Booked my trip for the Summer vacation!

Booked my trip for the Summer vacation! 

It was one of my goals to travel more, go out, explore and see things, I wanted to go on a trip this year, no matter what! Well, I searched and searched, and doubted and doubted. Almost on every trip my wallet said, "No!" The trips I really liked were to expensive, I can't afford it. Uhm, well maybe I can, but I think it's better to wait a year or maybe two years. Excursion trips with a plane are to expensive for now, even Spain, Italy, Greece, or Portugal, to name a few are so expensive. I would like to have a trip towards sunny weather, beaches and lots of sightseeings, but I decieded not to, it's to expensive.Maybe next year!

First I was looking for trips under 500 Euro, but if I started with ordering them the price was getting higher and higher, even trips under 400 Euro were just to much. Under 300 Euro were more acceptable, but the trips weren't that much. Trips to Germany, Belgium and even Holland, no, that's not what I was searching for. I decided to pick the excursion trip to Prague, it's a 8 days trip in the middle of my Summer vacvation, perfect! The 3rd of August I will be heading off and will return on the 10th off August, I have no clue what to expect cause I never been in Prague. Funny is that this company is the same company where I went with to London. 

Prague here I come!

I figured that this company was easy with booking cause I done it before, so I know what to expect. I will travel by bus, cause this company does everything by bus. I have been searching alot the last few months for other cheap trips, and aswell other companies. That wasn't easy so in the end I went back to 'Effe weg,' the company where I traveled with before. Why did I choose for Prague, I choosed from more then 30 excursion trips, the ones above 400 Euro I skipped, left overs were Prague, Germany and Venice. Venice was in the end to expensive and Germany, I don't know, I can be in 30 minutes in Germany with a train, so no Germany. If I want to go on a vacation I want to go far away. So, Prague it was.

I red trough the trip what we all gonna do in the 8 days, and I liked it, the 'things to see and to do' were better then the Germany and Venice trip. I like city trips, I like to see old buildings and historical things, or how you call it. Lol, anything for a good picture, right? There will be alot to see, I'm quit excited. But not that excited as I was when I went to London. Maybe it's a good sign. I will start saving now..! Today was another gorgeous day, though I didn't went outside. I rested and relaxed. I did one load of laundry and that was it. I'm thinking of to do a spring cleaning soon, starting with cleaning the windows. there so many of them. 

The bus from 'Effe weg.'

 It's warm in the house, not that weird cause the sun was burning strongly trough my windows today. I had the sunscreen down but still it was warm, it was only 18 degrees, how warm will it be when it's Summer with 28 or 30 degrees? Yikes! The few rooms I have need air, the sun today gave a bit of a muffy smell in here. Perhaps I need to open a  window during the night, I hope the musquito's stay out then. I could need some musquito screens in the house, fresh air is good! So yeah, a spring clean, musquito screens and perhaps dark curtains for the sun, all needed for the Summer.

Another gorgeous day!

Another gorgeous day! 

It's almost crazy, today was more then 19 degrees! A month ago they still talked about ice-skating and frost, and now most people are walking in summer shirts and t-shirts. Not me, I putted a thinner shirt and just a jeans plus a coat. I will wear the short and t-shirt when it's 25 degrees or more. I felt sleepy today, and I wasn't the only one, lol. My Dad was sleepy too. I visited him in the early afternoon. 

Just before I took of I had a nap and made some lunch, dad was aleeping in his chair when I came. I had the idea from my counselor still in my head, 'walking around the block with my Dad, with a wheelchair.' I asked him a few times but he didn't felt too, I could she he was sleepy. Oh well, maybe next time. Dad fell in sleep several times during my vist, lol. I must have been the warm weather, I could use another nap too. 

I stayed for a short 45 minutes, then I left. I know it's short but okay, I thought that he would come for the 'wheelchair walk, but no. It's fine. I walked pass  the farm lands when I headed back to the trainstation, beside my Dad's place are alot of farm lands with horses and pony's, it's nice to walk trough and take some pictures. There was this little girl with his Dad feeding the pony's, it reminded me when I, Safa and Ab walked here a few times to visit my Dad. 

Sad thoughts? Naah, just a bit but mostly good memories. I can't turn back the time, and I it's fine. The little girl had 2 plain sandwiches for the horses and feeded it to the horses, I stood beside her and saw the pony eating the plain sandwisches in one bite. The girl looked at her Dad and said, "Dad, the bread is finnished." lol, I told the girl, "You should try smaller pieces next time." After the farm lands I headed back to the train station. 

I was graving for a ice-cream, lol. but had to walk a bit fast cause otherwise I would miss the train. I will buy one when I get home I thought. And so I did, I bought package of icecream, six icecreams in one package, lol. I bought strawberries aswell. I walked in the grocery store and saw them, looked at the price and thought, 'your sold!' At home I took a nap and aftrwards I started dinner, it's gonna be a short night, the clocks in Holland will be going one hour forward. Finally Springtime!

A good start...

A good start.

The good news from today is that I had a response back from the eldery place where my Dad lives, I sent a e-mail yesterday to the eldery place cause I would really like a talk with the nurse who takes care of my Dad, or the one who goes about my Dad in that eldery place. I want to be more involved if it comes to my Dad, for example, if he's sick, I would like to know if he needs something or when he's going to be replaced, I would like to know. I want to discus or decide too when it comes to my Dad, for a (to) long time it has been my Aunt who arranged everything or gets the latest news first from my Dad first, I always come second place. The eldery place, my Aunt and I made a agreement about this though before I went to Canada. My Aunt and Uncle make the desicions when it comes to my Dad together with staff from the eoldery place, if there's news my Aunt gets to know it first and then me.

I guess you know by now how my Aunt is, gossiping, nagging and b@llsh!tt!ng. It's never good what I do, and the 'wrong' gossips about me go all to the other family members includding the eldery place. That is gonna stop now, I want to work on this and change all of that. So, I had a e-mail back from my Dad's nurse who arranges everything for my Dad, she knows everything what has been done and what needs to be done if it comes to my Dad, next Friday I will have a talk with her alone. The e-mail back suprised me cause it went so fast, I thought it would be such a struggle to get in contact with my Dad's nurse. I'm excited to go but aswell a bit nervous, prolly my Aunt will come to know this, and I'm a bit nerves cause of what I will get to hear from Dad's nurse. But yeah, I made a start, and I'm proud I did. Tomorrow I will go to my Dad for a visit. 

I hope the weather will be as good as today, today was extremely warm for the time of year. 18 degrees and lots, lots of sunshine. I took my bicycle and went for a long ride, I took some pictures and at last I did my weekly groceries. Before the groceries I went to the children's farm in the city, the animals were out and I took some pictures, always a nice visit. My counselor came aswell today in the morning, I told him about my plan about Dad, and he thought it was a good idea, my counselor knows aswell about my grumpy Aunt. He came with some good ideas aswell, he told me, "Why don't you go for a walk with your Dad tomorrow, grab a wheelchair and go around the block with him," great idea. It's I think easy to get a wheelchair at my Dad's place and yeah, whey not go for a walk. Near my Dad's place is a very nice forest where we can go to. I will see tomorrow...

''A change is gonna come."

''A change is gonna come."

Last night my Aunt called again, and you prolly know how that went, 'nag, nag and nag.' Though she liked it that I have a working contract. But further it went like this, 'We are the only ones who visit your Dad.' 'You and Dad were never great talkers.' 'Going to Canada was really stupid, your Dad was so sad about it, it really hurted him.' 'We are the only ones who help Dad out.' ect, ect, and ect. Not really a nice conversation trough the phone just before bedtime. My Dad had a few appointments with his counselor and his Doctor, cause Dad will prolly be moving to another area in the place where he lives. In that place he will get more care, but what worries me a bit is that that place is awell a place for disabled people. People who need more care, people who are slightly a bit crazy or demend. It's sure is not a happy place to be for my Dad.Ofcource my Aunt was at the appointment aswell. 


I have to say though that it's written in my Dad's "contract," that my Aunt and Uncle decide what to do if it comes to Dad. For example, if Dad need new clothing my Aunt and Uncle will buy them for him, or when somethinmg happened with Dad then my Aunt and Uncle will get a call or message from the eldery place first, my Aunt will inform me then. Another example, when now my Dad prolly goes to that 'other' area my Aunt and Uncle will decide together with my Dad's counselor and doctor if that's good for him yes or no. Now, I actually made a agreement that my Aunt and Uncle make these decisions just before I went to Canada, cause someone from the Family had to do it. The agreement was a relief so I wouldn't have to worry about my Dad while I was in Canada, I planned to stay for a very long time in Canada. Trust me, THAT was a hard desicion aswell, to leave my Dad for such a long time. That was a though time................

Now I'm back from Canada, and the 'agreement' still counts, my Aunt and Uncle make the desicions over my Dad when it's needed. And now THAT I would love to change a bit, why? Cause I don't like the 'nagging'of my Aunt anymore, it's more then enough, I'm so done with her. She talks alot of  b@llsh!t towards me, and not only me, she sometimes gossips this b@llsh!t aswell to the family and to my Dad's counselor and Dad's docter. I see it all infront of me now when I write about it. Ofcource I get sometimes these strange looks from the nurses at Dad's place, they know me now, thanks Aunt. If you have a question over my Family, ask my Aunt she knows all and she wants to know all, plus they tell her all aswell cause she's so caring and nice. I'm not gonna fall for it again, I'm not gonna let her talk down on me again. I want to change a few things, and I'm gonna work on it.

If there's something going on with Dad, I would like to know or hear it from the eldery place, straight to me. If there has to be made a decision about Dad, I want to be a part of the desicion aswell, I want to sit around that table too to talk and decide aswell. I will visit my Dad once a week, I will show my face weekly. Fact: When I visit my Dad the staff from Dad's eldery place writes it down according to my Aunt! Do they keep a score aswell? Or was it a idea or desicion from my Aunt? I would like to change a few things, I already sent a e-mail to the eldery place. First I want a talk with the sister who takes care of my Dad, or the one who goes about my Dad in that eldery place. I will talk with her or him and tell him my story and tell him or her what I would like. A change! My Dad is getting old, he might not be here any longer. That's ONE of the reason I'm doing this. On one thing I agree with my Aunt, I have to visit him more often. 

Though the reason why I can't visit him that often is because I'm busy with alot of things, I work aswell. Me getting a real job was one of my Dad's wishes for such a long , long time. I'm still suffering from my visit to Canada, with suffering I mean, the payments and the 'building up my life,' I had a very busy year behind me. I was homeless , there werel lots of arrangements, I was searching for a roof over my head, I needed to get a house, getting usurances, getting money and a job, ect, ect. Most of this is almost done, but were not there yet. So when there asking my Dad where Sjon is, he tells them, he doesn't have time for me. That's what I meant with the gossiping and b@llsh!tting from my Aunt, she doesnt tell the truth. That's gonna change now. It will be my Dad, me and the people from the eldery place in my eyes now. Sure the desiccions will still be made by my Aunt and Uncle, that's fine, but includding me alot more!

Mothers!!

Mothers!! 

I see lately alot of suffering and sadness among my friends on Facebook, I am talking about my female friends. They are very dear to me, they stood next to me while I have been suffering and was down in the dumps. I do not like it when they are suffering or feels sad or bad, or being quiet. There for I would like place this poem that I found for my female friends, it is called Mothers...

Mothers!

We come in all, Creeds and colors, And we are special, Because we are mothers.

We labor long, And free of charge, Mothering, it lives within our hearts

Our jobs are many, So we multitask, To find the answers, To every question asked

It's the hardest thing, In life to do, Raising children, Without a clue.

No guides, no maps, No magic wand, Just instinct and God, Leading us on.

Everyday in motherland is brand new, And good ole' advice, just comes to you

We wipe their tears, We ease their pain, As they confront confusion, We make it plain

There's nothing else, We'd rather see, Than our kids grow up, With stability

And in the end, We will recall, The joy we've had, Answering this call

Giving life, Nurturing and being there, Protecting our young, With wisdom and care. 

Colleen Kuhns, Sharon Savoy, Nathalie Van Welle, Jana Zain, Anisah Haynes, Ka´milla Mathis, Carolyn Mullis Singh, Iman William, I love you all and have respect for you all!!

What a gorgeous weather!

What a gorgeous weather! 

it was 16 degrees today, and tomorrow it will be even warmer! I saw people walking and riding there bikes in shorth or t-shirts, it was busy in the centre of the city, even the ice-cream shops were open again. Spring has certainly began! Still I have a sore neck, the medication helps a bit. In the morning it's the worst, my neck feels stiff and painfull then. Movement helps a bit, I realized that on the end of the day, but hey! It's my rest day, so rest I will.

I rested alot this morning, I took to naps, and my snoring woke me up, lol! I never knew I snored! In the afternoon I jumped on my bike and drove of to another city, Wierden! Wierden is a village where I use to live when I was a kid, Mom was born there. I planned to go to a second hand store, just to look around. I'm still looking for a nicer tv-cabinet, my coffee table and tv-cabinet don't match with each other. Different colors and different material made me decide to buy one day another (second hand) tv-cabinet. Perfectionist! haha!

It was a nice bike ride to Wierden, nice weather, 16 degrees and lots of sunshine. At the second hand store I bought a working pants, lol, also a thing I really need, working clothes! The pants only costed 4 Euro. From there I biked slowly to my own city again, the free dinner was waiting. I took my time cause I had plenty. Enjoyed the weather and looked at the people who aswell enjoyed this sunny day. It was not so busy with dinner, perhaps becasuse of the nice weather. I headed home afterwards and bounced on my couch, Relaxed! Tomorrow another working day, oh my I have a job!! It still feels a bit unreal...

I'm hired!!

I'm hired!!

Last night when I made my cuppa coffee I felt a little stab in my neck, it kinda scared me, I thought, "What is that?" It hurted and felt akward. I twisted my neck badly, was it just a twist, or was it that I sat a bit to long in the cold with just a t-shirt? Or was it stress from the last weeks? I don't know, but I knew it hurted. I took two paracetamol and went to bed early. I disliked the pain, specially knowing that tomorrow I'll have to work. And tomorrow I could get some results from my Boss. Tomorrow after work I will buy some warming paths for my hurting neck.

Although the pain in my neck I had a nice sleep, sometimes to much turning hurted my neck. I thought, "I will just go to work and I will see how it goes." I didn't even think of the 'results' my mind was on my hurting neck. Before I went to work I took again two paracetamol, I took aswell the medicne with me. While the day went on my neck hurted less, I felt it but it felt comfier, AI could do my work just like yesterday. Though I had a sore start, I felt a stomach pain aswell, stress? To many Paracetamol? Nerves? I don't know. It was a bit of a akwards day, not a day like usual at work. Just the way I felt this Tuesday. 

At 9:30 with the coffee break our secetary came for a little visit, she had a few months of cause of the delevering of her baby. She visited us with her Husband and ofcource the baby, the baby was in  a stroller sleeping deeply. The cantine was packed with people from the office and the workers, they all congrate the Mother and the Father. It's a tradition here in Holland to celebrate a birth with 'beschuit met muisjes,' (see picture) 

The blue ones is for when you have a baby boy, the pink is for when you have a baby girl.

a traditional Dutch open-faced sandwich topping, very similar to nonpareils. While customary on bread, their most typical use is on beschuit, or rusk Muisjes are made ofanisheed sprinkles with a sugared and colored outer layer. Muisjes, meaning "little mice" in Dutch, are named thusly because the anise seed sprinkles are shaped like little mice, with the stem of the anise seed resembling a tail

The 'beschuit met muisjes' was delicious. Work further went well, I was quit busy but I enjoyed it. Though the worries and nerves about prolly getting the results today were there too, as the day went on I thought the Boss already forget about me. "I will contact my Reah counselor tonight, and tell her that my Boss forgot about me," I thought. I wanted results! With the last break all workers were having a snack or a coffee in the cantine, then suddenly the Boss walked in and invited me for a talk, eek! Funny fact was that some workers already told me to just go to the Boss's office to ask for results, "There's nothing wrong with that," they said.


When I walked with the Boss to her office I saw already my Reha counselor sitting in a chair. Wow, I sure didn't expect her today, cause I thought she would just call my Boss. The atmosphere in the Boss's office was down and I don't know, I thought, Okay, that was it. I can go." Even when the Boss began her talk she sounded not really optimistic. But! But! In the end of her conversation she told me that I was hired!! Hired for a half year, just like every employer starts. I asked the Boss, "Serious!??" I just couldn't believe it, I nearly shed a tear, lol! I have a job!! 2003 was the last time I had a job! This is my reward for the last 6 months! I was so happy. 

My Boss told me that I really did my best the last 6 months, I was always at work when I had too, I was motivated and I gave a 100%, that's why they wanted to keep me and gave me the contract. And yeah I did my best, I really like this job and the work. It was tough and I really had to learn a few things but I maneged it!  Well deserved! My Boss asked me aswell if I was flexible while working, meaning, if I could aswell swich sometimes with my days. I work on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, but it can happen that a new order comes in on Wednesday or Friday and that order has to be finnished as soon as possible, then 'they'will ask me to work on my off day. 

I will get the day off the next day. Meaning, I will hold on the 3 days of work. The last two weeks 3 workers had to leave, cause there wasn't enough work for them. One worker left today, it was a bit double today, one worker has to leave and one gets a contract, me! My Boss asked me a favor to keep my contract quiet for a few weeks, my contract starts the first of May. Why quiet? Cause of the workers who had to leave, it might get angry or dissaopinted faces from other workers. But how do you keep such a exciting news quiet? Almost every worker came up to me after my talk with the Boss, asking me what the results were.

"I can't say anything, my Boss told me," I said, silly me, I said it with a smile, so everyone knew that I was hired. My Boss told me that I had to say that they will test me one more month and then come with the results, but yeah, I didn't or I forgot. It's silly though, I can't keep this exciting news quiet for a month. I waited 6 months for this, lol. I can shout it from the roof tops, "I HAVE A JOB!!!!!"  And I'm loving it!! I'm excited and will do more and more my best, now I do it not for nothing. I do it for the money and for our working team where I'm part of now! Yay! Got the job!!! 

Guess what?!?

What!?!? 

More about it later...

Another working day...

Another working day...

Another working day has ended, work went well as always. Recently though I have more and more the feeling that I would like to get rewarded for the work I do, ofcource! I been at this job almost six months, it's about time, and I can feel that too. Thinking of it gibves me negative thoughts.Today I had that feeling aswell, being busy and doing the best I can but yeah, for what actually. To get a hire contract? They told me already that they wanted me, and that they will do and try everything to let me stay here with a contract. 

The amount of work was the problem, well, there's enough work. In the six months that I worked there I never had a moment that I didn't had anything to do. I think it's a money problem, perhaps they can't afford me. Today another fellow worker had to leave, there wasn't any work anymore for him. Shall I be the next one? I don't know, uhm, I'm guessing I will have to go. Every month I had a conversation with my Boss, and every month with the same results, "We try everything to let you stay here, but were not sure yet, there's still not enough work." 

Tomorrow or Thursday I will get prolly the (final) results. I think it will be the same as the last six months but with a little twist, "We tried everything to let you stay here, there's still not enough work, we have to let you go." If that's the result, then I won't stay any longer, I will say goodbye to the fellow workers and head of to Reha. To see if I can come back upcomming Thursday. But yeah, for the same reason my Boss will hire me, then I will get a half year contract. After that half year I will get a year contract. 

And then? And then for good. I'm not that nervous though for this week, I think I prepaired myself well. Yeah, work went well, only a few down moments, I deserve to be here with a contract. I saw some other workers not doing much, and they get payed. I'm working hard and I get nothing. But I love the work I do, that keeps me going. Anyway, I will see what's gonna happen, but I know for sure I want results, I'm not gonna wait another month. Before April please! 

Lots of nieces and a few nephews...

Lots of nieces and a few nephews... 

Last night the birthday party was unexpected awesome, more of such nights please! I have seen most of my nieces and a few nephews, I noticed once again that from my Mom's side I have more nieces then nephews. I had such as fun night, riding my bike there went okay, only a few times I thought to myself, "I'm crazy to go there, it's to far and being on the road in this darkness is kinda scary due the crime and violence here."  I'm so glad I went! And it wasn't that far, I knew the way now and the ride went well. When I arrived there I saw a eldery couple putting there bikes away and I talked to them, we both introduced each other. (The eldery man was a old friend from my (birthday) Aunt's Husband) 


We both when inside to congratulate my Aunt, and we both saw that we were one of the first ones. My two Nephews plus my niece were sitting next to my Aunt. Wow! I haven't seen them in such a long time, I guess it's been more then ten years. I felt a bit nerves and didn't know what to say, but I did well, and they were friendly. The Family from my Mom's side are much more opener, funny that most of them said that I look like my Mom, in my behaviour and looks. One of my Aunt's Son's (my nephew) I haven't seen in more then almost thirthy years, he has been at Humanitas too long time ago, but then in another city. Kinda sad story, cause he was on drugs and walked away from home. I used to play alot with him when we were bot kids. So that too felt a bit akward to see him back, but so nice aswell!

He's doing okay now, but still has the marks a bit of his drugs past. I sat down with the couple I came in with, they invited me to sat with them, nice! More people came in and a older couple came aswell sitting with us. There I sat at the table, with eldery people who I didn't know that well. But I felt good, I felt comfy. More and more Family and friends came in and I looked around while sitting to see if I could spot a few nieces and nephews or perhaps Aunt's and uncles. Or even old neighbors. It didn't take long untill I regonized a few nieces, and old neighbors, but going to them for a little chat I didn't dare yet. I thought, 'That will come later.' Then I saw another Aunt, she had one of her daughters with her, that Aunt lives in Almelo aswell.

My birthday Aunt! 60 year!

See was the one who I visited first when I came living in Almelo. She's my Godmother. She and her Daughter (my niece) congratulated my (birthday) Aunt and were looking for a place to sit down, it was already quit full. They both found a bit of a unusual table and seats to sit down, they sat alone. After five minutes I decided to sit with them, that was a smart decision. They were happy to see me. We both talked alot about me, my Dad and about the other daughters from my Godmother. Yep I have more nieces then nephews, lol. When I was still young I always played with them when my Mom and Dad would visit them, no not with dolls, just anything, but no dolls. We were more outside then inside. 

As the evening went on more nieces and there Families showed up, we drinked we ated we enjoyed ourselves. It was so nice seeing them back, even though it's been such a long time since I seen them. Still a few Family members were missing, but there a bit further away in Holland, and some were sick. The talking went so well with my nieces, they were asking me things like how I was and ofcource about my time in Canada. Most of them knew I spent time there, they asked about my Dad aswell, how he was and why he wasn't on the party. Here I was on the birthday party from my Aunt, surounded with lots of nieces and a few nephews, such a great time. 

I didn't even mind that I was alone, I felt great!  And again, it's been more then 20 years since I saw them! One of my nieces came with the idea to do a reunion this year in June, great idea! With all the nieces and all the nephews, I hope it goes trough. She came with another thing, she asked me if I or my Dad still has old pictures from her Mom and my Mom, there both past away long time ago. Her Mom and my Mom were twin-sisters, I still so remember that time when they were both together. I will have to search for the pictures, I have them or my Dad has them, I have been searchimg today but couldn't find any. That leaves my Dad, I will visit him this week. 

The birthday party came to an end, we all traded e-mail adresses for the reunion and thanked the birthday Aunt for the nice hospitality. What a great night! The day after... I rested, I didn't sleep that long but I felt okay, just a bit of a sore stomach. Getted my work clothing together, and made my lunch for work. And further nothing, rest. It could be a heavy tough week this week, upcomming Thursday the results of my job, stay or go. I think it's a go, I already half prepaired myself. If I get to hear that I can go, then I will go and won't stay longer. I will be heading straight away to Reha, to see if I can get back starting upcomming Thursday. Yes, I have it all planned, if I can stay, then I will do a dance trough the whole working place and shake everyone there hand.

Going out tonight...

Going out tonight...

Birthday party from my Aunt tonight, I'm sure it's gonna be fun. Seeing my nieces, nephews, relatives and other people is always fun. The party is from 8:00 until 12:00 but I'm not gonna stay that long, I think 11:00 is a nice to to heading home. I don't like it to be that late on the streets here in this city, there's sometimes crime here and sometimes violence. It's almost everyday here in the newspaper, so, better be on time in my safe house.

Today you  can almost compare with yesterday,minus the grocery shopping. I did one load of laundry and a bit cleaning and dusting, I might wash the floors tomorrow. I decided today to go with the same travel company like last year with the London trip, I can't afford a plane trip yet, that can wait a year. I saw on there site that they have nice trips aswell, though it's with a bus, but that's alright. Trips to Croation, Italy, France, it's all fine with me, aslong I have lots of sunshine I'm fine. 

And further? Further not that much, I will write about how the birthday party was tomorrow. I'm quit excited to go actually, just a bit nerves aswell. I haven't seen them in prolly 10 years, lol. What do I say? Where shall I sit? Ofcource the subject 'Canada' will come by, but that's fine. The Family from my Mom's side is nice and gentle. 

Finally some sun-shine!

Finally some sun-shine! 

This morning started out grey, misty and cold, what a difference with yesterday. Yesterday we had 17 degrees with lots of sunshine, I saw people in t-shirts or without jackets, even in shorts. This morning it was pretty cold, just like last night, only 8 degrees this morningl. I wondered why it was so cold during the night, it felt akward. When I got up I noticed that my little window was still open, lol. I never forget to close everything when I got to bed, and wasn't even thinking during the night that my window could be open. 

Made pancakes today for dinner, yum!

I had nothing much planned today, tomorrow in the evening I might go to my Aunt's birthday. Yes, the one that my Dad wanted to go to, but we both decided that it's not a good idea for my Dad to go there. He's to weak and to fragile. My (Birthday) Aunt and I emailed back and forth about the birthday, about who's all comming and where the party is located. Still I don't know if I'm going cause it's quit a bike ride from my house to the birthday party. But I love to see some of my nieces and nephews again, I haven's seen them in so many years.
 

The little pan I used...

Most of them are married or are all grown adults, I still remember when I use to play with them in my childhood. My (Birthday) Aunt is the wife of my uncle, and that uncle was my Mom's brother. It will be nice to see them all, also a nice time out aswell for me. This morning I went out to see where the party will be held, just to see where it is and how far it is. It's atleast a fifteen minutes ride, right in the middle of a industrial park. A voice in my head says, "Just go!" And I think I will. It's from 8:00 till 12:00 in the evening. 

The banana was my idea...

 Further not that much today, did some laundry and finnished my grocery shopping for the comming week. I need to make a desicion soon where I want to go with the summer holiday, I don't think I will get a plane vacation, I just can't find a decent price for that. Flying is expensive and I can't afford it yet. I will go by bus then, but going with a bus to spain or Italy, I don't know. Maybe I just have to start saving money for next year Summer, to have a very nice plane trip to a far away country then. And this year perhaps a bit closer to home, like france or Germany. 

And then the fun was over...

And then the fun was over...

After a day of hard work I cycled towards the 'free dinner,' the weather was gorgeous and actually way to warm for a wintercoat and scarf, but anyway. The free dinner was cozy and it was nice seeing the regular people again, I usually sit on my own spot together with a few old residents from Humanitas. It's a long table right in the centre of the little hall, then beneath the windows are the other tables where mostly the homeless people sit, yes, everyone has mostly there own spot. You can also say, where I sit are sitting the 'quiet, normal' people, lol. At the other table the homeless people, sometimes loud, sometimes drunk and yeah, sometimes agresive.

It's not always fun to have these homeless people at the free dinner, there loud, agressive and sometimes drunk. Sometimes some of the homeless people don't show up for a few weeks, we know what time it is then, there in jail for a long or a short time. We will know when there 'free' again, cause then they will show up at the free dinner again. Sigh! It was nice and cozy at the free dinner today, not that busy, untill the group of homeless people showed up. Some of them are okay, but just a bit weird. The homeless people usually get along with each other, but sometimes not and then the fun begins, shouting, insulting  and being agressive. Just like today

After I finnished my dinner and putted my coat on to go back towards home,  I went outside, a friend of mine from Humanitas walked with me. When we were almost outside we noticed that there was a fight, a fight between a homeless guy and another homeless guy who was released just two weeks from jail. I know them both slightly, but never had a talk with them, perhaps a few words. I rather don't get in contact with them, or with other homeles people from that group. A few guys from the staff from the free dinner ran outside to see what was going on, they saw that one guy had a knife. There was shouting, chaos and lots of insults, it was crazy. 

The people who organise this free dinner weekly are very christian, the free dinner is actually from a christian community. The staff tried to calm the fight down and jumped right in the middle of it, crazieness. I wouldn't even dare, I have much respect for these people. Though I think there used to it, I saw a few fights before here, or heared about it, but a knife? Insane. I passed the fight while walking to my bike, what I grabbed slowly and took off at the otherside of the building, there it was quiet and peacefull. When I passed again the building to ride towards home I saw that there still was a chaos.

 I saw a guy who had a punch aswell, he passed me cause he left the fight, "Then you think you have a nice dinner and then this, there crazy!" He said. I couldn't agreed more! I didn't know how to feel about this stupid fight, sad or angry, I think a bit of both. The homeless people who were fghting will get a four weeks prohibition. No free dinner for them for four weeks. I don't like such people, actually this whole group of homeless people at the free dinner I dislike. There loud and sometimes agressive. Some of them spend time in jail, they should actually never be released, they never learn, they don't wanna learn. 

They live on the street where the crime is, they don't know else. Some of this group of homeless people I have seen at Humanitas aswell when I lived there, the staff from Humanitas tried to help them, to get them on the right pad, but without succes. Like I said, they don't know else. The street is there life, and unfortunatley the jail is too.

Picture time, remembering!

Picture time, remembering! 

I have absolutley nothing to write about today, only that the 'new' vollunteers job is chancelled. The woman who wanted to learn the Dutch language and looked for someone extra who could help her with that, has found already someone. It was actually already an old vacancy. The woman's contact person who sent me the mail this morning with the 'chancelling 'message made a appointment with me. She wants to speak with me, hmm, perhaps she has other vacancies in store. 

It's going a bit so, so lately with the search for vollunteers work and aswell my job. The radio work is hmm, I don't know, it's perhaps not what I'm really looking for, and yeah my job, upcomming Tuesday could be my last day. I really have to find something to fill my days. People around me is needed, communicating, having fun, socializing, it's all a must. My work towards 'that' is still not done

Picture time! 

Amsterdam was the city I visited last year Summer, it's been such a long time since I was there. Great fun!

Oh yes! Last year at Humanitas we had a dare, dress up as a woman, so much fun. I really love this picture, it has som  many stories in it.  2011 - July.

My new house last year August, filled with a absolute gorgeous couch. I never would have thought that I would have come so far, I guess I wasn't even thinking what would become of me, I only knew that it will be okay, but how? I didn't had a clue. 2011 - August.

Reha, my first job since I got back from Canada, actually since 2003! I learned many things here, it was for sure a good start up for my next job. I never knew I missed working this much, it was not only work I missed but aswell a day rhythm and fellow workers. A very important thing in life.

My first entrance into my new house, it's small, but not as small that I thought it was. I like it and took it. I was a happy man, and still am.

Humanitas last year, here it all began. Here I could began with proccesing and starting things up. Great time I had there, even though I had a small room and lots of people around me 24 hours a day. Also many thanks towards Humanitas. 2011 - February

Toronto Pearson international airport, my trip back from Canada towards Holland. So many memories when I see this pictures, I remember this last day when I see this picture like it was yesterday. Although it's a awesome picture, it's not to fun to look at it to long. 2011 - January.
.

My first trip from last year, London was awesome, I had such a good time. I might go again this year, and again in December, just like last year. Good memories! 2011 - December.

Some of the friends from Humanitas, good memories aswell, I still see them sometimes. We cooked together, went out together, just almost anything. The guy in the middle is living on his own now, very nice chap! 2011 - May.

The city where I live now, Almelo. I love it here, it's so much different then where I use to live, Nijverdal. This city is alive, thought it has his crime, violence, and homeless people, there's never a boring moment here. October - 2011.

Hematoma part two.

Hematoma part two. 

I had the craziest idea to go today to the doctor for the hematoma instead of tomorrow, I just couldn't wait any longer, nerves made me made this desicion. I figured that I couldn't bring it up otowait that long if I would go on Wednesday. I needed to know now what's going on with this weird hematoma, and on this working day I will have lots of distractions, and that will be good for my worries and nerves. Oh god, silly weird me! Lol! Get those worries out of my head, lol. Anyway, I went to work and waited till 8:00 am and called from work my doctor. I used the phone from the cantine, but geesh, I couldn't hear a thing, even not when I sat in the cantine. Lol, I sat on the toilet with one finger in my ears and still I had to listen good. Though I made the appointment, I had to be at the doctor at 9:40. I left work at 9:15 and arrived at 9:30, it was busy. The doctor called me in at 10:00, 20 minutes to late, but oh well. 

I asked the doctor friendly why it took so long, he told me that some patients really come to the point not untill after the end of there conversation. Then the doctor asked why I was here, I told about my hematoma, and I had to show it. I was pretty nervous, but after he told me that I didn't have to worry I felt relieved. The doctor asked me if I fell or something or bumped into something, I told him that I fell of my bike a few months ago, but I really couldn't remind myself that I fell on that spot where I have the hematoma. The doctor told me that it's just a innocent hematoma, "You prolly fell or bumped into your thigh when you fell," the doctor told me. (A torn muscle?) Weird and akward that I have the hematoma on that spot, anyway, the hematoma will vanish within three or four weeks he told me... So, end of my worries. I never had a hematoma I think, atleast not this big. I totally forgot about my fall too from a few months ago too.

I wasn't even 15 minutes at the doctor, and went back on my bike towards work. All took less then a hour. Work went well today, as always. Busy and enough to do, upcomming Tuesday I will get a conversation with my Boss and my Reha counselor, I'm sure I will get results then. It's about time, a few workers are about to leave aswell, cause there hiring contracts are ended. Some of the fellow workers were telling me that I might have to go too, but some were positive asweell, some said, "I will be suprised that you not get hired." I told them the oppisite, I will be suprised that I will get a hire contract. I think next Tuesday will be my klast day at work, but oh I will be so happy that I can stay, I'm just going out from the worse... Untill then I will do my best with work, like I always did.

Hematoma...

Hematoma...
I noticed a Hematoma yesterday on the inside of my thigh, it worries me. Cause I don't know how it got there. I can't remember that I bumped myself or fell or whatever. It's bothering me in my worried mind since I spotted the hematoma. I have a day off tomorrow, so I could visit my doctor. But I'm to worried to go, afraid of the results of what the doctor will say. Is it perhaps that I fell of my bike a few months ago that I got this hematoma? And why didn't I noticed this before? In the shower or undressing for example. I will go to the hospital tomorrow to test my blood for my thyroid, after five days I will get the results of the blood test from my doctor. I will keep an eye on my hematoma till then, if it's not getting smaller then I will go to my doctor for the blood results and to show him my hematoma.... I should stop worrying... the hemotoma isn't painfull, but it's quit big, you can compare it with the size of a lightbulb.It's dark aswell.

Ups and downs while working... sigh!

 Ups and downs while working... sigh! 

So, today I should have had a conversation with my Boss, but I guess plans has changed. Though I saw the Boss more then ten times on the workfloor. Maybe I should have asked her about the conversation, the fear of that I might get to hear that they won't give me a hire contract stopped me from doing that. I'm still a bit 'eeking' about it, I was quit nerves aswell today. Though I worked hard today, why? Cause it was kinda busy, and we had a bit to many people in our section. Normally it's two or three people now there were four people. Every worker has to do something, and when the mat must be made there has to be one who makes the beginning of the mat. I was the one who made the beginning. 

I connected the aluminium profiles to each other with rubber, when that's done I give the mat to the next person who measures and nails the mat so that the mat is the right lenght and ready for the next proces. So, the other 3 people were kinda waiting for me to finnish the first proces of the mat, though they told me to take it easy, I still felt a bit of a rush, lol. I guess it goes automaticly with me, just my nature, lol.  The workers are nice and feel and think with me, they aswell say that's it time for me to get results.  There hoping that I can stay, I so fit in this job, I learned so much and came so, so, far. I would never have thought I could do this all, thought I never had it in me. I'm amazed! 

I had my down moments aswell today, working hard and thinking, 'where's my reward for being so busy plus all the work I have done today,' sure I get nice compliments but it's not enough anymore. Lately I have this 'it's enough'feeling more, though the work I do and the fellow workers makes everything worthwhile, even working for free. But yeah, I can't stay there for free, I had the feeling today that if I don't say or do anything about this 'free'work I will still be working here till I'm 65. I will have to take action, my Boss didn't come to me today, not even when she was so many times at our section. I will get incontact with my Reha counselor again, just like last week. 

I will tell her my thoughts and feelings about this, together we will work this out. I'm nervous and a bit frighten to loose this wonderfull job, if I loose this job then I will go back to Reha perhaps. I will have to start all over again at the beginning, such a shame though, like I said, I came so far, I learned so much. I really gave a 1000% with this job and I survived. I worked here for six months now, though they said it will be a three months test. I don't even know if that's alowed to have a test period of six months. I worked aswell at Reha for free, that was a kind of a test period aswell, a intergration job. I worked hard there aswell, made many wooden furniture  for free too. All that makes me feel and think that it's really enough now, I want results and would like to get rewarded now. 


I'm not angry or furious, I'm just have that 'it's enough' feeling, I still love the work I do, I love working, I love having people around me. But now... I would like to get rewarded.P.s, I wrote a bit about this subject aswell on Facebook, I wished I never did, lol. I had many comments on it, I never would have thought that. I guess I got a bit carried away, I have fellow workers in my friendslist aswell, although they wouldn't mind, still it's not right I think, right? Gotta actually keep work related stuff aside....

Hanging on the couch like a boss...

Hanging on the couch like a boss... 

That's what I actually did most of the day, hanging on the couch, switching between watching TV, or on the laptop. I should have gone outside actually, it's such a nice weather, lots of sunshine and not cold. Twelve degrees above zero, yeah the Winter is finally leaving now. Within four weeks it's already Easter, can't almost believe how time flies. 

So, what do I watch when I watch TV,(?)  well, just anything what catches my eye while I'm zapping. Movies? Sometimes yes, but mostly movies takes me to long, I will have to watch the whole entire movie. Sure I watch themsometimes , but then I really gonna sit for it, with drinks, snacks and a lazy chair. I like documentaries aswell, or sometimes comedies. Two and a half men, Family guy, to sum up a  few. The Dutch broadcasters usually bombards the vieuwers with real-life soaps, doctors, restaurants, celebrities, you name it, the cameras are everywhere. Sometimes I watch them, but if it's getting to fake I'll swicth the channel. 


On my laptop, the first thing I do is loggin into Facebook, lol. after reading the news feeds, I'll move over to Cityville, it's such a addicting game. Lately it's getting thougher and thougher, I need more land to build houses and community buildings, but to get land I need 40 zoning permits, and to get those I need to have enough citizens, sigh! And to get citizens I need houses, and to get more houses I need more land, (are you still there?) ect, ect.I read the news aswell on Dutch news sites, and I have my sites where I go to for funny and akward videos. Chatting on MSN or Yahoo I nearly don't do that anymore, I don't know why, to much at the same time I guess. I use to chat as a maniac but now less, much less. 


Tomorrow my Reha counselor will get in contact with my Boss, 'eek,' kinda nervous here. It can happen that the Boss will call me into her office and tell me that this is my last day at work, or I get a hire contract. I just don't know, to be honest I don't think I will get a hire contract. I think my Boss will say, "There's not much work and we really tried, but you really can't stay here." There was a fellow worker sick aswell and he will return tomorrow, he worked in my section. That means one more person in our section, meaning to many people in our section, one has to go(?) I don't know... I will see or hear it tomorrow, I will keep my fingers crossed.

Oh Spring weather where are you?

Oh Spring weather where are you?

So, I had plans or might have plans to go to Ikea today on da bicycle but I'm glad I didn't go, the weather was super grey and super wet, it's been raining the whole day. It's made me a bit misserable aswell, though I went out for just a bit. Lol, I needed a special sciccor for my toe nails, plus a bucket or crat to wash my feet in. I need to take more care of my feet! (Did I ever mention my toe nails and feet in my blog!? LOL.) My toe nails are dry and I have a bit of smelly feet, specially after I take off my working shoes. So, yeah, once a week or more a nice bath and for my feet and nails will be good. First I used nail clippers but there rubbish for my toe nails, perhaps a hedge trimmer would have been better, gosh there so hard to cut. Though I'm very happy now with my new little sciccor and my little bucket, all for my feet.

I didn't went to the radio today, I was a bit fed up with it actually. The radio has a new server on there site, but to work with that server there has to be someone who explains it.  Otherwise I can't do my work on the site. That someone has only time when I'm at work or otherwise late in the evening, though after I asked him if he had time for me another time, he sent me a file with some instructions on it how to work with that new server and how to log in. But I couldn't log in, I tried so many times. I e-mailed back and forth telling that someone that I couldn't log in, but no use, it's going slow at the radio. I mean, I'm willing to work there and I'm willing to cooperate aswell but it has to come from two sides, you know. It's not really the vollunteers job where you are surrounded with people too.

My thoughts with the radio are, I'm working there now and perhaps I can grow further and further there, meaning they have more work for me, or perhaps I can actually learn how to be a technician without nerves, lol. So, yeah while I'm working at the radio I keep my fingers crossed for something new or more...  Speaking about vollunteers work, I didn't hear back yet from the 23 year old woman who wanted to learn to speak Dutch. I sent already three e-mails to her contact person but now response yet. This 23 year old woman is still in school and besides that she goes to another school to learn to speal Dutch, though she's also looking for a Dutch companion who can learn her the skills of the Dutch language aswell. FReading together, speaking together, watch perhaps watch Dutch tv, dvd, or video. 

She's detarment to learn this language. I choosed this vollunteers vacancy cause it's simple and not so difficult to do. I don't even have to think while doing the job, just easy. And I like to help out. The activaties where I'm searching for the 'having people around me,' the 'new friends,' and the 'communications,' are going slow, but I'm not giving up, I will search further for other vacancies aswell. Mostly I spenmd my time inside, did one load of laundry, cleaned the beds, cooked dinner, yep, busy man. Yesterday I had a nice talk with a neighbor aswell, we bumped into each other in the 'shared shed,' he's a nice guy, I'm guessing he's my age. He likes to talk, I like that, it's easy to talk to him. Though it's quit here in the flat, I don't see many neighbors walking around here. I heared for the 100th time I guess my female neighbor singing, lol. 

She's from Confgo and here and there a bit shy, she lives right next to me. When I knock on her door she opens the door just a bit and has a little peek who's there. Bless her! I come in peace lady, I do no harm, lol! I'm living on the second floor from this flat, on the first floor are living mostly eldery people, disabled people or eldery Turkish people. They get care from a agency her in the city once a week. I like it here, it's nice and quiet. Nice for a escape from sometimes the hectic from the day, once I'm on the couch there's not getting of anymore, I love my red couch!

Not always easy to write something everyday...

Not always easy to write something everyday... 

I'm already over 300 posts, quit easy though when I write everyday one post. Though it's not always easy, cause some days are just boring and then there's just not much to write. But I will continue to write, cause that's what I want, writing everyday one post. I should start with planning for a Summer trip for the Summer, on the 27th of July starts here the Summer holiday. I would love to go on vacation then, just like last December with my trip to London. I really loved that trip! But where to go to... the US is to expensive, I should wait a year or maybe two years. I'm looking for a excursion trip. I have been looking around on the internet, and saw some countries I liked.

Spain, Greece, Egypt, Turkey, some nice countries I saw, I been in Spain twice, that was nice. I would like to have sun, perhaps a beach and lots, and lots of things to see. Like historical buildings or statues, just anything. Anything where I can take a picture of, LOL! Naah, just nice and interesting sightseeings. Would love to fly aswell, but excursion trips with a plane are a bit more expensiver, or I have to stay closer to Holland. But I would rather go far away, why? I don't know, I guess that gives me the feeling that I'm really on vacation. For instance Germany I can almost do that on bicycle. I should start saving money now for a trip somewhere in Europe. I'm excited!

This month for sure I will book my trip, just have to look for s site where I can book online. I will have 3 weeks of this Summer, IF I still work at Slettenhaar. Now only hoping we will have a nice Summer with good weather. I was actually planning to go to a flea-market tomorrow, but I was wrong with the date. This flea-market is going to be held on the 10th of April and not on the 10th of March, lol. This market is just a bike ride away. I might be going to Ikea tomorrow but I'm not sure yet. Yup, once I planned I go out, I have to go out lol. Today I rested most of the day, bought all the groceries for the weekend and the comming week.

Cleaned a bit up, not that much. While I was sitting on the couch I saw some window cleaners at work, I could have gone outside to ask if they could do my window aswell. But naah, I figured I can do it myself, though this outside window is hardly to reach while cleaning. I guess I need a long stick and attatch there the 'window cleaner' on. Saves money aswell, if I hire a windowcleaner it will cost me. And further today? Further not that much, I'm still searching for round trip and excursions trips on the laptop. I wanna fly, I wanna see the world, you only live once, right?

Thank God it's thursday!

Thank God it's thursday! 

Three days off! Yay! But there's not much to write down today, I worked, and it was the same work as last Monday and Tuesday. Same ol,' same ol.' Upcomming Monday my Reha counselor will get in contact with my Boss, to see what's going on with me, it's about time! The atmosphere on the work floor is a bit so, so. The workers aren't so happy with the Boss, one worker told me that the atmosphere is so much different now then three or four years ago, 'I might go look for another job,' he was telling me. The Boss is acting or is fake, most workers say.

I just let it all come over me, I will just see what will happen. If they don't hire me then it just has to be that way then, then God has other plans with me. If they hire me, well, then I'm happy! I'm positive in both ways, it's all good. I haven't got anything planmned this weekend, let's see if I come up with a crazy idea, the weather will be good. Above 10 degrees and sunshine! There's enough to do for sure, I'm thinking of a huge cleaning aswell in the house, or should I wait untill Spring? A Spring-cleaning, washing all the windows, (there so many of them!) dusting everywhere, the bathroom needs a good clean aswell. I will see! 

International Women’s Day 2012.

Yep, I heard it many times on the radio today, it's International Women’s Day today. Funny enough that three of my five followers are women, and to these special women I would like to say something... 

Happy Women’s Day to you. A wonderful person and a great friend. It’s a blessing to have both of them in you! A very Happy Women’s Day to you!

“Wishing you a day filled with goodness and warmth, wishing you happiness… today and forever, Happy Women’s Day!”

Let's make some mats...

Here's the video from yesterday, yesterday I failed trying to put it in my yesterday's post. But anyway, I succeeded now. While I'm writing this post it's raining pretty hard, it's quit nice hearing the raindrops banging on the windows and knowing I'm staying dry. I just got back from the free dinner, I was soken wet, and I was already wet before aI took of the the dinner. Tough the weather was so nice this morning when I went to my Dad. I took a few trains later, just to avoid my Aunt and Uncle. They told me that they would come too. I just wanted to have some private time with Dad, that's why I came later.

And thank God I did, cause another Uncle came aswell, more 'nag'nag.' I dislike it, I know how to handle my Dad, I know how to talk with him. When I arrived at Dad's place he was eating with everyone in the dinning room. Dad was sitting next to another guy, he's 90 years old he told me. He told me aswell that he gets good along with Dad, that was nice to hear. Dad was eating good I saw, one plate of potatoes with kale and a sausage, one haf plate of apple asauce, and last but not least a half plate of pudding. He can't hold his fork and knife like he use to does anymore, kinda sad to see, but it seems to doesn't mind to him.

After his dinner we talked for a while and we both kinda decided that it's okay that Dad is not going to my Aunt's birthday. Dad gave me some money for a nice bouquet of flowers for my Aunt's birthday, to send it to her, I will put some money in too. I changed a few things in Dad's room aswell, he still has three or four picture frames from Saf and me and from Saf's kids on his walls. it's been good but I will get them of my Dad's wall. Dad didn't mind, I filled up the wall again with some other picture frames and paintings, it's all good. My counselor came later in the afternoon, it was a bit the same ol,' same ol,' there is almost not much to do anymore.

I'm still working with him on my activities and socializing, and further I'm paying back my guilts what was left from my time in Canada. For example my care allowance, rent allowance, and a few things more. The paying back all goes automaticly, handy! Everything is going well, still I'm a bit anxious about my money, I'm keeping my wallet thight, just to get around with my money, it looks like more money goes then comes in. Saving it is a must, specially now.