Nerves this week!

Nerves this week! 

I hope tomorrow will be the day when my Boss comes to me while working, and takes me with her to her office. Then I hope she will say, "Okay Sjon, you can stay for another half year, your half year working contract gets a extension." I guess I'm dreaming ahead, though I hope and actually pray this comes trough. I will be so happy and suppa duppa motivated for the next half year. After the next half year my Boss has to hire me for good. It's the law. Oh, the nerves. I will have to wait, the waiting is so long though, lol. Today has just been a lazy day, nothing new, just resting, cooking and getting things ready for work. 

It was a gorgeous day outside, I should actually have gone outside for a walk. But I didn't, Sunday is usually a 'stay inside' day, lol. This coming week I will do extra my best at work, no mistakes. If I make mistakes it's just because I forget to ask sometimes, asking what the measures are or, how many parts this mat is, etc, etc. it's all about being assertive. I need to speak up more. I'm not that a talker at work, I don't know what it is with me. I need time to get used to people, and then slowly I start to speak up more, I will speak up with a louder voice then I do now, lol. Oh well, not everyone is the same right?

Easy Saturday.

Easy Saturday. 

This Saturday was a bit different then the normal Saturdays I have, at least if felt different. I had to wait for a message or a phone call from a friend of mine, she needed help with moving some furniture. Painters and fixers were busy for almost three weeks with renovating her house. This friend I know from the 'free dinners' and from a mutual friend from Humanitas, she's a nice lady, she has two kids. (No, I don't have a crush on her, haha! Just a certain friend.) The waiting for the phone call and message took long cause the painters didn't show up in the early morning, the came much later in the morning. So the painting took longer then was expected, not until six or seven in the evening with help from others they were finished.

Sun and dark clouds today, but not cold, perfect Autumn weather.

That was just to late for me to help them, I felt sorry.This friend of mine lives in the same city as I do, but she lives all up north, and that's a long bike ride. I promised them I would drop by for a coffee soon, probably this week. I earned some money today aswell, I sold my old TV cabinet, that went fast, right? The buyer picked it up, payed me and went off. That's the way we do it. My Aunt sent me a message aswell today, asking me if I was going to my Dad today, Dad needed a raisin bread again, and the store where my Aunt buys the raisin bread was closed. She had to go to another village for the raisin bread, good Lord, there are several other bakery stores where my Dad lives! Anyway, I told my Aunt shortly and firm that I went yesterday and that I had a full schedule today, sorry!

Best Dad visit ever!

Best Dad visit ever! 

A nice Autumn day, a hard breeze, here and there a dark cloud but most of all sunshine. Today on my schedule was to visit my Dad, just before the visit I had my rest and a little nap. Just before noon I took off, when I go earlier to my Dad I might bump into someone who I rather not bump into, yup, my Aunt. When I arrived at Dad's village I first went shopping, there were a few things what Dad really needs according to my Dad's nurse. The universal remote control for the TV I had already, it's a handy remote with big buttons, and the buttons are less then a normal TV remote control. 

 I went for a short walk in the forest after Dad's visit, I got lost cause I took the wrong turn, lol. The path I followed took me right where I wanted to be. 

The first sign of Autumn? I saw typical Autumn mushrooms in the forest.

First of to a (sport) clothing store, Dad needed a kind of a comfy jogging pants,(one without a zipper, lol) and I found one. I had to guess his size, but that was kinda easy. Size XL was way to big for him, size M, was to small, so size L, it was. Next store was a gift shop, I needed a vase, cause the last store I visit before heading to Dad was a flower shop. Withing 20 minutes I had everything I wanted, jogging pants, a vase, and nice flowers. Gosh the weather was nice, when I nearly arrived I looked at the parking lot, searching for my Uncle and Aunt's car. I was safe, I can go in, sigh! 

 Always these horse pictures Sjon, lol! I'm not even a horse fan, I wanted the horse to come closer so I made a few noises, and then it came closer. While I had taken this photo I putted the camera away and could actaullu see how close it was standing in front of me. Yikes!!

The path leading to the forest, it's not even a 5 minute walk from my Dad's place. Once your in the forest you can walk there for weeks.

A shame that it has to be this way, hiding or avoiding family members to visit my own Dad. But I had a great visit, when I entered his room he called me said, "Hey Sonnie boy." He was glad to see me, oh yes, he was. That's how I want it to be, not as a must to go, but just whenever I want, unexpected as a surprise. Dad was happy with the gifts I gave him, some nurses came in for Dad's lunch, and Dad told them about my gifts. I stayed for a little hour, then I took off. It's sometimes sad to see that Dad doesn't get much visitors, and I bet that having my Aunt two or three times a week as a visit isn't a pleasure either. 

This little creature could easily fit in a large shopping bag, so tiny and cute.

This horse was hiding behind the other's horse bum, I wanted the horse to look up and so it did. Nice picture as a result.

I have been thinking of volunteers who can visit my Dad once a week, there is a volunteers agency in Dad's village. All though the volunteer will be a stranger, if he or she comes once a week they won't be strangers anymore. It's just a thought. I will have to place a advert on the site of the volunteer's agency, if I want to get this trough. Though I think it's better to discus this with my Dad's nurse first. When I left Dad's place I was thinking of what he's gonna do the rest of the day, I mean how does he gets trough his days. I know the place where he lives organizes sometimes little events for the residents and Dad enjoys them, but still. A few visitors more would be nice.

Feeling sleepy and writing a post.

Feeling sleepy and writing a post. 

I'm excited about the weekend, though I have not much planned, just excited about a few little things and the rest and sleep. I can see that the days are getting shorter, in the morning it's still dark when I have to go to work. A few months ago it was the opposite, aswell in the evening it's getting darker sooner then normal. My Dad use to call such days, "The dark days before Christmas." Today I worked well, though in the morning I made a few little mistakes, I know I learn from it but I hate it, I so dislike it. A few mats were to short or to wide, it's easy to repair, but my second Boss calls me then and points me to the mistake, ugh! I know he has to do it, and it's good he does it, I learn from it, but still, ugh! Specially now when I'm in the so called 'Danger zone,' lol!

Upcoming Monday I will probably get to hear if I'm hired again for another half year, nerves? Hmm yes and no. I'm give it a  90% that I can stay, the other 10%, yeah, doubts. But anyway, I will hear it Monday or the days after. Tomorrow my day off, I want to visit my Dad for sure. I got him the universal remote control that he wanted and needed. Dad can't use his hands properly anymore, he needs a remote control with only a few buttons, and then buttons has to be less. I will bring him some flowers too, and a vase for the flowers. (Including raisin bread what he loves) The day after Friday I will help a friend of mine getting a huge couch out of a container into her house. Plus I sold my TV-cabinet just 10 minutes before I started to write this post.

Enough to do I guess in the weekend, though I'm not going shopping or go out visiting other cities or markets. I need my rest aswell. And I'm sure I will take care of that. Good news is that my stomach ache is much, much less then a few days ago. Good and relieved feeling.

Excited much!

Excited much! 

The lady from 'Buddy wanted,' has been, and it was all I expected. It's good to have such projects, the visit this afternoon went fine. Sahajo my old counselor was with the visit, he filled me on when the lady asked about me. I'm excited that this 'project' is gonna help me out, though a little bit nerves aswell. The lady leads this whole project, but she's not the one who's gonna guide me with searching for volunteer work for example or perhaps finding a sport I can join, or whatever is possible to get me out of the house during my days off. Within two weeks the lady will come back with a person who has been chosen for me, that person will visit me weekly or once in two weeks.  Together we will try to find 'something' for me. Yeah, I need this, I need to join something, get out more, get out to find people where I can socialize with. Been to long alone.

The lady could tell I was excited, that made her excited aswell. The normal procedure is that I get a guy who will guide me, cause I'm a guy too. If I was a woman I would have had a woman as a guide, why? Well, the lady told me that there "could" be a chance that relationships could follow when a guy guides a girl , or vice verca. Pity, I rather would have had a woman who will guide me, and I told the lady that aswell. She answered me with that she will do her best to get the best guide for you who suits me, a woman or a guy. We will see. Why a woman? I don't know, I talk easier with a woman then a man, lol. In my eyes women or better listeners then man. Period? ...................yes!

A little stomach ache.

A little stomach ache. 

I guess I ated a bit to much today, after the evening dinner I had lots of cramps and went to the bathroom. Afterwards my stomach felt like it's in a knot, I have a weak stomach. I guess it was the cake from work this morning, we all had a reason to celebrate something, Our work is going well, the huge order for the US from a few months ago was a success, we managed. Still we have lots of work, our Boss told us in the cantine this morning, that we can fold our hands and be blessed, cause there's not many factory's in our area with so many orders. The cake was nice but had just a little bit to much cream, lol. I think I never have to buy cake, cause there's always something to celebrate at our work. Birthdays from fellow workers, a deliverance of a baby from a female worker, etc, etc.

Busy week ahead at work, I probably work Friday aswell. Though I hope not, cause Dad is waiting for me too. It's about time I visit him, my Aunt still didn't call since my last email. I'm not worried, it's a nice and a calm feeling without phone calls and emails from her. Tomorrow I'm getting visitors, my old counselor (Sahajo) comes and a woman from "Buddy wanted." Buddy wanted has everything to do with searching for 'something to do, 'socializing' finding perhaps new friends, going out, you name it. Buddy wanted is a project that will help me find for 'something to do.' Perhaps join a sport or go to a club or find volunteers work. I tried to find all that by myself, I did my best but didn't succeed. I have work but further then that I'm still searching for more company, something to do, specially in the weekend.

My counselor will help me to give the woman from 'Buddy wanted' as much as possible information about me, ofcource I can talk too, lol. but I like it when my counselor helps me with this, he asked me aswell. The woman will guide and help me around for eight months with finding 'something to do,' supports me and looks around aswell for something to do. I'm excited about this project, I'm actually on a point that I almost wanted to give up with searching, lol. There is just not much to do and the volunteers agency here is slow. I don't want either to fall back in my old pattern, that 'einzelganger'patern. Not wanting that is a good sign. In Canada I had lots of people around me, I had to get used to that, after Canada I didn't want anything else then people around me.

Windy, rainy day today...

Windy, rainy day today...

This morning just before I went to work it rained pretty rough, actually the whole night it rained pretty rough and I heared thunder. Awkward and relieved I felt that when I had to go to work the rain stopped, lol. Just my luck, thought I had my rain poncho with me. It wasn't cold but the wind blew hard the whole day, specially in the evening. 

Work went well today, it wasn't so busy. Though I hope it gets busier, cause of my working contract. 1 October is on his way, lol. Further on this Monday.... well not that much really, just a manic Monday, lol. I can tell that alot of my friends on Facebook are looking forward to this season, that makes me excited too, lol. Yep, I'm not gonna complain when it rains and I have to get trough it, and when I'm cold I will wear my favorite sweater and fully enjoy it. I'm ready for the colder days.

Sunday's alright!

Sunday's alright! 

I think you can guess what I did today.... It's Sunday! Resting, getting things ready for tomorrow's work and cooking. Normally I don't go out on Sunday's, so today neither. Calm and relaxing on the couch, with a cuppa and my laptop. Catching up with friends, news, music and funny video's. This Sunday went pretty fast. 

And yes today aswell it dashed trough my mind aswell about my 'half year working contract,' one more week and then I get to hear if I can stay for another half year or not. When I think of it it's obliviously that I can stay, I did my job well the last 6 months, so. But yeah, you never know. It nerves and worries me.

Lots of rain is for spelled for tomorrow, I layed my rain poncho ready for just in case. Well there's not much more to say actually about this day, it was a nice, calm and a relaxing day. What can I wish more for. Perhaps a ton of money, LOL! That would be nice.

First Autumn day, and it sure was a pretty one.

First Autumn day, and it sure was a pretty one. 

This afternoon I spent my time in Arnhem, just like I planned it yesterday. This morning I took it easy, so I could calm and rested out go start my travel. The travel to Arnhem took only a hour with the train, it ain't that far.Before I went I felt a bit down, like I sometimes do in the long weekends, being alone isn't always a pleasure. Add the nerves for the upcoming weeks and I'm done. The upcoming weeks I will probably get to hear if I will be hired again for another half year. Fingers crossed, oh yeah! 

Rain and sunshine in Arnhem!

In the month May from this year I got to hear that I can stay for a half year, I signed for it. The half year is a common thing, it's a normal procedure. After the half year, they can hire you again for another half year. But after that they must hire you for good,  (or fire you) they can't hire you for another half year for a third time. I really, really, really hope they hire me again for a second half year, the nerves were getting to me this morning. Thinking of what's gonna happen if I will be not hired for another half year, gosh horror scenes! 

The river Rhine floods beside Arnhem.

Anyway I went out today and I had a pleasant time, I had a few rain showers but further then that, it was a beautiful first Autumn day. Arnhem was great, lots of shops and lots of people. I nearly bought a new 'Autumn' jacket (as I called it, lol) not to thick and not to thin. I nearly found one, but it was just a bit to tight. Glad I didn't bought it though, I figured the Winter is nearly on his way too, and I need a new Winter coat aswell. So better to search for a Winter coat. It was a nice Sunny Autumn day, I will do this more often, if or when the money lets me, lol.

Da weekend has started!

Da weekend has started! 

I'm going out tomorrow afternoon, I will leave around 11:00 and arrive around 1:00. I'm going to Arnhem, Arnhem is a nice city to visit. Arnhem is not as far a s Amsterdam and doesn't have the crowded tourists as in Amsterdam. Arnhem has aswell a historic story, In World War II, during Operation Market Garden (September 1944), the British 1st Airborne Division and the Polish 1st Independent Parachute Brigade were given the task of securing the bridge at Arnhem. The units were parachuted and glider-landed into the area on 17 September and later. These events were dramatized in the 1977 movie A Bridge Too Far. (Wikipedia) But most of all Arnhem is a nice place to fill my afternoon, ofcource I take pictures!! 

New curtains in the sleeping room.

As you can see they hang a bit over the central heatinmg, shorten them is a must.

The color is hard to describe, it's light brownish with a bit brownish green. Uhm, yeah!

Today was a pretty calm day, I rested but did also a few house holdings. As usual I did my weekly groceries, funny is that I mostly know where everything lays in the store, mostly I always take the same route, lol. It wasn't that cold today, the sun made it nicely warm. I bough a little bunch of callion, it was needed in a recipe I want to try Sunday. Sunday's is my special cooking day. On Sunday I have plenty of time for that. Today I made a start with hanging my curtains, that went quit easy I must say. The rail was hanging in, let's say 20 minutes. (pictures above) I had to iron the curtains first, cause they stayed in the package way to long. 

Although the curtains are hanging, there still not done yet. They have to be shorten, cause they hang over the central heating, that can cause a burn. And they have to hang for a long while, maybe then the wrinkles come out. Everything on time.

The nerves can begin now...

The nerves can begin now... 

Yep, almost 1 October, one 1 October my working contract will be over. Though I actually do not have to worry cause my Boss will (probably) enlarge my contract for another half year. Just like my Boss mentioned when I signed my working contract in May, "When you continue the way you work now, there's nothing to worry about." Easier said then done, lol. One more week then I will probably know it if or when they enlarge my contract. And the nerve began... I can think of a few reasons why they don't want to enlarge my contract, 1) The three days that I work in the week is just not enough...

They want more days. 2) It will be not that busy next week, so yeah, that's an option to fire someone aswell. Aaah, I'm thinking ahead then, filling in thoughts. I will do my best, just like I did today. Today work went well too, I nearly managed to finnish a order. I was thinking aswell that the fellow workers in my section would ask me to work tomorrow a half day. First it was a yes, later on it went a no. Silly maybe that I am, I didn't like it, I would love to work a half day more. Lol, here I am that other fellow workers are happy with a day off, and me dislike it when I can't work a half day more.

Rain...sunshine...rain...shunshine.

Rain...sunshine...rain...sunshine.

Gotta love Autumn, hey let me get used to the cold first, lol ! I was looking this morning what kinda sweater I will wear today, not to thick, not to thin, I found a nice warm one. It was cold in the morning when I went out to do groceries, I couldn't believe I saw a few people walking in t-shirts. All though the sun shined trough some rain clouds, there was still a cold wind. After the groceries I picked up my ready made ordered curtains from the store, that went easy. Saturday I will hang them. Yeah, it was a bit a full day. When I got back I took my lunch and rested, after my rest I waited for my  second hand TV- cabinet. I saw a nice second hand TV-cabinet on a selling site, today was the day the sellers brought me the cabinet. 

The new cabinetis 35cm's high and 1 meter 50 wide.

The TV-cabinet is very wide and much shorter then the old one I had, I will have to get used to it. I think the cabinet needs some decorations, for example a little rug or a plant on top of the cabinet, and hide the long wires. It will be good in the end. Hard rain today, on my way to the free dinner I got soaked. When I got there (soaked) the sun shined again, lol. While writing this post I wearing a thicker sweater, it's gonna be a cold night, five degrees only. My heater is still out, I will see how cold it feels in the morning, maybe then I'll put it on for a little while. I haven't checked my Hotmail today to see if my Aunt responded on my mail, I will check it in the morning. If I check it now and my Aunt responded nasty I will probably lay awake whole night, so no.

Cold night, good sleep!

Cold night, good sleep! 

I mean, I do hope on a good sleep tonight. The last two nights weren't so good, last night I couldn't catch sleep. I had a weird itchy pain on my arm, I just fell a sleep. I had to get up and look in the mirror to my arm, I spotted a glue spot on my arm, glue from work. It's hard to get off, fellow workers adviced me several times to use sand paper to get the glue of the hands or arms. So, there I stood at 1:30am, scrubbing my arm with sand paper, it helped though. Back to sleep I went, though the alarm clock went off at 5:00am. Oh well! Though the lack of sleep I had a nice productive day at work, felt a bit nerves cause of the 3 in a row phone calls from my Aunt. There could be something with Dad? But, hmm, the place where Dad lives would have called then aswell, so...

Last night I sent a little message to my Dad's nurse, just a little note telling her my work's address and phone number, always handy I thought. I didn't had any phone call at work, so has to be good I guess, in this case, "No news is good news." Right? I thought I felt tired to day at work but it went quit good. I managed to do alot, and that felt great. After work when I got home I red a email from my Aunt, just what I expected. It was all blah, blah again. She acted like nothing has happened and just continued with what she always did the last few days/weeks. "Have you been to your Dad already?" Or, "I need you to do grocery for your Dad." Or, "Are you mad at me?" (Cause I didn't answer her on my phone last night.) I mailed her back saying why I didn't answer her last night, telling that I was mad yes.... (duh)

Because of her Son's last not that nice email towards me last week. My mail back to my Aunt  was firm, here and there polite and nice aswell, I told her also that I talked to my Dad's nurse last Friday. You see, I really understand my Aunt that she is looking for help, someone has to do the grocery for my Dad. My Aunt is almost not able to do that,  cause her husband (My Uncle) is sick. But as she insists me, almost commands me and by the way she treated me a few times, I say no! I'm not able to visit my Dad once a week, sure I can get a few groceries for my Dad, but only when I'm going to my Dad and when I want and when I'm able off, without commanding. There are ways to solve the problem, there should be somewhere a store delivers groceries, maybe put a add for volunteers to do the groceries for my Dad. 

Though my Aunt is stubborn, I'm willing to help but, it's though with her, we will never be on one line, it's impossible. Anyway enough about her, I didn't see her response in my mailbox yet, and I'm not gonna look either. I want a good night sleep, I know Dad's alright, and that Dad's nurse is on one line with me, it's all I need for now. Oooh! Exciting day tomorrow, I saw a nice second hand TV cabinet on a second hand selling site a few days ago. I mailed the owners back and forth for a few days and, they are willing to bring the cabinet tomorrow around 2:00pm. Yay me! And ...I can pick up the ordered curtains from last Saturday, they are ready made, though they didn't had enough. The store had to order one package more, tomorrow is the day I will pick it up. Nice day ahead!
 

Days are getting colder...

Days are getting colder... 

While I was writing this post my Aunt called 3 times in a row, the first time the phone went over I didn't answer, the second time neither, and the third time, I got nervous, but I didn't answer. After the 3 times I got a bit anxcious, what could it have been that she ranged 3 times? Something wrong with Dad? Or just that my Aunt wants badly to hear from me. Maybe I should have answered after the third time, I don't know. Feeling a bit nerves now... My thoughts are, "If it's really that important they will call back." I don't know then if I will answer then. Yeah, stubborn, I know, well they hurt me.... I called the place where my Dad lives, though no answer. I will try it again later. 

A fellow worker snapped this photo of me on his phone, today I saw the photo all of a sudden back on Facebook, lol! I'm wearing a safety mask just to be goofy for the photo, lol.

I didn't sleep so well last night, I woke up at 2:00 am. I was clearly awake, around 3:30 am I think I fell asleep for a little 10 minutes then I woke up again. A little bit after 4:00 am I decided to get out of bed, clearly awake again. Usually I get up around 4:30 am or 5:00 am.  "It's gonna be a long day," I thought. And it was a long day, but everything went well at work. We weren't so busy today, comparing it with last week it was a piece of cake. Though I felt tired after work, sleepy aswell. The free dinner was waiting, so there I went. The food at the free dinner always gives me a little boost, so that was good. Early night for me though, catching in some sleep from last night.

I called two times back to the place where my Dad lives, still no answer. I think I should stop worrying now, if there's something with Dad then the nurses would have called me. Right? Sigh!

"Breakfast/brunch."

"Breakfast/brunch." 

The Breakfast/brunch was top! I was a bit late but that didn't matter, my Aunt and two other nieces were already there. They welcomed me friendly and I sat down. within 15 minutes the whole group was complete. We all sat outside cause the weather was perfect, sunshine, 18 degrees and a little wind. As I said before I have more Nieces then Cousins, also this afternoon there were more Nieces then Cousins. In fact one Cousin was there the other ones were all Nieces and Aunts. Two Aunts, two Cousins and six Nieces. We had a great time, talking, laughing, updating each other and good healty food. It's so nice to talk with these people, they listen and you get feedback. Next year were gonna do it again, this brunch was the second one from this year. I think two times a year is good.

It was a full weekend, though I had my rest aswell. It's a must that I take enough rest, cause of my three days of work in the week, with sometimes a half day or a whole day extra. Soon it will be October, then my working contract is over and will be (hopefully) extended. Probably it will, I can't think of a reason why it couldn't. Hmm, maybe one, 'maybe the three days in the week is not enough for them.' Am I worried? Yeah, just a bit. I will do my extra best the following weeks, just that little bit extra does always help. Though my Boss told me last May that I didn't have to worry cause of the 'half year contract,' "When you continue your work like you do now, you don't have to worry about anything." That's a relief, yeah. But still, you never know. I will cross my fingers!

Sleepy weekend.

Sleepy weekend. 

Three naps today, geesh, what's going on? Though the naps were good, and I had plenty of time to do so. Between the naps I bought my groceries in the morning, and in the afternoon I ordered new curtains for in the sleeping room. I thought, Winter is coming up, so curtains closed will warm up my sleeping room. I bought already last week new blinds for in the sleeping room, the new curtains will Finnish it all up. The curtains have a sand, light brownish color, I don't have them yet though, they had to be ordered. Wednesday I can pick them up. The curtains are ready made and have a certain length and wide, the ready made curtains were 140cm and 220cm (wide and length) so, I needed four packages of (ready made)n curtains. I wanted my curtains to be 180cm wide and 195cm high. I'm happy I ordered them, I have been doing without them for almost a year. 

Tomorrow's gonna be a excited day, I will have my second breakfast/brunch with my Nieces and Cousins, excitement! I'm sure it will be fun, this time more Nieces and Cousins will show up. Last time (in August) we had a breakfast/brunch aswell, only then four Nieces showed up. Blame the Summer holiday, most of the Nieces and Cousins were on a holiday. The breakfast/brunch will be held in my city in a nice cafe/restaurant, it's almost walking distance. Ofcource more Nieces then Cousins will show up, cause of the simple fact that I have more Nieces then Cousins, I certainly don't mind. These Nieces and Cousins are from my Mom's side of the Family, so no fear for me, lol. They are super friendly and none-grumpy.

Uplifting conversation today, that did me good!

Uplifting conversation today, that did me good! 

I could tell I was nerves today cause of the appointment this morning, talking about the appointment with my Dad's nurse. I had a hearting stomach and I felt down a bit, maybe it was better to work a half day, I thought. There was even a little point that I thought, "Why should I even go?" But I went, and I'm glad I did. The nerves I had was mostly because I was scared to bump into my Aunt and Uncle, oblivious. On my way I felt cold, no wonder cause it sky was grey, a hard wind blew  and it looked like it was about to rain. What a difference with the weather from last week. Once arrived at Dad's place I looked around for a blue car, my Uncle's car. Thank God I didn't see one, pffeeww! I walked in and went to the receptionist and I told her I have a appointment with my Dad's nurse at 11:00.

Well, the telling came out a bit different, cause I couldn't come on the word "Dad's nurse." Nurse in Dutch is zuster, though zuster has the same meaning as Sister in Dutch language. I should have said "Verpleger" meaning nurse in Dutch. So the receptionist thought I meant my Dad's sister. She told me, "I just saw your Uncle, he already went to you Dad, you can follow him and meet your Dad's Sister there." Oops, my Aunt and Uncle are here too?  I right away explained to the receptionist that my explaining was not so well, she finally understood me after I explained it better. "I will call the nurse and tell her that your here," after the call the receptionist told me, I had to wait in the lobby. Sigh, there I sat in the lobby, my Aunt and Uncle are at my Dad's on the second floor and I'm on the main floor waiting. I was staring at the elevator doors... 

...Cause it could be that my Aunt and Uncle can come down from the second floor all of a sudden, and then what? Geesh, what a day. An other nurse came towards me to take me with her to Dad's nurse, second floor. Dad's nurse has her office just beside my Dad's room, sigh! When I stepped into the elevator I slightly explained to the nurse (who picked me up) that there was something going on with my Aunt and me, I think she got the message, but still I was nervous. The elevator doors went open and I could look right into Dad's open door. (he always has his door open.) Dad's nurse was on the phone in her office while I waited in her office, the other nurse told me to wait again outside the office. Yikes! There I stood waiting for Dad's nurse to finish her call, and not even 3 meters from my Dad's room where my Aunt and Uncle are on a visit. 

Then Dad's nurse invited me in her office, sigh, the relief I felt! Dad's nurse was friendly, I talked to her before. I explained to her what I wanted, and the explaining went well, I think. She understood me, she even wanted to know a bit what was going on with my Aunt and me after I explained what has happened last week. (Words with my Aunt and the evil message from my Cousin) I told the nurse that I just can't bring up that I visit Dad weekly, as much as I want so badly. It feels bad that I can't go weekly or as much as my Aunt wants me too, though my Aunt keeps holding me under her thumb, and I follow as a little kid. She wants to be in charge. But not anymore, I'm done. Dad's nurse told me aswell that my Aunt and Uncle do alot for my Dad, and I told her that I really appreciate that...

But how they treat me or involve me in this is totally wrong. Visiting my Dad is not a pleasure anymore like this, when I HAVE to visit it feels like a must, I HAVE to visit my Dad, otherwise my Aunt starts to annoy me. I explained to my Dad's nurse that I would like to be more involved with Dad surroundings, I explained aswell that my Aunt and Uncle are not "that" able anymore to take care of my Dad, there getting old and they start to complain. Well, that was easy, cause there is another way to take care of my Dad's finance (what my Uncle does now) "You could arrange a out stander who could do that for your Dad" explained the nurse, "There are companies or agencies who do that aswell." Same thing with doing groceries for Dad, there are ways to let other people do the groceries, supermarkets or grocery stores do that aswell...

'They can bring the groceries to the customer." Great!! And me? I can do things aswell, I can visit whenever I want, and when I visit I can bring flowers or buy a gift he likes. Flowers, because Dad always bought flowers weekly for Mom's grave and for his own room, but he's not able to do that anymore. I can do that easily! Dad's nurse also pointed out that Dad needed new pants cause his zipper keeps going loose.  (lol, he has a tummy) I'\m sure that they have special pants for that somewhere in a store. Another thing he need was a new remote control for his TV, a remote control with extra huge buttons. Dad can't use his hands and fingers not so well anymore, yeah he's really getting old physically. A job for me to get those things, it feels good to do something for Dad, and there's no rush. 

The conversation with the nurse felt good, I was motivated again. Dad's nurse understood me, and that's all I needed. Dad's nurse walked towards my Dad's room to see after the conversation, to see if my Dad was alone, and yeah, he was. Sigh! I stayed with Dad until it was time for his dinner. He was happy to see me, he smiled and talked. And you know what.... My Aunt and Uncle didn't even visit my Dad I found out, it was my other Uncle who visited him. He bought a raisin bread for him. Lol, that's the same thing I bought for Dad aswell, oh well. Dad is a fanatic raisin bread eater, I'm sure he will love  the double buy. On my way home I bought a few groceries, and finally home I took a long nap and a good rest. I was dead tired. Tomorrow a better day.

Thursday the 13th.

Thursday the 13th. 

Today has been a nice day, worked well, done alot and succeeded most of our orders. Today we had a few fellow workers more in our section, that was surely a relief. Finally we could do our work without having rush, we had two workers more. I felt great, here and there a bit tired but it felt okay, normal. Oh! And yesterday I went to the Doctor for my results, the sugar blood was perfect, and the thyroid results were a tiny bit to high. Nothing to worry about, said the Doctor. Well, I will keep an eye on it, I can tell how I'm feeling if my thyroid goes up or down. After work the 'man with the hammer' came, and knocked me down, lol. I was tired and became sleepy. I had a little nap, it was needed. It's going to be a early night for me.

All though the tiredness, I have been thinking of working a half day more, no! Not a whole day but a half day, that's all I can bring up. October is on his way, in October my 'half year' contract (work) is about to end. I didn't have to worry about that, said my Boss in May while I signed the half year contract. "When you go on like you do now, you don't have to worry about anything," she told me. Yeah, well, I do worry a bit, nothing is sure I noticed at work, though I trust them a 100%, uhm, let's say a 99%. In October, actually now I will do my extra best just a little bit more. I want to stay at work, I so love this job. Great fellow workers, the best work I had so far, etc, etc. Love it!

Tomorrow will be a exciting day, tomorrow I will have a appointment with my Dad's nurse, 11:00 am! Let's see what I can do more for my Dad, and let's try to solve this 'silly argue' about me not visiting my Dad enough. I'm still done with my Aunt, Uncle and Cousin, ans they are with me. I haven't heared from them since they sent me that afwull email with the bragging about them selves and insults. I hope not that I will bump into them tomorrow, they still visit my Dad once or twice a week. What I do when I bump into them? I don't know, ignore them and walk on I guess. They treathed me like a little child and I followed for years, then the insulting email, after I told them I was done with them. It was just enough for me, I stood up for myself, being assertive.

I can be proud of myself, and maybe even more after tomorrow's appointment.

Election day in Holland.

Election day in Holland.

Election day in Holland, I did not even know where to vote on, let stand to even vote. So, better not to vote then to vote on just something. Sigh! Nothing changes anyway, it's been years like this and will always remain, the rich people get richer and the poorer getting poorer. Though I hope changes are coming after today trough these elections, more jobs, taxes for the millionaire and solving the crisis. I think it's my first time I did not vote, and I think it's a wise choice. I have been thaught to vote,just like my parents taught me. If I would have vote I would have vote on the 'elder generation,' I trust a 'elder generation' parlament better, then a 'new(by)' parlament. Anyhow, we will see what the outcome will be...

Rain clouds apeared in the afternoon...

The rained came later in the evening.

Today I have been lazy, I was tired and sleepy today. Slept alot, two naps. It could have been three or perhaps four naps. I guess I can blame the last two day at work, (it's been quit busy) or maybe the weather changing. It's colder with here and there a few rain out bursts. Though I did what I had to do, groceries plus I hanged the blinds in the sleeping room. They look great! Good news from taxes aswell, finally, yes finally I got my money back where I have struggled for so long. I got some money back from over the year 2010, I was overseas then in that time but still payed for my taxes in Holland. Yay, me! It's sure has been a struggle, but I managed and learned from it.

Upcoming Sunday, a Nieces & Cousins brunch, yay!

Upcoming Sunday, a Nieces & Cousins brunch, yay!

I already knew that there would be another brunch with my Nieces and Cousins, this brunch  is gonna happen on the 16th of September in my city. The first brunch has already been, I think that was in August somewhere, also in Almelo. Then there were only four nieces, blame the Summer holiday, most of the Nieces and Cousins were on a holiday then. But upcoming Sunday will be more fun cause more people will show up. These Nieces and Cousins are all from my Mother's side, (so I'm safe, lol) They are the opposite of the Nieces and Cousins from my Fathers side. You can tell by the way that 'they' organized this brunch, nuff said! I'm looking forward to see my Nieces and a few ACousins again, yeah, I have more Nieces then Cousins.

Today was busy at work, I really should stop saying that, lol. It's always busy there, it's crazy! The Boss came up to me with a smile just after lunch, that could only mean one thing I thought. "Working a extra day on Friday." And yes, I was right. Tough I had to refusse, cause I have other things to do on Friday, the appointment with Dad's nurse, I told this aswell to my Boss, and she understood. We really do need some more workers, otherwise I have to work a extra day every week, and I don't have the energy for that. So I worked last week a half day extra and the week before that aswell, plus a week before THAT I worked a day extra, All that together makes two days extra. I thought I was getting extra payed for the extra days, but no. The Boss explained me that

I get extra a free day for a day extra working, I didn't know that and I don't like that either. The Boss asked me if I wanted to change that, I told her "Yes, please." From now on I will get payed for a extra day.  Cooler weather today, rain and a cool breeze, I loved it. More rain is on his way, Autumn is on his way! I'm gonna enjoy my day off tomorrow, it's needed. I'm tired and feel the pain in my muscles, lol. Resting is a must. I actually planned to go to my Dad tomorrow, but I'm exhausted, I will see him Friday too. .............And not a word or sound or phonecall from my Aunt, lol. I think they will call one day, (they probably need me) but will I answer? I don't think so....

When I say no, ask me again and I will say yes, LOL!

When I say no, ask me again and I will say yes, LOL! 

I worked hard today at work, there's so much to do, so many orders, it's almost insane! Though it's better then when there's nothing to do. Monday is always a full day, first there's work and when I come home from work I have to leave again in 40 minutes, cause then the 'free dinner' starts. I come home from work, then I'll be on Facebook quickly for a small 15 minutes, then I will make sandwisches for tomorrow's work. After that a quick wash up, fresh clothes on and off I go to the free dinner. I nearly decided not to go the 'dinner' tonight, I was tired and exhausted, plus the free dinner on Monday isn't always a pleasure. The location is small and has many homeless, drunk people, they frighten me a bit, and I'm not the only one.

Drinking is not alowed with the free dinners, so before the 'homeless people enter the dinning room they hide the drinks somewhere in the bushes. I saw aswell some fights going on outside in front of the dinning room. No fun! Though there's a little group where I'm part of that like to join the free dinners weekly. It's a nice getting together, just like the free dinners on Wednesday and Thursdays. Most people of the group I know from Humanitas, there nice and social. It would be more social when the homeless people stay away, but yeah, everyone is welcome at the free dinner. Sometimes I have doubts to go, specially on Monday. I nearly decided to skip the free dinner today...

Like I said, tired from work and not really felt like going. A friend of mine on Facebook, (someone I knew from Humanitas) asked me if I was going to, to the free dinner. I had doubts but even though I decided not to go, I went anyway, lol. And I had a fun time, lol. There were not that many homeless people, just my luck. If that friend didn't ask me, I wouldn't go. Though I'm glad I went. I like socializing with my 'friends.' Talking about socializing, the project 'Buddy wanted' reacted on my email, well, actually my counselor Sahajo did. He took care that I came in contact (again) with them. Buddy wanted wanted to contact me after the Summer holiday, but it seemed they forgot. Sahajo took care of it all, I will have a appointment with Sahajo and Buddy wanted on the 26th of September at 3:00pm. Excited much!!

Move aside Summer!

Move aside Summer! 

I'm done with Summer, can't wait for cooler weather and rainy days. "Sweather weather is better weather," they say. Funny that I longed for Summer back in March, Summer is great but after a while I'm fed up with it. Then I long for Autumn or Winter, I hope Autumn will be good with all the nice brown, yellow and red colors on leaves and tree's. And Winter, snow and thick ice please, so I can beg or long for Spring and Summer again, lol.

I bought blinds yesterday for in my sleeping room, nice black ones. Today I hanged one of the blinds. Although there a bit small they look nice, much nicer then the screen I use to had. The old one was creamy white. The door window was 61cm wide , the blind is 60cm wide. I have one more blind to hang, but that can wait a few days. When it's all done my whole sleeping room (the windows that is) hangs full with black blinds. Looks so nice!

Some pictures I took this weekend! 

Never saw such a big goat in my life, the other little one kept making noises. Just a little visit to the park in Almelo.

Ducks, I think we have in Almelo just as much citizens as ducks it seems. 

They look cute and funny though...

One of the many farmer houses we have here in Almelo, I like the painted side-window screens. 

The old window screens in the sleeping room, I will take a picture when I have the new blinds hanging. 

Sunday's dinner, rice with a typical Indian sauce. Chicken breast, cream fache and sliced carrots. Yum!











Nearly time to go to bed, it's past 10:00pm. Early up tomorrow for Monday's work. I think it will be another full week, lots to do at work and I have my chores and other things to do aswell at home.

Totally forgot!

Totally forgot!

I forgot to write a post yesterday, though I kept reminding it myself, I still forgot, lol. Anyway, I will write two posts then today. These last two days we have a nice after Summer, yesterday was 25 degrees, today will be 28, just as the weather forecast forspelled. Allthough I like the sunny weather I look forward to the Fall aswell, or do they call it Autumn? Here in Holland we call it Herfst, just one word. Yesterday I felt tired and sleepy, I thought I would have several naps but it came only to two naps. Recently I have my moments that I feel lonely, certainly after last week. I think the impact of the argue and fight with my Aunt/Uncle and Cousin is bigger then I thought. I thought it would be a relief to let them be and forget about them, but deep inside it made me a bit lonely aswell. Though I don't miss the phonecalls and I don't miss the obeying them. Just... I don't know... it gives a empty, nasty feeling.

It's certainly time for some changes in my life, I said it already so many times. I need some 'new' people around me, socializing, communication, or searching for a placed to go to every week, it's a must. Just before the Summer holiday my counselor signed me up for this project called "Buddy wanted." 'Buddy wanted' is a company/agency what helps me searching for social contacts or a new activity. I have heard about it before , but I letted it be for a while. I thought I could manage it it on my own to get new activities or social contacts, but I got a bit totally stuck with finding that. It's just so hard to find something. This "Buddy Wanted," project planned to contact me after the Summer Holiday, or my counselor would do that, I forgot. I sent my counselor (Sahajo) a email to lighten me up, cause I didn't hear from them yet. I will get a email back on Monday for sure.

I'm looking forward to this project, cause I can't do it on my own. I'm aswell a person who first try things a few times, and when I don't succeed I let it be. That's wrong, specially now, lol, cause I have the feeling that I'm in the 'danger zone,' the danger that I'm becoming a Einzelganger. Though, it's not that worse as it was in that time before I went to Canada, in that time I had only two or three (so called) friends and no job. Now I have a few friends, I see much more people weekly and I got a great job. Still I need more, it's not done yet in my eyes. Being surrounded by people is important.

Copenhagen on New Years Eve! Eek!

Copenhagen on New Years Eve! Eek! 

Mermaid statue in Copenhagen.

Just like last year in September I booked a trip for New Years Eve. Last year I went to London, this year I decided to go to Copenhagen. I had doubts between Prague or Copenhagen, Copenhagen interested me more. There were two other trips aswell, but they were much expensiver, maybe because of the flights. These other two trips were from other travel companies aswell. I'm going with the same travel company as when I went to London and Berlin, it's easier and cheap. Though if I want to fly or go to the US or Canada I will have to inform other travel companies, this company where I'm traveling with does not have flight programs, only busses or boats.  Geesh, there's always that "Eek" moment when I hit the confirm button while booking the trip. Like, "Can I afford this trip?" Yes! "Am I really sure?" Yes! The filling in was easy, I did it two times already, lol.

I worked a half day today, that went pretty good. Though I was tired and sleepy afterwards, I took a little nap just before dinner. Weird, cause I had a long nap already this morning, perhaps the impact of my Aunt/Cousin/Dad issue from this week was a bit to much, I handled it well though. Dad's leading nurse called aswell this morning, just like she and I had planned. Though she called late, if she would have called five minutes later I would have been gone to work. I asked for a appointment with Dad's nurse last Wednesday, I would like to be (much) more involved into Dad's care. My Aunt and Uncle are not (that) able anymore to take care of my Dad, especially not after what happened this week, (ugh!) My Dad has his 24 hours a day care though, only the Family members have to take care of the groceries plus the financial care. (Banking, mail, etc, etc)

Next week on a Friday morning I will have a appointment with Dad's nurse. Hope I don't bump into my Aunt and Uncle then I have no plans for this weekend, I'm tired and I will just see what the weekend brings. Maybe I will go to Ikea, but I'm not sure yet. If I go it will be another full day, my weekly groceries has to be done aswell. I could go to Ikea in the early afternoon, Ikea is open until 9:00 pm, I could even have dinner there. I will see what I do. At my work everyone gets a bunch of extra free days off, I have gotten 15 extra days off. Other fellow workers have 25, just because they work a full week, and I don't. But the problem is now, I have to get the 15 free days done before 1 January 2013, lol. I like my job that much that I don't even need the 15 free days, lol. I have no idea when to spend them, I will have to start though with planning them. Maybe I will do a long weekend or something, or a week. Sigh, I already miss work thinking of it.

That hurt!

That hurt!

Maybe I shouldn't had written that email to my Aunt yesterday, I got a email back and it's not a nice one. Actually it was my Cousin who wrote back (My Aunt's Son) The words he wrote is typical him and typical my Aunt'aswell. 

"Nice email you wrote Sjon, I'm glad I still have my father and am very PROUD of him, I can not stand this. But hey you do not care obliviously, you're probably raized by someone else. I'm proud of your dad because I see him more often than you do, you think you know your father but I know him better than you and that will always remain so. Sjon you're my cousin off.

Sincerely your ex cousin marco! 

Yeah, that hurted. And now!? How to go further now?! I don't know... I wrote a email back telling I was sorry in a way, but I told aswell that I wrote down my feelings and thoughts what's been bothering me for several months. And that I stayed firm with my sayings. This hurts in the first place, not the fact that it seems that I lost my cousin and probably also my Aunt and uncle, but just the fact that I hope I'm able to visit my Dad weekly plus without bumping into them, I will have to find a solution to avoid my Aunt, Uncle, and Cousin.  Like I said, maybe I shouldn't have written that email, but I was tired of them, so tired. I will have to find a solution. Does this  fight has to be solved? Or shall I just let it be and keep continuing what I do, keep visiting Dad, and see what I can do for him. I'm still not able to visit him weekly, and it seems no one understands this in the Family. Heck, my Family keeps bugging me with this, just as long I aswell think I'm able to visit Dad every week. 

These were my thoughts when I went to work, though I had a nice chat with a friend on Facebook, that did me good. She had a brother who had the same, Family bothering him. Work did me good aswell, it was busy at work. So many orders we have and so much we have to do in one day, it's almost ridiculous. I always do what I can do, plus sometimes just a bit extra. Though I always keep my health in mind, tomorrow I will work a half day again, just like last week. They asked me, and I was expecting it. Though I don't hope it's getting a habit working every Friday a extra half day. Or? Naah, I have to keep an eye on my health, when they are gonna ask me to work a half day extra again, I will skip it (for once) After work there was the free dinner, I had a good appetite, it was yummy. I felt easy, easier then this morning after the free dinner and work. Ofcource sometimes my thoughts of this morning's mail flashed trough my mind, but work and my fellow workers kept me busy and laughing.


And now? What are my thoughts now about my Dad, Cousin, Aunt and Uncle? Well, I will keep visiting my Dad when I'm able of. I'm really gonna try to do that weekly, I will have to avoid my Aunt, Uncle and Cousin. The afternoon is a good time to visit my Dad, or perhaps in the early evening, my Aunt, Uncle and Cousin mostly visit Dad in the morning. It's crazy I know but it's a must, "They" are stubborn and don't want to listen. I will choose for my Dad and myself, and the rest? What rest? If they need me they know to find me. I will get used to this. Dad's nurse is still gonna call me tomorrow morning for a appointment, she and I will have a talk about Dad and me. I wanted to be more involved when I comes to Dad, perhaps doing groceries or other stuff, I also want a better contact with Dad's nurses, a better way to message them or call them. I hope that my Aunt didn't had a talk with my Dad's nurse, she's would be determine to get me of Dad's caring list.

"Venting 2." (Last part.)

"Venting 2." (Last part.)

Nice day it was this Wednesday, I rested in the morning and in the afternoon I went to my Dad. I took a long nap in the morning. felt good, I kept on sleeping, lol. Probably it was needed. In the afternoon I went to my Dad, but I came almost to a closed door. My Dad was on his way downstairs with a nurse, outside a taxi was waiting, waiting to take passengers for a nice ride. Though the taxi was a low car, and it was a hell of a job to get Dad into the front seat. Me, the cab driver and a nurse had to help him to sit up straight in the front seat, gladly Dad could laugh about it. "Yeah, it's not easy when your that old as me," he stumbled with a smile on his face. The plan was to go for a nice drive trough town and half way stop for a coffee, but Dad will get his coffee in the car the cabdriver decided. To get him in the car was already a tough job, so better not for him to let him in and out the car so many times. Though I think it's a positive thing that Dad decided to do such things, getting involved with attractions like this.

I went to Dad today, I couldn't wait untill Friday or Saturday. I hate it when my Aunt talks about me behind my back. When I go to my Dad and walk into the building where he lives I get that creepy feeling, the feeling that they all observe me and think, "Oh here he comes finally, he should come more often." It feels not as a spontaneous, surprising visit anymore, it feels more like a "must." I must visit Dad cause of my Aunt, I must visit Dad, otherwise I get these negative rumours. Yeah, visiting Dad is not that a pleasure anymore when it goes like this, it actually should be. My Aunt wants me to visit Dad more often, she insists no matter what or how far I live. She wants me to be more involved around Dad, although that's positive and alright with me, but by the way how she insist it is not right. There's always that negative vibe around her, it's mostly never good what I do, and she gossips it around the family. She wants to be in control, though she begs sometimes for help, but everything has to go her way. I just follow....

But it's enough, my Aunt called me many times this week, I'm done with her. Though it's not easy. Today I took my first step, I had a little talk with one of the nurses after my Dad left for his ride. It wasn't a easy talk, cause ofcource the nurses don't want to stand between the Family when there's a argue or a complain. I understand that too, that's what I also said to the nurse. Though I did my complain about my Aunt just to make it clear that there has to be some changes, I want to be more involved but my Aunt is not going to solve that, Dad's head nurse and I will do that. Upcoming Friday morning after 10:00 am Dad's leading nurse will call me for a appointment, I had a talk with her before. I was nervous when I went home, I thought. "What am I going to say to Dad's nurse? How am I gonna bring it?" and "Did I do the right thing?"  Yeah, like I said it's not going to be easy, and surely not when my Aunt is gonna find out. When I got home I wrote my Aunt a email, it wasn't a nice email. I was firm and short...

I told my Aunt that my visits to Dad are not so nice anymore, there not spontaneous. I told her aswell that I didn't like the gossip, though I was offering help aswell but I was firm. If she needs help like doing groceries, shopping or any other thing my Dad needs help with she can send me a message. In the meanwhile I will try to visit my Dad every week, spontaneous and surprising. Last weekend I offered help to, I told my Aunt to make a little grocery list, so I can get the groceries this upcoming weekend for my Dad. I had no response from her, a few days later she called me (in a mood) that she and her Son already bought the groceries. Following that she can tell Dad's nurses that I didn't want to buy groceries and that she couldn't  count on me anymore, and she did. Five minutes after I sent the mail I got right away a call from Aunt, I didn't answer......... I had a nice day, the visit to my Dad was good ansd went well. The mail I sent to my Aunt gave me a boost.

"Venting."

"Venting."

How to delete or ban a Family member out of your mind! Yes, my Aunt called again, I didn't have to buy groceries anymore, she and her Son did all the groceries for Dad. Aunt was short in her sentences, she just wanted to announce that I didn't have to buy groceries, what I planned this weekend. Oh, before I forget, Aunt told aswell to one of Dad's nurses that she doesn't trust me anymore, for example with the visits. Yeah RUB it in Aunt, I'm done with her. The baddest part is that my Aunt will gossip this around in our Family. Making my feel bad and sad, and even don't feel like coming to my own Dad anymore, they all must think bad about me...sigh! Typical my Aunt! I'm done with her now, it's me and Dad now. 

My plan is to go every weekend to Dad for a visit, period! (Lol, I even marked my calendar) Tomorrow in the afternoon I will go aswell, I hope then that I can speak one of Dad's nurses. To see what I can do for Dad, maybe groceries, or even financial stuff, or something else. No I'm not overwhelmed with things. Maybe I'm a bit over reacting now, but talking with one of

Dad's nurses for changes in his needs is good. There has to be changes now, if it's possible I would like to let my Aunt totally out of this. I will find some solutions, cause this is breaking me. No wonder that I had tension or stress. She done it again, it's been enough now. If I don't stop her now then there will come a time that I'm gonna be ashamed of myself to visit my own Dad.

So, that's of my chest, do I feel better now? No. not really, not before I settled things with Dad. Though venting, clearing your heart out is good I reckon. Though, at one thing my Aunt could be right, I have to visit my Dad more often. But I don't know why I don't, sure I visit him, but not every week. I also have other things to do. Lack of energy is killing me sometimes, plus, I don't live five minutes away from Dad, like my Aunt and Uncle do. Though I will make time now, to make a statement? Yes and no, first of all to visit my Dad more often. Goodbye Aunt, hello Dad!