"Finding the rest, and putting things in order."

"Finding the rest, and putting things in order."

It's been a hectic day with some nerves in the beginning, but once I got started it went alright. I felt better then yesterday, still a bit those nerves though, I guess they will stay till I have everything settled. First thing I had this morning was a appointment with the citybank, the citybank is a bank for people who have guilts and they offer loans aswell. I had to be there at 9:00 am, early bird I was, I was way to early. I had to wait outside for twenty minutes, the weather was good, dry and not cold, so, all good. At 9:00 the door opened and I walked in, the lady at the desk asked me friendly where she could help me with. I told her that I had a appointment with a lady called 'Mrs Koning,' the lady replied that she didn't know of any appointments with Mrs koning. I told her that a lady from Humanitas made the appointment trough the phone. She told me to wait in the waiting room, "Mrs Koning will be right with you." Okay!

An old short lady (Mrs Koning) said, "Hi," and asked me to come with her. We sat down and I was expecting that I came for 'asking for a loan,' but that was a missunderstanding. Mrs Koning filled right away a paper in for a rejection for a loan, I thought, "What is that? No loan?" That was right, Mrs Koning explained it to me. The citybank rejected my 'asking for a loan,' cause I didn't had enough repayment capacity, Paula and Mrs Koning already discussed this trough the phone yesterday. That's why the no loan, but the rejection paper I can take with me as a proof, upcomming Monday I will have to ask for a loan at the Municipality. I already have a appointment made, the rejected paper I will have to take with me and other papers for proof. I really need a loan, otherwise I can't pay my first rent and the stuff I need for my house. 

When I left the citybank my head was full off thoughts, I guess it still had to do with the rejected loan paper. How did I know that the loan was rejected, I just thought I came for a loan. It was still early and at 10:30 I had my next appointment, 'the furniture project,' but first a coffee. I still was on time for the coffee break, I took two coffee's. Around 10:15 I left for my next appointment, a bit late but okay, I still had to find the place where I had to be. I thought, I found the citybank this morning just like that so this I will find too. But after searching and searching for almost an hour, I gave up. I couldn't find it, I even went in many stores and asked but, nothing. I was looking for a huge garage (it's like a garage sale, but then bigger) I knew where to go but, when I  arrived at the place where to look, I  just couldn't found it. 

I went back to Humanitas and it started to rain hard, I decided to ride first to the pharmacy for my repeat prescription. (thyroid) The pharmacy gave me for another two weeks off  medication, I will have to do some bloodwork upcomming week to see how it's going with my thyroid. It started raining harder, sigh! I was soked but I was at Humanitas and could put on dry clothes, time for some rest. I still wanted to go to the secetary downstairs to tell her that I couldn't find the 'furniture project' place, but she was busy. I  will go a bit later I thought, she will have to call for another appointment, hope I can find it then. After I  putted dry clothes on the secetary called me on my cellphone, she asked me why I  didn't go to my appointment. I explained her that I couldn't find the place where I had to go, the secetary told me that I still was on time for the appointment, and she explained me where to go and she told the number of the garage. 


There I went again, it was dry and that was a good thing. But I was half way and then it rained again, and harder then before. Oh well, I thought getting mad won't make the rain stop. I arrived at the place, and thought to myself, "Hey, I just drove by this place, but was thinking, this really can't be it."  There was a woman standing outside waiting for me and she guided me in, it was a huge garage full with second hand furniture. I introduced myself and told the lady that it was my first time here. The lady explained me how this furniture project worked, "If you see a piece of furniture what you like, I will put a sticker on it with the saying "reserved' and then it's yours, for free."  I looked around and saw some nice furniture but it was already reserved. The other furniture looked old and not so nice, but I thought, "Hey, it's free! Pick something!" 

I choosed a nice wooden table with two chairs, nice for in my sleeping room. And further, well, nothing, I saw a nice round dinning table but in my eyes it was to big, and a nice closet, but had doubts, so I letted it be. The lady putted the stickers ' reserved' on the choosen furniture and she told me that if it's time to move, I can pick them up anytime, I thanked her and went back.  The rain came poring down again and I  got soked again for the second time, I didn't mind though. I  haven't got anything planned further today, only rest! It's been a long morning, I made some lunch and afterwards I  took a well deserved nap, I was exhausted. still I want to make a list of the things I need and what still to do, putting things in order. What to do first and then second, and what can I  do in between, otherwise I might forget something and it's a good solution to empty my head. 


I still have a bit that akward feeling of the moving, I almost can't describe it. I know for sure that it will be different, I can say to myself, "Hey finally some time for myself," but I will miss aswell the people around me. Being to long at Humanitas does that to you, I will have to get used to that again. I'm glad I have a week and a few days for picking up the keys, so I can get used to the idea of leaving Humanitas. It will all be good, I'm a little bit worried but I guess that's normal. 

So much to do so less time, but I found me a house, Yay! (Long post)

So much to do so less time, but I found me a house, Yay!

I don't even know where to start, it's been such a hectic,exhausting day. My Mom always said, "If you don't know where to start, start at the beginning!"  So, here we go, I got me a house!!! This morning with the coffee break another resident had a an offer for a house, I thought, "Why always another and never me?" It's time for me to get an offer aswell, I have been here already such a long time. After the coffee break I went to the mailboxes to look if I had mail, and there was mail, and one of the envelopes was from the housing corporation. Eeek! I wasn't expecting they had a offer for me to vieuw a house, cause I have been there a few days ago, and then they told me, "No house yet." I opened the mail and it said, "You have been invited to vieuw a house today, you can pick up the keys anytime today for a look." The mail showed the name of the street and the house number.

It was an akward feeling reading it, I didn't jump of my chair singing and dancing from excitment. I was asking myself if I was ready to move, leaving Humanitas and the residents. I actually wanted to cancel it for a few seconds, yeah a akward feeling. I went downstairs cause I knew that Paula was there, and I told her the news. She was excited and congrated me, the news didn't get trough me in the beginning but now it slowly did. I had to get to work with this news, I will pick up the key and then come back to Humanitas. Paula was comming with me to have a vieuw at the house she offered. Still I wasn't full of excitment, (that came later) I was nervous. I did what I had to do, and that was it, I picked up the key and came back. Paula was ready to go, she dragged me trough this all. I like that about her, go on and move!

Paula and I took our bikes and drove to the street where we had to go, it wasn't that far, prolly about 15 minutes from Humanitas. The neighborhood looked nice and quiet, perfect already. The house/room was on the second floor, underneath me lived a old couple, still perfect. The entrance was almost like Humanitas, first a door with a lock to get in the building and then 'stairs,' second floor, then trough the hallway searching for number 25.  I had so many keys with me, I had to find the key what fitted on the frontdoor. Inside it looked nice and big, I didn't expect that for a flat. The living room and sleeping room looked nice aswell, the kitchen was cute, it was bigger then I use to had. I was afraid to admit (haha!) but it's a nice house, the only thing what was stopping me were my nerves for leaving Humanitas.

The rooms have build in closets, perfect! Only the shower had something weird, between the sink and the central heating was the place to put the washingmachine. Cause the pipe for the ' drain' was next to the central heating. That means limited space to get to the actual shower, but I guess I can live with that. After vieuwing the appartment for twenty minutes Paula asked me if I'm gonna take it. I explained her how I felt, the nerves were stopping me from taking the house, I told her, "If I say no now I will say not to the next offer for a house aswell." Bloody nerves, "I'm gonna take the house, it's a yes!" Paula replied, "Okay, let's get to work," and she went downstairs. That's so Paula, dragging me trough this, go! I told her aswell, that I don't want to rush this now.With the nerves I have, I will have to take it easy if it's possible. I didn't have to worry she told me.

It's been a while since I have been trough a proces of moving, yeah I moved alot  in Canada (two times actually) But Saf did most of the paperwork and phonecalls, I didn't know how that all worked in Canada, I helped where I could help. So I said 'yes' to the house, and I had to bring back the keys. Whem I arrived at the housing corporation, they congrated me and told me that I will recieve a mail from them tomorrow or Saturday.The house was done and the girl behind the desk made a appointment for signing the contact, upcomming Monday I could sign the contract (and pick up the keys, but she didn't tell me this) at 10:00 am. I told her that was okay. When I drove back to Humanitas I was thinking, "Isn't that to soon, signing a contract already this Monday?, Do I have enough money?" I was to tired to think, I just wanted to get back for a short little nap. 

Paula told me when I got back that it was impossible to sign the contract and move in already this comming Monday, "You will get the key, and your rent will  have to be payed then for the first month, cause then will they start with the rent, after you signed the contract," said Paula. Paula tried to call them and I had other things to do, many things! First I had to go to some shops with a list what I all needed for my house, the 'things what I really need first, let's say the important stuff. Carpet, fridge, washingmachine, bed, couch, stove, after I asked what it all costed together I will have to ask if I can get the total price on a paper. (You still there?)  With that paper I can go to the place where I can ask for a loan, (I have two places where I can ask for a loan) with the 'total price' I can ask and show how much loan I need.

Paula went back to work and I went shopping with my 'things I need list,' fun and a bit nervous. First I went to the place where they cell major appliance, I told the buyer what I needed and then asked for a pricelist. The prices were quit okay I must say, not bad. For example the washingmachine was quit cheaper then I thought. I looked for a fridge, a stove and a washingmachine. The one who helped me  made a nice price and wrote it all down on a paper, alright, that was done, on to the next shop. The next shop was a little warehouse, kinda like Ikea but much smaller and cheaper. I looked for a bed, a couch, and carpet, the helper there was very friendly and helped me further. Ofcource with this shop I will get a higher price, cause off what I all need. I decided to put carpet in the sleeping room, vinyl in the kitchen and hallway and laminate in the livingroom. Laminate is expensive but that's what I want.

It took us a while going trough everything, but in the end I had a nice list, quit expensive but okay. I choosed for a normal bed and not for a boxspring what I use to had, boxsprings are expensiver. While looking I also thought about secondhand shops, or perhaps selling sites on the internet. Anyway,I was there now, I will see later what I can do. It was a long day and I wanted still that little nap, I returned with the lists to Paula. Paula has been busy aswell, she took care of the signing of the contract, she cancelled the appointment from upcomming Monday the 15th to the next Monday the 22th. I have now in total 11 days more for taking care of stuff, Paula took care aswell for geting furniture cheaper or for free, and she took care of a loan for me. Tomorrow I will have to go to the citybank asking for a loan, Paula and I made  a appointment at 9:00 am. If I don't get the loan I will have to go to another place asking for a loan. Paula made already the 'next' appointment if I don't get a loan. 

Aswell tomorrow I have a appointment with a ' furniture project' in Almelo, I can get furniture there for cheap or for free. The furniture project is for people who are going to live on there own but have a very low budget. It's not a shop,but you have to make a appointment to have a look around there. Quit excited to have a peek there. A long day tomorrow, but I feel alright. I wrote half of the things I need and have to do down on a piece of paper, to order things a bit so it wont get a mesh in my head. but step by step though, day by day, easy steps. I have a house, can't believe it! Many thoughts running trough my mind, I need to get used to the idea of leaving Humanitas and living on my own again. Things sure will be different that's for sure, step by step and taking it easy. In the next few days I will surely keep things updated and I will look further what I need and will inform people that I have a house.

         
 Dad first ofcource, he will be excited. Dad celebrates his 73 birthday this Sunday, more about that tomorrow, I'm exhausted............... but excited aswell!

A day out...

A day out...

I have been invited with some other residents to visit some other residents who are on vacation, there celebrating there vacation in a place called 'Hellendoorn.'  Hellendoorn is five minutes from my old hometown Nijverdal, the vacation was a gift from a organisation, these 'other' residents are members from that organisation.The 'other' residents are a man and a wife, in other words a couple. The idea was to spend the whole day there, but we didn't make it that long cause of the bad weather. The man and wife were sent to a bungalow park, it's very nice there with lots of small bungalows, but oh so expensive. They vacation was free, and they got 40 Euro extra for grocery, even though that, nothing is free on that park. 

Shoes and slippers in front of the bungalow, I saw this many times before.

I liked it there but way to expensive, it's nice for old people to relax when your retired or have money enough. There was not much to do there for little kids, only the swimming pool (inside) was nice, we swimmed more then two and a half hour. It was a nice day out, something new or different then Humanitas for a change. The couple who invited us were nice too, they live aswell at Humanitas. Being there I could really tell the difference between the people who were with me and let's say the 'normal' people who rented the bungalows on the park. It's the behaviour that's different. Sometimes I turned my head or hided myself a bit,  just not to be embarraced by the behaviour of the residents who were with me. 

One of the bungalows on the park.

There behaviour is kinda rude and hard, there very open aswell, they say things just like that, no shame. I'm not like that, but I get along with them very well. I call the residents sometimes city folks. I had a very slow start of the day though, I thought, "Oh no, I rather go for a nap first before I leave to the bungalow park."  But it was to late already, later on after the 'swimming pool party I felt a bit better. I'm  really curious about my bloodresults over four weeks.  Upcomming Friday I need my second part of my medication for my thyroid, I should get medication for four weeks, but they splitted it up in two weeks. Friday I'm getting another serie medications for the next two weeks. Then bloodwork.

Very low bungalows but oh so nice.

The weather was okay and fine today, but aswell cold and here and there a bit of rain. Way to cold though for the time of the year, we sat outside the bungalow for an hour but went inside again cause it felt too cold after an hour. The swimming pool had a nice tempature, but it went colder after two hours of swimming. We ordered some food when we got back from the pool, we were starving. French fries with  little pieces of sliced onions, mayonaise and peanut sause. This unusual type of meal we call in Holland 'Patatje oorlog,'  (French fries war) what's in a name? Very nice though, I was starving, on top on the patatje oorlog I had a meatball. 

Nice right!

I had a nice day out, upcomming Saturday I'm planning another day out. I would love to go to a huge sauna somewhere in Holland, I know already the place to go, it's near the city Utrecht. Can't wait!

...301 updates later....

...301 updates later....

I cleaned my entire laptop again, I think they call it formating, not sure though. I had so enough of the many re-starts yesterday, I think I re-started it more then 300 times. Not that fun when your trying to write a post, and think of it that I still have a new laptop underneath my bed. (stubborn man, lol!) After formatting the laptop the usual updates were comming, I didn't know though that it needed 301 updates, it took me almost a whole morning. The poor laptop was breathing for air.

I talked this morning with Ina when we had the coffee break, I talked about her Daughter. I told her that she's  rude and not so nice towards me, I'm still waiting for the first nice word towards me since Ina and her Daughter lived here. In the beginning it felt just a bit like teasing, but later on it got annoying. I saw a chance to talk about it when Ina was nice to me while we had the coffee break, she told me that her daughter is just like that, "she's a wolf in sheep clothing," Ina told me. That's a Dutch saying. Ina waved it a bit away, she told me that it will pass, she will get nicer, she needs time. It was fine with me, I knew what to do, ( Ignore' and I'm glad I mentioned it towards Ina. I could see it annoyed her a bit, cause she mentioned it a few times, " It will pass, she will get nicer." 


I can tell it's vacation time, there's not much movement or doing things, like I do when I'm working. I dislike it though sitting and not doing much, I need something to do walking or bike riding. This morning I went for a walk, I ended up at the grocery store, that was my attention to though. I did my grocery, my idea was to make another chicken tonight. It will be my first chicken tonight that I will make all by myself, I decided to make it with a chinese sweet/sour sauce, yum! At 2:00 pm I had a appointment with Paula,  once in three monts she writes a report about her clients. This time it was my turn for my report. The report is about how I was in the past, what I want to achieve or change and how I'm doing now, how far am I with the achieving and changes. 


The report is good and positive, I'm slowly progressing and moving forward. What I also saw is that I slowly fall back into my old pattern, the old pattern how I lived before I went to Canada. I dislike that though, some things are okay but I would like to change that pattern too. Have a job, meet people, communicate, going out, make friends, and a nice woman with hopefully a few kids. I should make a wishlist, lol! I'm glad how I managed so far, and what I achieved so far. I'm amazed! Paula was amazed aswell, she gets along with me very well. She's already nine weeks pregnant, when she will be delevering the baby I wont be living here anymore. Damn! Next appoint with Paula will be Thursday at 10:30 am. 

My first Chicken tonight~ 

I need a bigger pan and a bigger plate, the sauce, chicken and veggies fitted just in the cooking pan. The cooking of the rice went fine, (I'm an expert) I have a cooking clock in my head, I can tell or guess time just like that. I cooked everything and saved aswell some for the next day, it was so easy to prepair. I decided to make this once a week, but different flavours and ingredients though. Finnally something to eat with rice! Loving it!!

Marvin Gaye "What's Going On / What's Happening Brother"

"Just another manic Monday."

"Just another manic Monday."

My laptop is getting old, it freezed and freezed more then thirty minutes before I could write my post. Crossing my fingers now before it freezes again, otherwise I will be writting this post until Christmas. #$*(&%^@!! Just crashed on me again, sigh! Grrrr!  And I have a new laptop underneath my bed, but I would like to save that one before this laptop is really done. #$*(&%^@!! And again it crashed! Damn! Computers teach you to have patience, that's for sure, but it isn't nice when I have tried to write a post for almost one hour and thirty minutes. Anyway still keeping my fingers crossed, one hand is typing and on the other hand I keep the fingers crossed.

I had a appointment today at a housing corporation in Almelo, I had to be there at 10:45. Usually Paula would go with me but her schedule was full, another staff member was comming with me, her name is Melissa. I know Melissa, she was the one who opened the door for me and guided me around when I first came here. The rain came down like crazy this morning when we had to go, we decided to take the bus, Melissa's idea. The appointment was for to see what more options I have for living in Almelo and what more chances there are for me, the searching for houses here is going to slow. The lady where I had the appointment with told me that the house market is very poor at the moment.

She asked me what the reason was why I lived at Humanitas, and I told her why, she wanted to know me a bit more I guess. I told her aswell that I payed all my bills and guilts, and that I'm all settled to live on my own. The house market was locked, everything is full, I will have to wait said the lady, she explained why. The most chance I have is to just get a room, or a flat, for a  flat without central heating I will have to wait a half year, and a flat with central heating a year. A half year isn't that long but I can't wait a half year, the limit of staying at Humanitas is nine months.You can get some extra time for a few months but hmm, in my case, I don't know. I need a bit of luck aswell. 


I need to get out of here, the municipality of Almelo wants me to move out of Humanitas, cause I'm doing to well in there eyes. And you know what? I want to get out of here aswell, I'm done here too in my eyes, the people here are not my kinda people. Even the staff of Humanitas is telling me this, my time is almost up anyway. Three more months then I'm here already nine months. What will happen after the nine months? I don't know, I'm just a tiny bit worried of that. I need to find more options for searching for houses, perhaps searching in other citties aswell. I will discus this in my next appointment with Paula tomorrow at 2:00pm. 


I think it's not healty to stay long here at Humanitas, you might get attached to much. That's the way I see it. I have been trough so many things here, and that does something to you. I do my daily stuff here aswell, cooking, laundry, washing and cleaing, etc, etc, but it's just so different when you do the same things when you have a living for yourself. Anyway,time to get to work, search for a house, and prepair of saying goodbye. The situation here is a bit slightly different here, I get along with everyone well, but sometimes I feel there's a little argue comming up with Ina. At the moment I kinda dislike her cause of the way she pays attention on all the things I say or do, it's annoying. She has a eleven year old Daughter aswell, I still have to have her first kind word towards me. 


Yeah, it's time to go... Being on myself is what I want, I'm ready. Time for the next step towards happiness! It will be way better to live on my own and have my own things, I will be nervous for my next step though. I guess I will be fine.

"There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so."

"There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so."  

Lately I have been thinking, thinking back, I know it's not a good thing to think back sometimes, I should explain myself a bit more. Sometimes I think back of my days in Canada, (Yeah,Canada again, sorry.) I talked to a resident this morning and he would like to have his seven year old Daughter comes to sleep over one day, he would really like that. He will have to ask permission though to Humanitas if that's possible. This made me think about Saf's kids when the resident spoke about his Daughter, I thought, "Will I ever see Ab, Tasn, Mar, Noor and Cle again?" I would love to see them once or twice or perhaps more often again. But, "Do they want to see 'me'  again aswell?" 

Imagine If I have the chance to meet them, how will 'there' reaction be? Will it be bad or good? Thoughts like these are running trough my mind sometimes, not to often though, otherwise I would go crazy of worries. Sometimes I wonder how the reactions will be if I would see Saf's kids again, will Tasn run towards me full of excitment and scream " Daddy!" or "Sjon!"? For the same reason she will be quiet, and just say, " Hi." I don't know what to think when I think  of such thoughts, it scares me and makes a bit sad aswell. Scared because of  the reactions if I would meet Saf's kids, but oh, how I would love to see them. Maybe I should just leave them be for better or worse, but I'm not like that. I have spent along time and went trough alot with this Family. 

I know Saf likes to invite people if there are holidays or special days. If she would invite me one day I will come, and would feel delighted. But I would feel slightly a bit nerves aswell. I would like to stay friends cause I don't like fights in friendship. You know? Sometimes I think back of my time in Canada, but not that often anymore like I did six or seven months ago. I think that's quit normal, the thoughts of the time I spent there will slowly go away or become less. I hate that though, cause I really had a good time! I went trough so many different things and spent a amazing time with this Family, I lived and I learned! I don't want to forget them.

I'm not a communicater, I'm not a talker, maybe I should keep contact a bit more. Just once a month a E-mail  or a written letter, not to hear them out or do them harm or stalk them, but just to keep contact, I would love that. Recently I had a nice message from Noor, she told me she missed me and asked me how I was on Facebook. She even asked me my cell-phone number so that she could call me, I still need to charge my phone I told her. But a week after that I messaged her telling that I wasn't ready yet to hear her voice for a little chat, I might burst out in tears. And for the same reason she passes her phone to Tasn while we are talking, I think I will cry even harder, or get nervous. I should'nt be, for the same reason we will have a great time. 


What makes me nervous of doing such things? Is it the reaction? How will they react? I don't like the feeling of getting dissapointed, maybe I should just let it be. See how I shove such things off me? And then I will dissapoint myself aswell, I should go for it...... one day! Go on and write them a letter or a message! Ask them how they are and how there doing in school or if they have fun with there friends. Anything! For the same reason the contact will do me good, damn nerves. Any of you have suggestions in keeping contact? I want to but I'm to nerves to start, nerves for there reactions. Anyone?

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless. 

Now let's see if I did something completely pointless, uhm, I can't remember actually. Mostly I never do something pointless, there's always a reason why I do things. I went to bed late last night, it was 1:30 am, my laptop kept me awake. Surfing on the internet was fun, I enjoyed it. I woke up early though, 7:30 am, I know not enough sleep, but oh well. I didn't plan much today, resting a bit more and taking some naps. 

And the laundry had to be done, but that's already dry in the closet. In total Humanitas has three washing machines, two of them are broke at the moment. So many residents with so many dirty wash, and just one washing machine, sigh! I tumble my wash always early in the morning, so I'm sure I will be first. I had to go all the way to the first floor with my dirty laundry, no elevator around, lol! And the dryer is on the second floor, it's alright. I took it easy today, one nap I took. 

I have been searching for houses aswell today, as always but it goes so slowly. I'm sure I will get picket out for a house one day, but still. There's a site that I found it's called Domijn, that's the site where I look for houses in Enschede, Enschede is the city where I have the most changes to get a house. I have a few sites more but Domijn is the best. If you look once a day it will be enough, here in Holland we don't have many houses for rent or sale. Holland is small.  


I look every day on all the sites I know, and that's the only thing I can do. Here in the city (Almelo) where I live I don't have that much chance for a house. Almelo works with a point system, every month you get one point. You must have atleast thirthy or fourty points to get a chance for a house, thirhty or fourty  points is thirthy to fourty months, and that's long, atleast two years. I'm already six months at Humanitas, wow! The time flies. 


I can stay here for another three months, cause the limit is nine months. But I'm sure Humanitas will let me stay a little longer like they do with every resident. But hey! If I can find a house in the next comming three months I will have to go, first have a look ofcource if the 'new' house suites me, and then I'm outta here. I think there will be a few tears cause I been trough so many things here in the last six months, it's almost unbelievable. I'm glad I had the oppertunity, I wouldn't wanna miss it. I learned here many things aswell.

"Sleeping and resting."

"Sleeping and resting."

I'm in that rectangular thing that's really soft and comfortable, and my head is on this other thing that is really comfortable and molds to the shape of my head. Then there's this thing that I wrap myself up with to keep me warm, and is also really soft. Also I do this thing with my eyes that makes my whole room go black, and allows me to think of things that I don't think of when I have my eyes open. In other words, I needed sleep today cause I was tired. 

Been tired almost the whole day, but after a few naps I felt better. I didn't do much today, resting and sleeping. It's been a long day yesterday, but aswell a very nice day. I bought some lighters for some of the residents, and they were all happy with it. Only Ina wasn't that happy, her lighter had a drawned girl on it with the saying 'red light district.' They were such a small letters that I even didn't saw it while buying it, I knew I had to buy two girly lighters but they were hard to find. When I saw two lighters with a sexy lady on it I bought them, they were pink aswell.  


"What do you think of me?" said Ina, "I'm not a hooker!" I replied, "No ofcource not, don't take everything so negative when people say or do something," Ina always does that. I told her I was sorry and we were fine. But the next day in the morning she went on, still about the lighter, "I gave the lighter to my Son," she told me. "That's fine," I told her. There's no use in going in discusion with her, it's never good. I had the silliest idea to buy her a new lighter in town. Oh yeah, I will get her! I was slightly done with her, she's gotta stop thinking negative and take everything a bit easier. 


I found after long searching a nice lighter, it had the picture of Bob Marley on it. First I saw a few other lighters but I just didn't know. One had a Betty Boob drawn on it, but she might get the wrong idea again, aswell one lighter with a M. Monroe drawn on it. Sigh! What was I doing? Even though it was silly to buy it, I didn't care. When I got back I gave it to her, and she didn't want it in the first place, cause she felt upset after I gave her the red light district lighter. "Okay, I can make someone else happy with it," I told her. But then she wanted it, and I asked her to say sorry to me. She refussed. 


I explained her why I bought the Bob Marley lighter, she kinda agreed with me, and I told her sorry, hmm, but still there was a upsetness it seemed from both sides. I just want her to stop thinking the bad things about other people, be more positive. At the moment were okay I guess, I just let it be for now. If she has something to say then I will be there and listen, I know what to say. It gives me a bit of a bad feeling though, feelings of that Ina watches me with every movement I make or watches me everything I say. Your almost afraid to say the wrong thing, or worser not say anything to her, or even to speak towards others. 


Anyway, I'm good with it, I'm fine. Ina still has a relationship with her ten year younger boyfriend Daniel, I'm fine with that too. It doesn't do a thing to me. Ina is not the right person for me to start a relationship with, that's a 1000%. But getting along with her is nice, I really hope she turns around with her negative thoughts, cause I only want the best for her. Further? Further nothing, I'm good and fine aswell with the other residents. Some of the residents said that I was silly buying that Bob Marley lighter, but that's me, I don't like arguess and fights.

"One goal accomplished, visited Amsterdam."

"One goal accomplished, visited Amsterdam."

So, I decided to go to Amsterdam today. When I woke up this morning I didn't even though about it, not even planning it. I did my ussual stuff what I normaly do in the morning, I made breakfast, took my medication and went on the laptop.  I had a good sleep even though it was a warm night, I slightly thought about Amsterdam while I was on the laptop. But in the ussual 'morning coffee break' at 9:15 I made the desicion to go, I thought, "I'm going." I still had a bit of doubts but when my mind is set on going, I'm going! Doubts or no doubts. 

Many bikes in Amsterdam.

I looked for the weather forecast online and looked on my bank account also online, it was all good. The weather said that there will be rain in the late afternoon, Friday and the up comming weekend more rain. Perfect for going now! I made my lunch ready for taking with me in the train and looked online for the times for the train, I still had one hour and then it's time to go, I counted aswell my saved 'week money' what I get every week. Every week I get 40 Euro for my food from Humanitas, actually they call it 'food money.' 

Open excursion boats, in Dutch, rondvaartboot.

I think I said it before that I can easily do with 40 Euro in the week, I even have money left when I buy my grocceries weekly. I started saving money from my 'food money,' cause I had plenty left. This saving has been going on now for five or 6 months, sometimes when I needed something badly, like clothing or maybe a small guilt to pay, I used a part of the money what I had saved. Today I'm going out and I could use some money, I counted what I had saved and I almost fainted. I saved more then 160 Euro! Woot! That's surely not bad. And I just had  a few weeks ago a little guilt to pay from that money,so I had to save it all over again. 

The National Monument on the Dam.

I decided not to take all the 160 Euro with me, but just what I needed. Some money for the food and ofcource some money for the trainticket, perhaps I will buy some needed clothing, but that I can do with my bankcard. The train trip went fine, I was just a tiny bit nerves, don't know why though. I was excited aswell, so that was good. I enjoyed the vieuw from the train window while it was riding, it took almost one hour and a half to arrive in Amsterdam. Just before arriving in Amsterdam the train takes it slow while ridding, it passes little stations but does not stop. It's nice then to look outside and see the high buildings and huge offices, (it made me think of city-ville, LOL!) 

Me entering the Palace on the Dam.

Amsterdam has changed alot, my god what a huge new buildings and new shops and houses. They even have a new harbor for a huge passenger/cruiseship, it's enormous. I couldn't almost wait till I got out the train, the weather was okay. Only a few grey clouds came in and I crossed my fingers that it not would rain, it helped. When I arrived I started walking and looked around slowly, I took some pictures aswell, I needed alot of pictures today. I enjoyed myself while looking around, I always have a same route what I walk when I visit Amsterdam, also today. I saw many new shops and visited them, I took my time cause there was no rush. 

Many, many statues in the centre of Amsterdam.

I wanted to buy souvenirs aswell today, but there were quit expensive. I looked for some lighters but they were expensive too, three Euro for one lighter? That's a no for sure! I needed six lighters,so that will cost me a fortune. I went to the 'Bijekorf,' the Bijenkorf is a huge warehouse with lots of stuff, you can compare it with Walmart. It has five floors, I ussualy go to the 5th floor for my favorite clothing section, but that section was gone. Instead of the clothing there was a huge dinning room a' la Manderin, it was all self serve. But expensive and huge, with lots of arty stuff added to the walls, it looked very nice though. But I missed my clothing section, sigh! Oh well, lots of other shops to visit still. 

The front of the train station In Amsterdam.

I went on with shopping and crossed the 'Damrak,' There's a statue in the middle of the Damrak, it's called the national monument. It's a 1956 World war 2 monument, lots of travelers and bagpackers join together there. It was busy, you could tell it's vacation time. Again I visited many shops, little shops and aswell malls, I went into shops where I normally never went. I enjoyed myself, I took my time. It seems Amsterdam has so many shops, when you call a product or an item, Amsterdam has a shop for it. I walked many miles, I went even further then I ussualy go. 'Rokin,' 'Muntplein,' 'Rembrantplein,' And back to the 'Nieuwmarkt.' It was quit a walk but I took my time and stopped so now and then for a little break.

A Russian souvenir shop, only in Amsterdam.

I passed again many souvenirs shops, one souvenir shop seemed not so expensive and there I bought six lighters, all with a typical 'Amsterdam' sign. Nice for some of the residents when I get back. Your not leaving Amsterdam after you visited the 'Red light district,' also called 'De wallen.' I saw many tourists, flaunting and smoking weed. It's Downtown Amsterdam. I checked my wallet and bag a few times, you never know. It was already late by my suprise, I really took my time. It was 4:00pm when I did my last route, 'Spuistraat,' Spuistraat is another street full of shops and pubs.I was looking for some clothing, I looked for some polo-shirts and long sleeves, but couldn't find one. 

Many and several shops.

It was fine with me, I had a nice day after all. I went to McDonalds for a nice meal, I was starving. (I should have taken the 'large' instead of the 'medium' ordering the big Mac meal) I realized that I did not had enough pictures, I wanted to visit one last area, and that was 'The ij,' the 'ij' is at the back of the train station, it's a river formerly a bay, Amsterdam's waterfront. If you cross the 'ij' you arrive at another area in Amsterdam, you can take many little ferry's to cross the 'ij.' It was so busy there, there was a akward moment there, a homeless woman came towards me and asked me for one Euro for a place where she could spend the night. She looked weird and seemed high, I told her,I haven't got one, I'm sorry," and I wispered softly, "I'm homeless myself aswell. 

One of the little ferries crossing the bay.

But she didn't hear me, if I would have given her the Euro I'm sure she would buy drugs for it, instead of finding a place for the night. The woman went on begging towards other people, and I went on looking at the vieuw over the 'ij.' I took some pictures and went on, it was 5:00 pm,a nice time to walk slowly to the trainstation and heading back. It was quit a puzzle to find the right train, normally I'm good at it finding the right train. But many things in the station has changed. I was looking for the train heading to Enschede, this train has some stops and will stop aswell in Almelo. But I couldn't find this train or train sign. I asked a conductor, always the best option if you can't find something or have to do something but don't know how, ask! 

A special ferry for only bikes.

I had to take the train to Amersfoort and from there I can take the train to Enschede, said the conductor. I knew Amersfoort, so that was easy. The train was packed with tourists and many, many other people, I had to stand untill Amersfoort. Blame the 'rush hour,' but I didn't mind, it was only 30 minutes until Amersfoort. Arriving at Amersfoort trainstation I decided to buy a icecream, (Magnum is the best) I still had 20 minutes to buy one and eat it, it was all good. I even bought a little note book to write things down for my next blog post, that was handy. I wrote already a piece so I can start writing when I get back. The train station was packed with travelers, it seemed everyone wanted to go home.

The palace on the Dam.

The train was a bit late, when it came I thought to myself, "all these people in that train? There's gonna be murder and deadslaughter." But it went okay, I took right away the first seat. The train was packed. I talked with a nice couple who came back from a trip to the USA, actually they went from Canada (Pearson Airport) to a part of the USA. They started of at Niagra Falls towards Boston, it was nice talking to them. I said that I also lived in Canada for a while, the guy was interested. It made the trip back towards Almelo even faster, I was back before I knew. I was exhausted but felt satisfied, being back was good. It's nice comming back knowing that people are kinda waiting for you, it's a better feeling that you come home in a empty house. 

Art on the street everywhere in Amsterdam.

I had a good day, and I'm glad I went! This calls for more, and I will. My next destination will be Berlin, Paris or London. But first things first, First a house and perhaps a job!

Everybody wants happiness, nobody wants pain, but you can't have a rainbow without a little rain

"Everybody wants happiness, nobody wants pain, but you can't have a rainbow without a little rain."

And it rained in the late afternoon after another sunny day, but no thunder.  I wish we had some more days with sun and warm weather, or weeks. It can't be warm enough for me, I love it! I wish I had more to write about lately, but there's not much to write about. I have been to the dentist on my bike what was a lovely ride, far though cause it's been a while since I have been riding all the way to 'Nijverdal.' But the weather was good, a little bit of rain but that was alright. 

I had a filling to be fixed by the dentist, and I wasn't looking forward to it. But the dentist didn't drill and he didn't filled a new filling, he fixed it though but just with some cream, it sutured (?) to the tooth. I was suprised why he did that, normaly he drills and drills just to earn some money. It was different this time, I didn't mind though, it saved me the pain. "Don't chew on it for an hour, and when your brush your teeth in the evening, put a bit of toothpaste on the filling and rub it in a bit," said the dentist. I thought, "Okay." He told me that Sensodyne is the best toothpaste for it. I'm using Sensodyne for years, so I was good. 


After the dentist I visited my Dad, he was sitting outside with the nurses. He's getting old, the 14th of August he will be turning 73 . He almost can't walk, I looked at him when he moved and tried to walk, and it scared me a bit. He used to be a strong man and a hard worker, but look at him now. Sad though, to see him like that. He can laugh about it though, and makes sometimes jokes about it. I bought him new slippers a month ago when it was Fathers day, but he was still wearing the old ones from Canada, that's so my Dad. I asked him why he wasn't wearing the new slippers, he replied that he will one day. 


When I was leaving, an old lady visited my Dad, and she asked me if I was his son, I told her, yes! "You should visit him more, he likes that," she told me. I saw that the lady was not a 100%, if I may say that. Cause by the look on her face and her behaviour I surely could tell. She kept repeating her sayings aswell, "You should visit him more, he likes that"she went on. She kept saying it more then five times, I told her that I will, and said "Goodbye, until the next visit."  The 14th of august is my Dad's birthday, but I think I come a day after the birthday. Cause the Family will keep on asking me about Canada and my relationship with Safa, and that's not what I want. They will tell me that I should be wiser and that it was a dumb thing to do. So yeah, not visiting Dad on the 14th.

"Hot, hotter, hottest!"

"Hot, hotter, hottest!"

Such a hot day today, last week it was just 15 degrees and now it's 24 degrees. Hello Dutch summer! I'm sure when it's get to hot we will have a thunderstorm and afterwards cold weather again.  But let's not think ahead, I love this weather, keep it up! I might go Thursday or Friday to Amsterdam, but I'm not sure yet. When I'm not sure yet, it's a defenitly go, LOL! Most residents here think it's weird to go by myself, well I don't. I don't mind to go alone, I will be my own boss, I can go and leave when ever I want, and I can look where ever I want. If there were peoplewho wanted to come there surely welcome to join me though. I hope the weather will be good on Thursday or Friday. I have heard that on Saturday there's a gay-pride in Amsterdam, but hmm, going there then, I don't know. 

The residents here might get the wrong idea if I will go then. I have nothing against Gay people, absolutley nothing, but some of the residents here dislike them. I shouldn't mind though to go to the gay pride because of them, it's always a good party in Amsterdam, with lots of crowds and party people. But naah, rather not, besides it will be very busy and crowded so it's better to go on a week day. With such a hot day like today I want to go outside and do something, and so I did. I planned to do some gardening in the backyard, just a bit though. I dislike Sitting in my room with such nice weather. It's such a difference when I'm not working, do I miss it? Yes and no, I like the sleeping in's and the not on time to bed's. But the having something to do's, yeah that's what I miss. 

This day has been good, I had a very nice and long nap, but waking up afterwards was a bummer, I felt weak and almost unconsciousness. I feel that lately, that tired feeling and feeling weak. I'm sure it's my thyroid, I'll have to take it easy. One of the sympthons of my sick thyroid is that sometimes my mind says go! go! go! Do something, but my body says stop! No! It's good to do something though but just do it easy, do it calm. And I can do it easy and calm. I went into town for a bit after my nap, just to sit down on a bench in the centre of the city. It's nice and sometimes funny to watch people going buy and see them flaunt. I saw one little kid (I guess he's 3 or 4 years old) walking with his Mom, he looked naughty on his face and he had his arm in a orthopedic cast. 

I was wondering what has happened to him, he didn't mind the cast I saw, infact he loved it, cause he was flaunting with it too. At 4:30 pm me and Paula were going to the shop for the dinner groceries, were about to make something with rice. I want to learn to make more meals with rice, there are so many meals to make with rice. Paula guided me around in the section "Rice flavours," chicken tonight will be it for this eve.'  I had already the rice in my room, we still needed sauce, veggies and the chicken ofcource. As desert we took cream-vla (custard) Yum! It was so easy to repair, shame on me why I never have done this before. It was nice cooking with Paula, she ated a bit more then me but that's because she's pregnant. 


"I eat aswell for my little baby," she said, LOL! It felt a tiny bit akward to cook with Paula though, even though I already knew her for many months. Many questions in my head, like, "What do I have to do?" or "Shall I do this or that?" and, "Is it okay if I do this or that"? But everything went well, I did just the things I needed to do and there were no complains, I knew what to do in the end. Just a bit that tiny bit of a anxcious feeling, I wanted to do the things right, and so I did actually.  Maybe I was a bit afraid to screw up or doing things un-right. But okay, lesson learned, I did well. Tomorrow I'm of to the dentist to fix a filling, I'm going with my bike instead of going by train, I'll be saving 6 Euro, go me! The weather is perfect for a nice bike ride tomorrow. I might take some pictures.

"4 weeks, 30 days, 720 hours, 43200 minutes, 2592000 seconds, Happy Ramadan!"

"Happy Ramadan Mubara."

I couldn't resist to wish some of my friends a happy Ramadan, it's good and nice that there is Ramadan. I even thought of starting  fasting myself aswell, but I don't know. Me and my parents used to do it when I was a kid, I think I was six or seven. It was the time before celebrating Easter. We ated though but the meat and the candy were not allowed, and we didn't call it Ramadan but just fasting, 'AsWoensdag.' In English it's called 'Lent' I think. 

Wikipedia: Lent or Quadragesima is the period beginning on Ash Wednesday in preparation for Easter. The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer through prayer, repentance, almsgiving and self denial for the annual commemoration during Holy week of thce Death and recurrection of Jesus.

The fasting takes 46 days, 40 days they/we will be fasting, only not on the six Sundays. My little Family took this serious when I was still little but later on we were cheating more and more, don't know why, I guess the society changed alot. People were going more less to the church then they used to. My Mom and Dad were going every Saturday or Sundays, then after a while we were going less, only on Christmas or Easter for example. I didn't mind though, cause I was still young, I didn't know yet. Later on when I got older I went to the Church a bit more often, don't know why. But I liked it, and I thought it was good to pray. Perhaps I needed it back then.

Ramadan will surely be celebrated in Holland, we have lots of Islamic people around here.

Wikipedia: The history of Islam in the Netherlands started in the 19th century when the Netherlands experienced sporadic Muslim migration from the Dutch East Indies when it was a colony from the Netherlands. Economic growth from 1960 to 1973 lead the Dutch government to recruit large numbers of immigrant workers, chiefly fromTurkey and Morocco, and migration has continued by way of family reunification and asylumseekers. Data from 2011 show that the Netherlands hosts an estimated 1,219,753 Muslims, including approximately 488,164 Turks and 349,270 Moroccans. Most of them live in the four major cities of the country, Amsterdam, The Hague, Rotterdam and Utrecht. 

There are about 400 mosques in the Netherlands, with about 200 Turkish mosques, 140 Moroccan mosques and 50 Surinamese. There are about 45 Islamic elementary schools, and two high schools. In Holland are living 850.000 Muslims, Holland is a small country but with a very big heart, LOL! 

Anyway, back to this day.This day started of slowly, I woke up at 5:30 am and turned around. Then I woke up at 6:30 am and turned around again, woke up again at 7:30 am and then I stood up. I was cold and it was grey outside, the weather forecast said 24 degrees but, oh wel,l I guess it was still early. This morning I did some cleaning together with another resident, I felt tired afterwards. I cleaned all the stairs with a broom and the other resident came after me with a wet floorcloth. I went for a nap after the cleaning, I was exhausted, and decided to take it easy the rest of the day. I want to eat more healtier aswell, more fruit and veggies. Perhaps I will leave the coffee and start to drink more tea. 


Hmm, coffee versus tea, don't know what's healtier though, they say tea is good for the heart. I know coffee gives me a bad taste in the mouth but that's all I know, LOL! Coffee ain't that bad I guess, I think one coffee a day is fine for me. I went to the store after my lunch and bought fruit and milk, quit expensive the fruit, damn! three peers, two kiwi's, banana's, apples, two packages of milk and one package cheese, costed me 9 Euro. (Grr!) Alright, I'm off to the free dinner, I'll be updating tomorrow.

"Loving the holiday."

"Loving the holiday."

Sunday's.... what can I say? There's just nothing to do, I know I keep saying it. But it's not that bad though, rest does me good. After I woke up I went on the laptop and made myself breakfast. I turned the washing machine on on section yellow, the washing machine on section green is still "Defect." Some of the residents were cleaning and I hate it then when I'm sitting down and do nothing, I want to do something too then. I washed the windows in my room, it was needed anyways. Some of the residents were going out, but I'm saving money for my 'holiday out's.' Maybe this week or next week I will travel by train to Amsterdam, just looking around without buying loads of things. Just enjoying the vieuw and enjoying my day out. 

It's been a while since I was in Amsterdam, I think the last time was with Saf, me and Ab, we had a meeting with Saf's friend too there.  Her name is Elena, she's from Spain and she brought her little Daughter. She was so cute, and even cutter with Ab. It was fun to see how Elena's Daughter spoke spanish while Ab didn't understand her at all what she was saying. It was a nice day, grey and rainy but it was all good. It's fun to meet people who you know trough internet, you get a little bit that nervous feeling when your close to meet. How will she or he look in real or how will she or be in real life? I'm ready for a next meeting, it should be fun. 


Update~ 


I'm quit good at the moment, everything is settled. It's only the search for a new living, a new house. And ofcource buying the things what a house needs, I will have to ask for a loan somewhere though, I already know where to go. I will have to ask for some extra money aswell, it's called  'rent allowance,'  I had it also while I still lived in Holland before I went to Canada. Its a compensation what you get if you pay to much rent for your income, If you have a low income and you want to rent a house you get the compensation. My thoughts of Canada are getting less aswell, sometimes the thoughts come back and sometimes they feel bad cause of the missing feelings, and sometimes they feel good cause of the good memories. But it's all alright, it's a part of the proces. 

Things what overcomes me now are all part of the proces I guess, everything happens for a reason the say. I have been reading alot of forums about break ups and divorces the last six months but I stopped reading it a month ago, I know it now. It helped me further, it gave me advices and tips, but it's good now. It's quit boring aswell when you read it over and over again, that was a sign I was done with it. If I would read it again now I surely would return back into my proces, reading all the suffering and grieving again wont do me good. I passed that stage, I feel better. Do I miss Saf? Hmm, so, so, I have sometimes my good and bad moments. Do I miss Saf's kids, yeah I do, or is it the fact that I just miss a family around me what I had while I was in Canada? Yeah that too, I must say aswell that Saf's kids are special, and such a cutties. Good memories they all will be. 


And further? Further not that much, I noticed that I'm not really ready for a new relationship, but I noticed that I like to have people around me so now and then. About the relationship, it can happen ofcource and then I will be ready. But I rather stay alone for a little while, until I have a nice house and feel more ready then I feel now. I'm good and okay.

"Electricity."

"Electricity."

'And God said,  let there be light and there was light. But the electrician said he would have to wait until upcomming Monday.'

I came back from a nice short evening out last night, (Harbor fest) and saw there was no electricity in my room, only the light worked. The fridge was out, and my computer battery didn't load. I checked every socket in the room, but none worked. I was wondering what it could be, I went to the neighbors to check if my computer battery would load over there, and it did, weird. So, no one in the building had a problem but only my room had no electricity? My fridge started to leak cause of the little freezer inside the fridge, I putted towels on the ground for the night, and took out some of the food what could be taken out. 

I went aswell to the night-shelter, there right beside the Humanitas building. They help us out when there's a problem in the evening or night when the staff has left after 5:00. One of the staff members took me with him to the little mechanical room inside the building to see what could be wrong, we saw that the problem right away but we couldn't fix it, there was oblivious a 'short sircuit,' but what caused the short sircuit? We tried everything, we thought it was the little fridge and aswell my wire for the laptop. My wire for the laptop has a travel adapter. We couldn't fix the problem and gave up. "Tomorrow morning Melissa will come, and I will inform her, she has to call a electrician," said the member of the night shelter.  Melissa works in the weekends at Humanitas. 

I informed Melissa after I woke up around 7, I slept well but I missed the sound of the fridge, LOL! (I like to hear little sounds in the middle of the night when I sleep)  Melissa laught cause she told me that she's really not a electrician and asked herself why they would depend on her, "Let's have a look," I told her. But it was the same as last night, we aswell couldn't find the solution what caused the short sircuit. "Take out all of your plugs and let's just wait an hour, and if nothing has changed we will call the electrician," said Melissa. "Alright." I thought. After an hour still nothing, Melissa tried to find the phone number of the electrician but it was hard to find. I letted it be and went to one of my neighbors to use my laptop and relax. 

Suddenly a resident stormed in the room, she was sent my Melissa. She told me that she found prolly the short sircuit problem. It was the washing machine on section green who caused the problem. The female resident had her wash still in the machine but couldn't get it out, the washmachine door got stuck. We pulled the plug out and I tried again if I had my electricity back, and YES! I had! The plug from the washing macchine will stay out untill up comming Monday, on Monday they will call the electrician to fix everything. Melissa told me that electricians are expensive in the weekends. It was fine with me, I had my electricity back. 

Today was a easy day aswell, only I felt tired and felt so now and then a little pressure on my chest. It could be the thyroid, I hope the new medication does his work fast. If I had not the electricity problem I should have gone with a few residents to help out another resident to move. Actually help with laying carpet with three other people, I was glad I couldn't though, I wasn't feeling so well. So that was good. Last night I went out with some other residents to the harbor fest in the city, it was okay, we had a good time. (See pictures) I can say we have a tight group at the moment, we visit each alot, and so now and then we have some time on our selves. It's all good,we get along well.