Oh, I like this day!

Oh, I like this day! 

No appointments, well one, but that one was later in the evening. No counselor visit, and no other importants things to do. I had a nice sleep, and I took my time getting up. I installed my hifi set later in the morning, that went quit easy. Only a few things were missing, a antenne for the radio, what should have been delivered with the set, plus I need a longer wire for the speakers. I went later in the afternoon to the store and the seller gave me what I needed, the antenne and the longer bulk wire for the speakers, I had to pay a few Euro's for the wire. I bought me a special train-ticket aswell today, remember a few weeks ago when I just missed that special sale for the day-ticket for the train when I went to the record fair in Amsterdam? I had to pay the full amount, otherwise with that special train-ticket I would have pay half of the full amount.These special day-tickets were sold out then, but now there back again and I bought me one, yay, this time I was on time! 

Here's the new set.

   
After that I went as always to the free dinner, gosh I have been comming there for such along time now, friendly people and nice meals. I think I actually never skipped a visit, twice a week I visit them. Sauerkraut with raisins and shawarma was on the menu today. After dinner I returned towards home to have a little break, I prepaired my lunch for tomorrow's work, made myself a coffee, and off I went... again. I had to be at the radio at 20:15 pm, what a time, but oh well. At the radio there gonna look and discus with me what else there is to do for me besides a technician. Something less stressfull,lol,  as they said they had lots of other oppertunities.It was an okay visit, most of the crew were busy, the guy who helped me the first time with the first visit explained me what the options were, he was friendly, very nice guy. Now the plan is that I will help a few other people with programming during the weekend.

Tiny little speakers.

Programming? In short a programmer builds and mixes the program till it's done to broadcast and the DJ and the technician broadcasts the program. I still have to learn it though, so I will just see how that goes. I'm sure it will be lots less stresfull. Another thing I can/may do with a few others  is updating the website from the radio, this website is full of latest news from this region. While I was there I sat next to another guy who was already updating a few news items, a nice oppertunity to see how he did that, I even did a few updates aswell. Updating is a 'every day' must, cause there's always news. I could do this at home aswell said the guy, or at the radio, ofcource I'm going to the studio, cause, hey, I want and need to get out remember?  The oppertunities the radio offered this evening is a bit hmm, hmm, and a  bit so, so. 

I almost spent a whole day listening to new cd's.

I'm not jumping from excitment, b"ut I will just see how it goes, and I will just see how I will do. I can't actually bring it in words or describe it it this radio work, but maybe it's just a 'first time' feeling. Perhaps I will like it after I done it more often. Wow, it's been quit a late evening. While I'm writing this I'm looking at the clock and think, "I actually should be in bed, it's already so late. I got to be be awake and fit for tomorrow's work, So I'll say good night ya'll!

Let the music play!

Let the music play! 

I got my micro/hifi set, finally! But it almost didn't go trough... After work I took of slowly to the store for my set, "Ofcource the store has the set,"  I thought. I ordered it last Friday and the seller told me I could pick it up upcomminmg Tuesday. A lady helped me and she looked around for the package, but. She told me the package hasn't arived yet, damn! "Not until the 30th of March," the lady told me. (Woot) I thought, "I'm not gonna wait untill the end of March." The set was still in the main store somewhere in Holland, that's why it takes so long. I wasn't the only one who wanted this set.The lady who helped me gave me another option, there's still the 'show model' in the store, I can take that one. 

It was okay with me, I was in the store anyway, and my mind was on taking a hifi set with me, plus I'm not gonna wait so long. The lady packed the hifi set in a box, taped it and I did my paying. On the positive side, I asked if I can get some money of the actual price cause this set was a show model for in the store. The lady took ten Euro's of the price, yay! It was quit a large box, but I managed it to take it with me. I'm such a good cycler, I puted the box on the steerring wheel. I managed to put my hand in the box so I could hold it better, and there I went. Tomorrow I will instal the hifi set, cause tomorrow I can take my time. If I would do it tonight it will be a bit chaotic, it's been a long day.

Work was okay aswell, here and there a bit joking around when there was time for it, lol. It's all part of the working days, it's needed sometimes. Valentine's day, sharing the love with your friends is nice and gives a good feeling. I love my friends, only I wished some of my friends lived nearer. My beloved Facebook friends. It's amazing how I got to know some of my friends, and it's amazing that some of my friends are still with me after such a long time, Facebook friends. Altough it's all hapenning trough a computer screen, these friends are for sure real people. Although it seems sometimes that there computerized robots. lol, cause there all in my computer, that gives sometimes a akward feeling. 

But still there real people, real friends. Just like you there spending some of there time on there computers. We share alot of our daily things together, you can't deny that. I really love to meet some of my friends, I will have to ask permission first, lol. Even when it's only for once, a meet up should be actually a must for Facebook friends. Naah, not a must, everyone there own wishes, right? Oops, my coffee is getting cold! Caramel coffee tonight, yum! Tomorrow's a day off, no dentist, no counselor, and no other appointments for a change. That gives me all the time to chill and enjoy my new hifi set.

"After rain comes... dry weather."

"After rain comes... dry weather."

Rainy, cold, and grey weather today, yack! I just got used to the freezing days, with a nice sunny clear blue sky, and now? Rain! Geesh! There were icy roads when I went to work, I really had to be carefull this morning, two hands on the stearing wheel this time. Quit crazy being on a bike or in a car this mornming, the weather report gave a 'code red,' meaning it's dangerous on the roads. I survived the trip to work, just being carefull but aswell steady going. I don't know but I had that akward feeling today at work, the feeling that my Boss will come up to me soon with the 'go or staying' results. I think this feeling will last the whole week, I just don't know but I'm sure my Boss will come up with results soon.

I saw her now and then today on the work floor, and then the akward feeling came again. I tell ya, it will be this week or next week, I'm hoping I can stay. I should start praying. There's not much to tell today cause there's now much news, it was just a Monday, a working day. It wasn't that busy at work, not much work and not much people. Tomorrow I can pick up my micro set, I can pick it up after work or I'll wait to the next day. But I think I will pick it up after work, I just can't wait, lol. And last but not least, tomorrow it's Valentine's day, and for that I would like to say..... 

Valentine Friends.

Friends are those people, without whom life will never be the same. They don't break up with you for silly reasons, neither do they throw stupid tantrums. They don't expect gifts all the time, nor are they fearful of commitment. They just love you unconditionally. Happy Valentines day my dear friends.

"Can't wait for my equipment."

"Can't wait for my equipment."

I will have to wait untill Wednesday then I will get my beloved JVC radio/cd player, I really miss music in my house. I been to the record fair today, and I bought such a nice CD's for a low price. But play them, I will have to wait. I bought a few CD's what I had on vinyl when I was still a teenager, further I bought a few same one's that I left behind in Canada. I'm trying to buy most of them back for a very low price, so far I succeeded. Oh my God I'm so excited, to play them, hope I'm not getting to excited, lol. 

It was 10:15 am, I putted on my boots and jacket and went on my way towards the train. It snowed quit alot, I think it was the first time I saw so much snow in Almelo. It wasn't that cold, and the snowing went less as the hours passed by. Going to the fair was a nice out, it wasn't so busy in town and not even busy in the train. Oh, I love German trains, this train where I was in went to Berlin Germany, but had several stops on his way. The first stop was Hengelo, I had to get out, and I was sitting so comfy, lol. 

The building I had to go to was called Metropool, I never been there, not that weird cause it's a pretty new building. It's a huge building where concerts are being hold and performers perform. The record fair was held in the lobby and in the grand cafe, The fair itself wasn't that much, there were only six or seven stands, but it was cozy and comfy, perfect! I saw everything in two/three hours and then I left, I was done. The entrance was only three Euro so yeah, it was okay. But oh my I got such a lovley CD's.

Normally I don't go out on Sunday's, so being out today felt a bit akward. Normally I rest on days like this and do a few things in the house, but it's been good. I enjoyed myself, Here's a few pictures I took while I was there, and when I was on my way....

Picture time! 

On my way to the train, I always walk the same route, it takes me ten or fifteen minutes. My cycle stays safe at home. Yes, it snowed, but not much.

 Now this is what I call a train, this one is so comfy, it even has a bar in it. It's a German train heading to Berlin, on his way he will make several stops. I'm not even that far from Germany.

See, the sign says it all, heading to Berlin, it will stop at Bad Bentheim and Rheine. (Choo, choo!)

I love taking pictures lately, here's a tunnel in Hengelo I needed to go under, heading to the Metropool to the fair.

 Crates full of records at the fair! Dig in!

Records for only one Euro... woot! These records were used to be my thing, I didn't care much about CD's. Time has surely changed since I lost my record players, it's all good though.

Dig, dig, and dig, untill you find something and go, "Yay!!"

 Here's a satisfied face!

 Like I said, I love taking pictures. I always look around when I'm on the road or elsewhere, then I see something and 'snap' I take a picture. Love it!

My treasure after the fair, it ain't that much but geesh, such a good hunt. Roll on Wednesday!





















So yeah, it's been a good day. Tomorrow there's the working day again, time flies when your having fun. I really hope I can stay working there, this could be the week that I will get to hear it. My Boss told me that I will get to hear it as soon as possible. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I love my job, I love that place!

O sleep, O gentle sleep.

O sleep, O gentle sleep.

The last few days I have been sleeping good, or I must say slept longer and more. I go to bed and withing ten minutes I'm gone, sometimes it takes a bit longer. In the morning I wake up early, during the week around 4:30 am or a bit later, and weekends around 6:00 or 6:30 am. I'm fine with that.The last few days I slept longer, even the naps are longer. Yesterday I took two naps in a row, first nap lasted an hour, then I took lunch, got sleepy again and napped another hour. Today I took one nap and that lasted thirty minutes, I tried another nap but couldn't catch sleep. Must be the cold weather that gets me so sleepy. I dislike falling asleep during the evening when I watch TV or when I'm on the laptop, that's why I take naps around noon.In the evening I want to be awake and enjoy myself with what I'm doing. 

Today I did only a few things but mostly rested, tomorrow I'm going out for a little bit. There's a record fair in another city near Almelo, not even twenty minutes away from my place. I'm excited to go, I will be there in fifteen minutes with the train, the place where the fair will be is walking distance. I saved some money, plus I had money left from the last record fair in Amsterdam, yay me! I wont spend a whole day there, just a few hours or an hour more, I will see. After this record fair I will take it easy with my money, saving some coins for the holiday, lol. In April there is another record fair, that fair is the biggest one in Europe I have been told. I usually go there twice a year, it's so much fun. While I was in Canada I couldn't go, ofcource. But now I can. 

Today:  did some ironing, dusted a bit, cleaned the kitchen counters a bit, took a shower and bought cheese for lunch for work. Gosh, today's dinner was so plain, potatoes, beans out of a can and a cheap smoked sausage, I really need to start with some other cooking. Cut the plainess, LOL!  I'm making it up with myself tomorrow though, then I will make some pasta, with veggies, chicken and sweet chilli sauce. I think it's a good idea to make one's in the week or weekends a nice dinner, perhaps I can make or take it out of a menu. I'm sure the internet, magazines, or cooking books are full of menu's. I might start with 'cooking for dummies,' LOL, naah, I can cook, only I would like to try something different so now and then. Sure with the free dinners I get really nice and different meals, but doing it yourself is fun too. Starting next weekend! If it taste good I will share the menu!

Saving money for a holiday trip in the summer starts.... Now!

Saving money for a holiday trip in the summer starts.... Now! 

I will be getting more money while the years pass by I guess, I'm still paying cause of the time I spent in Canada. Paying back care-allowance, rent-allowance, taxes, the loan I lent last year for the moving, ect, ect. These payings wont last, after I'm done with the paying my income will grow bit by bit. I don't have to be a millionaire or to be filty rich, when I come around plus with a little extra I will be perfectly fine. I have been saving money for a micro hifi set, and today I planned to buy one, my wallet agreed with it, I need music in my room for sure. It's been quit for such a long time, from August till now without music, I must be have been crazy, lol. I went to the store, it's a nice store, with good prices, it's the same store where I bought my laptop. 

I saw a nice micro set from JVC, I asked a few questions to the seller and decided to buy it. The seller told me that there was none left and that he had to order one. It was fine with me, the seller told me I can pick it up on Tuesday. Perfect! I went aswell to the tax-service, I needed some help with filling in a paper. This paper had to be filled in cause I spent time in Canada, the paper came from the taxes-service. They wanted to know if I had income while I was in Canada, or if I had a company in Canada, worked there, ect, ect. Well, none of that. So, the guy who helped me with the filling in and I were done in ten minutes, there was not much to fill in. Relieved I went to my vollunteers appointment, damn it was cold, and the strong wind made it even colder. 

For sure it froze, atleast three degrees under zero. The vollunteers appoint ment went good, I had a appointment with a lady, she wanted to know more about me, what my wishes were for vollunteers work, what am I looking for in vollunteers work. She had several options for me, but in the weekends it's mostly work for eldery people. Like visiting eldery people or go out with eldery people, I told her that's nice but it's not really what I'm looking for.We both looked further. I would like to find something where I'm surounded by people, something involving with kids has passed my thought too. 

The lady had many options but we both couldn't find something what suits me, she adviced me to brainstorm what I really want. These vollunteers have a site aswell, and on this site I can look trough the several vollunteer jobs. I will have to come back within three weeks, and come up with a few jobs or more information what I would like. The vollunteers company is called 'scoop,' there a nice bunch of people. I'm looking forward to the next appointment. After dinner I had a phone call from my Aunt, she called aswell last night. But I didn't pick up the phone cause I had a busy day yeaterday and all my Aunt does is nag, nag nag, that's a waste of my time and energy. Today I decided to pick up while I was cooking.... 

Nag, nag, nag!

And yeah.... it was in some ways nag, nag, nag. She asked me if I went to my Dad already, I answered her that I went last Saturday. Dad told my Aunt that Sjon didn't come, p.s. Dad usually forget things. My Aunt adviced me (as always) that I should mail her if / when I visit my Dad, okay... that's a bit akward and weird... but okay, it's an idea. She always asks me to mail her when I went to my Dad, sometimes I do that and sometimes I don't. I think it's silly though. Why on earth do I have to inform always my Aunt if I went to my Dad? Does she keep a score or does she keep an eye on me that I really visit my Dad? The conversation went well, only a few things she always mentions is, "You never call or message me, it looks like you you want to forget us, us, your Family and other Family members." 

Or, "Your to much on the computer, if you have time for that, you can go to your Dad aswell." I can go on and on, sometimes she really can put you down. My Aunt and Uncle go every week to my Dad, it's easy for them, they have nothing else to do, there retired and there not even living five minutes away from my Dad. What my Aunt would really like is that I inform her on anything I do, inform her about my work, my income, just anything I'm going trough during the day, why? Perhaps she can gossip it around trough the other Family members, and give it a little twist. My Aunt is someone who knows everything from almost every  Family member, nieces, uncles, nephews, you name it. She's easy to talk to, she can pull words out of you just like that. 

Sometimes My Aunt calls me and it's always the question, "Is she in a good mood, or not?" But she has her good ways too, but sometimer, ugh! You know what's been going trough my mind lately? If my Dad passes away and I'm at the funeral, my Aunt will be there too. She will mostly arrange everything, cause that's her. That's fine with me, but I'm getting nervous how she will act towards me and towards the other Family members about me. Worst scenario: I show up at the funeral and the other Family members will say, "What are you doing here? you hardly have contact with your Dad." <--- this will continue in worser and worser, and in the end I will take off, leaving my Dad's funeral. And all because my Aunt has been gossiping, that's why I see totally no reason to inform her in anything I do.

Yeah, not really a thing to look forward too, I think it's best to just leave her be. I will visit my Dad and have just a jolly good time. I will prolly message my Aunt, telling her in short, I have been to Dad, it was good," the end. And further... Just leaving my Aunt be and prolly the other Family members aswell. Just for the good sake, if I go to my Dad, I'm going there to have a good time between me and my Dad. And not to please my Aunt or others. I love my Dad, that's a thing that my Dad, me and other friends should know. I don't care (anymore) what my other Family members think, according to my Aunt I ussualy  do nothing right in her eyes. I know better... 

I'm happy with what I do and I'm proud of what I have achieved, that's something my Aunt will never understand or don't want to understand.

I couldn't find a title for today's post, so I choosed this one.

I couldn't find a title for today's post, so I choosed this one.

I always start with writing a post after I found a title first, I read the title and continue with writing the post after I red it, just like now, lol. Anyway, it's Thursday evening, the weekend has started. The other workers at work have a day off tomorow aswell, they have a ATV day. Say what?  ATV day means a reduction in working hours, often abbreviated to ATV, means that the total number of days per year an employee works will be reduced. In short, just a day off, it's like a gift from the Boss. To many employers and not much work I'm guessing. Today some other workers who are usually working behind a machine came to our section to help 'us' out. Just because they had not much to do today, sometimes it's just like that. So 'our'section was packed with workers, nice, but crazy too. 

Because, where to put them if there's not much to do? Though we all worked steady and firm today, I like it when I have something to do, without asking all the time what I have to do. It was a nice working day. Some new workers, who had joined us a few weeks ago, had to come to the office, the Boss told them too. When they came back they told that this was there last day here. I saw it comming though, cause the Boss told me this already when I had to come to the office for a talk a few weeks ago. These new workers are in a project, this project is to see what new workers are able of. This project is for people who are sick or have a handicap and aswell for intergration. One of the new workers is a Turkish man, he's in his 50's. 

Thursday evening, 8,05 pm!

He told me, that he might be able to work here for good, cause they told him too. "I'm here to be tested for a short period, and then I might get a hire contract," told the Turkish man. I was suprised he told me this cause my Boss told me a total different story, lol, poor man. I don't like it when they goof around with such people, they promise you this, but instead they give you something else. Another fellow worker asked me if I had to come to the office too today, I answered, 'No.' It could have been though, I didn't even think about it, to I was to busy with working, lol. Time for some days off, I sure need it. Tomorrow is gonna be a full day aswell, but I will get my rest too. 


Tomorrow morning there's the vollunteers appointment, I never been there though, but I'm not nervous. They will look for me for other or more vollunteers work, I'm pretty excited about it. Tomorrow aswell I want to go to the tax office, I got a mail yesterday from the tax-service, it all had to do with my time in Canada. I have to fill in a few things, but I will need help with the filling in, that's why the visit to the tax-office. They will help me there. I might get some taxes back or have to pay taxes back, wi'll see. And tomorrow I made the decision to buy a nice small radio. Or better, a micro hifi set, I would like a radio and a CD player where I can listen to. That's really enough for me, I'm missing  listening to music. I need curtains aswell but that can wait. 

Music first, music will cheer up my place so much more for sure. Though I still have a bit doubts to buy a hifi set, I'm not rich and I still need to pay bills and I still want to go on a short vacation this summer. But yeah, when do I have to buy the hifi set then? Right? I guess I will always be..... Or for a long time be in a sort of ' I'm not rich' lol! Tomorrow will be the day.

Dentist: "You don’t have to brush your teeth, just the ones you want to keep."

Dentist: "You don’t have to brush your teeth, just the ones you want to keep."

Oh yeah, the dentist, thank god he told me after the this morning treatment, "See you in June." He repaired three fillings this morning, and unexpected it were the front teeth, ouch! I asked for anesthesie, and the dentist gave me  two shots, waited thirty seconds and started drilling, ouch, and ouch! The anesthesie helped just a bit but for the same reason he could have skipped it. Though the whole treatment wasn done in thirty minutes, pffeeww! My front teeth are still a bit hurting, the one tooth where my dentist helped me on a few weeks ago feels not right either. I'm still looking for a new dentist, someone who lives closer, does his job better and is perhaps cheaper. Though  looking for a cheap dentist is almost not to do here in Holland.


Dentists are expensive here in Holland, and now they can decide on there own what the client must pay for every treatment, for example a new filling, anesthesia, a crown, ect, ect. The healt insurances in Holland have the option to advice the clients for wich dentist to choose, what suits the clients best. This Friday I will get some advice aswell by my health insurance, I definitly need a new dentist. Again a cold day today, still it's minus degrees. Just heard today that the 'Eleven cities tour' is not going trough, oh, you should have seen the dissapointment and the sadness on the skaters faces. I do understand it though, we were so close to the event, but the ice is just not thick enough for the millions skaters to hold them all, pity! This comming weekend the thaw will set in, then it's prolly, bye, bye ice and frost.

My counselor came aswell this afternoon, and we went trough some things as usual, mostly paperwork. It was all good, nothing extreme or stressy. Everything is going okay some things are so, so, and some things needs time. I guess it will always be like that. Still I'm suffering here and there financially, cause of my time in Canada, cause of that I still I have to pay back some allowances, but that will end aswell in the near future when the paying back is done. And further? Further not that much, only one thing what bothered me a bit this morning. I thought about it NOT to mention it in this post, but I won't to get it of my chest and. And yeah, it's my blog and I can write what I want, right? Though I can understand that 'some' things you have to keep for yourself. But anyways, here it goes... Damn!

Just this morning my Saf sent me a mail, she was asking me for money, cause they come extremely short this month. Read: prolly no money to pay the rent, no food till the end of the month. I care about them, even after all what happened last year. I know how they suffer a bit now, I too been in these situations a few times with them. I suffered last year aswell big time, and still am a bit, I just crowled up, dusted of the dirt of my knees, and relived. I'm not gonna pay, though I considered it to pay Saf, I felt a bit bad to make the right desicion for me. I decided not to pay, I have to think of myself this time. Sucks though a bit honestly, to make that desicion.

I feelt bad for her and her kids, but the thing what bothered me and helped me make the decision is the question: why did she think of me when she needs money? isn't that rude or? I don't know....sorry for posting this...

................ Time for a coffee, insert happy smile!

Went to work with a toaster in my pants, it was so cooooold.

went to work with a toaster in my pants, it was so cooooold. 

Noooot! But to be honest, I'm really  done with this cold weather, it's almost absurd! This morning the tempature was between 20 and 25 minus, and that's crazy. I was dressed warm though this morning while I went to work, so I was okay, but still. I had a extra sweater over my work sweater, a thick scarf, a winter hat, plus I had my capuchon from my winterjacket over the winter hat, and last but not least gloves, though I still had my hands in the pockets from my jacket. Roll on spring! Though this cold freezing weather gives such a beautifull sight seeings too, it's gorgeous, specially the lakes in the north of Holland.

Pictures fromDutch news papers, taken this week.

I'm writing this post while I just had dinner, I'm still cold. Dinner did me good, it warmed me up. But now I'm cold again. The heater is on, if I put the heater higher then it will be a new record. I never put the heater higher then 4, I will see if I get a bit warmer later on. A nice cuppa tea or coffee will do me good I guess. Work was good as usual, were almost done with the new order. I'm guessing Thursday will will get the job done, wow, we produced so many mats in the last three weeks, we can be proud of ourselves. Still no sign if I get a hire contract or not, I think the contract is not going trough, but I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Why do I think that the contract is not going trough? Well, I think it's best that I go out from the worse, so I will be less dissapointed if it's not going trough. Lol, I just don't know, it's still fifty, fifty for me. Warming a bit up now, it's a nice feeling, I think it's gonna be again a extremely cold night. The heater is still warming up till four, wow, normally the heater is done within ten minutes. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day, ugh, dentist, counselor, free dinner, and radio. Everything is spreaded ovcer the day. I need three new fillings at the dentist, sigh! I think I will take anesthesia, but I'm not sure yet. It will relieve the pain while drilling, but the anesthesia will cost me extra aswell. 

Who's comming with me to make me laugh and ease the pain.... 

Winter either bites with its teeth or lashes with its tail. ~Proverb.

Winter either bites with its teeth or lashes with its tail. ~Proverb.

There's something going on the last few weeks in Holland, everytime when we have five days in a row of freezing days there is a chance that there a  'Eleven cities tour,' will be held, a what? A Eleven cities tour, here, Wikipedia will explain... 

The Elfstedentocht, Dutch for "Eleven cities tour" is a race for people on ice-skates. The race takes place on canals in Friesland in the north of the Netherlanmds. The route of the race goes through eleven towns and is nearly 200 kilometers long. It can only be held in winters when it is very cold. 

The race starts and finishes in Leeuwarden, the capital town of Friesland. The route goes through all eleven places in Friesland which are officially called "towns". The race has been held already 15 times. The first year it took place was 1909. The most recent race was on 4 January 1997. The ice on the canals has to be at least 15 cm thick for the race to take place. It is a very tough race, although some years the race has been tougher than others, depending on the weather conditions. 1963 was a terribly cold winter. That year only one in 100 people who took part managed to finish the race. Medals are given to the first 11 men and the first 5 women.

This morning the Eleven cities tour 'crew'  came together for a intervieuw towards the press on television and radio, and the question was, is the 'Tour' going trough? There answer... There working on it, and nature itself has to help aswell. If it keeps freezing like this it will be  good, if not, well then it's a 'no.'  This week the weatherforecast forspelled snow aswell, that's not a good thing either. I don't that have much with this  Tour or skating though, it's fun to watch but I don't know, this Tour is nice and fun but the whole circus around it is a bit to much in my eyes. If the Tour will be held there will be millions of people gathering around in that area, it's madness.  Wi'll see what happens, I say it will be a no, cause it has to freeze so much harder... 

Minus 19 tonight, my oh my, that's been a while since it freezed so hard in Holland. I have been trough this freezing coldness a few times before while I was in Canada, but it has just a different feeling. Yes, it's cold but it's a bit more comfier then here in Holland, can't explain it. And ofcource mountains of snow as always. It's standard in Canada, every winter season there's snow, no matter what.  Not here in Holland, it's like were outta snow, lol. Alright back to this day, a working day as ussual. Were still working on the 'new order,' we only have one week left to produce 1600 mats in total, suprisingly were on schedule. 

After this order there will be not much work left, waiting for new orders, or better, waiting for more orders! It's a must, dammit, I want to stay here, I want a contract, lol. It was cold this morning, and tomorrow morning it will be even colder. I have a extra blanket ready laying in the corner, for just in case if it gets to cold. Though I don't wanna spoil myself with to much warmness, for the same reason it's gonna be minus 30 or worser, and then what? 4 blanket's? Or 5? I'm overreacting now, though I like warmth. Ha, who doesn't. I like a warm sleeping room, but at night the heater goes off, not all the way down but, just, let's say 5 degrees. Love it!

Let the sunshine...

Let the sunshine...

The sun is shinning so powewrfull trough the windows, it nearly burns my feet while having a nap. I'm not complaining, but damn, it's hot! Aah, Sunday's! Sunday's is ussualy the same, shower, resting, naps, chere and there a bit cleaning, getting my working gear ready for tomorrow, making two dinners, one for today and one for Tuesday, (Monday's I go out eating) and early to bed. Today was the same, I didn't wanna shower first cause it was way to cold in the shower. I don't like showering in the winter, but it's a must ofcource. I should get tons of free tickets during the winter for a sauna or spa, it's way nicer showering there, and it's so much warmer, and comfier.

This weekend was so so, I'm glad it's almost Monday, so I can work and have people around me. During the week I'm good, during the week I'm fully booked, lol. I got my work and I got the free dinners, plus this week I can add a few things more. On Wednesday morning there's the dentist appointment, (ugh!) on that same day my counselor will visit me in the afternoon, then later in the evening back to the radio to look what they have more in store for me. A full day, I know.  On Friday there's the visit to the Community centre, I have a appointment there with someone. Together we will look for more vollunteers work. I'm looking forward to that. 

I didn't do much this weekend, yeah I went to my Dad, but that was it. It's important to have something to do, 'do not sit around and feel bored.' Okay, sometimes being on my own feels good too and that's needed aswell. But, I don't want to make it a habbit, I have plenty time for myself, a bit to much actually. I felt a bit lonely and down aswell this weekend, hence the sit around and feeling bored. Though I'm not gonna push myself to do something, it's not like I HAVE to do something, but I WANT to do something. Wanting something to do is less stressier, lol. I easily get in a lonely and down moment, it goes just like that, like a light switch, but that feeling goes away as fast as it came aswell. 


It's all in my way of thinking. What do I do when I have that lonely and down moment? Not much, I let it all just come over me, but if it gets to worse I will do something to get it out of my head, usually something happen's what gets my attention and then it's gone aswell. But otherwise, I let it all come over me, and then in the end it will vanish also. 'After rain comes sunshine,' It's a part of life, and I'm sure it will make people stronger afterwards. Here are some of my favorite poems about happiness. I'm sure it can help lift your spirits up.

  

 Don't Quit! 

When things go wrong as they sometimes will, when the road you're trudging seems all uphill, when funds are low and the debts are high. And you want to smile, but you have to sigh. When care is pressing you down a bit. Rest, if you must, but don't you quit. Life is queer with its twists and turns. As every one of us sometimes learns.  And many a failure turns about, when he might have won had he stuck it out. Don't give up though the pace seems slow. You may succeed with another blow. Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt. And you never can tell how close you are, it may be near when it seems so far, so stick to the fight when you're hardest hit.  It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

 You cannot change the world,

But you can present the world with one improved person, yourself.  You can go to work on yourself to make yourself. Into the kind of person you admire and respect. You can become a role model and set a standard for others. You can control and discipline yourself to resist acting, or speaking in a negative way. Toward anyone for any reason. You can insist upon always doing things the loving way, rather than the hurtful way. By doing these things each day, you can continue on your journey. Toward becoming an exceptional human being.

Gorgeous winter weather.

Gorgeous winter weather. 

The sun was almost bursting out of the sky today, it made this day worthwhile. I felt like taking a long walk here in this area or I might go to my Dad. I decided to go to my Dad, I took a long walk at my Dad's place too. I took a few pictures while I was on my way, I like taking pictures, no wait! I love taking pictures, there! I'm suprised that there's so much snow elsewhere in Holland but not in this area, if you look here it's almost nothing, it's like a thin blanket of dust. Though it's still cold and freezing in the day time. Minus 6

 There's always a nice vieuw when you walk near dad's place, no matter what kinda weather or what season. The winter season is one of my favorite, just look at this picture, it's gorgeous. Dad was alright, he slept when I walked in, in in his chair. I didn't wanna scare him while I walked further, so I carefully took of my jacket and sat down waiting till he woke up. He's getting old, if you look at him you sure can see that. But hey, he's 74, ofcourse he looks old. But either way he's doing okay and well.

Poor thing, I letted this little pony come towards me,all the way from where he was standing, all the way from the otherside. Just to take a picture of him, and I didn't even had any food for him. After the picture was done I thanked him and walked off, gosh he must have thought, "What a dumbo." Next time I will bring some food, I wonder if he can do tricks aswell, roll over or hopping on two legs. I didn't stay that long at Dad's, just  a little hour. I still needed to do my last grocerie shopping. Staying for an hour with Dad is long enough, he gets tired and sleepy after you sit to long with him. I was thinking to get him over one day to my house, but that's almost a hell of a job, cause Dad can't walk properly, lost all of his energy and he never goes out actually. So, yeah getting him over here will be tough. But I was thinking, why not a taxi with a wheelchair?  Get him in  the taxi then in the wheelchair. At my flat we have elevators, he doesn't even have to walk, I will help him. I will think about this idea!

After I did my groceries I hopped on the train back towards home, on the picture left you see a little pont near to my house. It's frozen and you see the tiny bit of snow aswell, it's not much comparing what I saw on the news elsewhere in Holland. Sometimes I see kids walking over this pond, it's okay, it's sure thick enough. It's been a okay day, but I know aswell that I surely need more to do in the weekends, I need  lots more people around me aswell. Although there's the radio work, but it's sure not enough. I need to have contact with other people, collegas, friends, reletives, you name it. It's important and it's a must. Upcomming Friday I will have a appointment with a Community centre, they or we will both look for some vollunteerswork for me. So yeah, I'm actuallty working on it, And I will succeed, hopefully. I even thought about getting a small payed job for in the weekends, just to get some extra money. Cause that's needed too, Perhaps bringing newspapers around or flyers, or something else. 

 Aaaw, look at that a little birdcage, I knocked softly on it just to see if he or she was home. But he or she wasn't, I saw a little note inside the cage though, it said, "Dear visitor, I'm not home right now, I'm at a much warmer resort, I'l be back before you know." Ain't that sweet? Alright enough of the kidding around, I need to make me some dinner.I might get some visitors over tonight, they are the same visitors who wanted to come over last Wednesday, but they chancelled the visit. (There old residents from Humanitas) There car broke down, and the weather was way to cold for cycling. I doubt that they will come tonight, there care is still kaput, and it's still to cold. Ah we will see...

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

The first snow fell in Holland, and there's always a bit of excitment if that happens. I loved it when I was a kid, and still I think it has something nice, I noticed a little bit excitment aswell. They forspelled heavy snowfall though, but it's been alright here in the east of Holland. I saw the news, they filmed a few spots where the snow fell but all that fuss about a little bit of snow, I mean, it wasn't that much. Though, it's still cold, freezing five or six degrees in the daytime, and there is a bit snow on the ground. More snow will fall in the weekend, it's all fine with me. I think I will take some pictures tomorrow, it's such a nice vieuw. Yay, picture hunting tomorrow.

So, I had a really nice unexpected message back from the 'radio,' two actually. The first message was from my assistant who helped me with being a techician, he told me he found it a pity that I stopped, and he didn't quit understand my choice of quiting, cause I did well. But he respected my choice. The second message was from the DJ, he aswell couldn't understand  why I quited, he respected aswell my quiting. But he wanted to know why I stopped more clearer, he wanted to know what the problem was, in other words he would like to help me out and get me back on the radio. He told me aswell there are several other options to work at the radio, options who are less stressfull. I was thrilled and felt honored, I answered him back and explained in every detail why I still felt nerves doing my thing at the radio. 

Mostly it's the nerves of screwing up the (live) program, and remembering so many things during the program is hard to do. Usually I forget things, and there's so much to remember as  a technician. So, yeah, sitting as a technician in a radioshow six hours long with nerves is not what I really had in mind when I was searching for vollunteers work. Though I have doubts trying it again as a technician, but the DJ told me there were several other options to do at the radio, he even named a few. "Upcomming Wednesday eve' I have a radioshow, but after the show you can come for a little chit chat and we will see what's next for you" he told me. I will be there, cause I like radio and I have come already so far. Even though I'm nerves and made a few mistakes, I  stood trough it, and it wasn't that bad. Knowing that it's for sure a shame to give it up.

Today was a resting day, I'm still a bit worried about my money. All I can do is take it easy with my little fortune, lol. I explained my worries aswell to my counselor and also about yesterdays conversation at work. (staying or going) My counselor understood my worries and shared them with me, about the conversation from yesterday at work he told me that I only can hope for the best. When I heard about the heavy snowfall in the morning I bought my groceries earlier then usual, I heared that the heavy snow was on his way, the snow was already going from west to east. I jumped in my warm clothing and took off. Dam,  it was cold! There were not many people on the road, but the grocerie store was quit busy. I didn't need much, oh I love the cheap grocrie hunting, what's the cheapest! No, honestly, I like it. 

Just before I got back it started a bit to snow, nice! But the heavy snowfall didn't come, in the rest of Holland yes, but not here. We have a little bit of snowing laying on the ground and it looks nice, with a misty sky and the sun all blurry, love it. I took a nice nap after lunch, usually I go lay on the bed but this time I just sat on the couch, head back and snoozing. I snoozed quit long, lol, I was suprised I snoozed for an hour. Like I said, a nice resting day with not much to do. Tomorrow maybe to my Dad, I will see what the weather brings and if I have money for the train. I haven't seen Dad in a few weeks, it's about time.

If you don't know where you going, you'll end up someplace else.

If you don't know where you going, you'll end up someplace else.

Well, at the moment I don't actually know where I'm going with work, and that frustrates me a bit. And I hope I don't end up someplace else. The Boss came up to me today and asked me to come with her to the office, my Reha counselor was there aswell. I was expecting this 'office talk' already this week, and was actaully asking myself why it took so long. But there I was, in the Boss's office. I felt good and relaxed, I was thinking, 'Or I can stay a bit longer untill they have more work, or they give me a hire contract. The Boss was friendly and made a few jokes while were we walking to the office, so I guessed I was 'good.' 'Good' in a way that I don't have to go.

But, the conversation  was a bit same ol, same ol, there STILL wasn't enough work to give me a contract. Sigh? Yeah, sigh! It's taking to long, my motivation went down a bit after the conversation, not that weird right? At the moment 'we' are very busy with the same order we recieved a month ago, so I asumed that with the busy order things are going well for me. But the Boss told me that when we finnished 'that' order we are again going low with new orders, the boss and her companion went to a few fairs the last few weeks to sell our products to new customers, just to get new orders in, so we get more work. Yesterday my Boss came back from a fair in Las Vegas, geesh, why so far? I guess she knows it better then me, lol. So yeah, I'm still working  but still without a contract. Sigh!

My Reha counselor asked me if I was dissapointed after the conversation, I answered that I was yeah, a bit. But, I know aswell that there's still a chance for a hiring contract, I won't and can't give that up, though the motivation to continue work was sinking a bit today. It's not a pleasure when you know it can be over and out while your working hard and do your best. I fit in this job so well, I so enjoy this place and work, the fellow workers are such a nice bunch of people, I so want to stay there. My Reha counselor told me aswell that if I don't get a hire contract I will perhaps go back to Reha, my old intergration job. But Reha is a traject program, and this program lasts a year, that means I can only work for a year at Reha. 

Meaning I can stay at Reha until June, cause in June I have been already a  year at Reha. And what happens after June? Nothing, I will have to go job hunting perhaps, all by myself, that's not really something I look forward too. I need someone beside me like I had with Reha, someone who knows me well and will search together with me for a fitting job, I NEED  a job, I realized that! To name a few why's, I need a job so I can come around with my money so much better, I still have to be easy with my money. I have to pay a few things that I'm a bit worried about, maybe I don't even have to be worried at all about it, but I am. And it's not only for money why I need a job, I realized aswell that it's important that I have something to do, having a day rhythm, with people around me, and nice work. ect, ect. I guess you know what I mean.

The job I have now has changed me in many ways, in good ways. I need this and I can't do without, that's for sure a positive thing, but yeah, knowing that this job can be over and out is not a pleasant thought. And now? Well, the Boss told me that I have to wait (a while) till it get's bussier, till we get new customers with new orders. And hopefully then the Boss can say, "You can stay." My Boss will inform me with 'this' news as soon as possible, "Don't think we hold you on a line Sjon," the Boss told me, "I know," I answered. I really would like to know what it is what's stopping them or why there doubting to give me a hiring project, I asked my fellow workers this aswell, a few answered, "Money." It's all about money, Holland has a money crisis at the moment, and we/the company are suffering for that aswell. 

Tadaa, a birthday hat, even though the workers were very busy, they made this special hat for me! How's that?

Work went good though today and was FUN, lol. I dared the fellow workers last Tuesday that if they will make a birthday hat for me for my birthday, then I will wear that hart on Thursday the whole day. And there was the hat, lol, waiting to be worn by me. I took the birthday hat and putted it on and left it on untill the working day was over, I looked a few times in the mirrors to get an idea  how the hat would look, lol. The har was frigging high and looked hilarious, lol. Every worker shook my hand to wish me a happy birthday, they even came from the office to shake my hand. Yesterday I bought around 30 cookies and there was nothing left, it tasted good prolly, lol. I got attention enough wearing that birthday hat, it was such a fun day. Can I stay?!?

Happy Birthday to me!

Happy Birthday to me! 

What A nice day today, nice and relaxing. The wearther is good, like it should be with Wintertime. I see here and there some ice on the windows, it's cold with minus 3 in the daytime, but the sun makes it good. The sun is shinning fully with a clear blue sky. I did already some grocerie shopping around 11 in the morning, it wasn't much, only the cookies, lol. I bought more then thirty cookies for my birthday, most of them are for tomorrow's work. Nice cookies for a nice price, five Euro and I was done. I haven't had visitors in the daytime, I didn't expect it either though, a nice and calming day. Sitting in my livingroom on my favorite spot, with the sun burning on my feet, wonderfull!


Looking back...


If I look back a year now on my last birthday, 1 February 2011, alot has changed I tell ya! My gosh! Last year  I was waiting for 'my old' counselor  to bring me to Humanitas for the first time. But before that... 

 1 February 2011.


"...This week  I need a message back from Humanitas, if not?  Then I'm in BIG trouble. Cause I will be homeless then. I did some research on the internet for intstantions who can help me out when your homeless and don't have money. Searching to long for that makes me depresive and  not able to look any further."


"The stories of other homeless people on the internet is to much to handle, it makes me think, "Why me"? "I don't want this"! "Is this reality?" It sure is reality , and I have still  so much to do, but first thing to do  is to find a roof over my head this week . Today I will call with 'Gak' again. I'm already guessing what they will say, "Sorry Sir, your letter didn't recieve yet, can you call again in five days?" Sigh."

"I just sent a mail off too Humanitas asking them if they already had some good news, maybe I shouldn't, cause it's still early to respond to them. Friday me and my counseler filled in the form and we spoke to a lady of Humanitas, it's Tuesday now, yesterday maybe they recieved the form, and then they will talk about it today. I just couldn't wait, cause I'm nervous and scared about the result. It feels like 'they' are my last hope."

"I was thinking of other Family members who I can maybe call and ask for a place to stay, but those Family members I haven't spoke in years. And then to ask them would be akward, and how on earth do you ask something like that? So much to concern, I hope I have better news in the afternoon,cause I need to cheer up this blog! Don't worry it's comming! It will come. And it came."

"I opened my mailbox and saw the counseler's mail, he wanted me to call him back right away, it was important! I took my coat and ran to the office of the summer camping, I asked for a phone and called my counseler, he had good news. He told me that Humanitas wanted me tomorrow  early in the morning!  I couldn't believe it, and got a bit nerves but felt aswell excited. "This is so all of a sudden," I thought. I need time to relax and prepair myself first when such things happen, but there was not much time. This is a next step forward for sure."

"After the phonecall I spoke right away to the lady of the farm, cause this was my last chance to talk to her, tomorrow early in morning I will be gone. I needed to pay her but I can't, she knows about my situation and she knows I can't pay but she asked me anyway. I told her I can't but I will for sure pay you before the weekend. The lady had doubts first, but agreed later. I felt sorry, cause if I would have the money I would pay her. It feels bad that it has to be like this. I'm sure going to pay her, no matter what!  How? I don't know."

"Early up for me tomorrow, suitcases are packed, I'm actually ready to go. What can I expect there? I don't know and I will see, I know I can't stay here. What about internet? I don't know either, I hope they have internet. Keeping contact with my friends is important for me aswell,and writting in the blog to keep you guys informed.... For now I will say, perhaps see you at Humanitas or elsewhere, we sure will keep in touch!  
I'm ready for my next step trough this proces.... Are you with me?"
 

And there I went the next day, with my packed suitcases heading off to Humanitas, leaving the place where I spent six weeks waiting and struggling to get everything done. I spent six weeks in a summer's house and that joke costed me 40 Euro's a day. And I had no money to pay these six weeks. There was more what still needed to be done, no health insurance, no Doctor, no income, ect, ect. And then there was the Dentist and my Dad...

 January 2011. 


"Before I went to the dentist I went to my Dad, he just had a nice lunch. When I came in, the nurse came with cookies and coffee, we both took some. Dad eats to much but his weight is still okay. Dad is getting old,  he wanted to take a candy out of a candy bag, and it took him almost more then 5 minutes. He has always the TV on watching the news, I looked aswell and was thinking of things. Things what made me feel down, a sad mood came over me. I was thinking of the future, and what will happen this week. The thinking made it not easier when I looked at my Dads picture frames. He has alot of pictures still of Saf and me and the kids. Looking at the pictures made me think of them, I thought to myself, "How did it ever came so far?" I miss them still! I really had a good time there, I was loved. I longed for hugging the little ones, Ab and specially Tasn. I nearly cried and I wanted to leave."

"But it was way to early for the dentist appointment. I sat a little while in the bathroom, just to be alone. I don't like these moments, it's hard to let your tears run, it sure would be a relief, if I was at home I sure would cry cause I was close to crying.  It's not easy when you been a part of a loving family, and the all of a sudden alone. I guess I have to blame myself. I saw my Dad was concerned aswell, I think he now realizes what's going on with me. He would like to help me out, but he just can't. On a certain moment he stood up and wanted to go downstairs. I asked him where he was going, and he said, "Downstairs, are you comming?" "Sure," I said. It was a bit akward that Dad so all of a sudden went downstairs. He's concerned, I can tell. When we got downstairs, he told me, "I will see you tomorrow." I said, "Alright." And off I went to the grocery store, then off to the dentist. It was cold out and I wished I brought my gloves."

Gak, monthly income.

January 2011.

"Time to call Gak, I wasn't even nerves cause I was guessing already what they would say. And I was right. A lady picked up the phone and told me the same story again, the letter did not come yet, it takes five work days till a letter arrives, call back Friday. Sigh! They became to sound like parrots, I wanna bet if I call them back on Friday, they still don't have the letter. Even when I would bring the letter to them I swear they will do nothing with it. I was about to give up! I called my counseler to tell him about the phonecall to Gak."

 
"He was angry aswell and he asked me what I done lately.I told him that I was still looking for houses and places, and still looking for jobs. My counseler wanted to make a phonecall again with the goverment. And he told me he will call back later. I waited 30 minutes and decided to go home, cause I knew the counseler will send me a mail later. When I arrived at home I opened my laptop, and saw alot of birthdays wishes on Facebook. It does me good when people think of me and that they concern, even though they far away."


There was so much going on in that time, so many sighs and so many frustrations. It was a hell of job with lot's of ups and downs, more downs then ups in the beginning. But I made it, don't ask me how, but I did, with some help and with the support and good advices from my friends across the world. I'm  still not there yet, but I sure wouldn't wanna tray with  what I have now, if I compare it with last year. I'm curious what they have in mind tomorrow with work, lol. Are they really gonna make a birthday hat? And do I really have to wear it if they do? LOL!  I expect tomorrow aswell and answer from my Boss about the 'staying or going.' Today she came back from her vacation.


I have no clue what to think about it, it's still 50/50 for me. I would be so happy though if they hire me, but still, oh well, I will hear it prolly tomorrow or next week. While I'm writing this post I'm waiting for some visitors, a few residents will drop by. But they told me there car broke down, and that they will come on there bikes. Hmm, I will see about that though, cause it's freezing outside, tempature is minus 12 at the moment. Not that a pleasant bike ride. Funny and nice that the cooking crew at the 'free dinner,' sung for me cause of my birthday tonight, lol. Nice! It was a nice day this day, nice and relaxing. Did I feel that it was my birthday? Eermm, yeah, a bit, I felt a little sparkle. Good day, Sjon-shine!