First day of Christmas vacation... and I'm bored.

First day of Christmas vacation... and I'm bored. 

This weekend might be a stay inside weekend, cause we get alot of rain. The Christmas market trip to Maastricht is not going trough, I had already doubts to go, cause it's pretty far, and quit alot of money to travel there. I was already searching for a alternative, Amsterdam maybe or closer, but I couldn't find anything. It's gonna rain alot this weekend, and walking a whole day in the rain is no fun. But, I will see what I do tomorrow. If I decide to go out anyway tomorrow, it will be a trip to Amsterdam. Searching for some Christmas spirit. 

Today again for the third or fourth time 'buddy project' Johan cancelled his appointment, this time he just completely forgot, sigh! Next appointment will be on the 11th of January, yeah, what ever. I just don't know about him, he's not really helping me or supporting me with finding new socializing or new friends.  I do most of 'that'work, ans you know, I'm fine with it. But I must admit, I never met a guy like Johan before, he's not really helping, but anyway. Oh, the Christmas brunch at work was good and filling. I had pork meat and baked potatoes, wow, I was full. 

I'm not that a good munch eater, a few sandwiches and that's it. So, the meat and potatoes were filling my stomach way to much, lol. Including the half glass of champagne, I could have skipped the glass but I was curious. I never had champagne, it was okay. The speech at work was good, 2012 was a very good year. Lots of new customers and lots of orders, we really can't complain, if we look at other companies. After the Christmas brunch I took of to my Doctor, to hear about my blood results. (thyroid) And surprisingly the results were good, or better, it never has been better then at the moment. 

Surprisingly, cause I don't feel that good I must say, that's why I also went for a blood test. I feel a little pressure on my chest when I'm active sometimes, aswell I feel a bit more tired then usual. So yeah, I was surprised about the good blood results. I think the two weeks of holiday rest will do me good, let's see how I feel afterwards. The good news today is my travel documents has arrived today over the post, that's sure a relief. Paris within eight days!

21-12-2012.

21-12-2012.

It's 10:45 pm, and I just woke up from a nap, cause I felt sleepy. Why not just go to bed then? Because I want to stay up until 00:00 has past.Why? Cause something might happen after 00:00, just because of all the comments and crap talk over the 'Maya calender.' The Maya tribe announced that the world will end on the 21th of December, yeah usually I'm not 'that' superstitious about such thing, but today I am, lol. I don't want to be waking up while there's something 'spooky' going on or is about to happen. So, yeah, I'm staying up until 00:00, and will go to bed then. I might wait 15 minutes and then hit the sack. 

Normally I'm not that silly, but the announcement was just 'to' much in the news the last few weeks. When I will just think, "Oh that's rubbish, I don't believe that," you'll see bad things will happen then. Just my thinking, lol. Today was the last day of the year at work, and it was a good one. We managed to finish the 400 little mats, wow! Oh, wait we had 50 little mats extra. I made them, sawed them and a few others cleaned them and packed them. Tomorrow is just a cleaning day and then the Christmas brunch at 12:00 will start. Tomorrow is officially my 'off' day but I will show up just before 12:00 to join the Christmas brunch. 

I'm looking forward to it. After the brunch, it's Christmas vacation! Almost 2 weeks off, yay! Though I will miss the fellow workers and the work ofcource. Yeah, I'm almost addicted to this work, it's going so well and easy. And I'm still learning everyday. Maybe I will go to a Christmas market this coming Saturday,  if I go I will go to Maastricht, Maastricht is near the Belgium border. This journey will take 4 hours by train, almost crazy but okay. I wanted to go to a Christmas market this month, but it still didn't happen. Going with a few 'friends,' was my plan. But yeah, just talking about it, doesn't bring you there, right? So, off I go, maybe, but normally maybe is a yes with me.

Christmas dinner not going trough...

Christmas dinner not going trough... 

And I'm relieved... There was suppose to be a Christmas dinner with a couple of old Humanitas residents, I think you know who I'm talking about. They are, Mark and Margaret, (the couple from Humanitas, who just got their new apartment) and there was Janine and her kids. (friends from Mark and Margaret) We didn't even come together to talk or discus the whole dinner idea, uhm, well, yeah, without me, or with me but then without Janine. The agreements or disagreements was  sure a mess, Mark and Margaret were full of ideas but in the end it all ended up with a 'no.' There should have been clear agreements, everyone together and negotiate pr discus the ideas together. The whole idea was that we all had to pay a 18 Euro each, cause Mark and Margaret wanted to go to Germany to get the food, cause it's cheaper in Germany. 

They both had to arrange a car, they both haven't a licence, well, Mark has one but it's 'out of order,' lol. Janine told me that she's not going when Mark drives without a licence, he's not a safe driver. The disagreements went up about the money paying, I was about to pay the 18 Euro today but the un-clear agreements made me refuse to pay.  I'm glad I didn't, I explained it to Mark today at the 'free dinner.' I was fair and clear with my explaining. Next time we have plans together we really have to discus our ideas together, and not apart from each other. Make clear agreements, surely when it comes to pay money. I'm sure if I would have payed the 18 Euro and the 'dinner' didn't went trough, I would have lost the money. That's some of the people/friends  I have to deal with weekly. And that's why I'm longing for 'normal' people, the 'friends' I'm seeing trough the week are okay and nice but that's it, I better should call them relatives. 

Though I must say, Janine is a nice person and I like being around her, her and her two kids. Let's see how long that last. Sometimes I wish these relatives were more honest and more trustworthy. But, anyway. Tthis Wednesday was a nice rest day. Early in the morning I took of for a blood test, I was planning to go just before lunch, to get a good rest firs, but, yeah, you know me. I was feeling quit good I must say today, not really tired or sleepy, though the nap was needed. Blood testing went fine, just a little 'ouch' and that was it. Hopefully I'm getting the results Friday, I want the results before I'm going to France, cause I might get new medication. I actually think I'm getting new medication, a higer dose or a lower dose. It would be nice to take the new dose with me to France, instead of the old dose.

"Butterflies?"

"Butterflies?" 

Felt a tiny bitty better today, though it was a rough busy day at work. So, the exhausted feeling was easy to blame just on that. Still I want to get a blood test for my thyroid tomorrow morning, even though I need my rest aswell. the 400 mats we have to finish in one week is actually crazy, but hey, let's see how far we come. Sometimes we get more of such huge orders, though we get the orders delivered half done or just a bit done. This week, we only got delivered the material, we have to make the complete 400 mats out of the delivered material, and that's alot of work. We have 4 people working on the order, sometimes 5.

I think we will get the order done, if/when it will go like it goes now. Though work, but we do our best. The blood test tomorrow , I decided to do 'that' in the late morning. the thyroid blood test I can do without being sober. Why late in the morning?  So I can sleep in and take it easy aswell. It's been two rough days at work, rest is needed. I woke up last night around 2:00 am, I needed a bathroom visit, I couldn't get to sleep again, sigh. Though I felt good the entire day, meaning, I didn't felt sleepy. Butterflies? Yeah, hmm, I saw 'Janine' posting on Facebook that she felt she had butterflies in her belly. 

So I assume she has them from me, cause I can't think of anyone else, really. I have been struggling a bit what my feelings were or are for Janine, why do I like her attention that much? What is it that feeling I like being around her? Is it cause I searched for attention that much that I actually am glad I found it now? Or is it that I like company around me to much? Do I actually feel for her? Am I in love? Well, last this morning when I red her 'butterfly' status, I got my answer. I'm not in love, cause her 'butterfly' status scared me a bit, I didn't want that, no! . Meaning, I don't want a relationship with her.

I just want a good buddy where I can be friends with and have a jolly good time. Janine didn't respond that much on her status, I didn't comment either. She just continued her friendship with me, chatting a bit and commenting on some of my statuses. I think time will tell, when Janine will talk about her butterflies, or maybe not even. Though I'm curious, lol. I'm sure we can talk about this, this 'butterfly' subject.

12 days... Paris!

12 days... Paris! 

Within 12 days I will be traveling to Paris, can't even believe how the time flies. Within 2 weeks it's already 2013! It's gonna be a good year, I promise. Paris, hmmm, I don't know what to expect, French citizens don't use fireworks on New Years eve,' that's a bit awkward but hey, it's alright. I'm sure they got something on the last day or night of the year. Though I must say I'm don't feel a excitement yet to go to Paris, I just don't know what to expect being there. I had the same with Berlin, and 'that' turned out great! So I'll see. 

I mailed the travel agency where I'm traveling with to Paris, I thought, maybe they can mail me the travel documents by post, instead of mailing it trough internet. Cause I don't own a printer,  I have been struggling with what to do, buying a printer or no? Or, go somewhere where they own a printer and use it for my documents. Cause 'they' were about to sent it trough internet, so I had to print it. I'm relieved that that's solved now, Thursday or Friday I will get the travel documents. Yay! 

Work went so, so, I didn't felt that well today art work. My thyroid is spilling me up, I'm almost sure. I felt a little pressure on my chest and felt just a bit more out of breath as usual. It worried me, the pain and pressure went of and on though. Still I need to test my (thyroid) blood, and that will happen on Wednesday morning. It's gonna be a busy morning, (sigh) but I have to, health goes for everything! until Wednesday I will take it easy.

Busy week ahead!

Busy week ahead! 

Last working week before Christmas, and we are busy. I heard last week we have a order for 400 mats, that's 100 more mats then last week. Though I have more to do this week, I want to have a blood test again for my thyroid. I can feel it's time, I feel exhausted even when I do the lightest things. Or it's just in my mind, I don't know. Thinking of it makes it worse in my case, just like my Mom use to say when I was little, "Don't think about the pain, or else it will get worse." But some things you can't ignore.

Back in October, or was it September? Anyway, the last time I had a blood test the Doctor told me that my (thyroid) results were so, so, but I didn't have to worry about it, it was quit stable. Yeah, when I heared that, I kept a eye on my energy, being on my hood. And the last two days I felt it, exhausted a bit more then usual, a couple of times a fast heart beat. Signs that I have to take it easy. Tomorrow at work I will see how it goes, I think it will go alright. Wednesday I will do a blood test, sigh, so much work. 

First I have to go to my Doctor to get a paper for the blood test, then I have to go to the hospital for the actual blood test. It will take a whole morning I think, gonna take it easy then cause it's my resting day aswell. Thursday will be my last working day of 2012, I think they talked about a dinner at work, ans probably a surprise. On the same day there's also a last free dinner of the year at 5:00 pm. I will take it easy with the loads of food that day, enough is enough. Roll on Monday!

Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting

Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting.

On December 14, 2012, a gunman killed 20 children and 6 adult staff members at Sandy Hook Elementary School in the Sandy Hook village of Newtown, Connecticut, before committing suicide. This was the second-deadliest mass shooting in United States history, after the 2007 Virginia Tech massacre.The gunman, identified by authorities as 20-year-old Adam Lanza, first killed his mother, Nancy Lanza, at their nearby Newtown home. He then drove to the school and shot the employees and students before killing himself. The overall death toll was 28, including the perpetrator.

I have no words for this, I'm still reading about this tragic news every morning. I can't even imagine how it must be for the parents who lost their little ones, let stand for other Family members, friends, relatives, ect, ect. I'm out of words.............. Poor kids!!! 

CPR, yes, no.

CPR, yes, no. 

The huge Christmas tree in Nijverdal, Dad's village.

I have been tired today, although I had two naps. I could feel it was my thyroid bothering me, that's a sign for me to schedule a appointment this week for a blood test for the thyroid. It's about time aswell, I think it has been already three or four moments since I did a blood test. So yeah, I think coming Wednesday or Friday is perfect for that. After my first little nap I took of towards dad, that was about time aswell, it's been three weeks since my last visit. The long walk towards Dad was tough, I was glad I arrived. Dad welcomed as ussual, "Hey, Sjonnie boy." He was eating his lunch/dinner, on the menu today was marcaroni. I bought Dad a Christmas bucket and myself some Christmas ornaments, they were a good price. 

One of the Christmas ornaments I bought today.

 Dad had already a few more Christmas decorations, a little Christmas tree, and I liked the Christmas card holder. He had already recieved a few cards, not mine yet, but that will come soon. Dad needed to sign a paper aswell, Dad's nurse asked me to do that two weeks ago. I told her that I hadn't had time then, but will show up a few weeks later. That was okay, there was no rush with the autograph. The autograph was needed for the evulation rapport, My Dad needed a autograph in his evaluation rapport, Dad's nurse write daily or weekly in this rapport. And in the end of the month my Dad needs to sign it.Today I signed it, and the nurse told me that I may look at it first, and so I did. Now, I saw a few things what the nurse has been writing this week what I didn't like....

Though looking trough the evulation reports is nice to get a update from Dad, but did I see what I didn't like? My Dad's nurse and his Doctor have been asking Dad..."If you get a heart attack or you get something else life treathen, do we need to practice CPR on you then?" My Dad answered, "no". Now, I know my Dad has been from  the day my Mom died in 2000 untill now not in a pleasant mood and specially the first two or three years after my Mom died. He wanted to end his life many times, though they were just words. But still he has been saying it so now and then, though not as often as back then. It's like he says it automaticly, like he's used to it saying it, even without a meaning. 

So, I think when the Doctor asked him about the 'CPR,' he just randomly responed with a no. Dad's 'no' statement confussed me, scared me and dissapointed me, I asked myself, "Is Dad the only one who can make that decision, or do I have to say something about it aswell?" Yeah, I didn't agree with Dad's decision, but after I asked a good friend of mine on Facebook I think of it differently. In our country it's the law saying that my Dad makes that decision, and that's period, Aswell, IF I had the oppertunity to say something about the Dad's CPR then it wouldn't be fair anway to say 'yes' to CPR. When people get older they generally want to go when it's God's time to say go. 

They are tired and don't want to go trough CPR. CPR is wonderfull if the person is still young and has a long life ahead of them. It's Dad's choice ans wish, even though it's painfull and hurtfull to me, I have to respect his wishes. (My friend's words) Respect! When I was reading the CPR thing, it felt a bit shocking, scary and it struggled a whole afternoon trough my head, I didn't want to loose my Dad. But I got to respect his choice, so yeah.......

Thank God it's a (day off) Friday.

Thank God it's a (day off) Friday. 

It's been a okay day, I had a few visitors today and done my Friday groceries shopping. The first visit came in the morning, 'Buddy project' johan. I'm not that excited when he comes, I don't know. This whole 'buddy project' doesn't seem to work.... yet. It's going to slow, Johan has to help me out with finding things, like, places where I can socialize or communicate, such as clubs, groups, perhaps volunteer work, etc. But he doesn't do that, I have to do most of the work, searching for new contacts where I can socialize and communicate. Johan gives me sometimes advice about just 'that.' How I can probably do this or that better , or he gives me advice in communicating or he talks about how to handle a little problem what I had or have during the week.

When Johan walks in he always leaves his jacket on, and within 30 minutes he will be going again. Though I must say he has sometimes good advices, but yeah, that's it. I guess I will have to do my best again to find socializment or communicatement, lol. In other words, I need more relatives or even better more friends. That's really a tough job in a city where there's nothing to do. Johan told me today that most people haven't got alot of friends, relatives yes, but friends, no. I think every person have only got just a few good friends and the rest are relatives. Today Johan asked me aswell what I pay monthly over electricity and heating, weird question coming from him but okay. I guess the question came up surprisingly in a conversation.

I couldn't answer him right away, I had to find one of my binders, the binders where I put everything thing in when it comes to important mails or posts. I have binders with post from electricity, work, Humanitas, healtcare, etc, etc. When I found the 'electricty' binder I still couldn't tell what I pay for electricity. My binders aren't well organized, lol. Johan gave me the job to organize the binders better, and I agreed with him. I don't like it, and it annoys me when I don't have my mail and post not well organized. I surely could miss out something then, I must say that I haven't looked in a long time in the binders. I thought it was all okay. When I get mail, I read it and put it away in  the 'last mail' binder.

After a few months I will read it again and decide what to do with it. throw it out or save it in one of the binders. Sunday is a perfect day for organizing. My second visit was a good friend of mine, Ina. Yeah, I can say she's a good friend, she's the only one who I can trust and have a good time with. Though Ina is seeing someone recently, so I automatically make the visits and talks a bit less. I think it gives a awkward feeling when you see someone, and at the same time your going out or visit someone alot from the same sex. Or maybe it's just me. Though I wish I had more of such persons as Ina around me, persons who I can visit weekly or whenever, or go out with, or who can invite me, etc, etc. 

If or when I have such persons in my life I will call them relatives, and maybe they will turn out to be good friends. And that the way to get friends. But first to find such persons.

Early to bed...

Early to bed... 

Yeah, I'm about to go to bed after I wrote this post, I'm feeling sleepy and definitely need the sleep. It's been a long and busy day at work, I wanted to finish a order, otherwise there could have been a chance that I need to work a extra half day on Friday. And that's not what I wanted, working a extra half day means to me that I will take it easy the next coming days, the weekend, otherwise I will not have enough rest. Now with three days of I can finally go to my Dad, dad needed a autograph somewhere on a paper, his nurse asked 'me' to do that a couple of weeks ago. My Dad can't write anymore, I'm so not surprised. He doesn't have a good grip anymore, so I will do that autograph, no problem. 

Ugh, the work today. I managed to finish a order that I worked on for three days, 300 little mats. Today I still had to finish 136 mats, just before 4:00 pm I was done. Next week we get a new order of 400 mats, ofcource we have several other orders aswell. It seems that 'these' mats are my specialty, I'm good at making them. That makes it even more fun too, though after I finished the 300 mats, I was done, exhausted! Yesterday with my coffee date, Janine I talked about what the plans are with Christmas, sigh. We both already knew it actually. I'm going to celebrate Christmas with the couple at their house, Janine and her two kids are coming too. Now, the idea was to let everyone pay 10 Euro...

With that money we are going to buy food, nice and fair enough, right? But! A few persons had the great idea to let everyone pay 10 Euro, AND let 'me' pay the rest of the food 'they' are going to buy, cause I have 'now' more money to spend, while I have a job and they haven't. Right! That will be a big NO then, that is not fair, Janine agreed with me. It was the couple's their idea, they will buy the food, and I'm pretty sure they are going to buy alot of food. (Where I have to pay most of the price  of that bought food) I haven't talked about this yet with the couple, but I 'm pretty sure that talk will come, it's christmas soon anyway. I was looking forward to the Christmas 'out,' but.. 

With the 'I will pay the rest' issue, I will skip the whole Christmas 'out.' And probably Janine aswell. Though there will come a talk first, there hasn't been a discussion over how we gonna celebrate Christmas, at least not with me. Whatever comes out of that discussion, I will be fine with Christmas, just like last year. Visiting my Dad with Christmas is a must, I can't ofcource skip that. And the rest? Time will tell.

Introducing: Janine.

Introducing: Janine.

I don't know if I can call her a friend, but, uhm, yeah. Let me introduce her, Janine is a friend of a couple who I know from Humanitas. That couple from Humanitas were residents from Humanitas, but have recently found a flat apartment. At Humanitas I had more 'friends' then only just that couple, we had a nice, close, tight, little group back then. They all were nice to get along with, though they all had a slightly different life style then me. Most of the residents have or had problems for a long time or perhaps a life time, drugs/alcohol, ex-partners, divorced, homeless. Back then I choose my 'friends' wisely, but still I was on my hood. None of them were to trust, none of them. It was just nice to be around them back then, probably cause they were the only one I had. At Humanitas we all had the same problem, we had no money and no home and that had to be solved with getting money again and a home, perhaps you could add a few 'things' more with some residents.

When I left Humanitas after I found me a home, I still had connections with some of the residents, aswell that 'couple.'  At the free dinners I meet most of the old residents, including that 'couple.' A few months ago a new little Family introduced them selves at the free dinners, guided by the 'couple' from Humanitas. Janine and her two young kids are weekly to find at the free dinners,three times a week. They are a nice bunch of people, with problems aswell, money! That's why they joined the free dinners. The 'couple' and Janine are pretty close, they are good friends. Though they have been trough a 'fight/issue' in the past.  And sometimes I still notice the scarfs and wounds from that fight/issue when I'm with them. It's love and hate with them. Recently I chat almost daily with Janine, I like being around her and her two kids.

Why? I don't know. Sometimes I'm asking myself the same question. I know I'm still searching for a bunch of friends, maybe that's why I like being around her and her two kids, I don't know. Maybe I 'care' to much about them, Janine is struggling alot with problems, and trying at the same time to take good care of her kids. I know I can't help them with their problems, and I know I can't help her with raising her kids well, but I can help to show I care. By sometimes going there and have a good time, or invite them over, or go out together, just being a friend. I really like that! Maybe I'm to much longing for a bunch of good friends, to much is not good my Mom used to say, lol. Perhaps I'm liking it so much to be around Janine and her kids, cause they are the only ones I have, the only one that are 'normal.' The only ones who I can chat with or invite them, or go to, ect, ect. 

Confusing right? To me it is aswell, lol. It takes time to know people, specially the people I know now, since I live in Almelo. Can I trust them? Are they good enough for me as a friend? Time will tell. One more thing, I will never, NEVER, give them money or lend them money, NO! You really have to be a SPECIAL friend to earn that from me. For now, I know what I'm doing when it comes to friends. I have a good time with Janine and her kids, plus I still have a few connections with Humanitas residents. We all meet at the free dinners, we have a little chat and we eat together, after dinner we say goodbye and then we all go our own ways. I'm on my hood when it comes to those friends, even with Janine. Though, I must say that I have a little bit more of a friend connection with Janine at the moment then with the other residents. 

It's all good, time will tell. Though I think I need to make the 'connection' a bit more less, Not be so overwhelmed or get to addicted. To be continued.... some day... 

Tuesday!

Tuesday!

A cuppa hot chocolate, just because, lol.

What to say about this day? Hmm, it's been a good day. I felt good, been busy at work, I managed to do alot. I didn't even got worried about getting tired of exhausted, things went well, and it went great. Sure I felt tired and had some pains but it felt okay, I didn't need to worry, it were the normal pains like everyone has when he or she is busy, lol. I finished 178 little mats today I still need to do 136 before Friday. It's quit a work, we make these mats out of a lenght from 6 meters. out of one lenght we can saw 4 mats. It's heavy work aswell, pretty heavy lifting. And yeah I was 'done' after the 178 little mats. Though I helped my fore worker after I finished the little mats. It was needed, we are busy.

I have one day to finish 136 mats before Friday, otherwise I think I have to work again a extra day, sigh. Or someone else from our crew has to make a start with the 136 mats, tomorrow is my day off, but other workers worker who work a complete week can make a start. I hope they do, ofcource they have other things to do aswell, but I still hope they make a little start. If not, well, then not. Tomorrow's a day off, I'm looking forward to it. I have nothing planned yet, I love such days. Think I will have a good rest in the morning and I will see then what I do in the late afternoon.

Cold night!

Cold night! 

I don't even know the temperature outside now this night, but I'm cold, tonight when I was on my way to the free dinner it was cold aswell. There's a cold week ahead, with perhaps some snow, the weather forecast pronounced.  I had a nice day this Monday, work went well. I managed to do alot, nice as things go as planned. I had fun with the some fellow workers aswell. I feel I'm part of the crew, lol. And that's a nice feeling.

Though, just that sometimes I have the feeling that I'm overdoing it while working, just giving a bit to much, to much I can handle. Feeling a pressure sometimes on my chest during work or after work, that's a sign I have to take a step back. And that's what I'm doing then, it's needed. Further there's not much to say of this day, it's been a nice day. I will sign for a day like this tomorrow, lol.

The usual Sunday cooking...

The usual Sunday cooking...

Last night when I went to bed, and I layed my head down, I remembered that I forgot to write a post, blimey! Most of the time I wait with writing a post just before going to bed, I should change that, lol. Anyway, here's the Sunday post...

Uhm, yeah, what to write on a Sunday post, there's not much going on with me or here on Sunday's, Sunday's are rest days. Feeling tired and worried that I really get enough rest, LOL! Usually I wanna take two naps, but I end up having one, otherwise I won't sleep during the night. The weather this Sunday was perfect to stay inside and rest, the rain poored down, the snow was vanished within a few hours, pity! So. yeah, I did my ironing, laundry and rested with my laptop, and oh, cooking. I love cooking during the weekends,I really take my time then, specially one Sunday. This Sunday I made 'Kip Madras,' or in English, Chicken Madras.' Let's start......

 I usually make Chicken Madras as it says on the recipe, but today I wanted to add some more vegetables. On the package it said that I can serve the recipe aswell with green pepper, leek, moyashi and a regular onion. I skipped the regular onion. It was my first time ever to prep air a leek actually, but it went fine and very easy. I think I will use leek more often, I can trade the usual regular onions I use for leek. It's cheaper aswell.

Moyashi, or as we call it in Holland, tauge. Aswell my first time to add this ingredient,  it was easy though, just opened the package and added it to the sauce on the last 5 minutes. Together with the leek and the green pepper.

The chicken breast, I chopped it in big pieces and marinated it. The marinate was in the package I bought, together with the rice and the sauce. 

The yellow rice from the package is cooking, I always start cutting the vegetables and the chicken breast first before I start with the cooking and baking. It's less stressful and I don't have to hurry things, lol.

The sauce in face one, it's chicken with a (powder) sauce mix and water (ofcource. I let it cook for a minute or two. 

The sauce in face two, after the two minutes I add the vegetables and creme fraiche, the creme is for making the sauce just a bit thicker. Smells good already.

And, tadaaa! Chicken Madras a' la me! This recipe if you do it properly can be done in 30 minutes, though I like to take my time.











I saved some aswell for Tuesday night, I always do that. I always cook for two meals. It's easy to save some in the fridge. On monday's after work I will go to the free dinner, where I always go. On Tuesday's after work there isn't a free dinner, then I will open the fridge and grab my left overs from my Sunday's cooking. It's that easy. On Wednesday's and Thursdays there's the free dinner again, Then on Friday I'll start with my own cooking again until Monday. Friday's and Saturday's I usually cook potatoes, I love potatoes.

Cancels..

Cancels...

It's been a nice though cold day, I rested out in the morning and did my duties in the afternoon. I had a good sleep even though it was minus 15 last night, no extra blankets and no heater on. Socks? Yes, socks, I had them on, lol. In the afternoon I finally I succeeded with buying a flannel sheet plus a flannel mattress cover, the cover was on sale, the sheet was expensive, even though I bought it on the market. But oh well, if the sheet is comfy, I will buy another one next week. You can't buy them anywhere in a store those flannel sheets, I was lucky to find a seller on the market. 

The winter boots are on again!

While being out in the afternoon I forgot my gloves, it was freezing cold and busy in the city. A nice Winter day, lots of people buying groceries and Christmas items. I bought a few Christmas ornaments aswell, not much but it's a start. The grocery store was packed with people, I grabbed the things I needed and took of again. I had beets, chicken and potatoes for dinner tonight, tomorrow I will have rice again, with this time, leek, green pepper, tauge and a sauce. I never prepared leek before, never even tried it. I'm sure it's gonna be good.

The City Christmas tree is standing. Just like last year, and the other years before..

The leek was so cheap, 29 Euro cents. With a few bags on my bicycle I headed home for a nap. Cause it might have been that I would have been out tonight, but no. I invited 'Janine' this week to come with me to the 'Moonlight shopping' event at the garden centre near my house. She would love that she told me, but as always she wasn't sure yet. I do understand that, she's a busy woman with two busy kids. I invited her several times, or she invited me a few times but there's always on the end the canceling. 

It's a huge tree, so, alot of work to decorate it.

Mostly from her side, I almost getting used to it. Though this time I thought the 'moonlight shopping 'is going trough, but no. Janine wasn't in the mood, she had troubles with her parents and she excused me. Her cancels are fair, so fair that I understand it, fair as that they can happen. Though there's mostly the disappointment from my side, 'again a canceling.' Janine hasn't got it easy, so that's why as a friend I would like to take her out sometimes, her kids are welcome too, I don't mind. It will do her good, and for me it's a nice out too. 

My favorite path.... it's so nice to take pictures here.

Always being out on my own is fun too, but sometimes going out with a bunch of people is sometimes just a bit nicer, right? The 'out' tonight would have been nice, but resting and staying inside was just as good. I felt tired after dinner, so I was actually glad that there was the canceling. It's been a rough week last week at work, so, rest will do me good. I had a nice day, tomorrow is a resting day aswell. Resting for another week at work, lol. I'm getting old, hahaha!

Short weekend, with rest and naps.

Short weekend, with rest and naps. 

Johan from the 'buddy wanted project' cancelled his appointment with me this morning, he shows up every Friday morning at 10:00 for his appointment with me. It's the second time he cancelled a appointment already, it's alright. The cancel came in handy aswell, I could go earlier to my work. I had to work a half day extra today, though I started at 11:00, earlier! I couldn't resist, I was excited, lol. The snow came with amounts down when I went to work, the wind blew hard aswell. I was half way and I thought, "What am I doing?" My excitement turned in to a exhaustment, lol. The five and a half hours of extra work went okay, though I have to keep an eye on my health a bit more.

Last night I was tired aswell from a hard day's work, I knew that it would be fine to work a half day extra the next day, if I rested enough in the morning. And so I did, I even had a nap, that helped. But still, I will have to take it more easier. Take my time to rest too, and don't get to overwhelmed or over excited while working. This week has been rough, so now and then I feel a little pressure on my chest. That's a sign for me that I have to take it easy, though I have sometimes that feeling too that I feel great while working. I mean, I feel tired then too but it feels like I'm in a gym doing my work out. Hard to describe that feeling, adrenaline? Positive energy? Satisfied?

Anyway, work went well. I told my fore worker aswell what I thought of his 'faces' sometimes, and the jokes he sometimes makes. I told it with a smile, and on a right time. He understood it, he informed me that it's all jokes, and that it's very normal that I come with alot of questions when I have to do something new at work. It was a nice afternoon, tired afterwards, but satisfied. This upcoming weekend I won't do that much, I don't have any plans. I'm actually looking forward to be resting and chilling. Maybe going out for a little bit with 'Janine,' it will be then our first out. She's good in cancelling things, lol. A garden centre in my neighborhood is open until 10:00pm tomorrow, should be fun to go to.

Enough is enough?

Enough is enough? 

It has been a rough busy week at work, a week like not a usual week. Like you constantly have things to do, sometimes in a hurry and sometimes not, but no stopping, accept for lunch or coffee breaks. Today has been the same at work, I nearly was fed up aswell. Doing the best you can, and then get sometimes comments. I know it's mostly a joke but enough is enough, right? My fore worker is good at 'that.' He's the guy who has to teach me, and he does. But mostly he comments me when I make a mistake or I ask him something with a joke or laughing face. For example, "Oh Sjon, pay attention please." Or, Hey, hurry up, your still not done?" <--- He says that with a laughing face.

It's fun sometimes, but not always. When I go to him for a question, he puts sometimes a face like he wants to say, "Oh no, what now?" He's been doing it alot when I work with him, not always though. He's a very nice guy, and no one can work like him, he's fast, no one can beat him. I tried to copy him sometimes but I gave up on that. I tell him, "Nah, there's no use to copy you, no one can." I get alot of serious compliments from him too, he told me several times that he rather works with me then other workers. I love my job and I like the work I do, that shows while I work, I show alot of enthusiasm. Today has been rough, I had to do something else in my own section. 

Finish the mats what are nearly done, clean them (glue spots), measuring them, pack them and write them down. That's really quit a job, cause some mats are huge. It was actually my first time (I think) I did this, finish them completely. And some mats had to be done in a rush, cause customers were waiting. My fore worker worked on another section but he could see me work, and yes he did sometimes pull a 'Hey, hurry up, your still not done?' face, lol. Or when I went to him for questions, the 'Oh, what now?' face. Not always though, but in the end of the day I was a bit fed up with the jokes. Been busy, managed alot, and then the faces and comments, that no fun!

I ignored him and did my own thing, it was nearly closing time aswell, so yeah, I cleaned up. Tomorrow I will work aswell, though it's only a half day. It's busy! Tomorrow my fore worker will help me out on our own section, I think I need to man up a bit more, not always be the nice guy, if you know what I mean. Speak up! And that is what I will do from now on, on a honest and polite way. A fair way. What does it matter that I come up with 100's of questions when I have to do something new! I need to learn aswell, right? When my fore worker gives me those faces again, I will look at him for a second and turn around and continue what I do. Ignorance is best I think, just doing my best and pay attention is good.

A December to remember please.

A December to remember please. 

What a nice rest full day off I had, I rested well in the morning, and the afternoon was fabulous with a great gift. Today we celebrate Sinterklaas, just like we do every year on the 5th of December.Your all probably wondering who or what Sinterklaas means...

Sinterklaas or more formally Sint Nicolaas or Sint Nikolaas; Saint Nicolas in French is a traditional winter holiday figure still celebrated today in the low Countries, including the Netherlands and Belgium. He is also well known in territories of the former Dutch Empire, including Aruba, Suriname, Curaçao, Bonaire, and Indonesia. He is one of the sources of the holiday figure of Santa Claus in North America. Sinterklaas is an elderly, stately and serious man with white hair and a long, full beard. 

He wears a long red cape or chasuble over a traditional white bishop's alb and sometimes red stola, dons a red mitre, and holds a gold-coloured crosier, a long ceremonial shepherd's staff with a fancy curled top and also has a ruby ring. He carries the big book of Saint Nicolas that tells whether each individual child has been good or naughty in the past year. He traditionally rides a white gray horse. A Zwarte Piet (Black Pete, plural Zwarte Pieten) is a servant of Sinterklaas, usually an adolescent in blackface with black curly hair, dressed up like a 17-th century page in a colourful dress.

Often with a lace collar, and donning a feathered cap. Sinterklaas and his Black Pete usually carry a bag which contains candy for nice children and a roe, a chimney sweep's broom made of willow branches, used to spank naughty children. Some of the older Sinterklaas songs make mention of naughty children being put in the bag and being taken back to Spain. The Zwarte Pieten toss candy around, a tradition supposedly originating in Sint Nicolaas' story of saving three young girls from prostitution by tossing golden coins through their window at night to pay their father's debts.

Enough about Sinterklaas, back to me,lol. Like I said I had a wonderfull rest in the morning, just before lunch I putted op my Christmas tree. That was a piece of cake, a foot, the fake tree and a plug, that was it. It's a fake blossom Christmas tree, it can be put outside aswell. But it stays nicely here in the living room, it still needs some more decorations and then it's done. I will have a look around in the weekend. After my lunch I rested a bit more and then it was time to do a few groceries and buying Christmas cards. Yeah I will be sending some cards this year. 

The Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

It needs more decoration but everything on time, right?

Around 3:00 I took of to my job, not for work but a little celebration. A nice sit together with every fellow workers and office workers, just because we celebrate the 5th of December. It was actually my day off but most workers were already asking me yesterday if I'm gonna show up today for the celebration. I was excited to go so I surely went, and it was great. When I entered the factory I got a nice welcome and cheering, lol. Some were still cleaning or working, but at 3:15 it was off to the cantine. The cantine was fully packed, I counted 29 people. There were drinks and warm snacks, and joyfull conversations. 

Just a suitcase I thought, and that was already a nice gift...

.....And then I opened the suitcase. Woot!

Under in the suitcase I found a box with this inside it.

The Boss closed the little celebration with a wonderfull speech, and in the end we all got a surprise. Now I knew we were getting a surprise but I surely didn't expect a nice suitcase. Wow! At 4:30 I cycled towards home, with the suitcase on my steering wheel, this suitcase wasn't empty I thought, cause it was heavy. But what's in it? When I got home I opened the suitcase and it was full with food and drink items, my goodness this suitcase was loaded full. Wow! I'm so blessded and happy with my work, remember the casino night? 

The 80 Euro, and now this, and it isn't even Christmas yet. I meant what I said, I truly love my job, not only for the gifts and for the outs together. The work is great, I like the fellow workers, I'm blessed. I thank God on my knees for the permanent contract. I said it a few times when I cycled home after the fest, "I'm happy!" But not to hard, I wispered it. Cause when I say it out loud, the next day the oppisite might or will happen. I found that out a few times, or it were just my thoughts.

00,00 % Energy left.

00,00 % Energy left. 

Pffeeww, I gave a little bit to much these last two days at work. I was exhausted to the bone while I rided my cycle towards home from work, I was even bothered to ride fast and steady as I usually do. Why fast and steady? Oh, just the way I usually cycle, lol. Now I took my time. I worked on my own section these last two days, together with another fellow worker. Together we had to work on differently orders, and these orders were in a hurry. The handling's the other fellow worker couldn't do or wasn't use to do, I did. So I had double the work, plus I had to keep the other worker at work. Was I in charge then? Hmm, it felt like it, but no, we worked as a team. Just as the other worker told me, I agreed.

Though it was quit a bit of a work, I think I completed a few orders all by myself. From stage one to 'done!' And that's quit a work. My mind goes 'go, go, go' sometimes while I work, though I have it quietly in hand. It's also a must, cause I really have to pay attention what I'm doing. Otherwise I will forget things, and then a order will be sent back. I dislike making mistakes, it annoyes me and bothers me. But with a few little mistakes, (like we all sometimes do at work) I managed it. Am I happy with it? Uhm, yes and no, no, cause of the few mistakes, and yes, cause I managed to do alot and nicely.

Now I'm tired and my body and mind needs rest, and that's just what I will do tonight, and tomorrow. Tomorrow there are a few things I need or want to do though. Setting up the little Christmas tree, getting Christmas cards and stamps, and there is a little party going on at work at 3:15 pm. At 3:15 pm the workers will stop the work and gather around in the cantine for a Sinterklaas celebration. Will tell you more about Sinterklaas tomorrow. In the cantine there will be little snacks and a few drinks, I heard every worker gets a little surprise aswell. It's actually my day off tomorrow, but a few workers asked me to come, even my Boss asked me. How can I refuse right?

Full day, pfffeeww!

Full day, pfffeeww! 

Monday morning at work we first get our schedules in the cantine, on the schedules you can see your name and on what section you are the coming week. I will be on my own section this week the schedule said, together with another fellow worker, yay! I love my own section. Though, working together with another worker can give sometimes a little struggle. I always want to give it a 100% of what I'm able off, and doing what I'm good at, aswell I like to learn things. I know what I have to do, I know what has to be done and how. I'm quit handy aswell, and I love the work. Though sometimes working with someone you have to give in aswell, work as a team. If you I think that 'that's' the best way to work, then the other worker might think the opposite, so, negotiations has to be done, and a little giving in. 

Sometimes it's not that easy to please everyone,  it's sometimes double work, lol. Anyway, it's been a busy day but we both finished alot of orders. I loved it! Tomorrow I will do the last finishing and then it's done. Though there is more work, but first things first. I will be working on a Friday aswell, though it's a half day. They wanted me first for a whole day, but they didn't talk to me about it, and that we agreed in the contract. If there has to be worked a extra day they will talk to me about it. I went to the office with the schedule this morning, to skip the whole day of extra work into a half day. That was alright. I'm quit excited about tomorrow, I'm blessed with my job.

December 2012!

December 2012!

I wonder if this month is gonna be a good festive month for me or not, ofcource it's all in my hands, I know. It's all up to me to make it a month that I never will forget. On New Years eve I'm good, I will be in Paris then. Excited? Uhm, yes, just as excited as I went on my trip to Berlin, I really don't know what to expect. Last year with New Years I went to London, I was pretty excited about that, cause I knew it would be a great trip, but Paris? Yeah, it's gonna be good. And with Christmas? With Christmas I will be out aswell, I will spend time with a few 'friends' from Humanitas. "If!" it's going trough, cause these friends have been promising things and invited me many times the last two months, but in the end it mostly ended up being cancelled.I almost got used to it. 

I should search for alternative things to do with Christmas, last year I didn't do a thing, and I was fine with that. So why am I excited and kinda worried about it now? Cause there are plans with other people, and I hope that 'that's' going trough. I should relax about it, and just let it go as it goes. If it's not going trough, well? Then not. I noticed that I more worried about things then let's say last year, just little things. I should stop that and just relax about those things. Easier said then done, I know. It's gonna be a great festive month, so there! I will be sure to make it festive. Will try to be not festive on my own, but with others. Though on your own should be fine too. I need to learn that more, being on your own and having that 'It's okay' feeling about it.

Saturday, snowy day.

Saturday, snowy day. 

Visited a few friends in the evening, the rain and a bit of snow poored down as you can see.

They talked about snow today but it wasn't much, it rained in the late afternoon and trough the rain I noticed some snowflakes. And that was it. The 1st of December today, damn, time flies by so fast. Today was visit Dad day, he sure was happy when I entered his room, "Hey Sjonnie-boy," He yelled. I bought him two new jogging pants, he needs them cause they are very handy to wear for him. Though when I wanted to put them away I saw a little note on his desk with under the note a pair of pants. On the note it said that these pants were to small, the to small pants were a L-size. Weird, cause I usually bought him L-sizes and no complains. The new just bought pants I bought were a L-size too, sigh. In other words, to small. I will have to trade them.

I spoke to Dad's nurse and she told me the same, trade them is the best option. I told the nurse that I will trade them for a XXL-size when I will be on my way back home, I will pass the store then where I bought the new pants. I will keep the traded pants with me, and will bring them with me with a new visit. It's been a bit of a hectic day today, there should have been suppose a sort of little fest in the evening with a few friends, but that didn't went trough. The one friend where were going to held this fest went sick this morning, that can happen. Though is seems there's always something when I make appointments or set a date with these friends....

It becomes almost normal. Oh well, I shouldn't even get mad about it, or feel dissapointed. I told promised myself today that I will go to someone else then for a short visit, and so I did.I went to a couple who I also knew from Humanitas, they should have come to the litte fest aswell this evening, but that was cancelled. It was a okay visit. Like I mentioned yesterday, I need more friends or reletives. I can't point out more that it's so important to have people around you. I'm working on it, not everyday but just bit by bit, and bit by bit I will achive.

Looking for....

Looking for....

I'm looking again for 'new friends,' to achieve that I will have to start with finding perhaps volunteers work, join a club or sport, you name it. I have been writing about this probably more then twenty times I know. It's like every week I notice that it's really to get started with finding new friends. I have a few 'friends,' but I don't want to stuck myself on only those friends. These friends I have are not that trust worthy to say the least, plus you can't really count on them. And yet, it seems I can't do without them, I dislike that feeling, I want to get rid of that feeling.

The few friends I have are from Humanitas, I see them quit often during the free dinners in the week, and sometimes we have a coffee together. Sometimes aswell we make appointments, or we talk about going out. But mostly it just stays with the 'talking about it,' or with the making appointments. I think the first appointment still has to happen. Uhm, well, we had a few coffee moments together, but that was it. Tomorrow night there should be a 'visit' aswell at a friends house, but I almost bet that 'that' will be cancelled too, leaving me with a disappointed feeling.

I should not even be disappointed, but I am. I would love to have more opportunities, more friends to go out with or who I can visit. Ofcource they can visit me aswell, lol. This Friday has been okay, just did my things I had to do. Groceries and did my first load of laundry, tomorrow the last load. Tomorrow I will visit my Dad aswell, he needs new pants, so, that I will buy him tomorrow. Hopefully the coffee visit tomorrow in the evening will go trough, if not, well, then not. Disapointed then? 

Yeah, but, I think I will have to learn myself more that it's really okay to be on my own sometimes too, or go ourt on my own. Though it seems or it feels that I'm to much alone, but that's not true. My 'Buddy project' counselor wants to learn me that, I think that's a good thing. Ofcource I'm perfectly fine when I'm on my own sometimes, I love it, Even when I go out on my own I'm good, but just that sometimes going out with a group of people or going on a visit, feels pretty good too. I noticed that. I need more of that, then I'm complete, happier, lol.

Hunting for warm sheets and perhaps warmer blankets tomorrow.

Hunting for warm sheets and perhaps warmer blankets tomorrow.

Just like last night and the night before I had it cold in bed, even with more then enough blankets. The thing is I don't like to get spoiled already with the warmth while laying in bed, I mean, last night it was minus one, and I was already covered with three thick blankets, what will happen when it will be minus 10 or minus 15? I asked today for advice at work, and yesterday on Facebook. 

Would like to know what kinda sheets or blankets to get, to get warm enough while sleeping. I don't have to swet during the night and I don't want to be covered with several blankets that it will become to heavy. Oh, I wish one blanket will do, imagine, one light blanket that's just warm enough, even with minus 15 or worser. Tomorrow I will search for some sheets and ask for advice for blankets. 

I know already a few stores where I can find some nice sheets in my city, actually looking forward to it. I think I will start of with buying flannel sheets, if I can find them. Today's work was fine, busy it was, but I managed as usual. Again I worked on another section. I missed a bit my own section, but oh well, perhaps next week. Tomorrow's a off day, not extra work, I'm happy with that.

Christmas blues?

Christmas blues?

Yeah I had them tonight, just that little sad or lonely feeling, I really hope my Christmas will be good. I hope the invites I had from my few Humanitas friends will go trough, they invited me to come dining with the first day of Christmas, perhaps the second day aswell. These friends want to go out before Christmas aswell, visiting a Christmas market or something like that. There is enough to do. I would be disappointed if the invites and suggestions are being cancelled, sure there can come reasons that they have to cancel it, but I hope it is a fair reason then. Yeah, those are my friends from Humanitas, you never know it with them. Oh well? Yeah, oh well. Today was actually a fun day, I rested in the morning, and in the afternoon I had plans to get me a Christmas tree and a few groceries, and then of to the free dinner. 

At the garden centre with Ina, she was the one who took the picture. Yeah it is a garden centre but as you can see they have a lot more. Love this store.

Though, right after my nap and lunch Ina messaged me, she wanted to drop by for a visit.That was okay, she lives near and yes, she is a old resident from Humanitas aswell. Ah, you know her. Always nice and fun to spend time with her, I told her what my plans were for this afternoon, she asked me if she could join me. Yes, sure, love it. Together we drove our bikes to the nearest garden centre, always handy when your almost neighbors with a garden centre. Now, I got me a nice tree, it is a fake one and the tree is not green, yeah I let you guess. Next week I will put up a picture or two, cause then I will put my fake brown tree up. I had fun with Ina at the garden centre, we grabbed a coffee with cake aswell, and talked alot. Good fun. More of such friends please, lots more.

Christmas tree tomorrow.

Christmas tree tomorrow. 

Yes, I'm getting a tree tomorrow, though I won't put it up yet. It's way to early for that. Two reasons I got for getting a Christmas tree already tomorrow, one, I'm buying one cause otherwise they might be sold out, and two, I'm just excited about getting one. I saw a nice one last week, it's a nice little one, it's white and has red lights. It's a fake tree, so once bought, I don't have to buy one the coming ten years or longer.

Nice day at work, it was the second day that I worked on a different section. It's okay though, I have been on this section already many times, it's not such heavy work as my own section. Though I missed my own section a bit today, but oh well, I had fun. They talked about extra works aswell, extra work on Friday again. It's fine with me, though only a half day, otherwise I will break in two, lol.

Could you believe it's almost December? Time flies by so fast, within three weeks we already celebrate Christmas. I haven't got any settled plans yet, but there are plans to visit some friends I know from Humanitas. I can spend a whole day there they said. I will just see what comes, these friends have been inviting me lots of times, but then they cancel it again. So yeah, let's see what happens this time. I hope it goes trough, being alone with Christmas is never nice.

"Permanent contract."

"Permanent contract."

What a great day at work, in the early afternoon my Boss took me to her office, she smiled. Once a year every worker at our job get a little 'over hearing,' You get to hear what the 'staff' think of you, you can aswell say something, for example if you have any complains or what you like to see on the work floor, just anything what concerns work. It was my first over hearing, and I wasn't even worried, well, maybe a tiny bit then. I like such over hearings, It's nice that the workers and staff negotiate with each other sometimes.

I sat down in my Boss's office and we went trough a piece of papers together, it was actually a 'permanent contract' paper, what I didn't know off. She told me later, she told me that 'they' were very happy with me as a worker. I can work well together in a team, (that's new for me to hear) I'm motivated and I'm very willing to work, (that's new for me aswell to hear) what's going on with me. My Boss offered me a permanent contract, starting 1 January 2013!

I didn't know what to say, I really didn't expect this, honest! I was more thinking of another half year contract or a zero hour contract, that's a contract where 'they' can send you home when there's not much to do, and call you up again when it's busy again. But, no! A permanent contract, in your face, lol. Wow, what's going on? I changed so much in the last one and a half year. I wasn't like this before I went to Canada, work? Hmm, naah, I'm fine like this, those were my thoughts back then.

I love this job, I love the work I do, and it shows. It shows when I work, I work steady, firm, handy, and willing to learn alot. This permanent contract is such a relief, I was worried for a long time that I would be fired, just unsure how long this half year contract would last. And that's not a nice feeling, not a nice thought aswell. Though I want to learn more, but everything in time, hasting things is not working for me. That's what my Boss told me aswell, they want me to explore myself, try more difficult things, learn things. Yay!