The day after...

The day after...

I felt weird and unwanted. Saf acted like nothing has happened and she talked with everyone, Ofcource, what else could she do. I was sitting in my room behind my computer, thinking, what can I do? I felt lost! Shall I put on a fake smile and go downstairs and pretend like nothing has happened? I sure did not had the strenght for that. In the house there's always something to do and there's always someone to talk to. Maybe it's good for me to go downstairs and do something, it's better then sitting upstairs and do nothing. It might keep me busy and keep my  mind of the situation. Ugh!

So now and then I went downstairs, but it was hard to see Saf and hear her talking. Mostly I was upstairs laying on the bed and thought about things, or I was on the computer reading emails or I was on Facebook. It keeps my mind of things.We found a cat a few weeks ago. We took him in the house, but it wasn't a success. He's a scratcher and was fighting with our other 3 cats. Today was the day we decided to take him to the vet, cause we couldn't hold him in our house and put him outside with this cold snowy weather was out of the question!

Saf asked me to come with her to the vet, I said "Yes." I had to go to BMO anyway, cause I owed her still some money. It's been a while since I was with her in the car, it felt weird. Saf talked normal, but there were also silences, mostly from my side. When we arrived at the vet we stood there waiting and I was thinking to myself,  "I want her back, I miss the moments like this, just you and me"! We stayed at the vet for 30 minutes and I felt like crying, I felt pressure on my chest, and not because of the cat or the little kitties there. I needed a cry!

On the way back I apologized for being quiet, "That's okay" she said. Then I burst out in tears and she held my hand. "It's so hard" I stumbled. She was quiet. I talked to her and said "It's so hard to go back to Holland, I'm gonna miss you, I just don't know where to start". "I know," she answered. Then I told her "let's just see what happens these coming 2 weeks" (I asked her yesterday, if I could stay for the Christmas and New Years. She said, "ofcource") Then Saf asked "What do you mean with let's see what happens." I was quiet and let her guess. She answered "Sjon, you can't stay forever, I want you to move on" "I want to be single." A silence followed, I felt upset and disappointed. I knew I shouldn't have told or asked her that!

I went upstairs again after our drive. It was time for dinner but I wasn't hungry. Sometimes I have my good moments and after dinner I actually did a few things, cleaned a bit up and red a amazing thread on a forum! 


Here it is:

It is not attractive to have someone begging you to come back to them. Imagine if you met someone at a party for the first time, and they were really sad and saying "Please go out with me" - not attractive at all.

Most men fail to realise that their relationship has ended. They still behave as if they are a couple when their girlfriend has split up with them. This is usually because it is a "surprise". What you need to realise is that your girlfriend has been thinking about this for AGES. She hasn't suddenly broken up with you, she has thought about it in private, and probably done a lot of crying and emotional stuff behind your back. Whatever the situation - your relationship has changed completely - so don't act like nothing is wrong.

POINT 1: YOU MUST ACCEPT THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS OVER.
 
Once you have realised this - you can start to behave like yourself again. Go to the gym, do something new, get off your ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Sure it hurts sometimes, and you can cry in your bedroom until your eyes look like footballs, but to the outside world you need to be strong and in control. If a woman walks away, and sees you crumble, she'll walk away for good. Be strong. Start to realise that you are a GREAT CATCH. She would be damned lucky to have you. Stand tall. Be independent.

POINT 2: TRY TO STAY AWAY FROM YOUR EX FOR A WHILE, HANGING OUT AS "FRIENDS" MERELY CONFUSES YOU AND PROLONGS THE PAIN.
 
If a relationship is supposed to work out, it will. If you were made for each other, a few months apart will not kill your love. However, a few months apart will kill HABIT. If you think about her all the time, go to places hoping to see her, send her texts and emails and letters, then you are not allowing your mind to move on. The sooner that you get over the emotion of it all, the sooner you can move on or get back together. You can't get back together successfully while you have a bleeding heart. Take some time out - heal yourself.

POINT 3: IF YOU HAVE TO SEE YOUR EX BECAUSE OF CIRCUMSTANCES.
 
Don't call her, and when you do talk, don't talk about how you broke up and miss her. If she steers the conversation onto that topic, say "Well, I tried to save it, but I guess it's too late now. Did you see ER last night? . .blah". Let her do the calling and running. Always let her know that you are glad she called. and that it was nice to speak to her, but don't pursue.

POINT 4: WHAT DO YOU WANT ?
 
Do you want her back? Or do you want what she used to be back. Remember that she will never be the sweet girl that you first met. She will always be the girls that dumped you (and did whatever else). Long term, can you live with this? Will you trust her again? If she comes home at 3am will you be worried? Remember that there are plenty more fish in the sea, and you can be just as happy with another person (who will not have all the baggage of the breakup).

You need to move on and can survive without her. When she tells you that "You never call and obviously don't care" - tell her that you do care, but need to get on with life and find someone who loves you and is prepared to stand by you.

DON'T, DON'T, DON'T, chase her. You will never get her back! Be strong and you might get her back. If you do the things that I have said two things may happen:

1) You become a much stronger person, more attractive to your EX, and you get back together. But realise that you have to stay as this "stronger person" to keep her interested. If you go back to being the way you were she may well leave again.

2) She doesn't come back, but your head is in a better place and you are not so sad anymore. You'll meet someone else. Be yourself, and see if it works out. Find someone who loves you for who you are.

This tread made me feel better! 

It was time for Saf's nightshift. She just woke up out of her nap and I took care of the kids. It felt good to help out, just doing things! But yeah, like the tread said, "Try to avoid her and act cool"  that wasn't so easy with so many people in one house. I was short in my sentences, but nice towards her when she asked something or talked to me.  She thanked me a few times for doing  things in the house.

It was bed time. Saf is working a shift and I'm alone in bed, perhaps Nemo the 7 year old daughter will sneak in my room to sleep with me, like she always does, cause she mostly gets scared in the middle of the night....


I will miss this little girl when I'm gone...