"Banana's are good, they keep you healty and fresh."

"Banana's are good, they keep you healty and fresh."

Sometimes it's hard to come up with a good tittle for my next post, sometimes I use the first thing what comes up in my mind. I was eating a banana and there it go... Hahaha! It's 3:35 pm and I'm still in my pyma pants, just love it. There's actually not many people who could see me, and if they could, lol, who care's. Just enjoyning my day off, I didn't even went outside. It's grey and cold. But within a hour I will have to put some decent clothes on, cause then I will be on my way to the free dinner. Let's see what they have prepaired now, it's always good though. No complaining here.  

There isn't much to do lately, mostly everything is settled financially. A few months ago with my days off I always had to arrange something, or I had to confirm with a insurance, or I had to make copies of this or that, or I had a appointment here or there, ect. There a still a few little things what has to be done but that can wait, there's no rush with those little things. And ofcource there will always be new things, I would like to fix or solve those new things by my myself without any help. I got some help with ussurances or appointments what needed to be done or had to be arranged, mostly I did it myself but with some help. Now I wanted to do it without help. Cause there comes a time I will HAVE to do it on my own.

Well, tomorrow is the day... Tomorrow I prolly will get to hear if I can stay with my Boss or not. Am I nervous? Not really actually, I'm calm and ready for what they will say. Ofcource I wikll jump a hole inn the sky when the Boss will say, "We want to continue with you. But if they will say, "Were sorry, we don't continue with you,"I will be calm aswell, not happy and a bit angry ofcource, but calm aswell. I will just take as it is. I have a good feeling about it though, it's not 50, 50, it's more like 80 procent for a yes, and 20 procent for a no. So yeah, actually it would feel weird when they will say, "No."  


Alright of to the free dinner! I'm looking forward to it!

"Just a Tuesday."

"Just a Tuesday." 

It's been a nice day at work, I worked well. There wasn't much to do, but still we worked all hard. Although the nice day at work, I'm looking forward to tomorrow's day off. I'm exhausted and my muscles hurt, this afternoon I guess I worked a bit to hard. I needed to use all my strenght to get a few rubbers into roll-up brush mats. Usually we put brushes into the mats, but we aswell have mats with rubber. Brushes are easy to put in the mats, but rubber is hell to put in. We use a akward tool to put the ruber into those mats, a pizza cutter, lol. 

The picture isn't so clear, but I hope you get the idea. To put the rubber in the mat we use a special kinda glew and the pizza cutter, the sides of the rubber has a little opening and the sharp wheel of the pizza cutter fits perfectly in that opening. Then you push the rubber down into the mat, sounds easy but you have start rolling with the pizza cutter. You really need to use some strenght to get that rubber into that mat, I had it after fibe mats, The fifth mat was my last one anyway, I was done. Pffeeeww and ouch. I couldn't do this work a whole day, it's exhausted work. I will have to take it easy anyway if I wanna keep this job. Otherwise I will break up.

My Boss and the company wants me to work for three whole days, cause working half days just don't work there. We have machines that are constant in action, we produce alot of mats and brushes. The production is almost like a assembly line or how you call it. Every fellow worker has his or her duty, if one worker falls out the production stands kinda still. So, if I work a half day and I will leave at noon, the production stands still aswell. If I stay and work a whole day, it's good. Cause I will go home with every one else then.

Next week I will start with three whole days, this week it will be my last week that I worked for two whole days and one half day. My planning is to work Monday a whole day, Tuesday a whole day and Thursday a whole day. Would be nice cause I will have a nice long weekend then, but Monday a whole day plus Tuesday a whole day, that's two whole days right after each other, that's gonna be tough. But I will try it. If it doesn't work then I will change my schedule, I thought about working then Monday a whole day, Tuesday a day off, rest! Then Wednesday a whole day, Thursday a day off, rest! And last but not least Friday a whole day, then weekend, two day rest! I'm sure it will work out.

Remember that you are needed. There is at least one important work to be done that will not be done unless you do it.

Remember that you are needed. There is at least one important work to be done that will not be done unless you do it.

So, Thursday U will get to hear if the company where I work will hire me yes or no. Eeek! Oh yeah there is a little 'eeek' and a little worry, but that's normal I guess. The three months of testing are almost over, Thursday my counselor from Reha, me and my Boss wil lhave a  talk. A important talk! I will get a contract for a year if they hire me, and after that year I will prolly get another year, and another year. My thoughts about Thursday are good, actually it should be weird when they don't hire me. Cause I get nothing but compliments, I'm doing my work well without complains. Ofcource in the beginning there were a few little mistakes, but that's normal with a new job.

If the company hires me my counselor from Reha will still be following me on the background for half a year, and after that half year it's done. I will be standing on my own feet, on the background will be my new Boss then. Writing about this now makes me a little bit nerves for Thursday, lol so , I will keep it short. I like the work what I'm doing, I'm growing in this job and not only with the work I do. I have nice fellow workers, they come up to me for a little chat or they wave at me. That gives a comfy feeling, and makes me feel good. The good feeling I see back in my work, and I'm doing already a good job. In other words "I WANT THIS JOB!" I think there wont be many companies who hire people for only half days or just three whole days in the week. I'm really lucky that I'm working here and get the oppurtunity to work for this company.

Today work went fine aswell, gosh I still remember my first day at work there. I litterly had to be pushed to say, "Yes, okay, I will try this job." I had two counselors and my Boss pushing me and giving me good vibes, it was just fear, anxiousness, you know, new job, new people. I learned alot in the last months, and that's a nice feeling. So again, "I WANT  THIS JOB!" 

Fog! 


Dislike the weather the last few days, there's so much fog outside, I don't even know where this all come from. It's extremely, sure we have sometimes  a foggy day, but this? No. There was already a terrible axcident last weekend, just across the border from Holland to Germany. It's not even that far from here. Three people were killed and 35 injured in a massive pile-up collision on a fog-covered highway police said. The crash involved 52 vehicles on Friday night near the city of Muenster. That's scary when you think of it, it makes you realize that fog can be dangerous, more then you expect actually. And the fog will be staying for a couple a days, so said the weather forecast. Gotta be carefull!

Another day in the city...

"Pyama pants and three cups of tea."

"Pyama pants and three cups of tea." 

Sundays are best for resting and relaxing, I spent the whole day in my pyama pants. I felt better then yesterday. I searched further for things to do, it's not that easy though. But I'm sure good things will come ahead, I'm positive. Yesterday I told about the sketching and painting course, this course has twelve lessons and will cost me 175 Euro. I have to take care of the painting and sketching material myself, meaning I will have to buy the material. That's okay, for the same reason I will love it and will practize my sketching skills at home. The course will start next year in Frebruary, I'm sure I will be there.

While searching for 'things' I came up with things what I did in the past what I liked, I sure could pick those things up again. In the past I went for example to thyroid-patients meetings. Once a month I went there and it was fun. There was a crew who are thyroid patients by them selves, they gave advice or were a listlening ear to other thyroid patients who came to the meeting. It's been such a long time since I have been to such a meeting, I don't even know if the meetings are still going on, re-search will give a solution. And the sauna visits, that I did aswell alot, every weekend on a Sunday you could find me there. Usually I saw the same people, but that didn't matter, that made it more comfy. So, second on the list, the sauna!

I think there's lots to do, but I will have to search for it. If it's good then this comming week there will be a little magazine comming out from the cityhall here in this city. That magazine will be full of courses and other things to do, I'm looking forward to that magazine. And the good news is that 'social serveses'  (where I get a part of my monthly money from) will pay a extra 150 Euro if you follow a course from that magazine, woot! Nice! Every once a year social serveses gives people with a low budget a small extra sum of money, when they wanna follow a course or want to do some other activity what they can afford. Sounds good to me! See, there's enough to do. Meeting other people will do me good.

Sunday! Today I did a few things, cleaned all the floors, tumbled a litte laundry, and relaxed. I really took my time, took a long shower and had a few naps. That was it actually. Tomorrow I will be working a half day, and at 3 pm I will get two visiters. My counselor from Reha and my 'normal' counselor are comming, just to hear how it goes with work and we will be talking about how it will go further with my work. Aswell a little prepairing for my conversation this comming Thursday, with my Boss and my counselor from Reha. Then we will be talking aswell how it goes with me with work and prolly how 'we' are going further with work. Am I nervous? No, not at all. Looking forward to it!

"The scars you can’t see are the hardest to heal."

"The scars you can’t see are the hardest to heal."

I think the scars will be there always, sometimes I don't feel them and sometimes I do feel them. It's kinda akward though, when I'm feeling good and happy and  ask myself then, "Where is your lonely and sad feeling now," I can't answer it. Akward! It's been a okay day today with some ups and downs, being to long in a 'feeling down' moment is not good. It will get worser if I don't accept the 'down' moment. I will start to think then and the bad and sad thoughts will take over, I accepted the 'down' moment and I felt a bit better later this day.

This day started good, I did a bit of cleaning and folded some laundry. I wrote down what needed to be done, it wasn't that much. I still need to do some floor cleaning trough the house, but that can wait till Sunday. The last grocery I had to do today, I decided to go to two supermarkets. One supermarket had the bread cheaper then the other one, When I'm done with supermarket one I will bring the groceries towards home and then go to supermarket two, lol.  While I was on my way I decided to enjoy myself and take my time, the 'feeling down' moment slowly started. 

I kinda realized that I really need to find more people around me or more things to do in the weekend, like I said in my post from yesterday, I need more people around me, be with people, communicate, more things to do, etc, etc. Sure I like it aswell to be on my own so now and then, I need that so now and then aswell, but I don't want to make it a habbit. Otherwise I will fall into my old 'me,' the one I was before I went to Canada, and I don't want that. I find that a good and awesome thought. Before I did my grocery I went to a pharmacey aswell, I needed some shower articles. The pharmacey was in a busy crowded shopping street, it's always busy there, specially on Saturday.

While I was walking I saw kids walking with there dad's and I saw couples in love, 'that' made my 'down' moment stronger. I thought back at my time in Canada, I went many times with Saf shopping and we had mostly the two youngest kids with us. The 'missing that' feeling started, thinking back that I walked with Tasn many times and that I once commanded her to stay on the pavement, or that I had Ab on my arm again cause he was tired. I missed being a Father, The two youngest ones and me did so many things together. Or it was just me and Saf, we were out in town and had laughs and fun. I surely do want that back, being a jolly good time Husband or being a Father, having the responsibility over the kids, or both. 

After my groceries back home I felt a bit better, I did my shopping 'that' made my 'thoughts' change, I was getting distracted and accepted the 'down' moment. But I know that some kinda things has to change, I need to get out more, specially in the weekends. I will not haste it though, I don't want to pressure myself, cause that wont work. It's like, I WANT to get out more, and it's not like I MUST get out more. My counselor told me aswell that I should find more people around me, he told me that he would like to see that I did some work according to get some more people around me at his next visit. Well, I like that, and I found two things that I could do.... 

I found two cursusses and they will start in Frebruary next year, it's a start. There's one cursus where they will learn you how to sketch and paint, art and stuff, sounds good. The second cursus is about learning being yourself. They teach you how to be assertive and to stand up for yourself. Like I said it's just a start, I sure will search further with 'some things to do.' I'm feeling a bit better now, it was just one of the days I guess. Looking forward I see that I have work, and that I have three free dinners in the week, plus the trip to london is comming soon. I should not even feel loney. I'm on my way, I'm moving forward, there's more to come. 

Days like these or moments like these will always be there, sometimes short sometimes long, sometimes tough, and sometimes light. I will accept it.

Insert post tittle.

Insert post tittle.

It wasn't so cold today, I noticed that when I went to get some groceries. It's 8 degrees above zero and grey with a little flake of sunshine. Nice weather, and no 'horror' winter yet as the weatherforecast forspelled. But it's still can come, were still in November. Today my counselor dropped by as a suprise, I didn't expect he would drop by. He called me yesterday telling me that he will come this morning. Nothing important, just a little visit to see how it was going with me. We went trough some things what still had to be done. Yeah, I'm not there yet, lol.


I told him that I'm a bit worried about my money, this is my second week that I will take it (very) easy with my money. My counselor said that taking it easy with the money is quit okay, but the worrying need to stop. Easier said then done, lol. But it felt good that he gave me a few tips and that he told me to stop worry, there is no need to worry. One of the tips he gave me was that I should make a kind of a balance with my money, or how you call it. I should write down on a piece of paper what comes in and what goes out, or what I earn and what I have to pay. For example, on the left or right side of the paper  I write down all my earnings and incommings from every month, and next to that I write all what I have to pay every month. 


Now I can see what goes and what comes in, so I can make a sort of a balance. And then? Well, I still need to figure it out aswell though, lol, but so far? This is all I know. I think Sunday is a perfect day to brainstorm on this tip from my counselor. If it goes good I can figure out what I hold over in the month what I can use for myself, for example for grocery or clothing or just other nice stuff. It could be quit handy, I never used it though, I'm always carefull with my money. But what I have learned this year is that it's sure okay sometimes to be NOT that easy with my money, don't  overreact it. It's okay, I don't have to have 8, or 9.000 on my account for example, the important thing is that I get by with my money and that I can enjoy myself with it too.

I'm not gonna save it though either, I'm not gonna save for later. Tomorrow it can all be over, so, enjoy! Enjoy but do it gentle, lol. My counselor and I talked aswell about having 'contacts,' meaning that I have to go out and meet people, join a gym or a club, or whatever, be under the people. That was one of my goals too when I still lived at Humanitas. My goals were, finding a house, getting a proper job, travel, and see people, communicate. Perhaps finding new friends. Ofcource I have work and I see people there, but that's different. Ofcource I go out sometimes, to flea-markets or I'm having a day out but that too is different. Sure it's good too that I enjoy myself, but it's good for me aswell that I for example walk into a gym and ask them, "What is going on here? How can I join this gym?" 


That was just a example, it's difficult to explain this. Let's try again, lol, I would like to have something to do 'with' people. Let's say that I go for example on a Sunday to a cursus learning how to sing or cook or perhaps dance or whatever, just to be under the people, have fun and communicate, I might even make new friends. I sometimes still have that little fear to walk into a building, and ask for things. That fear was strong when I was a little kid, slowly when I got older it vanished. But still so now and then it comes back, depands of where I have to go ofcource. This year and aswell my years in Canada I had to go sometimes in buildings, there was no turning back, sometimes I really had too, that learned me how to copy with the fears I still had. 

Specially this year, I have seen so many community buildings from the inside, and I had to ask so many difficult questioins to 'important' people. That was a good lesson, I want to keep that up, the goal to meet other people and join a gym or a cursus will surely help me aswell with keeping away the fear that I had. I have changed and I like the way I changed, I would like to keep that. It's all good! I like my goals.Alright, tonight a fellow worker from work will visit me for a short while, he's the one who came at the same time with me working, he came aswell from Reha. His name is Jeffrey, he's a nice guy. He was always bored in the weekends, so I invited him. Nice!

Trust in what you love, continue to do it, and it will take you where you need to go.

Trust in what you love, continue to do it, and it will take you where you need to go. 

Another full day at work, I'm exhausted butI  feel satisfied aswell. I'm doing my job well, I had no complains (yet). Although I made a few mistakes, (that's normal) but I learn from them I guess. I'm doing my best and give a 100% and that's all I can do. Sure, I keep aswell in my head that after the three months of working that it can be over, thinking of 'that' makes me feel a bit concerned and gives me bad feelings aswell when I think to long about it. I had a short talk too about this with another fellow worker, he told me that 'that' sure can happen, but atleast you can say then that you managed the three months, they can't take that away from you. Sigh, well yeah. 

But I will be dissapointed, oh yeah, and my motavation to pick up work again, will be 0 % for a long while.  Maybe when I keep it in mind and prepair myself that it can be over after the three months, maybe the shock wont be that hard, yeah, maybe. Now I will hush! I'm doing well, never had complains, I get compliments from my Boss, so, hush! We will see what happens after the three months. If I get a contract I will celebrate it!! If I don't get hired then, oh well, then it just had to be that way then, right? I will have to keep that thought! This comming Monday I will have a talk with the Boss and my counselor from Reha, the talk will be about how it's going so far with me. I'm looking forward to it. I want this job!!

Today's work went good aswell, like I said. I Worked hard and it felt good, I like to work without less asking the Boss what there is to do, or what I need to do. I see it as bothering the Boss. But sometimes you HAVE to ask the Boss, otherwise it can happen that you make mistakes, I learned that, lol. Tomorrow my counselor Sahayo will drop by, he emailed me today. That's a suprise's me though cause he will come next week aswell, he told me he wont show up every week anymore like he use to do. Cause it's going well with me, there is not much to do anymore. Everythng goes fine, all the important stuff is going fine. We will see why he wants to drop by, eeek? Naah, Maybe he just likes my coffee, he misses it, lol!

Looking back with good memories!

Looking back with good memories! 

I think I have a little confession to make today, or? This morning I suddenly felt  the urge to read a little piece of a blog, Saf's blog. I don't know why,  I just felt the urge. I just wanted to look or read back when Saf and I first met, just bringing back memories. It's okay though, her blog isn't private, she can and is reading my blog aswell. Akward? naah. So, I have been reading a few posts, and it felt good, I had no 'cry or bad feelings.' I don't know why I bring this all up, and write about it. Maybe I just want to share after reading some posts that I changed alot from feeling sad and confussed back in January  till feeling much better now. Or maybe I want to share that even though Saf and I broke up, that we sure aswell had a good time, it's been quit a few years, I tell you. 

Spending a long afternoon with Mar, what a adventurous girl this is, bless her!

Reading back the period from March 2009 till November 2010, bring back loads of memories and lots of thoughts aswell. Thoughts like, "Oh yeah, I remember that," or, "Oh that was a disaster!" I must say Saf is a good writer, she says it like it is and she's so good with words. Saf is not standing still it seems, she's always on the go, there's no stopping. One of the reason I fell in love with her was that I wanted to take care of her and her kids after I red and heared from her her life story. How did I know it would be so tough, I keep saying that 'we' talked and thought about it along time that we should meet back in March 2009. But I guess 'then' love had no boundaries. We (just) went for it.  

Ab loved my bike, we both spended many times on it. Child seats rules!

Saf had a rough time behind her and I sort off had aswell, I sure was in need for some companion, oh yeah. I guess we were both looking for companions. In need for a crying shoulder perhaps, looking for love, a arm around ourselves, someone beside you. Can we say we were easy targets for each other? We fell in love, but, didn't we go to fast? I must say, in a few things we did, yes. But the break up happened, we both tried many times. I'm not gonna bother myself now with saying things like, "I had to do it this or that way, maybe then...," no! I had a good time, and looking back at that time does me good, not to long looking back though, otherwise I might get those 'January thoughts' again.It's all good. 


Do I still have feelings for Saf? No. Uhm, I love her yes but not in 'that' way,  if you know what I mean. Just as I still love her kids, If something would happen to them, I would feel concerned and worried. Even though we don't have much contact, I hope we still can be friends even though the distance. I would like that, and so far it seems okay. I really hope there doing good, Saf and the kids! I know they been trough alot and I'm pleased and blessed that I was a part of Saf's Family.I hope one day that they can find the rest and peace, specially Saf. And me? I'm here now in Holland and it feels good, I'm proud of what I have achieved, and THAT feels good too. 


Back to this day, Wednesday, could you believe I had my pyamapants on till 3:30pm? Yes, no lies! I totally rested out today, reading, Cityvilling, eating, napping, it felt good. It was cold this morning, no wonder cause it freezed 1 degree, there was ice in the garden and on the cars. Tonight it will freeze again, minus 3! I have been looking for some decent gloves but couldn't find them yet, I'm sure I will find them this comming weekend. Still I'm taking care of my money, saving up for my London trip. I must say, it's going well. I buy only the things I really need. Just a few grocery I bought this afternoon, it feels good saving some money.

"It's not always that easy."

"It's not always that easy."

Writing everyday a post.... When I started this blog I made my self a deal that I wanted to write everyday one post. But it ain't that easy sometimes. Sometimes I don't even have a a clue where or what to write about, just like now, lol! But that's okay, I have a deal with myself. Sometimes I just start with one line and then I continue further with writing, then I will see where it ends. I really like my blog, I didn't read it back once, but I will one day. I started with writing almost a year ago, and the following  year has been quit a year, I really had enough news to write about. Just so now and then there were those plain laidback days, where I just had nothing to write. Those are the times when it ain't easy to write a post, lol. 

Sometimes my English isn't so well, sometimes I even use Google translate or Wikipedia to translate my words. Their not always a help, lol. Then I'll have to come up with something and  figure out a word that 'might' sound the same as I had in mind. Or I hope the choosen word makes sense, lol, I know some words doesn't make sense, that's okay I guess. Back to this cold day, yeah it was pretty cold. Specialy in the morning, I was wearing a thicker hat and a thicker scarf. I could use some thicker gloves aswell. I have a day off tomorrow, I will have a look at gloves then. Though I'm still taking it easy with money, cause of the trip to London. Feels a bit akward though, I payed the trip already and it's all confirmed. But a week before leaving to London I will recieve a final confirming from the travel company. Eeek!!!


Work is going well, I started of with 3 half days a month ago, at the moment I'm on two whole days and one half day. My goal is to work 3 whole days. That's the plan of my Boss too, atleast that is what she told me. I keep my fingers crossed, cause I so want this job! I'm doing my best with work, and my fellow workers are happy with me, I'm doing my work good. I get compliments from my Boss. But still sometimes I don't feel satisfied about working 3 whole days, but it's all I can. I really hope and pray that at the end of my 3 months 'test' working my Boss wont say, "Hey were sorry, we can't hire you, thank you and goodbye." I know it's to early to say that, but still it sometimes flashes trough my mind. My working mate (who came aswell from Reha) works 5 whole days, he has more chance to get hired. 


Sssshhh Sjon, it's enough! Stop worrying, and do your best at work! I will, and I gotta stop thinking. Keeping my fingers crossed though.

Picture time!

Picture time! 

Not much new news to share on this day, I worked a half day and it went good. I feel that this job is a stayer, although it's a tough job and although I will have to be carefull with my energy, take my rest aswell, this job has future, and that feels good. Next Monday me and my Boss will have a talk together again, about how it's going with me at the moment with work and how were going further. I'm looking forward to the talk, I'm not even concerned. Good right?

Okay, pitcture time now! 

A nice tasty plate with vla (custard) with slices of kiwi, yeah I like to eat healty. So now and then, lol!

The garden-centre was early this year with the Christmas decorations. Looks nice.

In the same store, these lovely statues. they got tons of them in many sizes.

A Volkswagon Beetle van in Christmas decoration style!

The reason I came to the garden-centre, lol. A free cuppa coffee with warm apple-cake!

Today's breakfast, muesli with slices of plum.

Last Saturday I was on my way to my Dad, ofcource I took a few pictures. I noticed right away this colorfull tree.

A little park beside my house, love the colors!

Standing on a bridge while I was on my way to Dad I took this picture.

I had strong doubts with posting this picture, and still have. But I posted it, Mom's grave, it's been a while since I seen it, I must say it still looks tidy. I will add a few nice flowers this week.

Alright, time for cuppa coffee! Cheers!

Pyama pants and rest!

Pyama pants and rest!

I didn't feel so well today, felt tired and had a pressure on my chest. It was time to settle down and take lots of rest, and that's what I did. I took two wonderfull naps, hopefully I will sleep at night aswell. And I did what I normally do on Sundays, rest and relaxing. The wearther forecast talked about freezing this comming night, so, let's see if it's going to freeze. It is cold so, it might just happen.

I like days like this, just comfy clothes on and just do nothing but relax and rest. What I really like the last few months is playing Cityville on Facebook, I'm actually waiting while I'm writing this post to have enough energy to harvest my melons. Otherwise they will get wasted, I still need 7 or 8 energy more and then I'm good. With Cityville you have to build your own city, with houses, community building, shops, you name it. Everything what a city needs, it's fun and it kills time, lol.

Am I addicted? Naah, it's just fun. Facebook has a chat aswell, so you can talk and chat with your friends. I get akward feelings when I think about the chat, I should use that chat more often, or don't I? Or should I use it whenever I want? Ofcource silly! Well, other friends might think, 'He never chat with us, why is that?" So yeah, the Facebook chat, I never know what to say for a start, to shy, so sometimes I just delay the chats when I'm planning them. After delaying, comes  a next delay and another and another... Just nervous to make a start with chatting I guess.

So, there you have it my dear Facebook friends, It's not that I don't wanna chat or that I ignore you for a reason, I'm just shy, lol. BUT know this... I love you ALL! Now let me hop on over to Cityville to see if I have the 7 or 8 energy already to harvest my lemons. Early to bed aswell tonight, work is on the schedule for tomorrow. My Boss will be back aswell, she had a little Autumn vacation. I will have to ask her this comming week if I can have a few days off cause of my trip to London.

"A new day, a new dawn."

"A new day, a new dawn."

Although I did not plan it and althought it was far and pretty cold, I went to my Dad today. I took of in morning around 10:00, it was cold but I was dressed warm. I took my time and took here and there a few pictures, such a nice Autumn day, clear blue sky and lots of sunshine, but cold. I took my time but it is still pretty far to drive, it is about twelve kilometers, it takes me 45 minutes usually. When I arrived at my Dad´s place I was exhausted but glad I made it, Dad was happy to see me. I never saw such a big smile on his face. He was dressed nicely and the sun on his face made him look handsome. It is nice to see him like that, I like to see him happy. 

He smilled almost my whole visit, then I thought I should take a picture of him smilling. But when I snapped the picture the smile was gone for a few seconds, grrr! He seems to do that all the time, LOL!

 I had a good time being there, I enjoyed myself. Dad even made a few jokes about his age, next year he will become 75, pretty old for such a handsome guy. He was happy that I did well in my new house and that I have a job. Finnaly he joked, I´m happy for you. It was good to see him, I should visit him more often. So I have been thinking, I think once a month would be good, so I can get my rest between my working days aswell. Would be nice to visit my Dad just before I go to London for five days. It was time to go and hop on my cycle back to my own city. 

A small path that leads to the nearest forest near my Dad´s place.

On my way home I went to my Mom´s grave aswell, that was close to my Dads place. The grave looked tidy only a few nice flowers or plants would be nice. It has been such a long time I visited my Mom´s grave, this did me good aswell. Just standing there, saved a little prayer and telling my Mom I´m doing well. I´m sure she is proud of me aswell. I was double exhausted when I got back home, a long nap and a good lunch did me well. A nice Saturday, I´m glad I went to my Dad, I enjoyed myself. Resting is on my list for tomorrow!

Once upon a time in Almelo!

It gets colder by the week, but that doesn't stop my from cycling.

"Oh Father."

"Oh Father." 

There's got to be a easier way to visit my Dad, I keep delaying visiting him. I feel bad about it, I should just go and should not complain about my tiredness, or whatever reason. The reason why I come up with this is that when I think of my Dad I always think, "Go visit him more often, there will come a day when he won't be there anymore." Not a nice thought, I know, but it's the trough, Dad is getting older and older. When he will pass away I will prolly feel guilty that I don't visited him enough. 

Although his old age, I see he's in good hands where he is now. He gets 24 hours a day day care. He has people around him and he should be fine. Still my visits to him should be more often.

My Dad did alot for me, he was always there when I needed him. Dad had it hard when 'Mom' passed away, the wounds of the pain he had then you can see them back on him now. Dad is 77 but he looks almost 88, his walking goes very badly and he's quit difficult. Tomorrow or next Saturday I will visit him. Yeah, I'm delaying again when I go next Saturday, I know. But still I wanna see him, talk to him and see how he's doing. Tomorrow or next Saturday for sure!

Today was quit okay, I had a good sleep, and did a few things. The good sleep was needed, I fell almost asleep last night on the couch withmy laptop on my lap. And it was just 9:00 pm. I went to the company where I get my healt insurrance from, (Menzis) cause I could get back 20 Euro from my taxes on the healt insurance I red in the local newspaper. I had to go to a site and fill in there my ussurance number and my date of birth. But I got the message that my ussarance number didn't connect with my date of birth. Very weird cause I was 100% sure I filled it in right.

The lady who helped me didn't know what to do too, my ussurance number and my birth of date were 100% okay, she couldn't help me further. I had to inform the site where I get the 20 Euro back from, But I did that already a ten times. I will have to look for other options, cause I'm determain to get the 20 Euro. And it was cold today, oh yeah, I need some good gloves and one or two long johns more, lol! Warmth is good!

Money! ....Sigh!

Money! ....Sigh! 

Even though I putted a few items on a secondhand selling site and even though I sold something today, (I sold a hatstand for 8 Euro) I really gotta take it easy with my money. I wont be buying things anymore, only the food I need. Hardcore saving money, oh yeah. I really have too, cause otherwise I can forget my trip to London. No wonder they always told me that December is a expensive month, Christmas, gas bills, electric bills, etc, etc. I think I will be fine though, but still, there's nothing wrong in being prepaired, right?

Saving money too? Here's a few tips!

-Buy only those things that you can afford. Never borrow so.

-Buy only things on sale, but then only if you really need them.

- Always make a shopping list before you go shopping. Buy only what is on the note!

- Put out the light in the rooms were you aren't.

-Cook with gas instead of electricity.

-turn the heaters off in the rooms were you aren't, close aswell the doors and the curtains.

 -A dash of vinegar works great as a fabric softener, and also ensures that you have bright staying colors. 

- With many people in a room is also very energy efficient, everyone helps with his body to warm the room, or turn the heat down two degrees and put on a sweater!

-Open a savings account and deposit every dollar you can spare on it. After several years you have unwittingly saved a lot of money.

- Take always hotel soaps with you after a visit and aswell the toilet roll.

-Go to bed early.

-Do not go shopping when you're hungry, then you usually buy too much.

Ah! Just a bit concerned here, I gotta lessen the concerning. Everything will be fine. On with this Thursday... I worked a whole day and I learned alot of new things,m I made a mat! Woot! I went trough the whole procedure to make a mat completely. I was kinda nerves about the new things I had to do but I did fine and well. I worked with another guy who aswell  had to learn the new things. He was a bit slow though, but okay. He's younger and is still learning on college. I'm happy how this (long) day went, I was tired afterwards but really satisfied.

And Now? Now it's time for the weekend, I'm actually thinking of going to my Dad, cause it's been a while. I can tell him in person that I am doing good on living on myself again, a new house and a new job! Dad will be very happy that I have a job, oh dear, how many times did I went to him for a visit and he asked me if I had a job already! I lost count. Let's see when I will go to him for a visit, I hope the weather is good on me.

"A penny saved is a penny earned." - Benjamin Franklin.

"A penny saved is a penny earned." - Benjamin Franklin.

 I gotta start saving money now for my trip to London on the 30th of December. The last few weeks I have spent (in my eyes) to much money, okay it was worth it and I was kinda needing it. But still, I should start saving my pennies now.  I needed lamps, a doormat, and a few things more. Maybe I could have wait with buying those things untill after the trip, yes, I could, but I didn't. I have what I needed and wanted, so it's good now. Maybe I'm worrying about nothing, but it's good to pay attention on my money rigth? I still have sometimes these concerns or worries about my money, (what is not really needed) I don't want to be homeless again, oh no! I want to be abble to pay my usurances and rent. 

This morning I payed my trip to London, but it, went slightly different how I wanted it. I got a mail from the travel company yesterday, and in the mail was written everything I needed to know about the trip, including how to pay for the trip. After I payed them I will recieve a mail back from them one week before the actual trip, with every detail I need to know for the trip. I thought it would be handy to pay the travel company online with my ING account, so handy. Atleast I thought it was, I done it already a few times so no big deal, I thought. I filled everything in what ING needed to know on my ING paying page, then it was just waiting for a code what I would recieve in a few seconds on my cellphone. The code is called a tan-code.

I got the code and checked it a few times and filled the code in, 'wrong code' was the next message. I checked the code again and filled it in number by number, but again, 'wrong code!' Weird, I was a 100% sure I got the right code, I filled the code in again and... 'wrong code, you wont recieve a new code,'  'Blocked!' I couldn't continue with the paying online. The message said that I will get a new code by post within five working days and then I will be able to pay online again. After these five days when I recieved the new code I have to go with 'that' code to my bank to get another activatings code. With that code I can log in and will be able to be pay online again. (Your still here?) Sigh! 

Well, I wasn't happy, I was focused with paying the London trip and now this. I wanted to pay the travel company one way or another, and  as soon as possible. After my cuppa coffee I grabbed my coath putted my shoes on and went to the ING, I saw on the ING site that I can make money over from my account to another account, I only had to bring my bank card and passport. After ten minutes I arrived at the ING. A guy helped me right away, nice. I explained him what I wanted and the guy gave me three options. One, ING can order special 'making over money' papers, that will take fourteen days to only order those papers. Two, ING can help me right away with making the money over, I only have to show my bank card and passport, and the guy will fill in the papers for me. 

Only this option will cost me 8 Euro! Woot!! The guy explained me the options and then told me, "So there are the options, it's up to you, what you gonna do?" It sounded a bit hars and with a tone, but okay. I went for option two, but wasn't very happy with it. But the trip to London has been payed now, and that's what I wanted. The saving can start now. Other then this litle failer this day has been good, I took two naps, this cold weather asks alot energy from my body. I putted a few things on a secondhand selling site aswell, (I want to earn back the 8 Euro from my ING failer, lol!) I could use some extra money, specially for my trip. 

Tomorrow I will be working again, I deiced to work a whole day instead of a half day what I normally do on Thursday. I actually should have started next week with two half working days, but oh well. Sometimes when I work these half days I don't feel satisfied towards the other workers, I should not really feel that way, cause I should actually just look at myself, if I can work not more then a half day then it is like it is. I shouldn't feel guilty or what ever other un-satisfied feeling. But I feel I can work a whole day, that's aswell what the Boss in the end wants from me, working 20 hours in the week. In days that is, Monday a half day, and Tuesday plus Thursday a whole day. That will be my woring schedule for the next comming months. I'm ready for it!

Honest critism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger.

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger. 

Taking critism, I need to learn that, cause I really dislike getting critism. Today I was getting critism at work, but was it critism? My second Boss caught me on making a little mistake while working, although it wasn't that a big mistake, he looked annoyed while speaking to me. My second Boss had to do a little more work cause I didn't finnish a mat on a few points not so well. He was attending me on the mistake, and he told me how to do it and that I need to do it properly. In my eyes it wasn't that a big thing, but after that my Boss attended me I had the feeling that I failed.

My thoughts became worser, In the late afternoon I was thinking already, 'I will get fired', lol. The annoyed look on the Boss his face after my little mistake made it only worser. Or were it just my thoughts? While  writing this now I'm sure it were just my thoughts. I had lessons in positve and negative thoughts, it's so easy while learning it, but in real life... I think everyone finds that sometimes difficult. I sure wont make the 'little mistake' again, I thought this afternoon. I checked every math after I finnished it, I guess I can say I learned from the mistake, but still that 'fail moment thought' was floating around. 

On my first day at work I worked together with another new guy, that new guy came aswell from Reha. So it was  nice working with him, although I see him still a bit as a concurent. ('Negative thoughts,') we are both working for three months, these three months are a test. "What if, he can stay and I need to leave?'  'He works a whole week, and I only three whole days, sure they will hire him for good.' 'Should I try to work aswell a whole week, to just get more chance for the job?' NO!!  My Boss said it's good, I'm doing a good job, they believe in me, so stop thinking, your doing what you can, and your doing it well!  Positive thinking is not always that easy. 

Sometimes I want to prove myself that I can do better, but they are already happy with me, so why would I? Just thew way I am I guess.... Sometimes I want to do the job faster and then I make sometimes these little mistakes. After that tiny little accident from this afternoon I want to pay more attention to what I do, plus pay attention to what the Boss tells me when he explains something. I want to be more 'outgoing'aswell, I am already but in my eyes it's not enough. Be a man, speak up! Ah, I don't have to be concerned, I made a little mistake and I think right away  it's the end of my job. Not good! It's all good, from mistakes you learn they say.... I learned that I won't make that mistake what I made this morning.

Hey! It's getting colder... I think the Winter is starting, such a grey and cold day today. And it will get colder and colder, so I'm not gonna spoil myself with warm winterclothes already, like a winterhat, gloves, a thick scarve. That can wait till it's really cold. Heater is on though! Keep it warm folks!

"Just a bit colder."

"Just a bit colder."

It was just a bit colder today, and grey, like it wanted to rain constantly. But it stayed dry the whole day. There is not much news to anounce today, work went fine and well. My Boss is on a short vacation I noticed, cause I didn't see her as much as other times. Usually she walks trough the factory a few times a day. I need a little talk with her cause of my trip to London, I need two days off. My vacation ends on the 2th of January, but I will still be in London then. I will return from London on the 3th of January, I will be pretty exhausted then aswell, so I could use a day or two off. Hopefully she will give the two days off. Or perhaps one. 

It's nice comming home from work, so much better then Humanitas. After work I want to relax and have a little time on my own, it feels comfy and I look forward to it.  I think everyone wants that and has that feeling. Comming home and feel comfy when you relax or you come home to your Family, nice feeling. Tonight there was the 'free'dinner again like every Monday night.' There are two places  where there is a free dinner, on Monday at 5:30 I go to the 'Wonne.' that's a place where homeless people can live for a while, it's just like Humanitas. And then there is the 'Banier,' that's a place where they hold prayings, meetings and dinner's. Everyone with a low income can join the free dinners on Wednesdays and Thursdays. 

I have known this old guy on the picture for a while now, his name is Gerrit, he's 77 years old and has been living on the street since 2005. He's a nice guy but aswell stubborn and has a will of his own. He's always around with the free dinners on Wednesday and Thursday, since a few weeks he has a little room at Humanitas. You will always see him when you hit the streets in the city, he and his scootmobile.

Usually it's the homeless people who join those dinners, aswell old residents of Humanitas and the Wonne. Now there is a difference between homeless people and homeless people, there are homeless people who live at Humanitas but there are aswell homeless people who live 24 hours a day on the street. These street homeless people can be rude and loud while having the free dinners, it seems they just don't care, blame the alchohol aswell. That's why it's not always fun being at the free dinners. It's been quiet the last few months with the dinners cause there was one old homeless guy sitting in jail, this guy was always drunk with his buddies and always loud. Not that fun having him around. His buddies were acting quit normal when 'he' was in jail.


Two weeks ago 'he' came free from jail and joined the free dinners again, and what a entrance he made, "I'm back!" he yelled with a drunken voice. I often think to just skip the free dinners, but I keep comming back, cause I like to see my old Humanitas buddies and sometimes the atmosphere is really nice, and it saves money. Just that sometimes I don't feel that save with those homeless drunk people around while having dinner, maybe I overreact, I don't know. Maybe it's just time to search or join other 'normal' people. Just like I have 'normal'people around me now with my new job. Having such 'normal' people around me feels sometimes like a bless. Akward thought though. Sometimes I think it's good to haven known such homeless people.

"Pyama pants day!"

"Pyama pants day!"

I like wearing pyama pants, or just comfy pants when I'm inside the house. Today I stayed inside so I weared them the whole day. When I would have gone out I would have put some jeans on. When I would have returned, jeans off again and comfy pants on. Sundays are great for comfy clothing, the stores are closed, so everyone is mostly inside. It was a grey day today, no Sjon-shine, I mean sunshine. I think we had enough sunshine the last three weeks, the winter can start from my part. I hope it's gonna be a nice winter, a good old fashion winter with frost on the windows and just enough snow to dash my bike trough it. That would be nice.

With such days like this your almost allowed to make it comfy in the house to enjoy yourself inside. Reading, cooking, computering, householding? Yeah, that too, crank up a nice tune, and you'll be fine, or watch a good movie. I'm sure I will be fine. A relaxed and chilling day today, the only thing what I did today was ironing. And further, cooking, showering, I solved two word search puzzles. (I love it) And I went trough alot of flyers to see what's new and what's cheap. I like searching trough flyers, alot more fun then mails, lol. I'm always concerned that there is bad news with mails. 


The last few days I have been thinking about dating again, am I ready for it? No, I don't think I am but that will come in time , and ofcource it can just like that happen, falling in love. Sponteanous you bump into a nice girl, start a conversation and there you go. I rather have a spontaneous  date  then searching for a date or searching for a woman, cause that almost never works out. I dislike dating sites, but although that I think I will have a look the comming week. Just to sniff on it, nothing serious. What am I searching for when I will be searching? I don't no actually,  a woman with a few kids would be nice. 

None smoking, blond, sexy, a Pamela Andersson type, you know , slim and fit! Love it! Naaah I'm kidding! LOL! I don't even find her atractive. When she's nice and friendly it's already fine for me, it's all good. But again, I will be looking cause I'm curious, but further then that, nothing! I want to enjoy myself and be happy with who I am and happy with what I'm doing. If a nice woman would bump into me while I'm doing my daily things she's more then welcome to join me. Spontaneous dates are the best.

Bicycle bicycle bicycle I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle I want to ride my bicycle

 Bicycle bicycle bicycle, I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle, I want to ride my bicycle.  

Me and my bicycle, I should say bicycles actually cause I had a few in the many years.  I was a late age when I could ride my bicycle, I think I was about seven or eight. All my other friends could already ride their bicycle, but I still had sidewheels, lol. But when I once was riding my bike I was fine and I loved it. Goodbye sidewheels, I had so many bikes in my life. When I was twelve years old I joined a BMX cycling club, that was fun, I really liked BMX-ing. I joined organized races, but never ended on the first place, it was fine with me. Just like everyone I liked flaunting with my bike and did tricks with it. The BMX-club was a nice bunch of people of all ages, I had a few friends where I trained with and practized on our new tricks. 

As a teenager I went to school on my bike just like almost everyone else, tons of bikes stalled in the bicycle stands. It was almost a ocean of bikes seeing it, also riding my bike to school there was a long row of bikes on the bicycle lanes.  I can say I never quited riding bicycles, even when I was eighteen when I could ride a moped or a car, I just kept peddling. I was quit nerves or maybe a bit scared to ride a moped or drive a car. Save on my own bicycle, that's what I liked. I had driving lessons though, together with a friend I joined a few lessons. But, oh my oh my what was I nervous. It just wasn't funny anymore, while driving I had to look everywhere cause there was so much traffic. It was just not my thing. I skipped and left the lessons after I failed a few times.

And after that? I just keep peddling my peddles, everwhere I want to go I would take my bike or I go with the train. I have been on many places and always used my bike, I even used my bike in Canada for a while, and even bought a nice bike there at Canadian Tire. I liked riding my bike in Canada, but it sure was different without any bike lanes. I enjoyed riding my bike with Saf's kids and with Saf, the bikeseat on my bike was a bless, Ab loved it! Yep I love my bicycle, once you learn how to ride it you can't learn it off, just like swimming.

Consider a man riding a bicycle.  Whoever he is, we can say three things about him.  We know he got on the bicycle and started to move.  We know that at some point he will stop and get off.  Most important of all, we know that if at any point between the beginning and the end of his journey he stops moving and does not get off the bicycle he will fall off it.  That is a metaphor for the journey through life of any living thing, and I think of any society of living things.  ~William Golding~

Lazy Saturday. 

Just took it easy today, still it's warm, to warm for this time of year. I was wearing a thiner jacket today when I did grocery, just because it was to warm. I finnished some painting what I wasn't looking forward to today, I had to paint a piece of the 'plints'  between the floor and the wall. I was concerned I would touch the red wall paper with my brown paint, lol. But a piece of cardboard brought a wonderfull solution. I'm happy that worked out. Further I did some grocery and that was it, oh yeah, I shooted some videos of myself riding my bike as you can see in this post. It was a nice Saturday, took two naps and did two loads of laundry, now I'm writing and enjoyning my big favorite cuppa coffee.

Confirmed!! I'm going to London! Suppa eek!!

Confirmed!! I'm going to London! Suppa eek!!

After many doubts, tossin and turnin, and talking to my counselor this morning I confirmed, I'm going for a five day trip to London. It's a five day excursion trip, I will be leaving on the 30th of December 2011. We will be visiting many sight seeings and musea on New years eve' we will be celebrating under the Big Ben. Woot! Ah here's the full schedule to make it easier...

Day 1, In the early morning we travel  to London, England, where we will arrive at the beginning of the evening. Your first introduction to this city will be from a huge height. The famous London Eye offers great views over London. After this experience you will be transferred to your hotel.

Day 2, In the morning you are free to do whatever . Around noon, we will make a trip to the town of Windsor. This town is best known for Windsor Castle, official residence of the Queen. You will also find here the Tower Bridge St. George's Chapel, built in the 14th century and known for its many royal marriages. In the evening you can celebrate the New Year where ever you want. This allows you to celebrate the last seconds of the old year countdown to the world's most famous clock Big Ben and the London Eye to enjoy a real fireworks show!  Around 02.00 hours the bus will drive back to the hotel.


Day 3,  After breakfast our coach will guide you to the bus for a  drive around the sights of the city. Our driver will give tell you all the ins and outs about the city, including the Big Ben, Westminster Abbey and St. Paul's Cathedral. We also drive past Piccadilly Circus, Trafalgar Square and Downing Street. We end at the Tower of London, the most famous building in London. Today you can visit the Crown Jewels. The afternoon is for your own wishes. At the end of the afternoon you will be picked up by the bus and will be driven back to your hotel. To complete the evening we can visit one of the many theaters in London's rich.

Day 4, Today we begin with a visit to Hampton Court Palace, just outside central London location. This palace is one of the most important of England considered and promises you a journey through 500 years of royal history. Discover the magnificent rooms of William III and Henry VII, and stroll through the immaculate gardens of less than 270 hectares! ahe In the afternoon you can explore on your own Covent Garden. You will find many shops and boutiques with typical English products. In the center you will find the market square, where you will be entertained by various street artists.

Day 5,  The journey back. After you have put your luggage on the bus, we again set sail to the Netherlands. On our route you will be able to have a dinner, after that you will be dropped off to your  pick-up point.

Sounds good right? The only thing I have to do is be ready on the 30th of December with my suitcase, and stand on the pick-up point where I will be picked up. The pick-up point is at the railway station in my city, that's a ten minute walk. I will have to be there at 6:20 am, that's all. The thing what made me have doubts was the money, and still I have a bit doubts, lol. Can I really afford this trip? It's quit a sum of money. Yes I can! But still, just to be sure I will be saving money for this trip. 

This journey has two min points though, (Oh Sjon! lol) I didn't see the 'including free lunches and dinners,' in the five days, so yeah, a extra sum of money I will have to take with me. Second, I will be leaving on the 30th December and will return on the 3th of January, my job gives me two weeks vacation with Christmas and New Years. On the 2th of January I will start again with work, but I will be still in London then. I will have to ask for prolly two days off.  I hope there willing to give me the two days off, I will ask them next week. Further I will be fine, I look forward to the trip, only I will have to loosen the worries more. 

Back to this Friday, I'm not gonna say that the weather was awesome again with sunshine and way to high tempature for this time of year, and that this awesome weather will be staying for a week. My counselor visited me and I told him about my trip, I didn't booked the trip then yet, I needed my counselor to say, 'Yes Sjon, go for it, your fine with the money!" And he did. My counselor will come less now, he wont be visiting me once a week anymore. The traject with my counselor and me are in three phases, I ended phase one, and started with phase two. My counselor will be a bit on the background now ans watch me from a distance how I'm doing.


He told me that I already did alot of things by myself, I accomplished alot with just a little help from my counselor, he gave me a few directions and I went to them. I don't have to worry about anything, everything is fine. Talking about worries, Saf and I are now nagotiating about my belongings, finally. You can say I was quit worried about this, but now it finally started. Unexpected I got a nice mail from her, she asked me how I was doing and how it was now living in my new house, etc, etc. In the end she asked me how my thoughts were now about my belongings, cause she was ready to ship them. Still were willing to split the price of the shipping, but were looking for a solution to lessen the money. The unexpected mail did me aswell good, it was nice of her to think of me when she's self busy with other important things, bless her.


I told her friendly that I didn't want the records, singles, cd's and dvd's back, she can sell them or give them away. I don't have equipment anymore to play all this music or watch the dvd's, I will have to sell then everything if  all that will be send my way. Further the other stuff can be send my way IF the price is then still to much I willleave everything in Canada, if Saf agrees with it. And you know what? I don't mind. First, irt isn't that much further what will be shipped beseides the records, and second, I want to close this nagotiation as soon as possible cause it gives me a akward and scary feeling, and there's no reason to it, but still.  I like how it's going now between Saf and me, so now and then a mail asking each other how it goes, no hatred, no issues or argues, just peace. I like that.


One thing I'm proud of was...  I was quit nerves about writing Saf back about the shipping, but felt a relief after when the writing was done. I did a good job with the writing, I manned up, and wasn't nervous, I told what I needed and wanted in a nice way, I did a good job!