Fasten your seat belts....

Fasten your seat belts....


The morning went on and I tried to sit with the Family, but I was rather alone upstairs on the computer doing my own things. Tam was talking to everyone almost non-stop. I felt empty and tired, I wished it was 1:00 cause then it's time to go to the airport. I packed my last things and taped a few boxes. One more shower and then I'm done and ready.


Saf woke up around 12 noon, she took a shower and went downstairs. Everyone was downstairs and it was hectic. I took my last quick shower and went downstairs aswell. Saf pronounced that we are leaving in ten minutes, "Everybody prepair for goodbyes." When the goodbye was there it felt awkward and it was not actually what I had planned, I rather sat with every person for a small talk and then a goodbye. But there was no time for that, there was a bit of a rush, cause the driveway needed to be shoveled aswell cause of the  many snow.


I hugged everyone and it was just a quick hug, I told everybody to take care of themselves. Mar wanted to come for the ride but, I rather was alone with Saf so we could talk openly to each other. I told Mar that aswell but she was clearly not so happy with that, she went downstairs for a little while. She came back later for a hug and a goodbye. I hugged Tam aswell and I told her, "I can be such a pain sometimes, I'm sorry about last night". I repeated it a few times. The hug felt good and she told me "Yes, you can be a pain sometimes, but don't we all, you can be a good pain." I was happy she took the sorry well, I didn't wanna leave with angry faces.

It was time to go, I took the suitcases and putted them in the car. The driveway needed shoveleling cause of the huge amount of snow. Cle, and her friend offered to help out, I helped aswell. It was done in 15 minutes,and off we went to the airport. The drive was pleasant, good and nice. We talked alot about our relationship and my next further steps. It felt weird to leave the house, cause I knew I won't return back for a long time. I have been many times back and forth between Holland and Canada, but this time it's different. When we arrived at the airport Saf told me something funny "This is the same day my ex is flying to Egypt, also with KLM, but I don't know what time he leaves."


The check in went fine, only I had to pay 55 Dollar for the second suitcase, "Only one suitcase was permitted" they said. After the check in it was time for the handbag luggage's check, and that means almost time to say goodbye to Saf. She hugged me and said, "I thought I wouldn't cry but I am." I was thinking the same, I bit d my lips a few times, just to not to cry. Ugh men! LOL! I'm gonna miss you Saf! Saf said, "Take good care of yourself," and she held my hand. It was time to go and she let go of my hand, "One more kiss." she said. And I kissed her, I missed her kiss, and I missed her hand around me, it has been a while. It was time to go. She rubbed my back and said "Bye."


While walking trough the gate, I cried a bit, but I didn't care, ofcource I cried after what I have been trough the last two months. Everything is going so fast, it's been quit a few years here in Canada. I took one more look at Saf, she was still standing there behind the billboard. She's so tiny LOL, I had to stand on my toe's to see her and wave goodbye. Gonna miss her! Ugh, the handbag luggage check was a bit of a pain, and alot of work. I saw people taking of there shoes and belts. I started to untied my winter boots already, sigh, double knots. "That's a heavy bag," said one of the luggage checkers, he smiled when he said it. I told him "Cd's", he laughed. I had so much luggage.

On we went to the plane. Everything went so smooth and easy, like I have been here before. Ofcource, I have been traveling alot the last two  years. I'm a traveller. I bought a little notebook and a few pens to write some things down for my blog. I realized then that ball pens are rubbish from the Dollar store. They didn't work anymore after writing a few words. Sigh! When I saw the plane standing outside waiting for the passengers, I whispered,"Yes! it's  big one." (Boeing 747, I love them, the bigger the better) While waiting for to get in the plane, I thought of Saf's kids, I miss them... specially Tasn. Feelings of "I don't wanna go," or, "I belong with them,", or, "I lived there, that's my life."


One thing reminded me what Saf said in the car on our way to the airport, she said, "It was good that we ended the relation on time, cause if we would have continued like this, it would have gone worse, and ended it up hating each other". She didn't want that and I didn't want that either. Good friends like we were in the beginning before we met, that was a great time. Maybe I'm fooling myself with saying this but, sometimes I think, "Why didn't we solve things then, when it went worse with our relationship"? Would it have helped? I think it would, I don't know I'm just thinking that sometimes.


It was time to go in the plane. I was happy that I had a bit of spare time instead of having to rush. I was proud aswell, I made it! I found a place to stay and got my money together for the flight, and I stood trough the last two months. The last two hours was good with Saf, we both smiled after my leaving, and that's what I wanted. I didn't like my seat, I thought it was a window seat.But 58F was a seat right in the middle row, two seats further was the child section. I could hear already a kid cry, sigh! Next to me sat a old man with a long grey beard and a turban, Pakistani? Great!


I wish KLM made larger seats for people with long legs, I couldn't stretch them. The taking of went fine and I didn't even notice it, we were already  sky-high before we knew it. In the plane I had double feelings, these 'missing them' feelings and feelings of 'get over it and move on'. Saf told me she would be very happy if I would find another woman, I said "They all will never be the same like you." "Oooh, stop it!" Saf replied and laughed. My plan is to stay single for a long time, and if someone would cross my path, then I guess it's meant to be. Funny enough I sometimes think that I can't love another woman, I can't do that to Saf. And I can't do that to myself....


While flying I figured out that I needed some sleep, cause it's only a small seven hours flight. But it was so hard to sleep sitting up straight and have your legs in your neck. Anyway let's try again...


Sweet dreams Canada.