzy, short breathed) The Doctor gave me a card for the blood sugar test and she wanted to know my thyroid blood results aswell. "Don't worry," said the Doctor, "I will try," was my response. Easier said then done.

Upcoming Friday I will got to the hospital for the 'tests.' Tomorrow isn't possible cause then I work. There is a chance that I have to work an extra day on Friday, just like last week. It's better for my health not to work, but... I will see. My heart is good and my blood pressure is perfect, and I think my thyroid results are going to be good aswell. So what's left is the blood sugar or maybe stress, I will just see what the upcoming days bring. It's busy this week, we have some orders that have to be done in our section. Next week will be 'normal'again. So, perhaps one more day extra working.... only this week.... I will see and I won't worry.

Dad's care!

Dad's care! 

I wish I could visit my Dad more often, I wish I had a car and a drivers licence. All wishes where I have nothing on at the moment. My Aunt called this evening, Dad needed five slices of raisin bread tomorrow. My Aunt or Uncle buys them for Dad every week, Aunt asked if I could get them tomorrow. Sure, I will hop on my bicycle tomorrow and drive a 15 km to get five slices of raisin bread.You know what? This bugs me in a few ways... Should I? Or should I not get the raisin bread? My decision is no, I'm not gonna do that, but that feeling of 'Maybe I should,' keeps bugging me. There has to be changes of how my Dads Family and the day care take care of my Dad.It's me who's gonna take care of that, why? Cause I would like to be the responsible person for this. 

The 'care of my Dad' what my Uncle and Aunt does now is good, it isn't that much cause most of the 'care' do the sisters and nurses in the day care where my Dad lives. My Uncle and Aunt do the little groceries, and buy aswell other stuff, for example, sheets, towels and clothing. It looks like alot of work but it isn't that much, they live close near my Dad. Though I really appreciate what they do. I'm almost ashamed off myself that I'm not able to do this, I have alot of work of myself, and I need my rest also. (ashamed feeling now) Sure I could do a little groceries for my Dad, or buy him the things what he needs, then I have to do that in the weekends. But my Dad's finance what my Uncle does now, no, I couldn't do that. That's just a bit TO much stress for me. 

My Uncle is sick at the moment, hospital visits and he looks and feels bad. I knew this time would come one of these days. My Aunt and Uncle are getting older, and there will be a time that they can't do the things for my Dad as they do now. I have been thinking about it, thinking about, "Who's gonna take care of Dad then?" The sisters and the nurses at the day care ofcource, I know. But the other care I meant. There has to be a solution, I informed one of the leading nurses trough a E-mail just an hour ago. Asking her to make a appointment for a conversation, together we will talk about a solution. Who's gonna do the groceries or the finance. I'm pretty sure we both will find a solution. I will keep doing my once in two week visits at my Dads, like I usually do. 

I probably will get a answer back tomorrow, hopefully. Work today went so so, it was almost the same like yesterday. I felt sick in the morning and felt a bit better in the afternoon, only today's morning was badder then yesterday. I really had to take it easy this morning, short breathed, dizzy and a bit of a weird stomach. I longed for tomorrow's day off. It's so weird though, I was slightly okay when I took it easy, but when I lifted something heavy  or stood in a bend over position and got up, the dizzy feeling came and I felt pressure on my chest and stomach. After my lunch I felt better, and could do my work (quit) normal. It could be my 'blood sugar,' awkward though goes no one in my Family has been sick with 'blood sugars.' 

This morning I was thinking that I really needed to see a Doctor this week, I felt so bad, I thought, "This isn't good." And now I think, 'Let's see how it goes after a day off.' If my blood sugar isn't good then it should bother me the whole day and not only in periods, right? Hmm, yeah. I will have my resting day tomorrow, let's see how I feel tomorrow. Rest is needed, cause sometimes I think I'm doing to much at work, to much my thyroid can handle. This is one of the reasons why I don't go buy five slices of raisin bread for my Dad, otherwise I would have thought about it, and in the end would do it. Lately I haven't been feeling good, I need my rest in the days off I have. No rush and no stress.

Slow start this morning...

Slow start this morning... 

I surely didn't feel that well this morning, short breathed, a bit dizzy, and it felt like my stomach was in a knot. Stress? Nerves? Or something else? I don't know. The dizzy feeling I had last week aswell, not much but it was there. When I stood in rare position a bit to long, or sat to long and then suddenly got up, I had to hold myself. I have to take it easy these days, like my old Doctor always said, "Do what you can, and listen to your body." Sometimes the problem is... when I work I feel good, I feel satisfied, I like the things I do while working. I feel a achievements, and sometimes I over react while working. 'Taking to much hay on my fork,' as we Dutch people say, doing just a bit to much what I'm actually able of. I won't notice the pain though or that exhausted feeling, 'that' I will feel afterwards. But then it's to late.

Later today I felt a bit better, I felt relieved. Listening to your body is surely not that easy, when I feel not well, yeah, THEN it's easier, like this morning. I need my rest, I need to plan my rest on my 'off' days. Maybe I should start with yoga lessons, lol. It's busy at work, I like it though, though 'taking it easy' is a must aswell. Today I had to explain some work activities to a new worker, *Insert proud feeling, lol* The explaining went well, and easy. It made me think of the time when I had the same activity, and someone else explained it to me. I love my job, though sometimes it worries me, like today. I know we have it busy, and I know that sometimes some fellow workers are working over time. Though I really hope that the Boss won't ask me, cause I can't. Not with my sickness, I already work three days in the week, and that's all I'm able off.

The Boss asked me (when I signed the contract) if I was flexible while working, meaning, if they are really busy that they could ask me for an extra day. I told them, 'Yes, sure.' The Boss told me aswell that they will keep in mind that I'm only able off working three days only. So if I work a extra day, then I will be a day off the next week. Example, if I work four days in the week, (just for once a extra day) then I will be working the next week only two days. Last week I had a etra day, but this week I work three day, instead of two days. The extra day from last week was though, I needed fully rest. There will come a time (maybe this week) that I will have to refuse if they gonna ask me for a extra day, or perhaps working over time. Cause I'm just not able to do it, what worries me is that if I keep refusing that they perhaps will fire me.

Okay, when it's really busy, THEN I will think about it to work a extra day, but I hope it's not every week then. Sigh, so far so good, listen to your body Sjon! And stop worrying!

Ready for manic Monday!

Ready for manic Monday!

It's been a short weekend, only two days instead of the usual three days. It's been good though, good, and I had enough time to rest. I didn't do that much this weekend, only groceries, laundry and I went trough my weekly mail. But most of all I rested, flat on the couch and relax. Now I'm all ready for tomorrow's work. Looking trough my weekly mail is not always a pleasure, there's always mail what I have to check twice, and sometimes I have to go after a certain mail to get it settled.

I bought strawberries this Saturday! They were on sale.

Today aswell, I got a little bit of money back from taxes. I have absolute no idea why and where it comes from, my Dad would say, "Doesn't matter, if you get money don't ask why, if you have to pay money, then ask why." Yeah, I get that, but what if I must pay all the received money back? The money I got will be transferred to a bank account what isn't mine. The address is right but the bank number isn't! Wednesday I will go again to taxes, to ask what 'this' all means, sigh.

Sundays dinner, sauce for the rice. With chickenbreast, red pepper, and cashew nuts.

Always something with taxes.  I wish sometimes that everything was settled with my finance, that I don't have to look after it. That everything's settled and will be payed automaticly, that's my dream. I'm looking forward to tomorrow's work, I'm sure it will be busy. That's okay, I will do my best, it's all I can do. The guy where I work with in our section is a hard worker, no one can keep up with him, no one! That's not my goal either, he can work hard, I can too, but only in my own way.

"Doing well."

"Doing well." 

Sometimes it's a though job to write something down here, like today I didn't do much, so there's not much to write. But once I'm starting with writing, it's going on and on. It's like I'm writing down my thoughts, or writing to myself. It's like talking to someone else aswell, writing about how my day was, or writing about my thoughts, just anything. Sometimes I think I write to much, I should keep it short, the readers don't have to know everything. But anyway. 

I had my rest today, though I didn't sleep that much trough the day. I had one big nap and that was it. The 'objection'letter is on his way, it's written, addressed, and signed. I needed a copy aswell, so I went to Humanitas, (copy for free, lol) surprising that my old counselor Paula opened the door. It was nice seeing her back, we had a tea together and a nice little chat. I'm always welcome at Humanitas, though I less the visits, I don't want to go there for every little thing. 

Paula asked me a few things where I couldn't answer her on, it was about finance. I couldn't answer her how much I earned now in the month, I really need to do my book holdings better, lol. Tomorrow is a nice day for that, I like to have things settled, I hate messing up in my finance/book holdings. I know mostly everything goes automatically (paying my gas/electricity, rent, insurances, etc, etc. But if they would ask me how much do I pay for rent or my health insurance, I couldn't tell you.

It worries me aswell, (silly Sjon) I keep saying that everything is in order now with my finance, but is it really? Do I have everything in order? Do I not miss out on anything? Anyhow, Sunday I will storm trough my book holdings. For now I will finish my beer and my chips,lol. Hey, it's Saturday eve' I deserve a treat!

Schedule for the next coming days: Rest!

Schedule for the next coming days: Rest! 

And I didn't even mentioned it yesterday, (I think) Today I had a appointment at the hospital for a  electrocardiography, in June I had pain in my chest, short breathed, pain in my throat while swallowing food or liquid, it was a bit of a stabbing pain. My Doctor told me she couldn't find anything, so she send me to the hospital for a electrocardiography. Within two weeks I got a letter from the hospital with the confirming for the electrocardiography. 24th of August at 10:30 am, kinda awkward that I had to wait almost two months for the appointment, but okay. Today was the day.

Though, today I worked aswell a extra day. So, I had to tell to my Boss that I have a appointment at 10:30 am, actually I had to be 15 minutes earlier cause of the ECG. I left after the first coffee break at 9:50 am, way to early but my partner fellow worker told me I could go, "It's alright," he said. Glad I went earlier cause I wasn't even sitting five minutes in the full packed with people waiting room and it was my turn already, surprising, cause  it was still early. (10:10 am) The lady who helped me said that she wanted to have a look at your heart first before I go on the (special) home trainer. (ECG)

I thought I only had to go on 'that' home trainer, and that was that, I thought the ECG was the ride on the home trainer. But no, first they went and looked at my heart, then the 'home trainer,' and then the final results (from the heart) from a special Doctor. From him I got the results plus a  a little explaining at 11:20 am, what I didn't know, lol.  It all stood in the letter I received from the hospital, ECG at 10:15, home trainer ride at 10:30, and then the results at 11:20. Everything went pretty fast, just my luck,lol. I didn't like to come later at work, I told them that I will be back a bit after 11:00, But hey, the results I will get at 11:20, sigh. 

The ride on the home trainer went well, a ride for a little 15 minutes, the last 5 minutes were though. But I succeeded, I'm a fervent cycler, lol.  Then the waiting in the waiting room for the results, I thought, "Sure I'm okay with the results, let's get it on, work is waiting." Though I thought aswell, "Will the results be good?" And yeah, the results were good, the Doctor was nice and asked me further about things, for example why I'm sometimes short breathed, I blame it on my thyroid, and the Doctor understood. My heart is good, no worries about that, blood pressure was perfect aswell.

I wasn't surprised about the blood pressure, cause it's always good when someone is checking it, I got used to it. How went my extra day? Well, I kinda programmed myself to it, and it went okay. The last few hours though were tough, no, I will not work four days a week for always, that's just a bit to much for my body. It was busy today on my section, that's why the extra day. This Friday felt different,  a two days weekend feels different then a three days weekend. I need surely my rest after giving everything four days long, Next week will be busy aswell, perhaps then the Boss will ask me again to work a extra day, my answer? 

I'm not sure yet, I don't want to make it a habit to work every week a extra day. Working three days a week is actually enough for my me and my body, with four days I start to worry. No, three days is the limit. A extra day when it's extremely busy? yeah, that's okay, but that's it. I was tired after work, a tiny bit out of breath and dizzy, it's been enough for today, rest is what I do the coming days.