Marvin Gaye "What's Going On / What's Happening Brother"

"Just another manic Monday."

"Just another manic Monday."

My laptop is getting old, it freezed and freezed more then thirty minutes before I could write my post. Crossing my fingers now before it freezes again, otherwise I will be writting this post until Christmas. #$*(&%^@!! Just crashed on me again, sigh! Grrrr!  And I have a new laptop underneath my bed, but I would like to save that one before this laptop is really done. #$*(&%^@!! And again it crashed! Damn! Computers teach you to have patience, that's for sure, but it isn't nice when I have tried to write a post for almost one hour and thirty minutes. Anyway still keeping my fingers crossed, one hand is typing and on the other hand I keep the fingers crossed.

I had a appointment today at a housing corporation in Almelo, I had to be there at 10:45. Usually Paula would go with me but her schedule was full, another staff member was comming with me, her name is Melissa. I know Melissa, she was the one who opened the door for me and guided me around when I first came here. The rain came down like crazy this morning when we had to go, we decided to take the bus, Melissa's idea. The appointment was for to see what more options I have for living in Almelo and what more chances there are for me, the searching for houses here is going to slow. The lady where I had the appointment with told me that the house market is very poor at the moment.

She asked me what the reason was why I lived at Humanitas, and I told her why, she wanted to know me a bit more I guess. I told her aswell that I payed all my bills and guilts, and that I'm all settled to live on my own. The house market was locked, everything is full, I will have to wait said the lady, she explained why. The most chance I have is to just get a room, or a flat, for a  flat without central heating I will have to wait a half year, and a flat with central heating a year. A half year isn't that long but I can't wait a half year, the limit of staying at Humanitas is nine months.You can get some extra time for a few months but hmm, in my case, I don't know. I need a bit of luck aswell. 


I need to get out of here, the municipality of Almelo wants me to move out of Humanitas, cause I'm doing to well in there eyes. And you know what? I want to get out of here aswell, I'm done here too in my eyes, the people here are not my kinda people. Even the staff of Humanitas is telling me this, my time is almost up anyway. Three more months then I'm here already nine months. What will happen after the nine months? I don't know, I'm just a tiny bit worried of that. I need to find more options for searching for houses, perhaps searching in other citties aswell. I will discus this in my next appointment with Paula tomorrow at 2:00pm. 


I think it's not healty to stay long here at Humanitas, you might get attached to much. That's the way I see it. I have been trough so many things here, and that does something to you. I do my daily stuff here aswell, cooking, laundry, washing and cleaing, etc, etc, but it's just so different when you do the same things when you have a living for yourself. Anyway,time to get to work, search for a house, and prepair of saying goodbye. The situation here is a bit slightly different here, I get along with everyone well, but sometimes I feel there's a little argue comming up with Ina. At the moment I kinda dislike her cause of the way she pays attention on all the things I say or do, it's annoying. She has a eleven year old Daughter aswell, I still have to have her first kind word towards me. 


Yeah, it's time to go... Being on myself is what I want, I'm ready. Time for the next step towards happiness! It will be way better to live on my own and have my own things, I will be nervous for my next step though. I guess I will be fine.

"There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so."

"There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so."  

Lately I have been thinking, thinking back, I know it's not a good thing to think back sometimes, I should explain myself a bit more. Sometimes I think back of my days in Canada, (Yeah,Canada again, sorry.) I talked to a resident this morning and he would like to have his seven year old Daughter comes to sleep over one day, he would really like that. He will have to ask permission though to Humanitas if that's possible. This made me think about Saf's kids when the resident spoke about his Daughter, I thought, "Will I ever see Ab, Tasn, Mar, Noor and Cle again?" I would love to see them once or twice or perhaps more often again. But, "Do they want to see 'me'  again aswell?" 

Imagine If I have the chance to meet them, how will 'there' reaction be? Will it be bad or good? Thoughts like these are running trough my mind sometimes, not to often though, otherwise I would go crazy of worries. Sometimes I wonder how the reactions will be if I would see Saf's kids again, will Tasn run towards me full of excitment and scream " Daddy!" or "Sjon!"? For the same reason she will be quiet, and just say, " Hi." I don't know what to think when I think  of such thoughts, it scares me and makes a bit sad aswell. Scared because of  the reactions if I would meet Saf's kids, but oh, how I would love to see them. Maybe I should just leave them be for better or worse, but I'm not like that. I have spent along time and went trough alot with this Family. 

I know Saf likes to invite people if there are holidays or special days. If she would invite me one day I will come, and would feel delighted. But I would feel slightly a bit nerves aswell. I would like to stay friends cause I don't like fights in friendship. You know? Sometimes I think back of my time in Canada, but not that often anymore like I did six or seven months ago. I think that's quit normal, the thoughts of the time I spent there will slowly go away or become less. I hate that though, cause I really had a good time! I went trough so many different things and spent a amazing time with this Family, I lived and I learned! I don't want to forget them.

I'm not a communicater, I'm not a talker, maybe I should keep contact a bit more. Just once a month a E-mail  or a written letter, not to hear them out or do them harm or stalk them, but just to keep contact, I would love that. Recently I had a nice message from Noor, she told me she missed me and asked me how I was on Facebook. She even asked me my cell-phone number so that she could call me, I still need to charge my phone I told her. But a week after that I messaged her telling that I wasn't ready yet to hear her voice for a little chat, I might burst out in tears. And for the same reason she passes her phone to Tasn while we are talking, I think I will cry even harder, or get nervous. I should'nt be, for the same reason we will have a great time. 


What makes me nervous of doing such things? Is it the reaction? How will they react? I don't like the feeling of getting dissapointed, maybe I should just let it be. See how I shove such things off me? And then I will dissapoint myself aswell, I should go for it...... one day! Go on and write them a letter or a message! Ask them how they are and how there doing in school or if they have fun with there friends. Anything! For the same reason the contact will do me good, damn nerves. Any of you have suggestions in keeping contact? I want to but I'm to nerves to start, nerves for there reactions. Anyone?

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless. 

Now let's see if I did something completely pointless, uhm, I can't remember actually. Mostly I never do something pointless, there's always a reason why I do things. I went to bed late last night, it was 1:30 am, my laptop kept me awake. Surfing on the internet was fun, I enjoyed it. I woke up early though, 7:30 am, I know not enough sleep, but oh well. I didn't plan much today, resting a bit more and taking some naps. 

And the laundry had to be done, but that's already dry in the closet. In total Humanitas has three washing machines, two of them are broke at the moment. So many residents with so many dirty wash, and just one washing machine, sigh! I tumble my wash always early in the morning, so I'm sure I will be first. I had to go all the way to the first floor with my dirty laundry, no elevator around, lol! And the dryer is on the second floor, it's alright. I took it easy today, one nap I took. 

I have been searching for houses aswell today, as always but it goes so slowly. I'm sure I will get picket out for a house one day, but still. There's a site that I found it's called Domijn, that's the site where I look for houses in Enschede, Enschede is the city where I have the most changes to get a house. I have a few sites more but Domijn is the best. If you look once a day it will be enough, here in Holland we don't have many houses for rent or sale. Holland is small.  


I look every day on all the sites I know, and that's the only thing I can do. Here in the city (Almelo) where I live I don't have that much chance for a house. Almelo works with a point system, every month you get one point. You must have atleast thirthy or fourty points to get a chance for a house, thirhty or fourty  points is thirthy to fourty months, and that's long, atleast two years. I'm already six months at Humanitas, wow! The time flies. 


I can stay here for another three months, cause the limit is nine months. But I'm sure Humanitas will let me stay a little longer like they do with every resident. But hey! If I can find a house in the next comming three months I will have to go, first have a look ofcource if the 'new' house suites me, and then I'm outta here. I think there will be a few tears cause I been trough so many things here in the last six months, it's almost unbelievable. I'm glad I had the oppertunity, I wouldn't wanna miss it. I learned here many things aswell.

"Sleeping and resting."

"Sleeping and resting."

I'm in that rectangular thing that's really soft and comfortable, and my head is on this other thing that is really comfortable and molds to the shape of my head. Then there's this thing that I wrap myself up with to keep me warm, and is also really soft. Also I do this thing with my eyes that makes my whole room go black, and allows me to think of things that I don't think of when I have my eyes open. In other words, I needed sleep today cause I was tired. 

Been tired almost the whole day, but after a few naps I felt better. I didn't do much today, resting and sleeping. It's been a long day yesterday, but aswell a very nice day. I bought some lighters for some of the residents, and they were all happy with it. Only Ina wasn't that happy, her lighter had a drawned girl on it with the saying 'red light district.' They were such a small letters that I even didn't saw it while buying it, I knew I had to buy two girly lighters but they were hard to find. When I saw two lighters with a sexy lady on it I bought them, they were pink aswell.  


"What do you think of me?" said Ina, "I'm not a hooker!" I replied, "No ofcource not, don't take everything so negative when people say or do something," Ina always does that. I told her I was sorry and we were fine. But the next day in the morning she went on, still about the lighter, "I gave the lighter to my Son," she told me. "That's fine," I told her. There's no use in going in discusion with her, it's never good. I had the silliest idea to buy her a new lighter in town. Oh yeah, I will get her! I was slightly done with her, she's gotta stop thinking negative and take everything a bit easier. 


I found after long searching a nice lighter, it had the picture of Bob Marley on it. First I saw a few other lighters but I just didn't know. One had a Betty Boob drawn on it, but she might get the wrong idea again, aswell one lighter with a M. Monroe drawn on it. Sigh! What was I doing? Even though it was silly to buy it, I didn't care. When I got back I gave it to her, and she didn't want it in the first place, cause she felt upset after I gave her the red light district lighter. "Okay, I can make someone else happy with it," I told her. But then she wanted it, and I asked her to say sorry to me. She refussed. 


I explained her why I bought the Bob Marley lighter, she kinda agreed with me, and I told her sorry, hmm, but still there was a upsetness it seemed from both sides. I just want her to stop thinking the bad things about other people, be more positive. At the moment were okay I guess, I just let it be for now. If she has something to say then I will be there and listen, I know what to say. It gives me a bit of a bad feeling though, feelings of that Ina watches me with every movement I make or watches me everything I say. Your almost afraid to say the wrong thing, or worser not say anything to her, or even to speak towards others. 


Anyway, I'm good with it, I'm fine. Ina still has a relationship with her ten year younger boyfriend Daniel, I'm fine with that too. It doesn't do a thing to me. Ina is not the right person for me to start a relationship with, that's a 1000%. But getting along with her is nice, I really hope she turns around with her negative thoughts, cause I only want the best for her. Further? Further nothing, I'm good and fine aswell with the other residents. Some of the residents said that I was silly buying that Bob Marley lighter, but that's me, I don't like arguess and fights.

"One goal accomplished, visited Amsterdam."

"One goal accomplished, visited Amsterdam."

So, I decided to go to Amsterdam today. When I woke up this morning I didn't even though about it, not even planning it. I did my ussual stuff what I normaly do in the morning, I made breakfast, took my medication and went on the laptop.  I had a good sleep even though it was a warm night, I slightly thought about Amsterdam while I was on the laptop. But in the ussual 'morning coffee break' at 9:15 I made the desicion to go, I thought, "I'm going." I still had a bit of doubts but when my mind is set on going, I'm going! Doubts or no doubts. 

Many bikes in Amsterdam.

I looked for the weather forecast online and looked on my bank account also online, it was all good. The weather said that there will be rain in the late afternoon, Friday and the up comming weekend more rain. Perfect for going now! I made my lunch ready for taking with me in the train and looked online for the times for the train, I still had one hour and then it's time to go, I counted aswell my saved 'week money' what I get every week. Every week I get 40 Euro for my food from Humanitas, actually they call it 'food money.' 

Open excursion boats, in Dutch, rondvaartboot.

I think I said it before that I can easily do with 40 Euro in the week, I even have money left when I buy my grocceries weekly. I started saving money from my 'food money,' cause I had plenty left. This saving has been going on now for five or 6 months, sometimes when I needed something badly, like clothing or maybe a small guilt to pay, I used a part of the money what I had saved. Today I'm going out and I could use some money, I counted what I had saved and I almost fainted. I saved more then 160 Euro! Woot! That's surely not bad. And I just had  a few weeks ago a little guilt to pay from that money,so I had to save it all over again. 

The National Monument on the Dam.

I decided not to take all the 160 Euro with me, but just what I needed. Some money for the food and ofcource some money for the trainticket, perhaps I will buy some needed clothing, but that I can do with my bankcard. The train trip went fine, I was just a tiny bit nerves, don't know why though. I was excited aswell, so that was good. I enjoyed the vieuw from the train window while it was riding, it took almost one hour and a half to arrive in Amsterdam. Just before arriving in Amsterdam the train takes it slow while ridding, it passes little stations but does not stop. It's nice then to look outside and see the high buildings and huge offices, (it made me think of city-ville, LOL!) 

Me entering the Palace on the Dam.

Amsterdam has changed alot, my god what a huge new buildings and new shops and houses. They even have a new harbor for a huge passenger/cruiseship, it's enormous. I couldn't almost wait till I got out the train, the weather was okay. Only a few grey clouds came in and I crossed my fingers that it not would rain, it helped. When I arrived I started walking and looked around slowly, I took some pictures aswell, I needed alot of pictures today. I enjoyed myself while looking around, I always have a same route what I walk when I visit Amsterdam, also today. I saw many new shops and visited them, I took my time cause there was no rush. 

Many, many statues in the centre of Amsterdam.

I wanted to buy souvenirs aswell today, but there were quit expensive. I looked for some lighters but they were expensive too, three Euro for one lighter? That's a no for sure! I needed six lighters,so that will cost me a fortune. I went to the 'Bijekorf,' the Bijenkorf is a huge warehouse with lots of stuff, you can compare it with Walmart. It has five floors, I ussualy go to the 5th floor for my favorite clothing section, but that section was gone. Instead of the clothing there was a huge dinning room a' la Manderin, it was all self serve. But expensive and huge, with lots of arty stuff added to the walls, it looked very nice though. But I missed my clothing section, sigh! Oh well, lots of other shops to visit still. 

The front of the train station In Amsterdam.

I went on with shopping and crossed the 'Damrak,' There's a statue in the middle of the Damrak, it's called the national monument. It's a 1956 World war 2 monument, lots of travelers and bagpackers join together there. It was busy, you could tell it's vacation time. Again I visited many shops, little shops and aswell malls, I went into shops where I normally never went. I enjoyed myself, I took my time. It seems Amsterdam has so many shops, when you call a product or an item, Amsterdam has a shop for it. I walked many miles, I went even further then I ussualy go. 'Rokin,' 'Muntplein,' 'Rembrantplein,' And back to the 'Nieuwmarkt.' It was quit a walk but I took my time and stopped so now and then for a little break.

A Russian souvenir shop, only in Amsterdam.

I passed again many souvenirs shops, one souvenir shop seemed not so expensive and there I bought six lighters, all with a typical 'Amsterdam' sign. Nice for some of the residents when I get back. Your not leaving Amsterdam after you visited the 'Red light district,' also called 'De wallen.' I saw many tourists, flaunting and smoking weed. It's Downtown Amsterdam. I checked my wallet and bag a few times, you never know. It was already late by my suprise, I really took my time. It was 4:00pm when I did my last route, 'Spuistraat,' Spuistraat is another street full of shops and pubs.I was looking for some clothing, I looked for some polo-shirts and long sleeves, but couldn't find one. 

Many and several shops.

It was fine with me, I had a nice day after all. I went to McDonalds for a nice meal, I was starving. (I should have taken the 'large' instead of the 'medium' ordering the big Mac meal) I realized that I did not had enough pictures, I wanted to visit one last area, and that was 'The ij,' the 'ij' is at the back of the train station, it's a river formerly a bay, Amsterdam's waterfront. If you cross the 'ij' you arrive at another area in Amsterdam, you can take many little ferry's to cross the 'ij.' It was so busy there, there was a akward moment there, a homeless woman came towards me and asked me for one Euro for a place where she could spend the night. She looked weird and seemed high, I told her,I haven't got one, I'm sorry," and I wispered softly, "I'm homeless myself aswell. 

One of the little ferries crossing the bay.

But she didn't hear me, if I would have given her the Euro I'm sure she would buy drugs for it, instead of finding a place for the night. The woman went on begging towards other people, and I went on looking at the vieuw over the 'ij.' I took some pictures and went on, it was 5:00 pm,a nice time to walk slowly to the trainstation and heading back. It was quit a puzzle to find the right train, normally I'm good at it finding the right train. But many things in the station has changed. I was looking for the train heading to Enschede, this train has some stops and will stop aswell in Almelo. But I couldn't find this train or train sign. I asked a conductor, always the best option if you can't find something or have to do something but don't know how, ask! 

A special ferry for only bikes.

I had to take the train to Amersfoort and from there I can take the train to Enschede, said the conductor. I knew Amersfoort, so that was easy. The train was packed with tourists and many, many other people, I had to stand untill Amersfoort. Blame the 'rush hour,' but I didn't mind, it was only 30 minutes until Amersfoort. Arriving at Amersfoort trainstation I decided to buy a icecream, (Magnum is the best) I still had 20 minutes to buy one and eat it, it was all good. I even bought a little note book to write things down for my next blog post, that was handy. I wrote already a piece so I can start writing when I get back. The train station was packed with travelers, it seemed everyone wanted to go home.

The palace on the Dam.

The train was a bit late, when it came I thought to myself, "all these people in that train? There's gonna be murder and deadslaughter." But it went okay, I took right away the first seat. The train was packed. I talked with a nice couple who came back from a trip to the USA, actually they went from Canada (Pearson Airport) to a part of the USA. They started of at Niagra Falls towards Boston, it was nice talking to them. I said that I also lived in Canada for a while, the guy was interested. It made the trip back towards Almelo even faster, I was back before I knew. I was exhausted but felt satisfied, being back was good. It's nice comming back knowing that people are kinda waiting for you, it's a better feeling that you come home in a empty house. 

Art on the street everywhere in Amsterdam.

I had a good day, and I'm glad I went! This calls for more, and I will. My next destination will be Berlin, Paris or London. But first things first, First a house and perhaps a job!

Everybody wants happiness, nobody wants pain, but you can't have a rainbow without a little rain

"Everybody wants happiness, nobody wants pain, but you can't have a rainbow without a little rain."

And it rained in the late afternoon after another sunny day, but no thunder.  I wish we had some more days with sun and warm weather, or weeks. It can't be warm enough for me, I love it! I wish I had more to write about lately, but there's not much to write about. I have been to the dentist on my bike what was a lovely ride, far though cause it's been a while since I have been riding all the way to 'Nijverdal.' But the weather was good, a little bit of rain but that was alright. 

I had a filling to be fixed by the dentist, and I wasn't looking forward to it. But the dentist didn't drill and he didn't filled a new filling, he fixed it though but just with some cream, it sutured (?) to the tooth. I was suprised why he did that, normaly he drills and drills just to earn some money. It was different this time, I didn't mind though, it saved me the pain. "Don't chew on it for an hour, and when your brush your teeth in the evening, put a bit of toothpaste on the filling and rub it in a bit," said the dentist. I thought, "Okay." He told me that Sensodyne is the best toothpaste for it. I'm using Sensodyne for years, so I was good. 


After the dentist I visited my Dad, he was sitting outside with the nurses. He's getting old, the 14th of August he will be turning 73 . He almost can't walk, I looked at him when he moved and tried to walk, and it scared me a bit. He used to be a strong man and a hard worker, but look at him now. Sad though, to see him like that. He can laugh about it though, and makes sometimes jokes about it. I bought him new slippers a month ago when it was Fathers day, but he was still wearing the old ones from Canada, that's so my Dad. I asked him why he wasn't wearing the new slippers, he replied that he will one day. 


When I was leaving, an old lady visited my Dad, and she asked me if I was his son, I told her, yes! "You should visit him more, he likes that," she told me. I saw that the lady was not a 100%, if I may say that. Cause by the look on her face and her behaviour I surely could tell. She kept repeating her sayings aswell, "You should visit him more, he likes that"she went on. She kept saying it more then five times, I told her that I will, and said "Goodbye, until the next visit."  The 14th of august is my Dad's birthday, but I think I come a day after the birthday. Cause the Family will keep on asking me about Canada and my relationship with Safa, and that's not what I want. They will tell me that I should be wiser and that it was a dumb thing to do. So yeah, not visiting Dad on the 14th.

"Hot, hotter, hottest!"

"Hot, hotter, hottest!"

Such a hot day today, last week it was just 15 degrees and now it's 24 degrees. Hello Dutch summer! I'm sure when it's get to hot we will have a thunderstorm and afterwards cold weather again.  But let's not think ahead, I love this weather, keep it up! I might go Thursday or Friday to Amsterdam, but I'm not sure yet. When I'm not sure yet, it's a defenitly go, LOL! Most residents here think it's weird to go by myself, well I don't. I don't mind to go alone, I will be my own boss, I can go and leave when ever I want, and I can look where ever I want. If there were peoplewho wanted to come there surely welcome to join me though. I hope the weather will be good on Thursday or Friday. I have heard that on Saturday there's a gay-pride in Amsterdam, but hmm, going there then, I don't know. 

The residents here might get the wrong idea if I will go then. I have nothing against Gay people, absolutley nothing, but some of the residents here dislike them. I shouldn't mind though to go to the gay pride because of them, it's always a good party in Amsterdam, with lots of crowds and party people. But naah, rather not, besides it will be very busy and crowded so it's better to go on a week day. With such a hot day like today I want to go outside and do something, and so I did. I planned to do some gardening in the backyard, just a bit though. I dislike Sitting in my room with such nice weather. It's such a difference when I'm not working, do I miss it? Yes and no, I like the sleeping in's and the not on time to bed's. But the having something to do's, yeah that's what I miss. 

This day has been good, I had a very nice and long nap, but waking up afterwards was a bummer, I felt weak and almost unconsciousness. I feel that lately, that tired feeling and feeling weak. I'm sure it's my thyroid, I'll have to take it easy. One of the sympthons of my sick thyroid is that sometimes my mind says go! go! go! Do something, but my body says stop! No! It's good to do something though but just do it easy, do it calm. And I can do it easy and calm. I went into town for a bit after my nap, just to sit down on a bench in the centre of the city. It's nice and sometimes funny to watch people going buy and see them flaunt. I saw one little kid (I guess he's 3 or 4 years old) walking with his Mom, he looked naughty on his face and he had his arm in a orthopedic cast. 

I was wondering what has happened to him, he didn't mind the cast I saw, infact he loved it, cause he was flaunting with it too. At 4:30 pm me and Paula were going to the shop for the dinner groceries, were about to make something with rice. I want to learn to make more meals with rice, there are so many meals to make with rice. Paula guided me around in the section "Rice flavours," chicken tonight will be it for this eve.'  I had already the rice in my room, we still needed sauce, veggies and the chicken ofcource. As desert we took cream-vla (custard) Yum! It was so easy to repair, shame on me why I never have done this before. It was nice cooking with Paula, she ated a bit more then me but that's because she's pregnant. 


"I eat aswell for my little baby," she said, LOL! It felt a tiny bit akward to cook with Paula though, even though I already knew her for many months. Many questions in my head, like, "What do I have to do?" or "Shall I do this or that?" and, "Is it okay if I do this or that"? But everything went well, I did just the things I needed to do and there were no complains, I knew what to do in the end. Just a bit that tiny bit of a anxcious feeling, I wanted to do the things right, and so I did actually.  Maybe I was a bit afraid to screw up or doing things un-right. But okay, lesson learned, I did well. Tomorrow I'm of to the dentist to fix a filling, I'm going with my bike instead of going by train, I'll be saving 6 Euro, go me! The weather is perfect for a nice bike ride tomorrow. I might take some pictures.

"4 weeks, 30 days, 720 hours, 43200 minutes, 2592000 seconds, Happy Ramadan!"

"Happy Ramadan Mubara."

I couldn't resist to wish some of my friends a happy Ramadan, it's good and nice that there is Ramadan. I even thought of starting  fasting myself aswell, but I don't know. Me and my parents used to do it when I was a kid, I think I was six or seven. It was the time before celebrating Easter. We ated though but the meat and the candy were not allowed, and we didn't call it Ramadan but just fasting, 'AsWoensdag.' In English it's called 'Lent' I think. 

Wikipedia: Lent or Quadragesima is the period beginning on Ash Wednesday in preparation for Easter. The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer through prayer, repentance, almsgiving and self denial for the annual commemoration during Holy week of thce Death and recurrection of Jesus.

The fasting takes 46 days, 40 days they/we will be fasting, only not on the six Sundays. My little Family took this serious when I was still little but later on we were cheating more and more, don't know why, I guess the society changed alot. People were going more less to the church then they used to. My Mom and Dad were going every Saturday or Sundays, then after a while we were going less, only on Christmas or Easter for example. I didn't mind though, cause I was still young, I didn't know yet. Later on when I got older I went to the Church a bit more often, don't know why. But I liked it, and I thought it was good to pray. Perhaps I needed it back then.

Ramadan will surely be celebrated in Holland, we have lots of Islamic people around here.

Wikipedia: The history of Islam in the Netherlands started in the 19th century when the Netherlands experienced sporadic Muslim migration from the Dutch East Indies when it was a colony from the Netherlands. Economic growth from 1960 to 1973 lead the Dutch government to recruit large numbers of immigrant workers, chiefly fromTurkey and Morocco, and migration has continued by way of family reunification and asylumseekers. Data from 2011 show that the Netherlands hosts an estimated 1,219,753 Muslims, including approximately 488,164 Turks and 349,270 Moroccans. Most of them live in the four major cities of the country, Amsterdam, The Hague, Rotterdam and Utrecht. 

There are about 400 mosques in the Netherlands, with about 200 Turkish mosques, 140 Moroccan mosques and 50 Surinamese. There are about 45 Islamic elementary schools, and two high schools. In Holland are living 850.000 Muslims, Holland is a small country but with a very big heart, LOL! 

Anyway, back to this day.This day started of slowly, I woke up at 5:30 am and turned around. Then I woke up at 6:30 am and turned around again, woke up again at 7:30 am and then I stood up. I was cold and it was grey outside, the weather forecast said 24 degrees but, oh wel,l I guess it was still early. This morning I did some cleaning together with another resident, I felt tired afterwards. I cleaned all the stairs with a broom and the other resident came after me with a wet floorcloth. I went for a nap after the cleaning, I was exhausted, and decided to take it easy the rest of the day. I want to eat more healtier aswell, more fruit and veggies. Perhaps I will leave the coffee and start to drink more tea. 


Hmm, coffee versus tea, don't know what's healtier though, they say tea is good for the heart. I know coffee gives me a bad taste in the mouth but that's all I know, LOL! Coffee ain't that bad I guess, I think one coffee a day is fine for me. I went to the store after my lunch and bought fruit and milk, quit expensive the fruit, damn! three peers, two kiwi's, banana's, apples, two packages of milk and one package cheese, costed me 9 Euro. (Grr!) Alright, I'm off to the free dinner, I'll be updating tomorrow.

"Loving the holiday."

"Loving the holiday."

Sunday's.... what can I say? There's just nothing to do, I know I keep saying it. But it's not that bad though, rest does me good. After I woke up I went on the laptop and made myself breakfast. I turned the washing machine on on section yellow, the washing machine on section green is still "Defect." Some of the residents were cleaning and I hate it then when I'm sitting down and do nothing, I want to do something too then. I washed the windows in my room, it was needed anyways. Some of the residents were going out, but I'm saving money for my 'holiday out's.' Maybe this week or next week I will travel by train to Amsterdam, just looking around without buying loads of things. Just enjoying the vieuw and enjoying my day out. 

It's been a while since I was in Amsterdam, I think the last time was with Saf, me and Ab, we had a meeting with Saf's friend too there.  Her name is Elena, she's from Spain and she brought her little Daughter. She was so cute, and even cutter with Ab. It was fun to see how Elena's Daughter spoke spanish while Ab didn't understand her at all what she was saying. It was a nice day, grey and rainy but it was all good. It's fun to meet people who you know trough internet, you get a little bit that nervous feeling when your close to meet. How will she or he look in real or how will she or be in real life? I'm ready for a next meeting, it should be fun. 


Update~ 


I'm quit good at the moment, everything is settled. It's only the search for a new living, a new house. And ofcource buying the things what a house needs, I will have to ask for a loan somewhere though, I already know where to go. I will have to ask for some extra money aswell, it's called  'rent allowance,'  I had it also while I still lived in Holland before I went to Canada. Its a compensation what you get if you pay to much rent for your income, If you have a low income and you want to rent a house you get the compensation. My thoughts of Canada are getting less aswell, sometimes the thoughts come back and sometimes they feel bad cause of the missing feelings, and sometimes they feel good cause of the good memories. But it's all alright, it's a part of the proces. 

Things what overcomes me now are all part of the proces I guess, everything happens for a reason the say. I have been reading alot of forums about break ups and divorces the last six months but I stopped reading it a month ago, I know it now. It helped me further, it gave me advices and tips, but it's good now. It's quit boring aswell when you read it over and over again, that was a sign I was done with it. If I would read it again now I surely would return back into my proces, reading all the suffering and grieving again wont do me good. I passed that stage, I feel better. Do I miss Saf? Hmm, so, so, I have sometimes my good and bad moments. Do I miss Saf's kids, yeah I do, or is it the fact that I just miss a family around me what I had while I was in Canada? Yeah that too, I must say aswell that Saf's kids are special, and such a cutties. Good memories they all will be. 


And further? Further not that much, I noticed that I'm not really ready for a new relationship, but I noticed that I like to have people around me so now and then. About the relationship, it can happen ofcource and then I will be ready. But I rather stay alone for a little while, until I have a nice house and feel more ready then I feel now. I'm good and okay.

"Electricity."

"Electricity."

'And God said,  let there be light and there was light. But the electrician said he would have to wait until upcomming Monday.'

I came back from a nice short evening out last night, (Harbor fest) and saw there was no electricity in my room, only the light worked. The fridge was out, and my computer battery didn't load. I checked every socket in the room, but none worked. I was wondering what it could be, I went to the neighbors to check if my computer battery would load over there, and it did, weird. So, no one in the building had a problem but only my room had no electricity? My fridge started to leak cause of the little freezer inside the fridge, I putted towels on the ground for the night, and took out some of the food what could be taken out. 

I went aswell to the night-shelter, there right beside the Humanitas building. They help us out when there's a problem in the evening or night when the staff has left after 5:00. One of the staff members took me with him to the little mechanical room inside the building to see what could be wrong, we saw that the problem right away but we couldn't fix it, there was oblivious a 'short sircuit,' but what caused the short sircuit? We tried everything, we thought it was the little fridge and aswell my wire for the laptop. My wire for the laptop has a travel adapter. We couldn't fix the problem and gave up. "Tomorrow morning Melissa will come, and I will inform her, she has to call a electrician," said the member of the night shelter.  Melissa works in the weekends at Humanitas. 

I informed Melissa after I woke up around 7, I slept well but I missed the sound of the fridge, LOL! (I like to hear little sounds in the middle of the night when I sleep)  Melissa laught cause she told me that she's really not a electrician and asked herself why they would depend on her, "Let's have a look," I told her. But it was the same as last night, we aswell couldn't find the solution what caused the short sircuit. "Take out all of your plugs and let's just wait an hour, and if nothing has changed we will call the electrician," said Melissa. "Alright." I thought. After an hour still nothing, Melissa tried to find the phone number of the electrician but it was hard to find. I letted it be and went to one of my neighbors to use my laptop and relax. 

Suddenly a resident stormed in the room, she was sent my Melissa. She told me that she found prolly the short sircuit problem. It was the washing machine on section green who caused the problem. The female resident had her wash still in the machine but couldn't get it out, the washmachine door got stuck. We pulled the plug out and I tried again if I had my electricity back, and YES! I had! The plug from the washing macchine will stay out untill up comming Monday, on Monday they will call the electrician to fix everything. Melissa told me that electricians are expensive in the weekends. It was fine with me, I had my electricity back. 

Today was a easy day aswell, only I felt tired and felt so now and then a little pressure on my chest. It could be the thyroid, I hope the new medication does his work fast. If I had not the electricity problem I should have gone with a few residents to help out another resident to move. Actually help with laying carpet with three other people, I was glad I couldn't though, I wasn't feeling so well. So that was good. Last night I went out with some other residents to the harbor fest in the city, it was okay, we had a good time. (See pictures) I can say we have a tight group at the moment, we visit each alot, and so now and then we have some time on our selves. It's all good,we get along well.

First day of vacation, taking it easy.

First day of vacation, taking it easy. 

Last night someone knocked on my door at 1:10am, it's surely not the first time. It was Harry, the old guy who will be leaving in four weeks. He was also the guy with the orange wig and the woman clothing from last week. Harry has a bit of a drinking problem, he's not violent or nasty when he drinks but just funny and sometimes annoying. Last night he was a bit annoying, it's funny for a little while but then he has to stop, but he doesn't. Harry would like to stop with drinking but it ain't that easy, I hope he will one day. I dislike drunk people, and I seen a few of them here and alot outside. So, why did Harry knock on my door at 1:10 am? Just trying to be funny but he was annoying. 

He spoke in a German language and ordered me to open the door, I ignored him like I always do when he does such a thing. I could hear him comming though in the hall, I just woke up while I wanted to turn on the left side. I thought, "Oh no, hold on with sleeping further." I answered though, and told him, that he could wake me up at 8:00 am and not at 1:00 am. It doesn't help to get mad or to get him back. He's really a okay guy, but only when he drinks to much he can be annoying. Besides he will be gone in four weeks, so, ignore is the best solution, and laugh about it.

Today I got the new medication and the pills have a different name, I had doubts after I called the doctor's assistant. The name of the brand made me worry, I had for almost eight years Thyrax as thyroid medication, and now they gave me Euthyrox. I heard of Eurthyrox before but never used it. I could pick up my new medication after 3:00 pm, and so I did. I saw they gave me a higher dosis as expected, I went from 0,1 mg to 125 mcg. I asked right away to the pharmacist if there was a difference between Thyrax and Euthyrox, he told me there was not much difference, only that Euthyrox comes only in more sizes, so it was easier and cheaper to use Euthyrox. 

I felt a bit of a relief, now let's see what it does to me these four weeks. It's quit a higer dosis though, my thyroid levels must be way out of control. I'm sure will take it easy and check my blood more often. Last weekend I went out with some of the residents, and we will do that again this weekend, starting of this evening. City Almelo has a tiny little harbor and there are some festivals and markets, the festival is called 'harbor fest.'  (Iwill take some pictures) I saw already a glimp of the festival while I was getting my medication, the pharmacy is close to the harbor. It was crowded and busy, the festival is until Sunday. It's gonna be nice.

Stop! Vacation-time!

Stop! Vacation-time!

Although the work day was good, nice and tastefull, I'm aswell ready for vacation. Tastefull? Yeah, more about that later. I wasn't looking forward actually for the holiday, I thought I would miss work but I'm ready for the four weeks of rest aswell. I'm surely gonna enjoy it, oh yeah! Sleeping out, and going out, just gonna enjoy myself. I hope the weather will be good though these four weeks, just like today would be nice. We had sunny weather and it was hot, 24 degrees, tomorrow 26 degrees. It's raining now though and a little bit of thunder.
 

Amsterdam here I come!

They offered me to work though in another village, it's a factory just like Reha but it's called React, React is placed in Nijverdal. (My old hometown) You can fill in your days when ever you want, if you want to work on a Monday or a Tuesday or whenever. You can give them a call in the eve' and they will pick you up the next early morning. I refussed, I didn't feel like working these four weeks. I thought about it though but naah, I have been working hard the last five months, I'm good, I deserve a good rest.  


Today I called again with the 'replaced' Doctor for my blood results, but I was to late, grrmppff! I thought about it when I wasn't feeling so well, it was after 12:00, then I thought, "Damn, I still need to call!" I got an answering machine when I called, I could only call between 8:00 am and 12:00 it said. I tried it again though after 1:00 but, nothing, same answering machine. For sure I have to call tomorrow again, and ofcource between 8 and 12 in the morning. I had a few hours while working that I wasn't feeling so well, pressure on my chest and little heartbeats. Hopefully the doctor will help me out tomorrow. 

Working, cleaning and dusting at work today. Yeah, we were busy but the hard work was rewarded with a nice meal, The staff of Reha ordered food, and the huge van with food dropped by at 2:00pm. We all sat outside in the sun and enjoyed the delicious food, steaks, salade, fruit, you name it it was all there. I like the meat, it was tastefull but ated a bit to much. Cramps followed and my belly hurted for a long while, I was stuffed. Ansd still am while I'm writing this. Hopefully the tea next to me does miracles, LOL! 


 So, here I am in my room, showered, tea next to the laptop and writing in my blog, I feel good. I'm ready for my vacation, bring it on!

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

"Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning." 

It's warm outside again, 21 degrees pronounced the weather forecast. Funny though that it was only 11 degrees two days ago, typical Dutch weather. I hope we will get a nice after summer, I have some plans in my head. I had a appointment this morning with Paula, while we talked some ideas came to my mind what to do these four weeks of vacation. Paula told me I had enough money to go a weekend out, spend a weekend in Amsterdam or The Hague, "Go out," she told me. I'm not sure though, it's alot of money and that money I can spend aswell for my furniture. But then again... Ah! I will think about it. For sure I will go a day out to Amsterdam like I said yesterday, that stays. Further I was planning to go to a different sauna, I'm thinking of something huge, a huge sauna. Or the beach! Yes! 

 If the weather is good though, you never know it here. Next thing I want to pick up is cooking rice again, usually I eat potatoes,veggies and meat. But that gets boring after a week, there are many different meals to cook with rice. With rice you can almost do anything, I saw and tasted that aswell in Canada with Saf's cooking. Once I had a rice meal with liver, little pieces of chopped liver added to the rice, so nice. I want to learn myself to make more meals with rice, and not only rice. I would like to cook more differently, not only potatoes,veggies and meat. The four weeks of vacation is a nice opportunity to learn that. Paula offered me to cook with her up comming Tuesday eve,' she asked me what we will cook, I answered, "Something with rice!" All counselors here at Humanitas are offering sometimes to cook with one of the residents, Paula never offered me, so next Tuesday we will cook.

This morning I called for my blood results, I knew 'my' Doctor was on vacation cause he gave me another phone number of another Doctor that will replace him while he's gone. So I called the 'replaced' Doctor and guess what? He was on vacation too! The 'replaced' Doctor gave me a third phone number of a Doctor who will replace 'him.' I called that number and asked for my blood results, the Doctor's assistant asked me my birth of date and saw that my THS was to high, (Just like the last time) and that I needed more medication, but she saw aswell that I didn't use any kind of medication for my sick thyroid. Strange though, cause I use medication since I have a sick thyroid. (From 2003 till now.) The assistant found it confussing and she was not the only one, I was confussed too. I told her that I had moved, and that I just had a new Doctor, and that Doctor knew what I'm using for my thyroid, I told him that in our first meeting.

"I have to talk to the Doctor first about new medication, can you call back tomorrow?" Asked the assistant. "Yeah, sure," I answered back. I will have to call at work but that's okay. I need to call cause I feel that there's something wrong, I feel more tired as usual, and my medication is almost done. They will perhaps give me more pills, I use now only one pill in the morning (Thyrax, 0,1) I will be getting two pills then I guess. Then in about six weeks I will have to take blood again and then see what has changed. I'm carefull with my health, if I feel there's something wrong with my thyroid I go to the Doctor. Usually I can work two day in a row and just feel a bit tired, then the third day I will feel more and more tired, and then I need my rest. It feels different now, after two days of work I feel there's a heavy rock on my chest, feeling exhausted.

This morning I had two naps cause my body was asking for it, I'm happy I have a Doctor now so I can take my blood whenever I want and get my medication. Fingers crossed for tomorrow's phonecall. Tonight no 'free'dinner, I had to buy some more groceries as I normaly do. Two residents offered me to eat with them if I would buy the cabbage and the potatoes,  (Again potatoes, LOL) " That's alright," I thought.  I wont do it every day though, I don't know what is actually cheaper, cooking for yourself (something small) or cooking with each other.Talking about food, tomorrow will be the last day of work. (vacation) We will be working till 2:00pm, and then we will have a meal to close the last day. I will tell how it was tomorrow, for sure it's gonna be fun and yummy!

"A better day."

"A better day."

This day was better then yesterday, that's such a random sentence to start a post with. But I can't pronounce it differently, this day felt better. Yesterday I wasn't happy and felt sad, I was asking myself aswell what happiness was. I said then that happiness can be anything, happiness is in little things, in daily things. I will make within ten minutes a nice cappuchino coffee, that little cup of joy will make me happy also. And that's just one of the little things that can make me happy. You don't wait for happiness either, cause it comes to you, it happens or it overcomes you. Alright, enough, back to this day. 

There's not much to say actually, I had a good day at work and that's it, Thursday will be the last day for the vacation-stop. We will be cleaning and dusting and afterwards were going to have some ordered food, it's gonna be nice. Vacation-stop hmm, my Boss asked me already what I'm gonna do the four weeks without work, I don't know. What do people when they have a vacation? Rest? I will rest yes, maybe the first week of the vacation. And then maybe some day trips if the money is good on me, I'm saving money for a visit to Amsterdam. That's settled.


Humanitas won't do anything with the vacation time, nothing special. They should do a barbecue or a nice day out, just something. But they won't, pity though. Most of the residents have no money to go out or go on a vacation, Humanitas won't gave extra money for the vacation time. I'm not complaining though, it is as it is. There is a vacation stop aswell for the free 'dinner,' I always went at Wednesday eve' and Thursday eve.' I never skipped a meal, but now there closing for six weeks, woot! Yeah, six weeks is alot, I can feel that in my wallet aswell. Tomorrow I will have to buy some more grocery as I use to buy, I can afford it though. 


But still, perhaps I can find a place where I can find another place to eat a free meal in this city. Anyway, that's all folks for now. Think I go to bed a bit early, it was a long day.

"Good days, bad days."

Good days, bad days."

Funny and akward that sometimes my thoughts drift away and turn into sad thoughts, not so weird though after what I have been trough. My thoughts were drifting away last night and afterwards I felt sad and had that 'missing' feeling again, sometimes these thoughts turn into angry thoughts. I should write them down one day, to see what I can do with them. So yeah, last night it started a bit, 'the thoughts.' I was on Facebook looking trough my old profile, and saw some pictures of Saf, and some of her kids, Saf looks great! When I'm on my old profile I only check some of the statuses of me, Mar and Noor. I can look at these statuses or comments from them and feel no sadness or get missing thoughts, only in the beginning I had them, but now I'm good. But seeing Saf last night hurted and made me think, I thought, "Ah! Just one of the days, tomorrow will go better." But it didn't.

Is the love over between me and Saf? Yeah, and a tiny little bit no, I still care, good memories aswell. The most painfull thought when I think back of the time in Canada is that I failed, failed in our relationship, and failed to be a 'man' and perhaps a Daddy and that hurts. I know SO much better now, but it's to late now. I had the chance to be a good Dad and  a good Husband, with a lovely 'good' looking woman with great kids in a awesome country. All I wanted was to make Saf and her kids happy again, but it was just to much my heart could carry. I love(d) these people so much, everything was new and overwhelming, and more and more added to it. I had to learn alot of things, and I learned alot of things. This morning and last night I felt I'm not in the right place, like I don't belong here. I even thought to imigrate to Canada when I feel better. Not to 'Barrie' though, I don't want Saf to get the wrong idea.

I want her to live her life and be happy with her kids. I might imigrate to Canada or even another country, I feel and think that I'm done in Holland. Or is it just a 'silly' thought or a 'silly' idea? I don't know, I'm just thinking and writing out loud. I had a great time in Canada, being a daddy and a husband was an awesome adventure. and I want a time like that back, why? I guess I don't want to be alone anymore, I want people around me, or better a family around me. I noticed that I don't want to be alone anymore. While I'm writing this I feel better though, better then this morning. I had a nice day at work, and I had a lovely 'free' dinner this evening. Why was the work nice? Cause I had things to do and everything went well while working, I talked with people and that makes my 'sad' thoughts go away. I had a nice dinner aswell, we talked and laughed, and such things make my 'sad' thoughts go away also. 

But are these thoughts really gone? Aren't they comming back? Yeah, they will. Sometimes even harder then the last time I had them, but aswell they will vanish one day or they getting less harder. I guess this day didn't start that happy, but what is happy. What is happiness? Am I happy at the moment? Sometimes I am yes, sometimes I have a happy moment and then I think, "Yes!" But again,what is happiness? What makes you or me Happy? I would say, 'a family around me,' that would make me happy. But would it really make me happy? I don't know, now I think that it would but... Confussing right? Sometimes I get stuck with this question, what is happiness? What makes you or me happy? I'm not happy right now, but I'm not sad or depressed either, I'm okay, I'm good. 

I have goals, I started them five months ago. It's good to have goals, for sure after all this drama. It almost feels like you don't want to quit things, you don't want to give up, cause I have goals. My goal is to have a nice house, a job, and perhaps a family. I would like to travel too and not do the same ol' same ol' again. I'm not gonna sit on my bum being sad or depressed.  These are my goals, these goals will make me happy. But will they? 


I saw this piece of writting on the internet...

"Finding happiness is like finding yourself. You don't find happiness, you make happiness. You choose happiness. Self-actualization is a process of discovering who you are, who you want to be and paving the way to happiness by doing what brings YOU the most meaning and contentment to your life over the long run."

"Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself."

Happiness is in all kinda things, in little things. Like I said, I have goals and when I reach these goals I will be happy. But will I? Will I be happy when I'm in Las Vegas with a glass of champagne in my hand?  For the same reason I might have the same 'missing them' thoughts and feel still un-happy. Who knows.

Another piece of writing I saw...  

 Happiness is what you feel when you're NOT feeling.... Self doubt, depressed, hateful, fearful, worried, unsatisfied, bored, grief, shame, guilt, discontent, anxious, annoyed, angry, irritated, stressed, frustrated, upset, down, sad, envious, or jealous.

I guess happiness is in little things around you, you have the prove above. I hope this post isn't to confussing, it's like I'm writing my head empty. I would like to be happy again, but waiting for it is wrong I think. I should be happy now, make myself happy, enjoy of the little things around me. Just like today I finnished a wooden bench and a wooden table for outside, that felt nice and made me happy, just like the dinner I had tasted nice and we had laughs, that felt good and made me happy aswell. Happiness does make the 'missing them' thoughts go away or makes them less. Searching for happiness doesn't work for me, it's to stressy, I wont find it.Happiness overcomes me, and when it does I will enjoy it the fullest. This day started bad and when the days went further and further the badness seemed to be vanished. I'm okay now and feel better. I'm ready for tomorrow.

"Times will change."

"Times will change."

The times will change when I live on my own, I had a meeting with Paula this morning, and she told me that I should ask for information for a loan at the citybank. I will be living on my own, then I should be able to pay my rent, usurances and bills. And then there's the furniture I need and the rest that a house needs, washingmachine, oven, etc, etc. For that kinda stuff I can go to the Citybank here in Almelo and ask them for a loan, ofcource I have to pay the loan back, but that's alright. 

If the loan is not possible then I can ask for information by the social services, I really could need the loan. The furniture doesn't have to be brand new, there are loads of nice stuff here second hand. Although a few things I don't like to buy second hand, like a fridge, washingmachine or a oven, I rather have that new. Cause I always ask myself why are they selling it, perhaps one button doesn't work or something, then I have to repair it and it will cost me double. No, please a new fridge, washingmachine or oven, thank you! 

Rain~

Does someone needs some rain? We have lots of it today! It's nice though, the shops or other atractions are closed anyway. It's nice staying home and be on the laptop with a nice coffee beside me , while the laundry is spinning.It's an easy day today, the people here are bored and tired after yesterday's madness. It sure was fun though, it's a nice ending of the weekend. Tomorrow starts the last week of the three days at work, Thursday will be the last day and then it's vacation time. Four weeks of rest and perhaps boredom, but I'm sure I will find something to do. I already planned a day out to the big city 'Amsterdam.'


Celebrity past away~


Amy Whinehouse past away, most people aren't suprised about it. The news was suprising though, I never knew she was still so young. She died of a overdose of ecstasy, everyone knew she smoked and drank alot. I wasn't a big fan of her but I liked her powefull soul voice and some of her songs. She was a great talent R.I.P  Amy! 

I just listened to "Rehab" again and the irony is devastating, she sould have gone to rehab!

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, "No, no, no"
Yes, I've been black but when I come back you'll know, know, know
I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine
He's tried to make me go to rehab, I won't go, go, go

I'd rather be at home with Ray
I ain't got seventeen days
'Cause there's nothing, there's nothing you can teach me
That I can't learn from Mr. Hathaway

I didn't get a lot in class
But I know we don't come in a shot glass

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, "No, no, no"
Yes, I've been black but when I come back you'll know know know
I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine
He's tried to make me go to rehab, I won't go, go, go

The man said, "Why do you think you here?"
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/a/amy-winehouse-lyrics/rehab-lyrics.html ]
I said, "I got no idea"
I'm gonna, I'm gonna lose my baby
So I always keep a bottle near

He said, "I just think you're depressed
Kiss me, yeah baby and go rest"

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, "No, no, no"
Yes, I've been black but when I come back you'll know, know, know

I don't ever wanna drink again
I just, ooh, I just need a friend
I'm not gonna spend ten weeks
Have everyone think I'm on the mend

And it's not just my pride
It's just 'til these tears have dried

They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, "No, no, no"
Yes, I've been black but when I come back you'll know, know, know
I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine
He's tried to make me go to rehab, I won't go, go, go....