"Cooking? Keep it simple Sjon."

"Cooking? Keep it simple Sjon." 

And I will keep it simple from now on, sigh, lol! I will just stick to the easy and small recipes, how to cook  carrots or how to cook beans. Sure I can cook and prepair dinner, but if it's getting to difficult then I will skip it. It has to be tasty aswell, we all have different tastes in food, right? I tried three different meals this weekend, I failed with one, I nearly failed with two. And I ended up with two full bags of groceries and almost a empty wallet. First of was the baked cauliflower on Friday, I told already that the cauliflower was expensive, sigh! On the YouTube video they told me that the cauliflower should be cut ed and cooked first, that went easy. Then I needed to make a kind of a sauce to dip the pieces cauliflower in, flower, milk, two un-boiled eggs, salt & pepper, melted butter and olive oil.

My kitchen started to be a mess. The dip for the cauliflower failed, there was no way I could dip something in that, it was all a cluttered mess. I made a new dip, lol, but this time I used just the flower, salt & pepper and some herbs. The dipping went fine and the baking pan was ready to bake the dipped cauliflower, I crossed my fingers hoping it all went well. I had no clue how long to bake them, but it went. The potatoes were already cooked, and the cauliflower was nearly done, time to serve it, and try it out. And? It was okay, I guess a bit to much flower. Next time lessen the flower, if theirs a next time! LOL!

Saturdays meal was a fail, I took this recipe from YouTube aswell. Italian potato salad with goat cheese, and it seemed so easy. Maybe it became a failure because I left out some ingredients, I don't like black olives, and I don't like capers and garlic. I had to cook the potato's first, easy I could cook potatoes with my eyes closed. After boiling them I cut them into smaller pieces, I nearly burned my fingers. I cut the goat cheese into smaller pieces aswell. Then the sauce for the salad, ingredients what I used were.... 

Six table spoons olive oil, 20 gram parsley, (I used more then 20 gram, sigh) one teaspoon of thymus, one table spoon of vinegar and salt & pepper. I cutted the parsley and added the six tablespoon of olive oil in a bowl. After I stired up the parsley I added the thymus, vinegar (yack) and added afterwards the potatoes and goat cheese, stir, stir, stir, done. Result? Well, it looked nice but it tasted yack, lol. To much parsley, the goat cheese went warmer cause of the warm potatoes and the vinegar gave a weird after taste. Never again! LOL!

Turkish Bulgur, thatwent good, although it tasted a bit to salty. It was a easy recipe, I bought a package from the supermarket and it only needed a few extra ingredients, as the package said. Bulgur you can compare with couscous, it's easy to make IF you have the right baking pans, which I didn't had. I had to cook the bulgur in a regular pan, the same pan where I cook my potatoes in. On the package it said I needed a large cooking pan, but that pan was already in use, lol, for the sauce. The sauce was easy, add this add that and done. I used for the sauce, one onion, one green pepper, one tomato, two tablespoons of olive oil, tomato paste and...

Chicken breast. Although I didn't like tomato's, I used them anyway, I didn't wanna mess this up aswell. Though the bulgurr was 'uhm' hard to decide how to cook and where in. I used the cooking pan, I added a bit of water and a little piece of butter. When the water cooked I added the bulgur and stired like a maniac, I was afraid the bulgur would burn right trough the pan. The bulgur was done in five minutes, I stir untill the water was steamed away. The sauce for the bulgur was already done. Result? It was okay, just a bit to salty cause of the tomato paste I think, of all the meals I made this weeknd I say the bulgur was the best. 

This last week I haven't been feeling so well, even now I'm so so. I don't know why, but I feel a light presure on my chest, when I swallow food or drink I feel sometimes a tiny little stab or a pinch on my chest aswell. Ofcource this worries me, and worrying ofcource makes it worser. Do I work to hard? Is it the food changing I did the last four weeks? Is it the heat? Or is it a mixture of everything I just summed up? I have worked hard lately, yes , but I did that the last six months aswell, so I don't know. Food changing? Lately I eat different, mostly fresh and differnt kinda veggies ans seasonings. I like structure in my life, no wait...

I have structure in my life and when somethings changes then my body reacts to that change. perhaps my body reacts on the fresh veggies or different spices or seasonings. It's been warm aswell this last week, extremely warm in the house. When I get up in the morning I feel a bit short breathed, and feel that light chest pressure aswell. Perhaps I need more air in my house, or drink more water, I don't drink that much. I'm just not thirsty. I will see how it goes this week, if it still bothers me then I will see my Doctor. I'm so not a fan of Doctors, but yeah, feeling not well isn't fun either. Ugh!

I wish food wasn't so expensive...

I wish food wasn't so expensive...

I planned not that much this weekend, I decided to do my groceries in two days. One load on Friday and the rest on Saturday, perfect. Though the first load was quit expensive, grrr! I wasn't expecting that, or? Well, I wanted to prepair two different meals this weekend, just to give it a try. First I wanted to try baked cauliflower and second a potato salad, I found the recipes on the internet. Ofcource these meals needed ingredients, for the 'baked cauliflower' I needed ofcource a cauliflower but aswell flower plus salt and pepper. The flower and the pepper weren't so expensive, but (damn) the cauliflower was way expensive! 2 Euro and 79 Euro cent, and it was just a tiny one. Though I just bought it, cause I needed one. While shopping further in the store a woman told me " Next time you need cheap veggies you better go to a Turkish store, it's much cheaper there." She was right, but I forgot to think about that, the market is a good option too.

Took a few pictures today, a nice little harbor in our city. As you can see it's still nice and gorgeous weather here.

For the potato salad I needed goat cheese, (what I couldn't find first) parsley, thymus and vinegar. This recipe needed aswell black olives, garlic and capers, but I like none of those. I couldn't find the goat cheese first but it was laying with the other expensive cheeses. (sigh) I payed for 150 gram 2 Euro and 3 Euro cent! I thought, "This was once and probably never again." Ofcource I wouldn't have to buy all this, but I was determine to make this potato salad, so NO nag, nag. Sure I needed more groceries then only these ingredients, I ended up paying the groceries with a worried head, lol. I didn't expect that the price was that high, and still I needed more groceries, not much but still. This was once I thought, and never again, I need to buy cheaper groceries, or find other stores, markets, ethnic food shops/stores what are much cheaper with their food. Though it's so much fun sometimes to find a recipe and get the ingredients and try it out. 

Same harbor, I love to just sit here and stare... it's calming.

I opened up a savings account today, I want to save money for a trip next year. Flying is to expensive for me this year, but I miss so much. The trip I want to save money for is a trip to the US or Canada, or perhaps both. It's always been my dream to visit the US, and Canada? Well, I want to visit  Canada once again, it's a great country and I still have a few friends there. Mississauga it will be then, I won't visit Saf though, that would be mega awkward and probably weird. It won't be good for me either, nor for her and the kids, so no. Opening the savings account was quit easy, though I had to go to my bank first to ask for some information. I had three saving accounts to choose from, it all had to do with 'interest,' it was all new for me, my bank helped me out and it's all good now. First I had doubts to open one, But I glad I did it.

Badminton?

Badminton? 

I'm still looking for activities, and I added 'activities for singles,' aswell to my list. Recently I have that 'lonely' feeling coming up more and more, I don't know, it just came like out of knowhere. It's a oblivious feeling though, ofcource I'm having that  'lonely' feeling sometimes, I am alone! Searching for activities and social contacts calms me, there's always something but you have to search for it and you have to have some luck aswell so now and then. When I search I mostly look on the internet, Google is my favorite, and ofcource I look in the weekly newspapers and flyers. Sometimes I give the searching a rest, but today I started again. 

Today I looked for single activities and recreation sports, with the single activities I had doubts, I don't know but, it gives me a bit of a pressure. Like, "Oh when I go to a single event, I guess all the single ladies will observe me and are waiting for me to talk." Or, "...That I have to make the first attempt, oh, the pressure only thinking of that!" I rather join a club or sport or whatever and when then a nice lady crosses my path and there's a click, I will go for it. Rather that then having the pressure of, "Oh, I must!" I looked for recreation sports aswell and saw a badminton site, and this badminton club is in my city aswell. I got interested, everyone can join this, and they play every Friday night from 8:00 till 10:00, perfect! 

Though badminton is a busy activity, you have to have a good condition. This week I have been busy with work and yesterday was almost crazy, I have a bit of muscle pain, and I feel a pressure on my chest. The muscle pain is fine, I don't mind it, but the pressure on my chest worries me a bit. Joining badminton then worries me aswell, but I can always have a look and a talk with them, right? Last night when Ina dropped by we talked aswell about social contacts and activities, she is searching aswell. When I mentioned badminton her reaction was, "Oh that's nice, maybe I could join you, so we can go together.

 I thought, "Oh, okay I don't mind that, should be fun." We laughed when she asked me what she had to wear while playing badminton. Ina doesn't like polo-shirts! I told her you can put on every gym or fitness outfit.I don't know about Ina yet, but I'm gonna inform about this badminton event this upcoming week. What a warm day today, all the warmth is inside the house now aswell, I have nothing planned this weekend, only grocery buying, lol. I need alot, and I did my first ansd second load already today, tomorrow the last small part. But more about that in tomorrow's post.... Tea time!!

Sweating, sweating and sweating..

Sweating, sweating and sweating..

A extremely hot, warm day today! Almost unreal to go to work, but duty was calling today. Were busy, oh yeah, it's almost nuts. We have to work for two people it seems, sweating, heavy lifting and moving along. I worked on the same section like last Monday and last Tuesday, we had to make some mats and they had to be done for tomorrow, huge mats, all in several parts and shapes. I build a few mats, then I saw several mats. I actually saw alot of mats, it was tough and quit difficult, but I managed it. That gave a proud feeling. I saw the mats on a big electric saw, they had to be on a certain lenght, and correct. I was exhausted after work, it felt heavy on my chest, I guess today was just a bit to much.

After the free dinner I sat for a little while and jumped then under the shower. Rest is what I needed, and that's what I did. I sat for 5 minutes and then Ina wanted to come for a cuppa coffee, (I got a message on FB) Always fun having her for a visit, we talked and had a few jokes. She talks alot about her ex, but I don't mind, I enjoy talking to her, and she does with me. She is a good friend, I should have more of those. This morning I had a 'feel lonley' moment so out of knowhere. Most of the time I'm fine and okay with being alone/single, but just that sometimes you just have a moment of loneliness as a single person,just  needing that arm around you or someone who fills that little empty space, if you know what I mean....

 I hear sometimes people saying, "You must not wait for the right person to come along, go find that person, get to work, start dating maybe." I know, people should not wait, though I'm not waiting, I enjoy life, I'm quit happy, I enjoy the little things around me. But just that sometimes....I know it's just a moment.  Perhaps it's better to wait for a better moment then, lol. Moments are passing by so fast, beforeI know it's tomorrow. A new day, a new dawn, better moments for sure, I'm positive! Ina's visit was nice, I should have more visits, or I need to visit more...

"I will let hear from me as soon as I found something."

"I will let hear from me as soon as I found something." 

So, I went to a second vollunteers agency this morning, it was quit busy there. I told them my story and a few ladies helped me quickly, it was quit chaotic I must say. I'm looking for something in the weekends, my goal is to get more and more social contacts, like a group of friends or just people I know. Though they couldn't help me right away, they had something for me but that was on the day I'm working. A group of people go for a walk on every Tuesday-morning and Thursday-morning, I could just join them and so are other people. But yeah I have work then, pity! Further they had some vollunteers work for me including working or taking care of disabled people, or eldery people who are lonely or not able to go out. 

'That is not my thing, I do care about such people, but it's just to heavy on my heart. I'm not the right person for that, like I said I care, but I care TO much, and that's not healty. I couldn't leave it alone when I got home, so no, not my thing. They asked me aswell if I have been to other vollunteers agencies, I told them I was. It was quit busy in the building, people were walking in and out. The best thing what they could do for me was searching for me and look if there's something comes along what suites me, I left my le-mail and phone number. Oh well, maybe they will call me, I hope they do. When I walked out the lady told me, "I will let hear from me as soon as I found something."

Such a nice weather today, I went out for a bit in the morning and in the afternoon. Cycled and cycled, it's nice riding my bike with such weather. There's a path leading all the way to Germany in my city, though it's quit far, more then 60 km, though I would like to try it one day. Just taking my time while riding my bike, if I do that I can come along way. Oh, the place where they hold the free dinners are being renovated. The dinning room looks so much better then it used to was, oh yes! Nice new tables, a new laminate floor, walls have been painted, new chairs. It's such a difference as it was before, it looks like a brasserie now. It's still a pleasure to eat there, hats of for the renovation!!

Pictures from work!

Pictures from work! 

Nothing to anounce, nothing to declare, nothing to say, lol. It was just a day like usual, tou can compare it with yesterday. I did the same work, after two days punching holes into metal trough a machine there is a chance you can get annoyed. I had a few moments today, yes! But further it went, I got alot done this day and yesterday, I can be proud of myself. After two day sweating (it's warm) and working, it's to for a resting day. Tomorrow the weather will be nice aswell, Thursday there's a chance for thunder and rain.

Work!

The mean machine! This is the machine where I worked with the last two days. You see the stealen pins? The punch the holes in the material. Kedeng! Earplugs needed. 

The mean machine again, it punches 25 holes at once... 

The material where the holes been punched trough... This material is needed the hold the carpet. (or other material) 

The mats, these mats are just a part of a whole mat. 

Zoomed in on a mat. You see the material what goes in. Aluminium and carpet/rubber.  Many stores uses such kinda mats, we can make them in many shapes, even round mats.

The complete mat, it's ready to export to Amsterdam. Where the mat will be layed in a store by one of our profesional layers. 

Two of the fellow workers who make the mats! This section where I wored thge last two days, is not the section where I usually work. They make other kind of mats here... 

My working shirt, my pride and joy. I hope to work here untill I'm 65 or longer. 

This is Minie, she works hard, oh yes! She's over 60, and I never seen someone of her age work so fast and hard. After work she does vollunteers work for disabled people. Respect! 

Minie again, she looks so healty. I surely wouldn't give her over 60!

Tomorrow's Wednesday.... let's see what that day brings. I hope alot of Sjon-shine.

Just another manic Monday!

Just another manic Monday! 

What can I say about this day? Not much really, Monday is a working day, and work went well. I worked at a other section, not that fun, but okay. I did what I had to do, working with one machine a whole day, this machine punches holes into a mat. It's kinda boring but I always try to find a way to make it not boring. I try to do it fast, uhm, I try to do it that it goes easier and faster, that's my way of working. I always try to make it easier and a bit faster. It makes it less boring. Tomorrow I will be working at the same section, oh well, I don't mind. There's a guy at the office and he does the planning, he plannes every worker on the sections. Sometimes this section has it busy or that section has it busy, it just depends what customer we have. 

But enough about work, I'm enjoyning my free evening, lol. I'm planning to sign in at another vollunteers company this coming Wednesday. (that will be the second one)  I need to start working more and more on my social contacts. Sometimes I just let it be for what it is, that's not good. Wednesday I will sign up, I will visit the company and I will see and hear what they have to say. This company is easily to compair with the other vollunteers company, I'm pretty excited to go. My counselor has signed me up for 'Buddy wanted,' it's also a vollunteers company, but then slightly different. I will get a counselor (again) and he or she will help me to find something what involves vollunteers work, a day activity, social contacts, etc, etc. 

The counselor will help me for a short time period, well short? For 8 or 9 months he or she will help me around. Can't wait!! I need to get started!

"You have to sit by the side of a river a very long time before a roast duck will fly into your mouth."

"You have to sit by the side of a river a very long time before a roast duck will fly into your mouth."

Just bumped into the tittle above while I was searching for one, lol, funny right? I always start with a tittle when I start writing a post. But anyway, on with the Sunday. What to say about this day? Not much actually, Sunday is my day, a rest day. A day when I rest and prepair myself for the Monday or the upcoming week. I try to sleep in, but the last three days I was up early. When I'm awake I mostly get up, and take my medication. The last three days I got up just before 7:00 am, there was no need to though.

While I'm writing this post I hear noises from downstairs, lol. I'm getting new (under) neighbors, they are from Turkey. I'm not surprised, cause Almelo is almost the capitol of Turkey, lol. I don't mind, I like seeing different cultures, seeing how they do things and how they behave. It's sometimes quit interesting aswell. Near my home is a little mosque, (no, not on the praire!) when the Turkish people have a fest, they all go to that mosque to celebrate or to pray. The streets are packed then, cute too to see the kids then all dressed up. 

I have no clue who's going to live under me though, I only know that he or she is Turkish. There moving in now, I mean they are busy with decorating and prepairing the house. Family, relatives, friends, they all are here, helping out a hand. I hope they keep the noise down a bit before I go to bed, I need my sleep aswell. They have been decorating and prepairing quit a long time now, Four or five weeks now I think. Tomorrow's gonna be a busy day aswell at work, I will be all rested out and ready. 

If I wasn't being overwhelmed with so much love and kindness back then, I would have never had made the decision to go to Canada.

If I wasn't being overwhelmed with so much love and kindness back then, I would have never had made the decision to go to Canada.

Reading posts back in my blog can be fun and bring back good memories, but aswell bad memories. Specially the first few months... ofcource, cause of the break up. There was a line in one of my posts that bothered me, "You loved me more then I did." I know after a break up you get those missleading talks from exes, I should just ignore it, though it isn't that easy sometimes. About her saying 'You loved me more then I did,' when Saf and I first met online I was carefull and took it very easy, the kind words and love from her were ofcource nice but I was on my hood. I been hurted and been let down a few times, and that isn't fun. But Saf was serious... And slowly, step by step I felt for her too. "She fell in love with me," I couldn't believe it! This is serious, it's a 100%, I knew it. I could tell by every detail, every word and every action she did towards me. Long chats, everyday emails, her kids on the phone, wake up calls, every day phone calls from her, day in day out. 

And then the big step towards Canada, we were serious, "This woman loves me, and I feel great." I was scared falling in love though, Saf was my very first love , my very first relationship. I knew for sure that it would be difficult, I hoped I could handle myself. I told Saf already before my first meeting, "I have been waiting so long for this, I'm a ticking lovebomb!" And the bomb went off, I have been spoiled with love, kindness, gifts, and lots of attention. We were both happy and in love. Though as the months past by the so called ups and downs came along. I really had to get used to this new life, it was here and there quit overwhelming. Everything went by so, so fast, no time for thinking, just go, go, go! But this realtionship was really what I wanted, I went for it, fought for it. Then the break up in December 2010, I was done, I was exhausted. The love, kindness and attention were getting less and less, "You loved me more then I did," yes, untill the end........

Those missleading sayings or words are not hurting anymore, it's fine, it's been good, I learned from my time in Canada. I became stronger and wiser, it's been a far away trip but it was surely worth it! Oh yes!! I can close it now and see it as a good memory and a great adventure. Alright, on with this day. It's been a calm day, I rested and did here and there a few things. I bought a hoover today, lol, or a vacuum cleaner, so many ways to call it. They were on sale for a nice price, I bought a nice red one.It's so cute and small, tomorrow Iwill try it out. My second time cooking fresh beans went well,this time it was even better I must say. I didn't add onions and tomato sauce like last time, I didn't like that. I cooked the beans for 5 minutes, then throwed them in a pan where I already added butter. Heated them up on a low fire and then added a bit of oregano. Yum!

"Friday on my mind!"

"Friday on my mind!"

Thank God it's Friday as some people say, I don't mind though what day it is. Weekends are nice, but in the weektime I have a jolly good time aswell. Though the Friday means that the needed 'rest' has started. I had a nice sleep, I went to bed not that late, I think it was around 11:00. I got up around 7:00, and took it easy. I started the first load of laundry early, around 8:00. I have such a load of laundry, lol. Last few days were warm, exhausted warm! When it gets to warm in Holland we get thunder, this morning we had the first explodes with lots of rain. Dang! I just was about to get my weekly groceries when suddenly the clouds were getting darker and darker, "Now I have to run," I thought. 

But after I putted my clothes and shoes on it already started to rain. I decided to wait till the rain stopped, I thought of a nap first aswell, lol. But then again I wanted to get things done in the morning, so I can rest in the afternoon. I will be going out for a little while in the evening, but more about that later. The rain stopped and quickly I putted on my coat and took off, first stop the Doctor, for my blood results and new medication. I was not even 10 seconds on my way and the rain poored down again, sigh, quickly I rushed over to the trainstation, it was the nearest where I could go. Oh dear, it poored down pretty hard. After 20 minutes it was dry again and I continued my journey. 

Hiding for the rain this morning at the train station...

 I spotted a air balloon in the evening, it was much closer then it looked on the picture...

At the Doctor's I got to hear that my bloodresults are good, stable and good. That was good to hear. Though if they would have said that it wasn't so good I wouldn't be surprised aswell. It's sometimes hard to say how I feel with this sick thyroid, then I'm tired and then not, then I feel this or that and then I'm feeling good again, it's almost like a jojo going up and down. Anyway, on to the grocerie store I went, I like doing my weekly shopping, I take my time and I don't rush trough the store, lol. Recently I buy just a bit more then usualy cause of the fresh vegatables and I like to try new food what I usualy don't eat, or just a bit of a expensiver product. Last week I bought butter for the bread, but not the usual butter, no, olive oil butter. 

Excitment all around! In the store I will decide what to eat for the comming weekend, this time I took (again) the fresh carrots and beans, I had them before and they were nice. When I got back towards home it was still dry, no rain. But it was warm, oh my! In the afternoon I took my rest, napped and went on the laptop. Like I said, in the evening I will go out to a old resident from Humanitas, it's Ricardo's Mom. I promised her to come again for a visit after I went there somewhere in January. But I had to chancel it a few times, tonight around 6:30 I took off, wow, it was hot outside, atleast it was dry. The visit was nice, I stayed there for a 90 minutes. We both aren't such a talkers, we watched tv and had a coffee, we talked aswell ofcource but not that much. 

Rest is needed...

Rest is needed...

I have been out quit a few weekends now but this weekend I'm thinking of staying here and take my rest, it's been a busy week and today at work was busy aswell. I'm actually looking forward to do not that much these following days, I will enjoy myself with my cooking, and enjoy my rest. Tomorrow I will go first  to my Doctor for my blood results, and afterwards my usual Friday's grocery shopping. I have no clue what to prepair for dinner tomorrow or the following days, lately I always try something new. Trying new fresh veggatables is my favorite, three weeks ago I tried to cook fresh beans, after that it were the fresh carrots and last week the brocoli, all with succes. They all were delicious, perhaps I will try the fresh beans again, I will see.

Like I said, work was busy today, I worked on my own section with the leader of that section, his name is Mirsjad and was born in Croatia. He's alot younger then me, he's around 30 and works like a horse, no one can keep up with him.We got much done, at the end of the day. It was here and there a bit overwhelming but okay, I managed to finnish my order what I needed to finnish today, and a bit more plus the rest. I like the way Mirsjad works, he's a bit like me, though I have a limit, I can't go for a 100% cause of my thyroid, and I surely won't. I do what I can do, with sometimes just that little bit more if I feel I can. I said it before, I love the work I do! Though there is something, uhm, how do you say it.... 

...There are groups formed at work. I mean, uhm, let me explain, we have differnt kind of workers at work, we have the Turkish people, we have the Croatian people and the Ducth people. It isn't that weird that most of the Turkish people sit with each other and the Croatian people join them. With the breaks they sit with each other aswell and not in the cantine but just outside or just inside  the factory. The rest of the workers mostly Dutch and some Turkish people sit in the cantine while having our breaks. Why? Uhm, perhaps they don't want to sit with us according to the Dutch people, and there were here and there a few jokes going around... 

In my eyes they are sitting somewhere esle because of the language and I think aswell because they are foreigners... they join each other. I think there's nothing wrong with that, let them, it's fine with me. I sit in the cantine aswell, cause that's the place where I always sit with breaks, I'm used to it. Though I hear here and there a few complains of the Dutch people, they are asking themselves why 'they' don't sit with us, following up to that the usual joke around. I think that's a part of the why they sit somehwere else. I heard yesterday from my Boss that the atmosphere is gone, "It isn't as it was before anymore, in the past they all sat with each other," said my Boss. 

Today I heard from Mirsjad that there were here and there a few bad jokes about foreigners from some workers in the past, that's a part aswell why 'they' sit alone, add 'foreigners join each other easily because of the language,' and there you have it. I think that's a pity, they should just join us, but I guess it's maybe to late for that, we all are used to it now. About forming groups, I wasn't quit right, ofcource there's here and there sometimes some jokes and aswell some complains from the Dutch people, but we ALL talk and communicate aswell with each other, there are no enemies and there's no hate. Maybe we just have to accept that 'they' sit somewhere else, and that they search each other up for a talk or a joke, it's all fine with me.

I think this 'topic' will be continued in the following posts so now and then.... "The atmosphere is gone," last week I heard someone saying, "Atmosphere is what you make yourself."

Early visitors...

Early visitors...

Everything was on schedule this morning, I had it all planned in my head. Cleaning and dusting before the 'visitors' arrive for the 'farewell party,' (read: last meeting) A guy will show up aswell between 8:00 am and 11:30 am, he's gonna check the water in the house. (Measuring?) That was fine aswell, It all fitted in my plan. The visitors will show up at 12:00, and all went fine, untill............. my counselor suddenly showed up around 10:00. I thought, "Wow, he's early," but I didn't say anything. He told me when he came in, "Maybe you needed some help or have some questions before the meeting." We sat down and spoke a little, I surely wasn't ready yet. I still needed a wash up and had to prepair the coffee, tea and waffles. But I still had time I thought. My counselor said,  "You know the meeting starts at 10:30, right? "What," I said, "What, I thought it was 12:00! "No, 10:30, the others will be here in ten minutes."

A little panic started, I rushed over to the kitchen and prepaired the coffee, tea and the waffles, the waffles needed butter. Then on to my daily wash up, then the doorbell went, the guy for the water check up arrived. The guy came in and did his job, not even five seconds later the first visitor showed up, my counselor from Humanitas. I still had a butter knife in my hand with butter on it when I guided her in. I welcomed her and she sat down. I finnished the waffles and waited for the other visitors. (The daily wash up can wait, I thought, I'm pretty enough! LOL) My Boss from work showed up shortly after that, surprising that she came, it did me good. I served coffee, tea and the buttered waffles and the meeting started. The meeting was nice, first was the round of introducing. My Boss seemed pretty excited and was interested in everything what was going around me, the persons, what I have been trough, Canada, etc, etc. 

That was nice to see, I didn't quit expect that. The whole meeting went good, it was nice to hear from everyone what I all have achieved and managed, it rained compliments. My Boss wanted to know what excactly happened after Canada, she quit knew my story but not everything. I explained it but stumbled a few times in my words, although it was a comfy meeting it was quit chaotic too sometimes. After my explaining I nearly shedded a tear, I went trough alot, and it's been a while since I told 'that' story. The meeting was a succes, they stayed for 90 minutes. I can be proud of myself for what I achieved. Though the last thing what still has to be achieved is social contacts, that's still a point that bothers me and my counselor. We talked about it in the meeting aswell, now there's a company/agency called 'Buddy wanted,' and my counselor will be signing me up for that. 


'Buddy wanted' is a company/agency what helps you searching for social contacts, I have heard about it, but I have let it be. I though I could manage it it on my own, but I got a bit stuck with finding new social contacts or vollunteers work. It just is hard to find something, so a little help is always welcome, right? I will get a call for a intake after I am signed up, then someone will help me with finding those needed social contacts. It's all new for me aswell, so I can't explain much about 'buddy wanted.' All I know that it's almost the same as getting a counselor for a certain time, just like I had with my ol' counselor. Only 'this' counselor will help me with social contacts. I'm looking forward to it! I will be searching aswell, like I always did, but now I will get help with that, sounds good to me.

Sore muscles!

Sore muscles!

I came back from work, sat down, and I didn't wanna get up. I wanted to shower and after that warming my dinner in the microwave, I was tired. After 6:00 I finally got up and took my shower, and afterwards warmed up my rice with sauce and chicken, yum! The shower did me good, perhaps it's a good cure against sore muscles. Work went well, it's busy, almost daily new orders come in. In the late afternoon someone from the office came towards me and asked me if I can get 'a order' done before Friday. Our 'first' man from our section was busy elsewhere, so the person from the office asked me, lol. I told her that we can arrange that yes, on Friday. And she walked off. 

The 'first' man told me later that it will be a tough job to get 'that order' done on Friday, "I will let you do 'that order' on Thursday," and he winked at me. In other words, you told at someone to the office that it can be done, so you do it. I can do it yes, but it will be tough and hard, I will do my best. Ofcource they will help me when I don't get it done, but I will try to finish it myself. I know it's all jokes, but I didn't remember that we have other orders aswell this week that has to be done, lesson learned! Everything is almost done for the 'farewell party from my counselor. Only here and there a bit cleaning and tidying up, and then were done. Tomorrow at 12:00 they will come for a little hour.

Saf replied to my mail last night, she was friendly and that's the way I like it. She told me how she was doing and asked me a few things of how I was doing, and here and there a few tips from her. It was a comfy and nice mail, it did me good. Although we broke up, and although I won't return to her and her kids, I like that we can still mail to each other. So now and then a message should be good, were no enemies, we don't hate each other. This is how I wanted it, the love is over but we will remain as good friends. I hope that will last.

Cold!!

Cold!!

I can't believe that I layed on the beach a month ago, it must have been a dream. I'm cold, I have put a second blanket on my bed, and don't know if or when I'm gonna put the heater on. Though I worked with short sleeves today, a bit cold in the morning but later on it went warmer. Work went fine today, I had a few moments I felt pressure on my chest, that wasn't a pleasant feeling. It worried me and I decided to take it easy, yeah, I should rest more when I have days of. Later on I felt a bit better, lately I have to go to the bathroom more often then normal aswell for a 'small message.' If you know what I mean. Last night while I had my sleep I had to get up three times for that small message. Normally I never have to get up. 

Work was busy, some orders had to be done today, and some this week. Never a boring moment at our section lately, I like it. Though the chest pain worries me slightly a bit, Wednesday I will ask for the blood results for my thyroid at my Doctor. I wonder what the results will be, I guess I have to take care of my energy just a bit more, spread my energy over the days and take my rest. Sometimes I feel great and then I just give it a bit more then usual. over-excited I guess. Anyway, we will see... Last Saturday night I sent Saf a tiny letter trough the mail, why? I don't know, I thought, why not? It's been a while since I let hear from me, two or three months. Just a tiny regular message with asking hows she is doing and how the kids are. 

Were not enemies, we broke up and that's all. I could aswell not let hear from me, and let the two years I have been in Canada just be, like nothing has happened. Although we broke up we had some fun and good times aswell, I just can't forget that, it's a nice memory. once or twice a year sending a mail would be nice, maybe it fades away as the years go by, I don't know. Saf didn't reply yet.

Sunday, rainy day!

Sunday, rainy day! 

Rain, lots of rain today. Almost non-stop it went on and on, perfect to stay inside today. As usual I didn't do much today, ironing, and I cleaned the til's in the kitchen, that needed a good rub. There was some noise today from my new Turkish neighbors, there about to move in. They take their time, I think there already been busy for quit a few weeks now. Sometimes the noise is annoying but okay, it brings some life in the flat aswell, I don't mind. I have no clue who's going to live beneath me, I only know that the person is Turkish. When 'they' are working on the aapartment they are coming with lots of people, family, friends, relatives. It's nice and interesting to see them moving and working aswell, it's all going in harmony with lots of noise. Turkish people always talk loud I assume, laughing, singing.

Yesterday's dinner, I must say since I'm eating fresh vegetables my belly feels fuller then usual. I nearly can't finish my plate, lol, perhaps smaller portions is better. My stomach needs to get used to this food changing I guess aswell...

I like living in this flat, it gives me the feeling that I don't live alone, That gives a comfy feeling, when I enter this flat, I always have that feeling that I'm not on my own, I'm living with other persons in a flat. Okay, we know it now Sjon, lol! It will be a full week again this coming week, lots to at work, the so called, 'Farewell party' from my counselor, hope I get some rest aswell. Lately I'm  more out of breath then usual when I come to rest, sometimes that heavy feeling on my chest, just like I had last Saturday morning at Ikea. I have enough resting days from work, on theser resting days I need to get my rest. And not run around from here to there. I guess I need to divide my energy a bit more, and not think I can do it all at once. Like my Doctor once said, "Do what you can, and if it's not posible, then don't."

"I don't need a car."

"I don't need a car."

I'm 44 years old and I never owned a car, I had driving lessons though, but failed two times with theory. The nerves killed me, I stopped after several lessons, it just wasn't my thing. But hey I tried it! I never had the urgent or the need to take lessons again, I was fine. I could go where I wanted with the train, bus, bicycle or with a taxi. Though there were sometimes a few times I wish I had a car, that was when my Dad had to go to the hospital for his check ups, or for his little accidents. My Aunt and Uncle drove him always then. My Aunt nagged to me in that time that it was really time that I get a car, she was right then but it was impossible for me to get a car then. No job, less income, I just couldn't afford a car. Even now I can't afford it, and even I could afford it I wouldn't get one I think. I'm so used to not have a car, if I had one I guess it would just stand there, lol. 

Ikea on the left and the bus stop on the right...

 Today was Ikea on my to do list, I googled the directions by train or bus or both. It was kinda easy to get to Ikea, just hop on the train and then hop on the bus for a few minutes, the bus dropped me nearly of at the front door from Ikea. The whole trip took less then a half an hour, love it! Ikea was quit busy with here and there a few screaming and playing kids, that's what you can expect on a Saturday. Although it was still early in the morning, it was getting busier. But I enjoyed the shopping, taking my time and have a good look around, the busy crowd I took for granted, lol! Ikea has such nice stuff, and all for a reasonable price. Though I couldn't take that much with me cause I was with the bus and train, (I don't need a car." Hahaha!) I saw a nice tv cabinet but it was to heavy to cary with me, aswell a nice painting, to big, but oh so nice! 

Carpets in all sizes and colors at Ikea...

I bought a few items what I needed and what I kinda needed. I bought a collander, a bowl, a duvet, two nice brown buckets for the cd's, a cutting board, pillow chases, and a Swedish sandwich with small meatballs, lol. After several hours I went back towards home, I was tired and I kinda got what I needed, I was satisfied. Still it amazed me that the bus and the train were so easy, in a no time I was home. I still needed a few groceries, I did that right away when I got home. Afterwards I took a nap......................... I slept more then two hours, dang! The last few days I have been running around a bit to much I guess, tomorrow it's rest, rest and rest. This coming week will be busy aswell at work, it's all good. When I take enough rest, it will be fine.

Picture time!

Picture time! 

I did quit alot today instead of resting, though I took my usual nap(s) aswell, ofcource cause it was needed. I was tired and had a bit of a heavy feeling on my chest, but what had to be done had to be done, right? I decided to take some blood for my thyroid, I'm almost out of medication so, it was time. My Doctor gave me medication with a higher doses cause I had so now and then heavy or fast heart beats, that's a sign that my blood levels for my thyroid were just a bit to high. Taking the blood went well, I felt it but no ouch, lol. 

The results I will hear from the doctor next week, I think I'm alright with the levels, but ofcource if or when I continue with the higher medication the levels will get higher or lower again. I'm used to it. After the blood taking I did my usually Friday's groceries shopping. After my first nap and lunch I took of the the second hand store in another village, but didn't succeed with buying stuff, I decided to go to the nearest garden centre near my house. I succeeded there, I bought a few things I needed. (See the pictures)  I had a nice day, the weather was good aswell, here and there a cloud but the temperature felt nice...

Now some pictures!

I'm having fun at cooking, I bought a kitchen skirt, LOL! 

Very first time prepairing fresh carrots, but I guess I was a bit to overwhelming with the brown sugar. Just a bit to much, I'll remember it for next time.

Found this bush of carrots in the store, not even one Euro! You can see they are fresh right?

I bought this today at the garden centre, this store looks a bit like Ikea, but they sell mostly plants and flowers. I needed some decoration on the wall in my little kitchen.

I was so excited when I bought this at the garden centre, I like the color! It suits so well, tomorrow I will be putting something on it, perhaps a plant or....

I like taking pictures, I always have my camera with me, where ever I go. I took this picture a week ago I think in my city, I saw these highland cattle's and I had to take a picture of this beauty.

One more....

Ducks in the park as always, you really have to be aware where they lay or walk, they just walk or lay everywhere... 

These are nice too, but these were behind fences. Ofcource otherwise they will cross the road. They were making so much noise...


















Tomorrow should be a nice day too.... I'm going to Ikea! Watch your money Sjon! I will, don't worry.

"He should be the one who has to explain men how to do this and that, not me"

 "He should be the one who has to explain hwo to do this and that, not me"

Great day at work, though I wasn't looking forward to this Thursday. I was tired and felt sleepy, I guess I worked a bit to hard the last couple of days. I had a slow start this morning, but there was a important thing that had to be done. 'That' kept mem going. We had to make hundred mats for a costumer, it was almost not to do, but we came pretty far actually. Tomorrow it should be done, I'm sure. A fellow worker helped me, and he asked me several time how o do this and how to do that. Kinda funny cause he was working so much longer here then me, it gave me a good feeling aswell. I'm a part of the team now, I'm one of them, and that feels prettty good.

Tomorrow I planned to go to Ikea with Ina, Ina was a resident at Humanitas who I know well, she lives on her own now pretty close in my neighborhood. Sometimes we visit each other so now ansd then, and sometimes we see each other in the city, it's always nice having her around. I can say she's a good friend, yeah, and that's all. I can say aswell if I have a problem what's bugging me, or I'm in need of a talk she will be there for me. Today, she was the one who needed a talk. We talked and it was good and fun as always. So, yesterday I asked Ina to come with me to Ikea, we talked about it several times to go out once, but we only talked about it, lol, nothing ever happened. 

Today I thought, "Okay we talked enought, let's go out. Yesterday Ina told me she was coming with me, but today she told me she's not, she had a headache and wasn't feeling well. She wanted to drop by for a talk, a needed talk. I was slightly releived that we didn't go to Ikea, LOL, cause Ina wanted to go on her scooter. She will drive it and me on the back, lol. Last time I was on a scooter? I think I was eight or perhaps ten. So, yeah, I was slightly nervous, lol. But next time we go, for sure. I had a nice day, work went well and it was comfy, ans Ina's visit was nice aswell. Oh Sjon, are you perhaps in love? Noo!! Ina is a friend, just  a friend, she's not my type, lol. I'm happy single....................... for now!

Fast Wednesday.....

Fast Wednesday.....

Just a day off and it's going so fast, before you know it's already evening and time to go to bed. But it was a nice day, I had a good sleep aswel. Usually I get up early (very early) but this morning I slept in a little, I got up at 7:30. I took it easy and enjoyed my breakfast and my laptop, I finally could log into my ING bank account aswell. What a relief, although I'm not a super fan of banking online, but hey logging in without problems is nice, right? I still have that awkward and anxious feeling when I log in on my ING, nerves that my money is shorten, or worried that my money is more less then I expected. I have to get used to log in more, and knowing that everything is okay.

My counselor was early today, it's been a month since he visited me. This visit will be our last regular visit, next week there will be a farewell party. (with guests) Not really a party ofcource, but just a last visit with rounding things of and perhaps a toast on the happy ending. My counselor invited a few people, people who were important while being at Humanitas and people who guided me afterwards. One woman from Humanitas will be there, the boss from my counselor and Paula my first counselor from Humaniats, I asked for her. And surprisingly my Boss from work will come too, (woot!) my counselor sent several invites, aswell one to my Boss. I told my counselor a few weeks ago not to invite her, cause it might be awkward for her, It gives me a awkward feeling too. 

My counselor didn't agree with me and he called her anyway, my Boss was surprisingly excited to come. Still I don't know, it gives me that 'pushing her' feeling, she might be busy, and it's still find it awkward to invite a Boss. Who on earth invites a Boss to his or her's house? I signed a contract just a month ago, I'm not that 'close' yet to this job. I hope my Boss didn't find it weird when my counselor called last week, I hope she doesn't find 'me' weird aswell after the invite. Is this not creepy this invite? will she not find the invite kinda creepy? Okay stop it now Sjon! Enough! LOL! (Oh, I'm just a bit worried about my counselor inviting my Boss, slightly worried that she might stop the contract on the end of the year cause of the invite.)


I need to get started with 'having more social contacts,' joining a team or a club, joining a group of people or a sport. My counselor said it aswell. "Your talking alot over joining this and that, but it's only talk, nothing has happened yet,"  I'm doing my best to find something for in the weekend, but it's going slow. It's hard to find something here in this city, I'm aswell busy with work. Though my counselor is slightly right, I know I have to find social contacts and I really want to, but it's not happening, it though.... I hope I find something soon, cause it's so important to have social contacts. I enjoy going out, and I do that so now and then, but alone! So now and then I like being on my own, but hey, it's so now and then much more fun to go out with another person, or with a group of friends. 

I remember a few questions my counselor asked me today, he asked me if I have a few persons in my life where I can tell my story to, or where I can be open with, etc, like if you have a problem or you have something to say what you don't want to tell to strangers. After thinking I answered, "No I don't really have, uhm, or, well, maybe, I don't know. It made me think, and funny enough I thought about this a few weeks ago aswell, I don't have close friends. It would be different if a few people from Facebook would live in the neighborhood, lol! But still, I need to get surrounded by more people, getting more social contacts.

"You fit in right well here!"

"You fit in right well here!" 

This morning I got a very nice compliment from a fellow worker, this fellow worker is actually our team section leader (As I call him) I just did my work like yesterday, giving it a 100%, (were still so busy) and all of a sudden Henry our team leader comes towards me and says, "You fit in right well here!" I laughed first and thanked him. "I'm serious, your doing a good job," he went on. I thanked him again. I had compliments before, but from Henry, no. Henry is more a worker then a talker, so I guess the compliment from him towards me felt good, or actually better. It sure did me good, I can tell you that.

Today was like yesterday at work, busy, heavy lifting, lots of work. I finally got my brand new working shirts, my first ever working shirts. They are dark blue with a little logo from the company on the left side, and they are huge, geesh. I should have ordered a L- size instead of a XL- size, I just washed on 60 degrees, maybe they shrink a little. 

Otherwise I have to wait until the next order, next year(?) Two T-shirts and one polo-shirt, I'm still waiting on the long sleeve shirts, but I guess they will come later on in the season.  After work I bought a little bit of groceries and headed home for a shower and some food.

I had to make dinner actually but I didn't feel to, normally I have left over from Sunday, but last Sunday's dinner was a fail, lol. I made pasta with fresh cherry tomatoes, onion, raisins and chicken breast, not that a good combination. I don't like fresh tomatoes, I baked them a little to make them soft but... yack! I made peanut butter jelly sandwisches tonight, that was filling aswell. So, I thought tomorrow was the 'farewell party' from my counselor, but no, it's next week, sigh. I prepared a little, and I made a tiny little schedule. (cleaning the house a bit) So, it's next week, oh well, gives me time to tidy and clean up a bit more then....

Exhausted day at work...

Exhausted day at work... 

There was so much new material on our section today, all material where we have to make mats from. Finally actually, a few weeks ago there wasn't much to do and now, it's almost insane so much. We will have to work hard to get it all done. I tided/added the mats together or in shape, some mats were huge, longer then six meters. It's alot of work and kinda monotonous, ( Hey, I discovered a new English word) but hey, someone's gotta do it, lol. I was up and down today, my thoughts were, "Oh let someone else do this, look at all the material what still has to be done, this will take more then a week." Or, "Alright, let's do this, let's finish this!" I was suppa exhausted after work...

Still there was the free dinner, exhausted or not, I always go! The dinner refilled me with new energy, I'm ready for tomorrow! I really gave more then 100% today, I think I have to ease down a bit though, take my rest aswell. I never could do this work a whole week, the two days in the weekend for rest won't be enough then. I realized that I'm not that a talker at work, though I'm doing a bit better then let's say four or five months ago. I can hear it in my voice 'when' I talk, it's not loud enough. Normally when I talk to someone who's close to me or just a stranger I speak with a normal voice, but at work... nope. Maybe it's because we have to wear earplugs at work, lol. It sounds different then when you talk. Speak up Sjon, you can do it!

Fathers day!

Fathers day! 

Yesterday I didn't feel like going, I was tired and wasn't feeling well, I had alot to do aswell plus a busy week ahead, I needed my rest. Though I decided to go cause deciding not go didn't feel good on this special day. Afterwards I'm glad I went, what was I thinking skipping this day not to go to my Dad. First of all there weren't trains riding this weekend, so I had to go with the bus. There were special busses this weekend, cause of the trains not riding. It was a bit of a mess with the busses, cause I didn't know what bus I had to had what was going to my Dad's village. There were several busses, asking is always the best option.

I asked a busdriver and he told me to wait for bus number 335, alright. After a while more busses came, but still no number 335. I asked another bus driver, and he told me that he was going to Nijverdal, right on! The bus he was driving wasn't number 335 but number 192, oh well, it was chaotic with all these busses. I was sitting with another passenger heading to Nijverdal, such a huge bus with only two passengers, lol. The drive was pleasant, there were many roadblocks, so the bus driver had to choose different ways and roads, that was quit entertaining. so much nicer aswell with the train aswell. 

Arrived in Nijverdal there was this long walk again towards my Dad, sigh, I didn't feel like walking but I had to.  There was a hard strong wind but I had the wind in my back that felt good. When I arrived at Dad's place he was eating a small piece of applecake. The nurses defenitly think of you on special days, a Fathers day applecake. Dad was looking well, he was dressed nicely and I think he had a haircut. I think I spent a little hour with him, it was nice and comfy, I'm glad I went. Ofcource I had to go! I will never skip a Fathers day! 

My Dad, anno 17-06-2012! I think this picture is the best I ever made of him. (He doesn't smile much on pictures)

Tonight's the night, the last chance for our national football team to go trough to the quarter finals. They have to win against Portugal with two goals more, example if Portugal scores one goal, Holland has to make three goals. If Portugals scores two goals, Holland has to make four goals. It will be a hell of a job but I have faith in them, there good players, only they have to show it. One thing I don't like is that this match will be played at 8:45 pm, that's late! I will have to stay up a little later as usual, or more later. Oh well, we will see. Tomorrow's gonna be busy aswell with work, I guess I will just float trough this hectic week.

Kind of a lazy day... it was a must!

Kind of a lazy day... it was a must! 

I decided not to go Dad today, I slept not so well, I woke up with a pressure on my chest and felt exhausted. That feeling slowly faded away trough the day, I had to take it easy. I felt sorry and not that well not going to my Dad, it's Fathers day tomorrow, and he was kinda expecting me I think. I will make it up to him big time next weekend, for sure! Just in case I sent my Aunt a message with telling her I'm not going to Dad, my Aunt asked me this week if I was going. I could go tomorrow, but I still feel not so well, this comming week will be busy aswell at work, so yeah, rest and sleep is what I need.

This coming Wednesday I will get my last visit from my counselor, he will bring a few staff members with him, one of them is from Humanitas. (That's the shelters name where I have been staying for almost 8 months) The visit will be a kind of a 'Farewell party,' as my counselor said. When they come on Wednesday I would like to have my little villa tip top, clean and here and there a few new items. As you know I bought already a few new plants and a new painting, I cleaned already a few things aswell. Wednesday morning I will clean the rest, my Mom always said...

"When you have the kitchen and the bathroom clean, then there's nothing to worry about." So yeah, the bathroom and the kitchen will get a quick clean up this Wednesday. I received again a letter from social services, it's the same letter I received two weeks ago. I filled everything in and sent it there way, now I got the same letter again. It's telling me that they received the first letter I filled in, but then there saying, "If there's any change in your life situation you will have to report this on this letter," and that's it. But I did that last week!? I have to do it again? Or? I can't find a answer on the letter, I will have to wait untill Wednesday morning when I visit social services.

Because they are only open in the morning from 9:00 till 12:00, sigh. I expected to received a letter from them with a certain answer, cause I still receive money from them every month. (has to do with minimum wage) I filled in 'that' paper last week to get an answer on the question, 'do I still get money from them every month or not?' If I get a answer this week, and it's a no then I will have to pay back money from the last two months. Gosh, there so slow sometimes! Anyway, like I said a busy week. Today was here and there nice, I cleaned my balcony a bit and did my last groceries. Further I rested, slept and rested.